The Tale of Snow White by Colinian

[C James]

Discuss Colinian's Fairy Tales Anthology story, "The Tale of Snow White ", in this thread.

 

 

 

 

Spoilers below!!!

Edited February 15, 2007 by C James

[Graeme]

Before we start, it should be stated clearly and firmly that this story is not a fairy tale.

 

Despite the best efforts of the author to disguise the fact, this is, in reality, a masterful piece of scholastic research, conducted under severe, almost debilitating conditions.

 

The first point is that, as the author is underage, he was unable to use the traditional methods of deductive and intuitive reasoning, such as divining the truth from the suds left over from sculling a glass of beer. Instead he has had to use much more arduous techniques. :wacko:

 

His success can be found in such little details as the knowledge of 13th century tax law, the criminal code used at the time, and the fact about the poor minion's foot problems -- it's impossible to make up details like that. It should also be noted that Colin has managed to confirmed that HR departments haven't changed much in the last eight centuries.

 

While he has modestly declined to list his sources, it appears he has scoured the internet to find the truth behind the Brother's Grimm story of Little Snow White. It may be that some of the sources were of dubious moral fortitude (where else could such truths be found?), but there is no doubt that Colin has managed to find the true tale that inspired the poor imitation that is, alas, better known.

 

To cap it off, Colin, with the discernment of one wise beyond his years, has clearly realised that the world is not yet ready for the truth and has presented the product of his research in a way that would not offend the establishment by forcing them to face the sheer effrontery of the 'official' version.

 

Bravo, Colin, bravo!

[shadowgod]

Indeed a fun romp through the story Bogart'd by the brothers Grimm.

 

The sublime mix of Fairy-tale and modern circumstance (as Colin would allude to as not being so modern, RE: HR Departments)

 

Favorite line of all...

 

She rued the day that she had decided to save a bag of gold coins by purchasing the basic version magic mirror, instead of the advanced version which had more deductive powers and could have told her the exact location of Snow White.

 

even being cheap isn't a modern thing...

 

Great Job Colin!

 

Steve

[Bondwriter]

Loved it! Made me smile all along. I'll comment further this evening.

[captainrick]

WOW COLIN!!!

 

This really blew me away! :worship:

 

I'm with Graeme on this one, but I'll pull my tongue from my cheek to make a few comments. What you did, interspersing anachronistic modernisms into a classic tale is a very tough thing to accomplish without being silly. A good example is the movie bomb "A Knight's Tale" that came out to much hoopla and a very pricey rock soundtrack a few years ago and bombed horribly because it was "silly nonsense" to quote a merciful review.

 

This, on the other hand, was quite well done and funny, very funny, without being "silly nonsense". I thoroughly enjoyed this tale, laughing audibly most of the way through, and can't believe how well you pulled off this difficult story.

 

Your stories and story-telling just get better and better. This was absolutely excellent! Keep writing -- Please!

 

 

Lotsa hugs for this one --

 

Rick

[colinian]

Thanks, guys, for the compliments. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them!

 

I really enjoyed writing The Tale of Snow White. Maybe it's the way it is because I had a bad cold that clogged my brain and the cough syrup I took made me feel dingy while I was writing it. Whatever.

 

I stuck in a bunch of (often vague, that was some powerful cough syrup!) references, some personal that no one would get, others from movies or SF stories.

 

You probably realized that Prince Hedwig was named after Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a very bizarre movie about a guy who has an operation to turn him into a woman, and it isn't entirely successful because the surgeon left an inch that was supposed to be excised, thus the title of the movie. I wrote that Prince came from a small principality, one of relatively minor importance . "Hedwig" is becoming slang for a guy who's, let's say, somewhat unendowed.

 

The name Froderich is taken from a line by Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein. Falkstein is the name of a minor character in Young Frankenstein. Frau Kemp is named after another character in Young Frankenstein. (Young Frankenstein is one of my favorite movies of all time.)

 

Kedrigern is a character in a series of short fantasy stories written by John Morressy; In those stories Kedrigern is a wizard and his wife's name is Princess.

 

Ivar is the name of a character in a SF story I read; I used it as a first name, it was a last name in the story.

 

The story of the frog that freezes in the winter and has no sign of life then comes back to like when warm weather returns is true, I saw it on Nova (I think) a couple of weeks ago.

