BeaStKid Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 (edited) Hey guys, i've written my very first story!! Thanks to GA and Nifty, for they are the ones who inspired me to write. My story, Alpha and Omega is up on e-fiction. Please check it out and tell me how you found it. For now, only the first two chapters are there. I'm working on the next one, but it won't be up until i get an editor. LOL. I'm in the process of getting one, so it won't be that long (hopefully). Comments, suggestions, feedback; anything you want to tell me about it, can be sent at bsk_stories@yahoo.com. BeaStKid (Earlier going by the alias hot_bsk) Edited February 21, 2008 by BeaStKid Link to comment
Ieshwar Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Hello, Glad that you decided to post it here too. It's easier for us to post comments. I did read it and it's good! It certainly has lots of potential and I'm waiting for more to develop! Ieshwar Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 11, 2007 Author Share Posted June 11, 2007 Hello, Glad that you decided to post it here too. It's easier for us to post comments. I did read it and it's good! It certainly has lots of potential and I'm waiting for more to develop! Ieshwar well...i'm still a newbie...some1 suggested i post this here too..so..any ways thanks for the comments...they're a writer's lifeline...as you know..lol...i'm working on the third chapter...it'll be out in a few days. hot_bsk Link to comment
Conner Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 It was the title that caught my attention. The first and last letters of the Greek alphabet. It hints at a possible dominate/submissive relationship. I'm just guessing, though. Few authors have explored that theme here. It could mean other things as well. So, you opened the story with a short discussion between God and St. Peter. I liked it. Nice cast so far. The story line is good. Looking forward to chapter 3. One suggestion is to get yourself an editor. PM TalonRider or post a request in the editor's corner thread on the main forum page. Welcome to GA! Conner Link to comment
Fishwings Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Awesome story so far hot_bsk =] I liked how you started off the story right away, and your effective foreshadowing. Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 thanks for the comments Connor, FishWings and thanks for the welcome, Conner. Conner, i'm sorry to inform you that your guess is incorrect. I'm not telling you more as it would not be fair to my story(you'd have to read it) but try thinking on the lines of where else are the words Alpha and Omega used together??? if you guys need a hint....try Bruce Almighty...or try reading the summary of the story. As for the editor thing...i had contacted Jan (TalonRider) even before posting this story. In fact he was the first one to read Chapter 1. He has contacted one editor for me and i've yet to hear from him. I was thinking of posting the next chapter only after the editing, but now i'll post it on the e-fics and then have it edited later. Chapters on Nifty would be on hold till the editor problem is sorted out as Nifty doesn't give the option of editing later...lol Here's a little inside info on the story...it is in a flashback right now...this will continue till chapter 4 and the link between the heavenly conversation and the story should be clear by chapter 5. Thats what i've planned, at least. It may change. If you think that the foreshadowing is good so far, FishWings, then you'll like the ones yet to come... so stay tuned...the next chapter should be out in a few days. Thanks again for the feedback....its an author's life-line. hot_bsk aka BeaStKid Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 20, 2007 Author Share Posted June 20, 2007 I have the edited chapters up on the E-Fiction....Took a hell of a lot of time...frustrated like hell.... had to delete the story all-together and had to re-post it!! Guys!! I lost my reviews in the process!! Will you be so kind as to post them again?? THANKS TO BONDWRITER FOR THE GREAT EDITING Link to comment
Ieshwar Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Hiya! I noticed that you made the previously two chapters into one. Not bad! I have read the second chapter and it's good. You're introducing the chracters for the moment, I believe and the end was really 'kewl'! Hmm, so they'll be room mates. intereting thing ahead. BTw, liked the 'cross between jock and nerd'. Never heard of it before. Keep it up. Ieshwar Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 21, 2007 Author Share Posted June 21, 2007 Hiya! I noticed that you made the previously two chapters into one. Not bad! I have read the second chapter and it's good. You're introducing the chracters for the moment, I believe and the end was really 'kewl'! Hmm, so they'll be room mates. intereting thing ahead. BTw, liked the 'cross between jock and nerd'. Never heard of it before. Keep it up. Ieshwar LOL... i've seen so many ppl who fit that description that i decided to have a character like that. Instead of blatantly saying a jock with brains(which are really few to find) i used a better adjective... glad you found it amusing...that was the aim... hot_bsk aka BeaStKid Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 21, 2007 Author Share Posted June 21, 2007 Chapter 3 of Alpha and Omega is up on the E-Fiction... Check it out... Link to comment
