[Altimexis] Love in a Chair--by Altimexis

[Altimexis]

Just a quick announcement. I'm pleased to bring to you Love in a chair, a story I wrote to explore the issues of gay sexuality in the face of a disability. Aaron and Brian are two high school boys who fall in love. They face challenges few of us could imagine, but persevere. I hope you like my story.

[Rigel]

A nice tale, now into its third chapter, as yet floating beneath the radar. The only clue, thus far, to the existence of the story has been a note in Altimexis's signature: "Please check out my first story, Love in a Chair, a touching, if not sappy story about a couple of high school boys who fall in love and persevere in the face of adversity The first N chapters are now up. Please let me know what you think!"

 

Well, Altimexis, it's being read, and commented upon, and I await more chapters.

 

You've got a nice beginning of a tale of two school boys reluctant to admit they are in love with each other, battling against teenage hormones not to let things progress too quickly. The boys' initial evening together alone in Chapter 3 seems a little quick into the sexual side for my mind, but I look forward to seeing how you're planning to develop this.

[C James]

I'm limited to what I can say here due to spoiler concerns, so I'll be brief.

 

The Brother's reaction surprised me greatly, in a good way.

 

I also like the exploration of the protagonist's feelings of being a little different, and coming to terms with what it meant.

 

Off to a good start.

[C James]

Good job on Ch 4!

 

I like the subtle character development.

 

Sounds like they are going to be faced with coming out soon. I think we can safely say that Adam will be fine with it, but I'm curious as to the others. Any guesses anyone?

[Bondwriter]

OK, I thought I had commented ch. 1&2, but I didn't. This is a fun, heart-warming read so far. A bit too graphic to my taste considering the sweet romance tone, but there are some really fun lines. What adversity will they face? Brian's parents? I guess these people could freak out, especially with Aaron's mother being EXTREMELY liberal and providing her son with a nice place to engage in intercourse. The scene with the mum is funny. At first I thought it was highly unlikely and then I thought of some of my friends who have teen kids and who must have rehearsed for months the "it's time we talk about these things frankly" speech.

[C James]

I loved Larry's intro to Aaron.

 

Aaron's parents are great. Too bad that parents like that are so rare.

 

I'm glad you had the Mom blush during the "speech", that made it more real.

[Altimexis]

Thanks for the comments, guys. I realize the sex may be a bit graphic for some tastes, but there is a good reason for it. In my work I deal with people with disabilities and sexual issues are a big and oft-neglected part of the rehabilitation process. Some people I work with have very specific problems and I need to discuss them in as much or more detail than what I'm presenting here. My goal is for my readers to understand that even under the worst of circumstances, people with disabilities are still people with emotional and sexual needs like the rest of us.

[C James]

Great job on Ch 6!

 

My favorite part was Larry teaching Arron about football. Larry is absolutely great, and very well done.

 

Aaron's mother is certainly every teen's dream Mom! Talk about accepting! He's darn lucky in that respect.

 

Adam is a crack-up, and probably my favorite character so far.

[Michoel]

Well I read the first 6 chapters and can hardly wait for the rest of them. The sex in the story is not to overblown but what you would expect from boys that age. But the sex is not what makes the story but the characters and their interaction. And you keep doing as well as you have so far and it will be a magnificent story. I am married also as you are and have my first story hosted at the story lovers site and know how hard it is to get plot right and not lose flow of the characters but you are doing a good job. keep it up I look forward to the rest of your story. Michoel

[Bondwriter]

It all follows a natural path rather peacefully. I'm still kind of annoyed at the spoiler Altimexis gave away by explaining the title. This is quite a sweet story nevertheless. It's maybe a bit too explicit, not the sex, of course, but in its "educational" tone.

 

For instance: "When they went to Brian's games, it was often with Cindy and she accepted him as a friend, too. She was a sweet girl and he found he really liked her - not sexually, of course, but as a friend."

The "- not sexually, of course, but as a friend.": couldn't it be told more lightly by giving an example explaining what they laugh together about, or some illustration of this liking, which would give more flesh to Cindy and avoid overexplaining the obvious?

 

I hope my comments are actually seen as constructive criticism, I like the story!

[Altimexis]

It all follows a natural path rather peacefully. I'm still kind of annoyed at the spoiler Altimexis gave away by explaining the title. This is quite a sweet story nevertheless. It's maybe a bit too explicit, not the sex, of course, but in its "educational" tone.

 

For instance: "When they went to Brian's games, it was often with Cindy and she accepted him as a friend, too. She was a sweet girl and he found he really liked her - not sexually, of course, but as a friend."