 

Bornholm is an island in Denmark. I saw it on a travel show on TV a while back.

 

The stuff about the tax laws is how kids are allowed to be dependents by the IRS. My dad was telling me that if I don't go to college or drop out once I'm 19 I'd better find a refrigerator crate to live in because he won't be able to deduct me and I'm outa there. And if I don't finish by the time I'm 24 I'm outa there.

 

Garan is named after a kid at my high school.

 

The name Hossmeyer is based on a story my granddad tells about when he was just out of college and shared a house with a couple of guys and one guy's girlfriend; that guy's name was Horst Meyer, and they nicknamed him "Hossmeyer". I have this totally warped sense of humor, and I thought that was so funny, and never forgot it, so I put it in this Fairy Tale.

 

Helga is the name of a friend of my folks.

 

The fairy tale Little Snow-White by the Grimm Brothers is real, and the story of Walt Disney naming the dwarfs is also true. The rest of the names and other stuff I borrowed or made up.

 

I'm glad nobody mentioned the typos. 4 typos, count 'em, 4, are still there. They're all my fault, it's all in stuff that I added or changed after Cole edited the story. I fixed 50 other typos, and CJ was nice enough to upload the fixed version of the story. The last 4 are, like my AP Calc teacher says all the time, "left as an exercise for the student to solve". No more writing when I'm taking cough syrup!

 

Colin

[Bondwriter]

Well, not much to add to all these comments above. It's witty, entertaining, cute and it grabs the reader big time. And you even give away all your background work, or your tricks, should I say... So more congrats to you Colin! And quit experimenting with cough syrup, who's instead of whose? Come on!

[C James]

This is one heck of a tale, Colin! I was laughing out loud at some of it, (especially Minions, both of them! BUAUAUAHAHAHAH!!! ) right up until this part:

 

So, she found a goat-herder from whom she purchased several young goats for testing, each of which was of approximately the same weight as Snow White. The potion was very strong, and a dram, about 1/8th of an ounce, turned out to be precisely the right amount.

 

Goats? GOATS?!!?!? How could you!

 

This story, though, is a brilliant piece of wit and satire, with many shaded of meaning, and is truly superb!

 

Many have touched on the points, so I'll leave off with my favorite, which is the entire story itself.

 

Bravo, Colin!!

[colinian]

This is one heck of a tale, Colin! I was laughing out loud at some of it, (especially Minions, both of them! BUAUAUAHAHAHAH!!! ) right up until this part:

Goats? GOATS?!!?!? How could you!

 

This story, though, is a brilliant piece of wit and satire, with many shaded of meaning, and is truly superb!

 

Many have touched on the points, so I'll leave off with my favorite, which is the entire story itself.

 

Bravo, Colin!!

CJ,

 

I wrote this about the wicked Queen: "Then she got an idea, an idea as evil as her personality." and "(See, I told you she had a nasty streak!)" and "The wicked Queen was also a homophobe who believed that the world would be better off without any gay boys, and most assuredly without seven of them."

 

Her malicious ways certainly and unfortunately were not limited to Snow White and the Falkstein's seven boys, gay boys! They extended to poor, defenseless goats as well, and even worse, "...she purchased several young goats for testing..." -- a crime against innocent young goats of monumental and unrepentant nastiness and evility! I hated to have to write this, but the truth has to, finally, come out, sad as it was to relate in my tale. We can only hope that the young goats recovered and awakened as healthy and frisky as before when the effects of the potion eventually wore off. Unfortunately, my sources do not follow the sad plight of these innocent young goats.

 

Despite having to read these sad parts, I'm glad you like The Tale of Snow White. It was a lot of fun to write. And, having the wierd sense of humor that I do, I found it very amusing to be writing it on my laptop in Study Hall! I'm just glad that the proctor (a teacher who watches over kids in Study Hall) wasn't curious about what I was doing!

 

Colin

[shadowgod]

with the word experimenting... I'm thinking not all of those kid's made it through the trials, assuridly the wicked queen would have started with more than a dram of her purple elixer.

 

 

let this be a warning to CJ and the goat sub-committee at large. Stay away from the vein queen, even if she appears a begging old hag.

 

*Edit 300 already... jeepers!

