Living Life By WL

(Some people live life as they want it to be; others live life as it needs to be. What is the true spirit for living life as it should be?)

“Wake up TJ!” screamed an irate teenage boy.

“It’s Saturday; I don’t have to work, so why should I get up?” replied the husky voice of a slightly older man. He wasn’t old in the traditional sense being only 28. He felt older due to some very difficult experiences in life.

“Come on TJ, why don’t we go out to the park or something? It can be fun; maybe, we will have an adventure or something?”

Remembering times past, which seemed almost like a lifetime ago in his mind; TJ could not forget nor remember all that had occurred. It was like some old story that was split up throughout the internet, but he could not find the missing chapters.

“Cody, I’m tired,” TJ answered.

“You’re always tired; you need to live a little,” Cody urged, and sure enough movement began.

TJ felt exhausted not from the long hours of work that he had grown accustomed to, but simply due to a natural instinct of his life. He looked around at the studio apartment that he now resided in: a plain lightly adorned spectacle without much fanfare. He eyed a picture of two boys in their late teens behind a large white truck. He remembered those great times, the craziness, and something else. A dark cloud began to grow around him as he started remembering.

“Hey TJ, why don’t we go to that park that you told me about?” Cody enthusiastically asked.

TJ just nodded his head and began to dress. When he was finished dressing, he looked at himself in a mirror. He was thin now versus the well toned body that he had in his younger days. While most people may say your twenties are the golden years between development in your teens and the maturity of your thirties, TJ would not be part of that category. A dour expression covered his face and emptiness filled his soul.

“You’re dressed; let’s go unless you want me to undress you for a little fun?” Cody laughed at his own demand.

TJ hesitantly walked out the door with this teenage tyrant by his side. He rarely went out anymore for any type of enjoyment. He preferred the quiet conversations with Cody at home.

The day was marvelous with sun and very light cloud cover; it was perfect day. The streets to the park were lined with busy people in their morning rush as TJ would be if he were working today. Coffee was splattered on the pavement, donut wrappers were dispensed with a quick toss that usually landed in the trash can, and loose change from shallow pockets was scattered on the sidewalk to be picked clean by others throughout the day.

As they neared the park entrance, there was a small collection of vendors selling hot dogs and assorted snacks.

“Cody, you want me to get you a hot dog?” TJ spotted the stand.

Cody did not reply, but TJ went up to the vendor and ordered two hot dogs. The vendor was a bit surprised at this request, but he did not see any issue with it. TJ and Cody went deeper into the park and found a secluded area away from the crowds. TJ sat down and offered the second hot dog to Cody.

“TJ, I am not really hungry right now, but thanks for thinking of me,” Cody said.

TJ was not fazed by the rejection of the hot dog and just enjoyed his own hot dog with the nice flora that was in bloom. The city was very different from where he had grown up; there was more crowding, more cars, and more stone buildings. A park is like a small island of relief in a sea of urban chaos.

“Cody what do you think of this park so far?” TJ asked as he choked down the last bite of his hot dog.

“It’s pretty cool; this place is calmer than the world outside. You remember when we used to drive around and we saw all those amazing places. Well, I think this park is pretty much like those places,” Cody said.

TJ looked happy and content as he thought back to those days.

A passing jogger saw TJ in awe of the beauty around him. The jogger was captivated by TJ and felt a strange urge to approach him. He was not one to initiate conversation, but there was just a strange aura pushing him.

“Nice view isn’t it?” the man said to TJ.

TJ looked up at a very attractive young man, who had a well formed body and a boyish face.

TJ did not know how to respond, but his eyes were g lued to this guy. The other guy for his part was also equally fixated on TJ.

“I think he likes you, TJ, maybe you should say something,” Cody broke the silence.

“Huh, umm…he’s not into me...umm,” TJ tried to respond in an aphasiac tone.

