I just realized that I've been posting only my serious poetry. So I thought I'd give you some of my lighter fare. This was written so many years ago, I've forgotten when. Enjoy
That Smokey Bar
By: Jason R.
Standing all alone in that smokey bar
The way you're drinking you shouldn't drive a car
I asked where you lived and you said it wasn't far
So we left that smokey bar
You and I in my car
To your place that wasn't far
We got to your door
You fell on the floor
You asked for a drink and I asked, "More?"
So I shut the door
Picked you up off the floor
And I tried to stop you from drinking more
You walked upstairs with sex on your mind
I didn't really want you and I to grind
You smile and said I was in a bind
So I went with your mind
Decided to do the grind
And i awoke in a bind
You didn't remember that smokey bar
You wondered where you left your car
I assured you it wasn't far
So we went back to that bar
You and I in my car
And I was lucky it wasn't far
By the way, I just posted my first short story in the Efiction section. It's called A Moment of Clarity, if you're interested in my writings.
Later on
Jason R.
Full Version: That Smokey Bar
QUOTE (Jason @ June 5 2007, 10:34 AM) 
I just realized that I've been posting only my serious poetry. So I thought I'd give you some of my lighter fare. This was written so many years ago, I've forgotten when. Enjoy
This would make for a great song. I must say it's easier to comment this rather than your other very heavy, personal stuff. You've got a great sense of rhythm with words, which showed in your other poems. Actually it's semi-serious too, though it depicts a short event that's not overly dramatic. I'll keep on reading even when I don't comment because I am at a loss for words.
Bondwriter,
Someone else around here has said the same thing, how easy it could be a song. Though it could only be a country song.
*thinks about it*
A gay themed country song. That wouuld be brilliant.
Jason R.
Someone else around here has said the same thing, how easy it could be a song. Though it could only be a country song.
*thinks about it*
A gay themed country song. That wouuld be brilliant.
Jason R.
QUOTE (Jason R @ June 5 2007, 04:41 PM)
Bondwriter,
Someone else around here has said the same thing, how easy it could be a song. Though it could only be a country song.
*thinks about it*
A gay themed country song. That wouuld be brilliant.
Jason R.
Someone else around here has said the same thing, how easy it could be a song. Though it could only be a country song.
*thinks about it*
A gay themed country song. That wouuld be brilliant.
Jason R.
I definitely think it could be a song too!
I dunno, I don't think it would have to be a country song. I think it could work folky/indie piece.
Anyway, it was just so much fun to read! I agree with Francois, it's got a great rhythm and flow! It almost sounds like something Dr. Seus would have written (you know to be read 20 years after one reads "The Cat in the Hat"
)So yeah, I really liked it
-Kevin
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