Review by TL The Writing Tiger

We’ve all been through a time when we wanted desperately to say what’s on our minds, yet a voice keeps telling us not to. This beautiful story explores such a problem. The interpretation of their nervousness is beautifully done. It makes you want to tell them to get a clue. This is yet another successful story by Libby. Need I say more? Just read it.

*spoilerish review*

I love reading Libby's writing. There's a wonderful sense of quiet authority. I know that I'm in safe hands from the first paragraph.

The story -- and Libby's writing in general -- has the sense of an impressionist painting. The outline is there, but the power is suggested by details. An example is Seth saying Tommy instead of Thomas -- it's so natural, and it suggests the depth and nature of Seth's feelings in a single word. Another is how Thomas's memory of sight is saved to the end, with the reminiscence of the stars. If I could offer some criticism, however, it would be how Seth's unusual glow was treated. That in itself isn't a problem, but I didn't feel that it received enough of a resolution.

All in all, this was a great read with lots of gem-like moments. An example I just have to mention was when Oscar and Seth set up the "date" without Thomas's consent. The "Oscar....Oscar!" was perfect. Eloquent usage of just one word, repeated, and punctuation.

Thanks, covus! And hurray for concrit! I'm no fragile snowflake, so I hope you and others will never hesitate to offer their honest feedback of any of my stories. As for Seth's "aura", it was definitely a plot point that could have used some fleshing out. I acually would have loved some more time to work on this fic, but life intervened. I should stop complaining and be happy for the few free days I got to work on it.

The phenomenon of Seth's aura was unusual enough that, in retrospect, should have either been used more fully, or dropped all together. Personally, I would love to keep it and explore it in more detail.

Thanks again for reading and commenting. I can't wait to read the Anthology for myself.

Enchanting. That's the word I use to describe your writing, Libby, and this story is no exception. Thanks for another wonderful addition to the GA site.

Thank you so much, Altimexis! You're one of the first individuals I met here at GA, and your opinion holds a special place in my heart. I'm so happy you enjoyed the story. Thanks again.

Libby,

Read your story a couple of days ago and wasn't really sure how to post about it. Let's say it left me a little conflicted .

Now hopefully this is not sounding like I did not like it, because I really did enjoy it. Your writing is so very descriptive in the settings, as I can picture the bookstore with the rows of bookshelves and the fire and couch adding to the ambiance.

Reading it, it made me wonder if you are visually impaired yourself, or know someone who is, as you beautifully describe the 'shades' that Thomas was able to make out, and how the light affect the sensitivity of his eyes. Even though I see well myself, I imagine from what you described is what someone who is visually impaired may see and feel. I applaud you for that.

Now as far as the conflicted part, it has to do with the ending.

On one hand I totally understand that the idea of an anthology entry is to write a short story on a particular theme. It limits the amount of time taken to do character development, growth, discovery and resolution. When I finished reading it, the first thing I thought of was, "How could she leave it at this point?"

The great thing about waiting the couple of days, is that I have thought about what happens in the future with Seth and Thomas, and I think you have actually left the story off in a great place.

You gave me enough to ponder the way that the story may continue in my mind. I don't think any story really can come to a complete close, but I feel that this may have been you intent in finishing it the way that you did. If this means you explore the 'future' in the future, then great, you know I will read it. If not, then know that I am quite happy with the way I see the future of these characters in my mind.

In case your wondering how in my mind everything works out....they live happily ever after .

Thank you for this great piece of work.

Steve

This post has been edited by wildone: April 2 2008, 09:19 PM

Thanks, Steve. I really appreciate your feedback.

In my opinion, one of the best outcomes any writer can hope for is to leave their readers thinking. I'm flattered the story stuck with you, even for the reason you mentioned, which I'll get to in a moment.

I'm not visually impaired (apart from being a bit nearsighted). Thanks for letting me know the setting and narrative worked. Writing from Thomas's POV was far more challenging than I thought it would be. It was difficult remembering that, in essence, I was blind too. I can't tell you how many comments I got from my beta readers along these lines: "Thomas wouldn't be able see the dent in the box. Rewrite." or "How is Thomas going to know Oscar's cardigan is unbuttoned? Rewrite." It definitely kept me on my toes.

How coincidental that your concerns centered around how and when the story ended. While on holiday, I've been drafting a post for my blog, which I may cross post to the forums here, on story endings – specifically, when should a fic stop. I always find ending a story particularly challenging because it is so important, and I still feel like I hit it right only a fraction of the time. I'd hoped to leave this one on enough of a positive note that, like you and me, people read happiness into these characters' future.

Thank you so much for giving my story your time and attention.

~Libby

I'm being lazy, but Altimexis said it so well -- definitely enchanting Thanks, Libby!

My only complaint is one of formatting. You've got all the paragraphs triple spaced, which is a symptom of a story converted directly from a word document (with a blank line between paragraphs) into HTML. Unless you really want that, just let me know for the next anthology and I can fix that for you

Thank you! Yeah, you know, I told CJ I'd format it, then ended up sending it to my site admin, (1) because I'm inherently lazy, and (2) because she's incredible and I knew she'd be able to turn it around very quickly. I saw the fic trial-posted on my site and it looked fine, so I didn't really give it a second thought, just sent it on. It does look more spaced out here, for which I'm sure there's a perfectly valid reason...but I don't know what it is. I'm not technical.

I'd love your help in the future, if you're offering.

And thanks again for your kind words. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story.

I have to respectfully disagree with both of you. If used more fully it would have given too much away too soon. If dropped all together the story would have lost the sense that on some level Thomas knew that Seth was someone special. I made the connection right away and thought it was a great plot device.

This was the first eFiction story I ever gave ten points to in a review. Normally the highest I go is nine because there is always some techincal error that catches my eye and, while not affecting the overall story, it's still not a perfect story. There were absolutely no technical errors in this story. So combined with the story being superb it warranted a ten.

I agree with Gary. The business of the aura was enough to let the reader know that something special was happening, but to explain it, or expand on it, would ruin the mystique. It added a little layer of magic that was just right. As any cook will tell you, you want just enough seasoning, not too much. This was just enough