Conner Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 You built chapter 3 really well. The set-up for the cliffhanger ending was perfect. Serial authors are like serial killers. Same MO all the time, except authors kill us with cliffhangers. Not wanting to detract from the chapter finale, but the outcome looks pretty sure to me. We are talking about two gay dudes who dig each other, are we not?. First a liplock, followed by mutual tonsil tickling, heavy breathing, clutching and ass grabbing.....well, I'll leave the rest to you. Or, of course, you might do something else. That would be disappointing, though. This line needs a little work.... Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 22, 2007 Author Share Posted June 22, 2007 You built chapter 3 really well. The set-up for the cliffhanger ending was perfect. Serial authors are like serial killers. Same MO all the time, except authors kill us with cliffhangers. Not wanting to detract from the chapter finale, but the outcome looks pretty sure to me. We are talking about two gay dudes who dig each other, are we not?. First a liplock, followed by mutual tonsil tickling, heavy breathing, clutching and ass grabbing.....well, I'll leave the rest to you. Or, of course, you might do something else. That would be disappointing, though. This line needs a little work.... Grub, being slang for food, is treated as a collective noun (same as food). So, "catch some grub" works much better. Trust me on this one. Good stuff, young dude, keep those chapters coming! Conner Now now...hold your horses there....let's not jump to conclusions...as for cliffhangers...BondWriter made a similar comment about cliffhangers and this is what i had to tell him--- I don't know whats with me and cliffhangers----i love them! Hence, i decided to keep them in my story too... BTW, thanks for pointing out the typo and for the feedback...will keep it in mind the next time i use the same word... bsk Link to comment
Bondwriter Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 Yes, there is an evil cliff-hanger. Will Ryan tell Josh to buzz off? Will he turn into a werewolf because up above the two dudes from the beginning have chosen to curse him? Will the author find some yet more wicked twist in plot to get us panting and eager to know what's next? We'll have to wait for the next installment to find out. Thanks Conner for your zeta-reading, there must be some other things I didn't catch. Feel free to hunt, that's only for the good of mankind! Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 22, 2007 Author Share Posted June 22, 2007 Will Ryan tell Josh to buzz off? Will he turn into a werewolf because up above the two dudes from the beginning have chosen to curse him? Will the author find some yet more wicked twist in plot to get us panting and eager to know what's next? Hmmm...Interesting....guys, what do you think....what do my faithful readers want...a subtle hook-up or something juicy? why don't you al discuss the possibilities, huh??? It'll help me figure out what u guys want and will help turn the story in an interesting direction... BSK Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 22, 2007 Author Share Posted June 22, 2007 BondWriter started it off well...lets see some gr8 ideas come up! Link to comment
Bondwriter Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 Darn, another author who wants his readers to write his story for him. I was joking above, if it triggers ideas, then good, but I'd rather see you design your your own; you haven't been doing too bad so far. But yes, read Alpha & Omega and comment! Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 22, 2007 Author Share Posted June 22, 2007 Darn, another author who wants his readers to write his story for him. But yes, read Alpha & Omega and comment! Hey i never said that!!! I just wanted to know what the others would like to see!! Of course they won't dictate the terms of the story....as i already have the plot in mind!! I wouldn't have started the story if i hadn't...i would rather have posted something in the sneak peak or somewhere else if i hadn't thought about how the story would progress.... BSK Link to comment
Conner Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 Hmmm...Interesting....guys, what do you think....what do my faithful readers want...a subtle hook-up or something juicy? why don't you al discuss the possibilities, huh??? It'll help me figure out what u guys want and will help turn the story in an interesting direction... BSK Blatant self-promotion! I love it!! You are a tease! Conner P.S. uhmm...juicy works. Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 Just wanted to inform my humble readers that i've made my first blog entry!!! Here's the link--- BeaStKid's Blog BSK Link to comment