The "- not sexually, of course, but as a friend.": couldn't it be told more lightly by giving an example explaining what they laugh together about, or some illustration of this liking, which would give more flesh to Cindy and avoid overexplaining the obvious?

 

I hope my comments are actually seen as constructive criticism, I like the story!

 

Thanks for you feedback!

 

I do see your comments as constructive and I'm learning in the process. I took a lot of heat from WriteByMyself, who is one of my editors, over the spoiler and we actually argued back and forth for a while on this. I compared my spoiler to the inside flap of most hardcover books and the back of most paperbacks. I for one like to know what I'm getting into before I read a story, but I've discovered that a lot of people like to be surprised. I just didn't want poeple to start LiaC and then hate me for switching from a carefree, happy story to one that is much more serious. C James also complained about the spoiler, but then agreed that there needs to be a way for people searching for information on gay sex in the disabled to find my story. As a compromise, I did revise the foreward to be less explicit in what would happen, but to still state that the story involves issues of sexuality in a person with a disability. I don't state whether it is one of the main characters, or someone we haven't met, yet. When the story is complete and moves to a more permanent home, either through shared hosting or hosting here, or on another site, I will probably move the foreward, the afterword and any other comments to a separate page with a worning that it contains spoilers.

 

You raise a good point about my educational tone. Just wait until I start talking about rehabilitation later on. I can't help it, I'm an academician at heart. Thanks for pointing it out, though - I'll try to watch it in the future. If you can think of any other instances besides the example you gave, I'll see if I can remove them.

[captainrick]

Having been through the spoiler debate with STL, I understand the issue. I don't know that we're talking "spoiler" here. Okay so we know that one of these kids is going to end up in a wheelchair, but we still don't know exactly how it happens and what all the consequences of that means for these two boys. With that said I don't know if the story is "spoiled" and therefore whether it was a spoiler at all.

 

To be quite honest, I'm enjoying this story tremendously so far. Both of the main characters are developed very nicely, but Altimexis has put alot of effort in developing all the supporting characters as well. Quite well done.

I loved the way they came out at the GSA dance. Quite romantic actually. Perfect timing for a warm up to valentine's day.

 

Yeah, okay, I know there's a tragic scene coming and all, but I think the point of the story is not how one of these boys gets hurt, but I think it's supposed to be about how they deal with it. We have to know how deeply they love each other to do that, Sooo with that said, I can't wait for the next chapters.

 

I really highly recommend the story as a great read.

 

Hugs all,

Rick

[Rigel]

I'm enjoying the story; the only problem is knowing that some terrible misfortune is going to happen, sooner or later, to some character, confining him to life in a wheelchair. The threat hangs over the reader like some sword of Damocles, and we keep waiting and worrying with each new chapter: Is this going to be it?

 

This may be a structural flaw of telling the story from the beginning. One solution would have been to begin with some sort of prologue: Wheelie Lover is sitting in his wheelchair talking to either his physical therapist or perhaps a counselor as he comes to psychological grips with the fact that he may never walk again. Dealing with that grief is going to be a major problem for anyone able-bodied who becomes paraplegic. It is noticed that he has a dedicated friend and lover who comes every day to visit and help him, and Wheelie Lover begins to relate to his therapist the tale of the relationship at the point of where you began chapter one, perhaps telling the story as part of his coming to terms with his new condition. You lose the tension of the reader guessing who will be the unfortunate one, but that tension may already be getting in the way of the story.

 

A story with similar structure I can think of is Sequoyah's "Moon Watching" (http://www.sequoyahsplace.com/Stories/MOON...ching_title.htm). The story is about a loving relationship between Tom and Derrick, and Tom's recovery to life after Derrick's death. It opens with a brief description of Tom seeing Derrick's body one brief time before interment, then backs up to the start of their relationship and continues afterwards as Tom makes his life whole again. (Tom's character eventually gets absorbed into Sequoyah's other story "Mountain Magic.") The downside is that we know that Tom and Derrick's love is doomed, but the upside is that we realize that this isn't the ultimate focus of the story.

 

--Rigel

[Altimexis]

I'm enjoying the story; the only problem is knowing that some terrible misfortune is going to happen, sooner or later, to some character, confining him to life in a wheelchair. The threat hangs over the reader like some sword of Damocles, and we keep waiting and worrying with each new chapter: Is this going to be it?

