Hey guys, i've written my very first story!! Thanks to GA and Nifty, for they are the ones who inspired me to write.

My story, Alpha and Omega is up on e-fiction. Please check it out and tell me how you found it.

For now, only the first two chapters are there. I'm working on the next one, but it won't be up until i get an editor. LOL. I'm in the process of getting one, so it won't be that long (hopefully).

Comments, suggestions, feedback; anything you want to tell me about it, can be sent at bsk_stories@yahoo.com.

BeaStKid
(Earlier going by the alias hot_bsk)

Hello,

Glad that you decided to post it here too. It's easier for us to post comments. I did read it and it's good! It certainly has lots of potential and I'm waiting for more to develop!

Ieshwar

well...i'm still a newbie...some1 suggested i post this here too..so..any ways thanks for the comments...they're a writer's lifeline...as you know..lol...i'm working on the third chapter...it'll be out in a few days.

hot_bsk

It was the title that caught my attention. The first and last letters of the Greek alphabet. It hints at a possible dominate/submissive relationship. I'm just guessing, though. Few authors have explored that theme here. It could mean other things as well.

So, you opened the story with a short discussion between God and St. Peter. I liked it. Nice cast so far.

The story line is good. Looking forward to chapter 3.

One suggestion is to get yourself an editor. PM TalonRider or post a request in the editor's corner thread on the main forum page. Welcome to GA!

Conner

Awesome story so far hot_bsk =] I liked how you started off the story right away, and your effective foreshadowing.

thanks for the comments Connor, FishWings and thanks for the welcome, Conner.

Conner, i'm sorry to inform you that your guess is incorrect. I'm not telling you more as it would not be fair to my story(you'd have to read it) but try thinking on the lines of where else are the words Alpha and Omega used together??? if you guys need a hint....try Bruce Almighty...or try reading the summary of the story.

As for the editor thing...i had contacted Jan (TalonRider) even before posting this story. In fact he was the first one to read Chapter 1. He has contacted one editor for me and i've yet to hear from him. I was thinking of posting the next chapter only after the editing, but now i'll post it on the e-fics and then have it edited later. Chapters on Nifty would be on hold till the editor problem is sorted out as Nifty doesn't give the option of editing later...lol

Here's a little inside info on the story...it is in a flashback right now...this will continue till chapter 4 and the link between the heavenly conversation and the story should be clear by chapter 5. Thats what i've planned, at least. It may change.

If you think that the foreshadowing is good so far, FishWings, then you'll like the ones yet to come...

so stay tuned...the next chapter should be out in a few days.

Thanks again for the feedback....its an author's life-line.

hot_bsk aka BeaStKid

I have the edited chapters up on the E-Fiction....Took a hell of a lot of time...frustrated like hell.... had to delete the story all-together and had to re-post it!!

Guys!! I lost my reviews in the process!! Will you be so kind as to post them again??

THANKS TO BONDWRITER FOR THE GREAT EDITING

Hiya!

I noticed that you made the previously two chapters into one. Not bad! I have read the second chapter and it's good. You're introducing the chracters for the moment, I believe and the end was really 'kewl'! Hmm, so they'll be room mates. intereting thing ahead. BTw, liked the 'cross between jock and nerd'. Never heard of it before.

Keep it up.

Ieshwar

LOL... i've seen so many ppl who fit that description that i decided to have a character like that. Instead of blatantly saying a jock with brains(which are really few to find) i used a better adjective... glad you found it amusing...that was the aim...


hot_bsk aka BeaStKid

Chapter 3 of Alpha and Omega is up on the E-Fiction... Check it out...

You built chapter 3 really well. The set-up for the cliffhanger ending was perfect.

Serial authors are like serial killers. Same MO all the time, except authors kill us with cliffhangers.

Not wanting to detract from the chapter finale, but the outcome looks pretty sure to me. We are talking about two gay dudes who dig each other, are we not?. First a liplock, followed by mutual tonsil tickling, heavy breathing, clutching and ass grabbing.....well, I'll leave the rest to you. Or, of course, you might do something else. That would be disappointing, though.