[colinian]

with the word experimenting... I'm thinking not all of those kid's made it through the trials, assuridly the wicked queen would have started with more than a dram of her purple elixer.

 

 

let this be a warning to CJ and the goat sub-committee at large. Stay away from the vein queen, even if she appears a begging old hag.

 

*Edit 300 already... jeepers!

 

Steve,

 

First, congrats on your 300th post! I'm glad I was able to see it in the flesh, so to speak!

 

Second, while the chronicles don't tell us how the wicked Queen proceeded to test her potion, being cheap about the magic mirror and because the amount of frogs' blood she had was undoubtedly limited leads me to believe that she started with a small amount, and increased the quantity until she had just enough for the effect she was trying to achieve. Thus, eventually, the young goats (actually, as you remind us, they were kids) would recover as the potion wore off.

 

Colin

[shadowgod]

Steve,

 

First, congrats on your 300th post! I'm glad I was able to see it in the flesh, so to speak!

 

Second, while the chronicles don't tell us how the wicked Queen proceeded to test her potion, being cheap about the magic mirror and because the amount of frogs' blood she had was undoubtedly limited leads me to believe that she started with a small amount, and increased the quantity until she had just enough for the effect she was trying to achieve. Thus, eventually, the young goats, actually as you remind us they were kids, would recover as the potion wore off.

 

Colin

 

DOH!

 

I forgot about her frugal ways... bad bad and very blond of me considering that was amongst my favorite parts!

 

Id still stay away from vein queens and haggard beggers... nothing good comes from those sordid types.

[jalaki]

I, too, must add my applause for this story. I think I'm going to have to say it's my favorite out of the anthology (hehe), though I still have one or two left to read...but yeah, it's a definite winner, haha.

 

I love your use of anachronisms, and the references for naming your characters was a nice little bit of extra information. As many others have pointed out, some great use of wit and humor in this story, and I'm not sure I can really add anything extra to what they have stated. I also must applaud how closely your work tends to flow along the same as a "real" fairy tale does - so more kudos there (the continual use of the phrase "seven boys, gay boys" was an extra touch of class, btw).

 

I'm trying to choose a favorite line from this to end with, but I'm not sure I can pick just one. That's a sign of a job well done, though!

[Conner]

Bravo, Colin!

 

This story was sheer brillance. I particulay like the repeating phrase "seven boys, gay boys", the wicked Queen's minions along with her low tech mirror, and last, but not least, Snow White's father, the King, who apparently only had hunting to occupy his time, "Ah, the Queen is still napping. I think I'll go hunting!"

 

Most regrettably, I must inform you that the GMAC (Goat Meritorious Awards Committee) declined to give you the Goat Good Seal of Approval due to the excessive amount of animal testing (most notably on goats) in your story. Your response to CJames on this very question, while clever in its composition, was viewed as contrived. However, given the joy and good will brought to the GA community by your story, no period of disqualification was imposed. Further, I understand that your chances of receiving our award in the future would be greatly increased if you were to surrender yourself to the committee as a minion, gay minion.

 

Conner (yes, still a goat...of sorts)

[colinian]

...Most regrettably, I must inform you that the GMAC (Goat Meritorious Awards Committee) declined to give you the Goat Good Seal of Approval due to the excessive amount of animal testing (most notably on goats) in your story. Your response to CJames on this very question, while clever in its composition, was viewed as contrived. However, given the joy and good will brought to the GA community by your story, no period of disqualification was imposed. Further, I understand that your chances of receiving our award in the future would be greatly increased if you were to surrender yourself to the committee as a minion, gay minion.

 

Conner (yes, still a goat...of sorts)

 

I humbly offer the following as my surrender: I was obviously in a sleep-deprived daze when I let my fingers hit the unfortunate sequence of the keys "G" and "O" and "A" and "T" on my keyboard.

 

Abjectly,

 

Colin

[Ieshwar]

Hi Colinian,

 

I really enjoyed this version of Snow White, than the other one. This one seems more believable.

 

This story was probably one of the best! I was laughing like mad when I was reading it. The Queen was so thick that she ate the plum herself? Hahahaha! Good. One homophobe less!

 

Ieshwar

 

(Applause too)

[sungod]

This is one of the funniest stories that I've ever read. It's certainly funnier thatn the original -- which was not very funny. Bravo, Colinian!

 

sungod