 

This may be a structural flaw of telling the story from the beginning. One solution would have been to begin with some sort of prologue

 

I'm getting criticism from both directions on this issue. Captain Rick started Sky with a prologue and that was one of the first criticisms leveled at him. One of my editors has made it quite clear that there should have been no spoilers - let the reader assume the chair is a love seat or something. I have another reader who has a disability and was thrilled to come across my story - something that wouldn't have happened had it not been for the foreword to LiaC. What I did do is to revise the foreword to be a little more circumspect about what will happen. If you reread it, all mention of an accident is gone and in its place is that the story deals with gay love and sex in a disabled person. That at least leaves the reader open to a variety of different scenarios, rather than telling them that one of the main characters will be injured.

 

However, since you do know what's coming, I can assure you that everything leading up to the accident is important to the plot and that although the "happy" chapters are nearly over, the remaining 2/3 of the story will be equally worth your time, and even more uplifting. I'm not going to say any more - no need for additional spoilers.

[Rigel]

I'm getting criticism from both directions on this issue. Captain Rick started Sky with a prologue and that was one of the first criticisms leveled at him. One of my editors has made it quite clear that there should have been no spoilers - let the reader assume the chair is a love seat or something. I have another reader who has a disability and was thrilled to come across my story - something that wouldn't have happened had it not been for the foreword to LiaC. What I did do is to revise the foreword to be a little more circumspect about what will happen. If you reread it, all mention of an accident is gone and in its place is that the story deals with gay love and sex in a disabled person. That at least leaves the reader open to a variety of different scenarios, rather than telling them that one of the main characters will be injured.

 

However, since you do know what's coming, I can assure you that everything leading up to the accident is important to the plot and that although the "happy" chapters are nearly over, the remaining 2/3 of the story will be equally worth your time, and even more uplifting. I'm not going to say any more - no need for additional spoilers.

 

I'm not doubting that the remainder of the story will be worth my time.

 

It's just that I keep reading with an eye to wondering how you're going to set up the disabilitating event. [is that a word?] At this point, I can guess that it seems likely that it's either an excessive byproduct of something Brian's parents do stop Brian from associating with Aaron, or some unfortunate consequence of Brian's reactions to his parents' restrictions. The precise nature of the misfortune should be irrelevant to me--The problem is that this speculation becomes my focus in reading, rather than the developing relationship between Brian and Aaron.

 

My comments may be premature, and maybe I should have waited to see the entire complete story, but the way in which you are telling it (having already spilled the beans about a disability with the illustration http://www.rainbowcommunitywritingproject.com/wheelchair.jpg at http://www.rainbowcommunitywritingproject....veinaChair.html is like having ominous chords of background music foreshadowing an terrible event amidst happy scenes of childhood, spoiling both.

 

--Rigel

[C James]

I'm getting criticism from both directions on this issue. Captain Rick started Sky with a prologue and that was one of the first criticisms leveled at him. One of my editors has made it quite clear that there should have been no spoilers - let the reader assume the chair is a love seat or something. I have another reader who has a disability and was thrilled to come across my story - something that wouldn't have happened had it not been for the foreword to LiaC. What I did do is to revise the foreword to be a little more circumspect about what will happen. If you reread it, all mention of an accident is gone and in its place is that the story deals with gay love and sex in a disabled person. That at least leaves the reader open to a variety of different scenarios, rather than telling them that one of the main characters will be injured.

 

However, since you do know what's coming, I can assure you that everything leading up to the accident is important to the plot and that although the "happy" chapters are nearly over, the remaining 2/3 of the story will be equally worth your time, and even more uplifting. I'm not going to say any more - no need for additional spoilers.

 

Altemexis, there is a rule at play here: you can't please everyone. So, when in doubt, keep the writer (you) happy.

 

I think your evision was the right compromise to make, though. I'll also point out that writers sometimes change their minds. I know for a fact that the plotline of my story has changed a few times as I've been writing it. So, one can never be certain of anything.

 

It's looking good so far!

[Bondwriter]

Rigel's feelings are similar to mine. But yes, Altimexis, you're the boss there. That's the problem of posting a story in the make and getting feedback as you write it. If you're actually done with it, don't change anything plotwise.

As for chapter 9, distress kicks in all right with these bigoted parents' reaction.

[Rigel]

Having just read Chapter 12, I'm facing an interesting cocktail, partly morbid fascination and partly the "ick" factor. I want to know the details, and I DON'T want to know the details, and in the tension between those two reactions lies my complex reaction to the chapter. I've had a lot of medical school friends, housemates, and relatives in my life, who shared with me what interns and residents do, and the concept of grand rounds, which is what Brian faced with a whole batch of interns and residents discussing his case while standing around him but not interacting with him. It's a strangely dehumanizing experience for the patient, especially given the perspective you've presented it from.