The guy was a bit relieved that TJ knew, but he was also nervous. A strange source of courage kept pushing him forward though; “My name’s Kevin by the way.”

“I’m umm….TJ,” TJ tried to respond.

“Come on TJ, he obviously likes what he sees and so do you,” Cody kept pushing.

“He’s got a friendly face,” TJ responded.

“Thanks, you’re cute, too!” Kevin responded to what he thought was a compliment.

Something occurred with this type of acknowledgement and response. TJ began to laugh and speak more freely than he had in a long time. Kevin was fascinated by TJ. They talked about nothing and everything at the same time. At the end of the conversation, Kevin asked TJ to have lunch with him. TJ agreed and they went off. TJ was not very hungry, so he only ordered a salad, which Kevin complimented as a healthy alternative. After that, TJ and Kevin struck up a new conversation about healthy foods.

Hours passed and the strange connection that began the day seemed to flourish and grow. Without either noticing, they had spent the entire day together and neither was able to separate from the other. TJ invited Kevin to his apartment after dinner.

As TJ opened the door, he welcomed Kevin into his home. The place was still plain looking, but Kevin was more interested in its resident than the décor. He looked around the studio and saw the picture of the teenage boys.

“Was that you as a kid?” Kevin asked pointing to the picture.

Suddenly, TJ realized with horror that he had left Cody in the park.

“Oh my God, I left Cody alone, no, no, NO!” TJ sprinted out of the apartment with Kevin following close behind. The leisurely path this morning to the park was now a hectic run. TJ went to the area where he last saw Cody, but there was no one there.

Kevin could see TJ running around in circles screaming for “Cody.”

“TJ, who’s Cody,” Kevin asked as TJ was in the middle of his search.

TJ stopped dead and realized his calls would never be answered.

“Cody was my boyfriend; he died a long time, ago” TJ could finally say those words and sank deep down into tears.

“So then the picture in the apartment was you and him” Kevin realized. Most normal people would at this moment have abandoned TJ as a nutcase, but somehow Kevin reacted differently. He reacted with compassion where others may simply have left and called it a day. He reached out to TJ, who was on ground, and tried to soothe him.

“I kept seeing him every day after his death; I thought it was like his ghost or something. My parents sent me to a special doctor, who told us that I was unable to accept his death. The doctor tried to put me on pills and talk me out of seeing him. It started working, but I couldn’t abandon him. I stopped taking the pills and just paid lip service to him. At night, I’d talk to him about my life and he’d be there by my side.” TJ said.

Kevin was sympathetic and felt for TJ more than anything else. TJ had lost his true love far too young in life.

“I guess that makes me kind of nuts, huh? Sorry for dragging you into this; you’re a great guy and I know there are a lot of better guys out there for you,” TJ said to Kevin.

At that moment, Kevin felt a strange urge and started to shake TJ, “Listen TJ, I’m really shy around other guys, but something happened earlier today when I saw you that made me walk in front of you. I don’t know if I believe in ghosts or whatever, but I think your boyfriend would have wanted you to move on with your life and live. I know you will be thinking about him when we are together, but I am fine with that. I don’t think you are nuts; you just love someone a lot. You have been holding yourself back for so long now, afraid to take on life, because you don’t want to experience anything new without him. It’s like you two are part of one of those big online stories and you can’t open a new chapter without both of you. Your life is more than just a story; your experiences are more than a plot. He’d never want you to be stuck in a rut like this.”

The breakthrough that evening had a profound effect on TJ, perhaps more than any expensive psychologist could have offered. A year after this date and the events that followed, Kevin and TJ were planning to move in together. They found a nice apartment, where they could attempt to live together in harmony.

On the date that TJ was moving out of his apartment with Kevin’s help, he packed his picture of Cody last. He could see a smiling teenage boy facing him and for a moment Kevin could also see the same boy giving them the thumbs up and vanishing into memory.

(Living in despair is solitary, but living life through all the experiences is sublime.)

© 2009 WL

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