This line needs a little work....




Grub, being slang for food, is treated as a collective noun (same as food). So, "catch some grub" works much better. Trust me on this one.

Good stuff, young dude, keep those chapters coming!

Conner

Now now...hold your horses there....let's not jump to conclusions...as for cliffhangers...BondWriter made a similar comment about cliffhangers and this is what i had to tell him---



Hence, i decided to keep them in my story too...

BTW, thanks for pointing out the typo and for the feedback...will keep it in mind the next time i use the same word...


bsk

Yes, there is an evil cliff-hanger. Will Ryan tell Josh to buzz off? Will he turn into a werewolf because up above the two dudes from the beginning have chosen to curse him? Will the author find some yet more wicked twist in plot to get us panting and eager to know what's next? We'll have to wait for the next installment to find out.

Thanks Conner for your zeta-reading, there must be some other things I didn't catch. Feel free to hunt, that's only for the good of mankind!

Hmmm...Interesting....guys, what do you think....what do my faithful readers want...a subtle hook-up or something juicy?

why don't you al discuss the possibilities, huh??? It'll help me figure out what u guys want and will help turn the story in an interesting direction...


BSK

BondWriter started it off well...lets see some gr8 ideas come up!

Darn, another author who wants his readers to write his story for him. I was joking above, if it triggers ideas, then good, but I'd rather see you design your your own; you haven't been doing too bad so far.

But yes, read Alpha & Omega and comment!

Hey i never said that!!! I just wanted to know what the others would like to see!! Of course they won't dictate the terms of the story....as i already have the plot in mind!! I wouldn't have started the story if i hadn't...i would rather have posted something in the sneak peak or somewhere else if i hadn't thought about how the story would progress....

BSK

Blatant self-promotion!

I love it!!

You are a tease!

Conner

P.S. uhmm...juicy works.

Just wanted to inform my humble readers that i've made my first blog entry!!! Here's the link---

BeaStKid's Blog

BSK

As others have pointed out Chapter Three moves the story forward with a steady pace. Surface level stuff with the odd bit of back story. The relationship building does seem predictable yet as we all know we are in a flashback sequence initiated by the compelling (and still slightly cryptic) hook BeaStKid gave us at the beginning of the story.

I love back story so if you are really soliciting advice keep up the small bits of information that help me build Ryan and Josh's character. What did Ryan unpack that day? Did anything spark Josh's curiousity or imagination? We don't need the whole inventory (boring!), but I am curious about why Ryan put a ------ on his shelf.

I never went to a boarding school this big so I am curious about the feel of such a place from the students perspective. Sports is always big in schools, but bigger some place than others. The grounds and facilities you describe are Olympic in proportion... only one rambling Wisconson high school I attended even remotely came close to what you describe. My strongest impression of life there was being a very small fish in a huge mass of moving people. Your boys are quite relaxed in their school.

I look forward to reading more.

The boarding school i'm referring to in this story exists in reality and is indeed that big with all those facilities. I studied in that school for 5 years. Yes, you tend to be a small fish in a huge ocean, but only if you want it to be. I was never one of the small fish. As i stated in my blog, i was quite popular in the school due to my keen interest in extra curricular activities as well as sports. My extrovert nature and good rapport with the teachers also helped. Similarly Ryan being a new student joins 4 teams---a great recipe for popularity...

There was this guy in our school who joined in 9th grade in my batch who became popular instantly, Why??--- Because he beat the best basketball player in our school...you remain a small fish only if you want it to be that way....My best friend (whom i had a crush on) was a nobody in the school.

Your curiosity about Ryan's ---- was not clear to me....care to elaborate?

BSK

Oh I am curious about the lives of all your characters... like who got mauled by a tiger when they were ten or something. I was just suggesting that it was the little things a person surrounds themselves with that help to establish their character to the reader. So if Ryan put a fuzzy pink teddy bear on his shelf (I imagine he never would) I would learn something about him. If he put a picture of himself and three friends mugging for the camera with the mountains of kashmir in the background I would understand something totally different. Ryan does not seem like the kind of character who would line his shelf with old trophies... perhaps he is. I did not have any specific interest in Ryan though.