 

I look forward to further developments. You've given us at least some faint rays of hope for love in a post-paraplegic world. Thanks for not making us wait forever. (I was originally going to say, "Thanks for putting us out of our misery," but that's simultaneously inaccurate and an overstatement.) And thanks also for introducing me to Coldplay's "Don't Panic"--a little googling allowed me to listen to a couple of versions courtesy of YouTube. My eclectic taste in music is as broad as Brian's, and while I'd heard of Coldplay before and even heard them, I don't think I ever had reason to pay such analytically close attention to one of their songs before tonight.

 

--Rigel

[C James]

I hadn't had chance to read Ch 111, so tonight I was able to read Ch 11 & 12 together.

 

Altemexis, there were superbly done. The professionalism shines though, as does the gritty reality of what it is like to be a patient helplessly facing something unexpected and unknown.

 

Bravo.

[Bondwriter]

I was puzzled by chapter 10, but these last three chapters are my favorite up to now. I felt really moved and sad about the whole situation. At the same time, everything falls into place. There was a bitter taste after ch. 10, because I felt like they were about to be punished for having sex, which is something I wouldn't feel comfortable with, but it's nicely put in perspective in the next two chapters. Guilt and responsibility are obviously always at stake in devastating events, but the fact that it's widely discussed by all the characters involved give the reader food for thought rather than just plain melodramatic narrative.

[Altimexis]

I was puzzled by chapter 10, but these last three chapters are my favorite up to now. I felt really moved and sad about the whole situation. At the same time, everything falls into place. There was a bitter taste after ch. 10, because I felt like they were about to be punished for having sex, which is something I wouldn't feel comfortable with, but it's nicely put in perspective in the next two chapters. Guilt and responsibility are obviously always at stake in devastating events, but the fact that it's widely discussed by all the characters involved give the reader food for thought rather than just plain melodramatic narrative.

 

I hear what you're saying, but punishment for having sex was never the intent. The ending of chapter 10 was only for drama - the quintessential cliff-hanger, so to speak.

 

What actually comes out of the accident will bring both families closer to their boys and to each other. It will help both Aaron and Brian grow to become stronger, more self-assured young men who become true leaders - not that I think a serious injury and disability were required for these things to happen, but the whole purpose of the story is to explore relationships before and after a disabling event. We'll see both the positive and negative changes that take place in our characters. Sexually, what emerges will be beautiful.

[Bondwriter]

Aaaaah! You're giving away more of what's to come! Trust your storytelling to let us know what's going to happen as we read the story! Seriously, trust us readers to get your message as we enjoy seeing the plot unfolding before our eyes. Which have been watery for the last two chapters, by the way.

[C James]

Chapters 14& 15 were shocking, heart-rending, heart-warming, and amazing, all at once.

 

I very much appreciate the care and detail you are putting in on the medical and legal issues; those really make this real.

 

The police, well, their behavior might seen far-fetched to some, but it sadly is realistic in some cases. One thing especially; pushing hard when they have essentially no case. I've seen this happen.

 

Poor Brian; what a roller-coaster. I see mood swings there; courage overlying despair, and that is darn realistic for a patient with an unrecoverable condition.

 

Very well done indeed.

[Bondwriter]

I didn't see chapter 14 advertised; maybe it's a blessing since I could read chapter 15 right after and see Aaron out of jail. There's enough moving drama in your story not to add more through having to wait! The plot develops well, and I hope Bill Epstein and his old goat of a friend will find out who the reckless driver was. The whole arrest/ jail episode is quite nightmarish. But the adults in the boys' environment are mostly nice people. I'm glad Brian's parents change a bit their minds, but they seem to do so very fast. It's plausible that faced with such a dramatic event they would indeed adapt quickly and see things in a new light, but the conversation between them, with Brian's mom going really far sounds a bit over the top to me.

 

Still a very nice story that says a few things about real life through a cleverly made fiction. We'll see what happens in rehab, too. Keep it coming, especially if the worst is over. I hope I'll smile a bit more later on, since the last few chapters got me to shed quite a few tears.

[Altimexis]

I'm glad Brian's parents change a bit their minds, but they seem to do so very fast. It's plausible that faced with such a dramatic event they would indeed adapt quickly and see things in a new light, but the conversation between them, with Brian's mom going really far sounds a bit over the top to me.

 

Thank you so much, Bondwriter. That's just the kind of feedback I need.

 

One of the things I like about eFiction is that you can always go back and edit what you write. I knew that the turn-around was rather abrupt, but it's difficult to convey what's going on with everyone in every chapter. The turnaround actually began when Brian's parents confronted him - his mother was already having doubts, but there were too many things to convey to bring them up.

 

I've re-edited chapter 14, making June Sandler a little less religious and giving her a degree in psychology - perhaps now, it well make more sense. I'd be curious to know what you think.