Not This Time By L0st Cause

[C James]

Not This Time By L0st Cause

A firefighter's job is stressful, but it becomes much more dangerous when loved ones are involved.

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[Graeme]

The alternating first and third person narratives was very effective. It's a technique that should be used with caution, but it worked very well here.

 

When I first started reading it, I thought that Logan and Jonah were still a couple. Then I thought that they had only recently broken up. It was only later that I learnt how long they had been apart... ten long years. The fact that Tom instantly recognised the name shows how much Jonah meant to Logan.

 

There were other signs, too. Logan knew the address and recognised the vehicle that was parked there. Had he been stalking Jonah over all those years? Exactly how badly was he affected by their breakup?

 

The really painful part was how utterly stupid their breakup was. It was over Logan sacrificing his future for Jonah, and because Jonah questioned that sacrifice, Logan attacked. Jonah retaliated... and realised he'd gone too far. I found it interesting that it was Jonah that ended things -- was it guilt for hitting Logan, guilt for holding Logan from his dream, a combination of both, or maybe something else? Was Jonah sacrificing their love so Logan could have his dream? And if so, was that too high a price to pay?

 

One thing had me intrigued, because the story didn't appear to resolve it:

 

The car was empty except for a few bags and the car seat. I turned back around and stopped. Slowly I looked back into the car and at the backseat. He only kept that car seat there when...

 

Unless I'm mistaken, a car seat is used for toddlers and young children. But that was the only mention of the possibility that there may be another person in the fire. It also implies that Jonah's a father, and Logan knew it. A lot had happened in that ten year gap....

[Tiger]

I agree whole-heartedly with Graeme about the mix of 1st and 3rd. This is a most unusual approach and is often not used very well, but you, Mike, are a genius of an author! I was on the edge of my seat. I was hooked from the beginning to the end. This was such an amazing rollercoaster ride. I was really wanting to know what was going to happen next. There was so much action. The whole relationship struggle was exquisite. If this story is any indication of how wonderful this anthology is, I am definitely going to enjoy them all. I will even go as far as to say that this one was even better than your first one, and it was excellent. Great job, Mike!

[C James]

I loved this story.

 

I agree with Graeme and Tiger; alternating first and third person is problematic if not done very well, but this was done very well.

 

One of the things i liked the best was figuring out the backstory as I read; the presentation was well done.

 

The confusion upon reach9ing the landing was quite believable; it's so easy to get disoriented in a fire. However, I soon realized that he had another reason; he'd never been there before.

 

Well done!

CJ

[Drewbie]

Never read any of your stories mike, but it will be on my list

 

I was on my seat as well, as to what will happen next. I think they are going to make it work or try to be friends though. Think you are correct about fires cj, esp since you cannot exactly see anything but the flames.

 

Great job Mike.

Edited June 13, 2008 by Drewbie

[steph]

I was almost sure at the end that Jonah was going to say "not this time" to leaving Logan trapped in the fire. thank goodness you went for the happy ending!

[AFriendlyFace]

Awesome job, Mike!!

 

What can I say that I haven't already said to you about the story?

 

It was definitely extremely compelling, evocative, and powerful! I love the way you present Logan and Jonah's relationship and break up and I think you also did an amazing job characterizing Tom without spending too much time diverting the focus from Logan and Jonah!

 

It's a wonderful story and very well done!

 

Amazing job

 

 

-Kevin