I can assure you Ryan is not...lol...hmmm...i'll see what i can do...thanks for the advice..


BSK

Chapter 4 is up...

Excellent chapter, young dude!

The whole God scene was hilarious (well, not the part about Ryan's premature retirement). The other stuff.

When I worked for the Canadian government, I had 2 baskets on my desk for files. One was labelled "In" and the other "Further In". Are there any government employees in heaven?

Furthermore...



So, you're saying St. Peter out ranks an Archangel?????

Oh my, that was juicy! I speak, of course, of the shower scene. Very well written!



When you drop a bomb, you don't fool around! So all I have to hold on to here is that Ryan is favoured by God and will somehow intervene and fix Josh?

Anyone takinf bets on how this one turns out?

Conner

Thanks for the comments, Conner. It took a helluva time and energy to write this chapter and i'm glad that you liked it.

As for your doubt about the ranking of St. Peter...
As far as my storyline is considered, God is like the Supreme Commander and St. Peter is the Prime Minister. Archangels are God's messenger. Archangel Gabriel, as written in Wiki, was God's right hand and messenger. Hence, he carried St. Peter's message to Jess (btw it wasn't St. Peter's message as St. Peter was also a mere messenger of God in this context).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archangel_Gabriel

As far as Gabriel reporting the events to St. Peter is concerned, I'd request you to look into chapter 1 (the first dialogue b/w God and St. Peter). You'll notice the tone of secrecy depicted in it.



I'm glad that you liked the shower scene. I don't consider sex scenes to be my strong point and i'm happy to receive the positive feedback.

Thanks again

BSK

I'm hooked! I'm still wiping tears off of my face though. The whole God and St. Peter interaction is very intrigueing and I can't wait to see where it leads.

Thanks for sharing your story!

----------
WesleyC
Dealing with Life

BSK

P.S.
Chapter 4 is also up on Nifty at Alpha and Omega

Chapter 5 is up and can be viewed at Alpha and Omega Ch. 5

The BeaStKid

No wonder earth is in such a mess, God's always doing paperwork!

St. Peter's getting annoying.

I am pleased that God is now off his holy butt and doing something. I've always thought that God should be more hands-on.

I am confused as to how Ryan got from the hospital to his high school chemistry lab. Copper Sulfate is not a great way to go...extremely painful.

Keep those chapters coming, dude!

Conner

I understood at last that the God/ Saint Peter couple isn't the main couple of the story, since in the little box at the beginning, it says Teens. "Oh, my Me!" This cracked me up. Basic, but effective.
Aren't you mistaking Ryan for Josh, Conner?
Now, the serious business is going to start, as God is visiting Ryan. My only criticism is that the chapters are a bit short. Or they should come in more often...

No. I don't think so. I know Josh is in a coma. In the second scene of that chapter, isn't Jessica visiting Ryan in his hospital room?

Like I said, I'm confused.

Conner

Jessica visited Ryan in his room...107/3...You are not allowed to lock your hospital room and Ryan locked it in chapter 4. I guess he forgot to lock it while he went to sleep thinking after Jess left...

My reply to that would be that Ryan has become numb with all the developments these past six months and is hell-bent (no pun intended) on doing himself away...

The BeaStKid

P.S
thanks for the comments, Conner and Bondwriter

And 107/3 is in the school, not in the hospital, am I right?

Dorm 107...room number 3...Yep it's in the school's campus inside the hostel

Ok, already!

I get it, now!

I did say I was confused, didn't I?

glad to clear that up for you...

Hi BeaStKid:

I'm going to jump in here and comment, having read all five chapters of Alpha and Omega this morning.

Great job! I really like the story! I think Ryan and Josh are great characters, and you've done a nice job weaving the story together. I agree with others - the God/St. Peter interactions are fun. And yes - to answer the question above - St. Peter DEFINITELY outranks Archangels. He holds the Keys to Heaven, and was the rock upon which Jesus built his church. That gives him the corner office on the top floor guys.