eliotmoore Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 As others have pointed out Chapter Three moves the story forward with a steady pace. Surface level stuff with the odd bit of back story. The relationship building does seem predictable yet as we all know we are in a flashback sequence initiated by the compelling (and still slightly cryptic) hook BeaStKid gave us at the beginning of the story. I love back story so if you are really soliciting advice keep up the small bits of information that help me build Ryan and Josh's character. What did Ryan unpack that day? Did anything spark Josh's curiousity or imagination? We don't need the whole inventory (boring!), but I am curious about why Ryan put a ------ on his shelf. I never went to a boarding school this big so I am curious about the feel of such a place from the students perspective. Sports is always big in schools, but bigger some place than others. The grounds and facilities you describe are Olympic in proportion... only one rambling Wisconson high school I attended even remotely came close to what you describe. My strongest impression of life there was being a very small fish in a huge mass of moving people. Your boys are quite relaxed in their school. I look forward to reading more. Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 As others have pointed out Chapter Three moves the story forward with a steady pace. Surface level stuff with the odd bit of back story. The relationship building does seem predictable yet as we all know we are in a flashback sequence initiated by the compelling (and still slightly cryptic) hook BeaStKid gave us at the beginning of the story. I love back story so if you are really soliciting advice keep up the small bits of information that help me build Ryan and Josh's character. What did Ryan unpack that day? Did anything spark Josh's curiousity or imagination? We don't need the whole inventory (boring!), but I am curious about why Ryan put a ------ on his shelf. I never went to a boarding school this big so I am curious about the feel of such a place from the students perspective. Sports is always big in schools, but bigger some place than others. The grounds and facilities you describe are Olympic in proportion... only one rambling Wisconson high school I attended even remotely came close to what you describe. My strongest impression of life there was being a very small fish in a huge mass of moving people. Your boys are quite relaxed in their school. I look forward to reading more. The boarding school i'm referring to in this story exists in reality and is indeed that big with all those facilities. I studied in that school for 5 years. Yes, you tend to be a small fish in a huge ocean, but only if you want it to be. I was never one of the small fish. As i stated in my blog, i was quite popular in the school due to my keen interest in extra curricular activities as well as sports. My extrovert nature and good rapport with the teachers also helped. Similarly Ryan being a new student joins 4 teams---a great recipe for popularity... There was this guy in our school who joined in 9th grade in my batch who became popular instantly, Why??--- Because he beat the best basketball player in our school...you remain a small fish only if you want it to be that way....My best friend (whom i had a crush on) was a nobody in the school. Your curiosity about Ryan's ---- was not clear to me....care to elaborate? BSK Link to comment
eliotmoore Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Your curiosity about Ryan's ---- was not clear to me....care to elaborate? BSK Oh I am curious about the lives of all your characters... like who got mauled by a tiger when they were ten or something. I was just suggesting that it was the little things a person surrounds themselves with that help to establish their character to the reader. So if Ryan put a fuzzy pink teddy bear on his shelf (I imagine he never would) I would learn something about him. If he put a picture of himself and three friends mugging for the camera with the mountains of kashmir in the background I would understand something totally different. Ryan does not seem like the kind of character who would line his shelf with old trophies... perhaps he is. I did not have any specific interest in Ryan though. Link to comment
BeaStKid Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 Oh I am curious about the lives of all your characters... like who got mauled by a tiger when they were ten or something. I was just suggesting that it was the little things a person surrounds themselves with that help to establish their character to the reader. So if Ryan put a fuzzy pink teddy bear on his shelf (I imagine he never would) I would learn something about him. If he put a picture of himself and three friends mugging for the camera with the mountains of kashmir in the background I would understand something totally different. Ryan does not seem like the kind of character who would line his shelf with old trophies... perhaps he is. I did not have any specific interest in Ryan though. I can assure you Ryan is not...lol...hmmm...i'll see what i can do...thanks for the advice.. BSK Link to comment
Conner Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 Excellent chapter, young dude! The whole God scene was hilarious (well, not the part about Ryan's premature retirement). The other stuff. When I worked for the Canadian government, I had 2 baskets on my desk for files. One was labelled "In" and the other "Further In". Are there any government employees in heaven? Link to comment
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