I'm worried though. Chapter 5 had a "The End?" at the bottom. PLEASE don't tell me you're stopping there! There is TOO much unknown dude! What happens to Josh? Does he just shrivel away and die? And who is appearing to Ryan in the park? Gabriel? And how do the flashbacks come in?

Inquiring minds want to know! I'm hooked now dammit! LOL - I would like MORE MORE MORE!

Thanks for a great story BeaStKid. Please keep it going.

Centaur

P.S. And yes - nice job on the sex scene in the shower. It wasn't overdone - simple, but yet appropriate.

Thanks for your wonderful comments, Centaur. I really appreciate it, being a novice in writing. It really boosts your morale to hear such comments.

As for your concerns about the story continuing? I checked with some of the other stories I'm following on E-Fic (incomplete ones) and it seems that the comment The End, Maybe is automatically generated for the last chapter.

And, no. I will surely be continuing the story. As a reader I hate it when authors abandon their stories for whatever reasons. I try and write my stories with a reader's heart, 'cause that's what I am! A reader first, then an author. So, I'm not going to abandon my readers..

Thanks once again

The BeaStKid

Chapter 6 is up fellas....

Thanks to my editors TalonRider and BondWriter for making it possible and comprehensible.

The BeaStKid

Great chapter!

I think everyone is going to enjoy the conversation between God and Ryan. It was funny in a way. And also serious in another. Imagine the balance of the world depending on your sanity. LOL. Tough job for Ryan there.

Keep going, my friend!

I was glad to see that Ryan didn't heal Josh completely. That tends to make it more believable that way. And the conversation with God is good. Serious when it needed to be, with humor thrown in.

Jan

The story stepped into fantasy this chapter. It only hinted at divine intervention up to now. It's here in loving colour. Ryan is a deity. Essentially, he's the second coming. That's how I see it. He's here to resolve the chaos in the world. Or am I reading a different story? I wonder if JC is going to be pissed?

I'm not clear on exactly what health issues Josh still has. Had I been Ryan, I would have cured Josh completely. People would just think it a miracle. Except for the Catholic church, that is. They don't acknowledge miracles they can't take the credit for.

The ending of that chapter implied troubled times for Ryan. We'll see.

Conner

I think the story is really kicking into a higher gear, with Ryan now belonging to a pantheon. The mix of humor and philosophical matters, and still this feel good episode with the homecoming party are what makes this story highly intelligent and entertaining. I'm looking forward to finding out what's next.

(I hope the sandman is indeed benevolent, since falling into his clutches at the very end of the story looks like some evil cliff-hanger! )

Yeah, responsibilities such as these can be overbearing. You can make or break the world with just a a thought....lol...Thanks for the comments.


Precisely for that reason Ryan didn't heal Josh completely. You have to bear in mind---He is the sanest of them all!!! and announcing to the world what he truly is, is not a very sensible thing to do...lol...The conversation with God was what took me the longest to write....Very difficult indeed...How do you tell a person that you are a God??? lol....

Thanks for the comments, Jan...

Yup...we all have to wait and see...lol..

Josh is still a bit weak, physically, and although his brain and spine has been healed, the spine is still not strong enough to take the responsibilities of a normal life.

Thanks for the comments.


WOW!! Thanks a ton Francois. I'm flattered and honoured by your comments.

Thanks a ton to you all for sticking with Josh and Ryan...Ther is more to come...stay tuned...


The BeaStKid

Hi BeaStKid,

I have just read the story and it’s great. I appreciated the way you portrayed the God and their roles. It was funny, seeing them doing such work. And that all Gods are one! And the little chat between God and Ryna was cool!

I’m glad that the story has taken this angle. The previous chapters were quite sad. Now time for fantasy...

So what will happen to Ryan now that he’s aware of his powers? Hmm…

Ieshwar

Well..it is my belief that God id indeed a single entity performing different roles and for each role He takes a different form. Hence, practically all Gods are one.

Thanks for the comments...Stay tuned for more and you'll find out what lies in store...lol

The BeaStKid

Great Story!