I'm probably in the wrong forum, but here goes.

I added my story a few months back, but it was rubbish so I took it off and rewrote it.

Unfortunately, it's still equally (if not more) rubbish, but I was just wondering what you thought.

Plus, I was considering writing more for this story, or do you think I should just leave it where it is?

Love Like Lithium

It's certainly not rubbish. A little tidying up and it'd be a great story as it stands. It moves along quickly and brevity is its charm. Sometimes it's better to not fill in the cracks.

Carl

I agree. There are some things that can be improved, but all the basics are there. The story idea -- what I think is the most difficult part of the writing process -- is solid and strong. Don't give up

I agree with what was already said. It's a good short story, exploring a mental condition. Maybe a few "he" should be replaced with the actual first noun, since it doesn't seem to be the purpose to confuse the reader, but whether Laurie is real, a ghost or an "imaginary friend" is better left untold. Get an editor. It helps a lot to get rid of all these minor problems. Otherwise, well, just go for it and write!

........I thought it was a good short story, and I agree about getting an editor. I think you could keep on writing a few more chapters if you wanted, I would read it.

I meant "write other stories", but apparently you've got fans of L.L.L. (had you ever realized it was a three-letter acronym? )

Yeah, I have realised. It wasn't intentional, though.

And I'm torn between writing another part and not.
If I carried on, I have some ideas where it could go, but no strong ones. And I don't want to risk ruining it.

.......I don't know, why not give it a shot?

I supose I could write it, and if it sucked, I could always scrap it.
Thanks for your help. :]

Ok, I don't know much editing stuff and I liked what I read. It's a good story and I would like to read more of it!

Ieshwar

P.S- Isn't Laurie a girl's name?

For me, your story came across as more of a narrative poem than prose, in the sense that there are more images than content, flashes of reality mixed in with non-reality For example...this works well in a poetry format

Images of his sallow stalker flashed through his mind;
lying against the school's lab desks,
Laurie's kiss like chemicals.


Now I happen to love poetry. "sallow stalker" is really nice. You make excellent use of similie.....



Prose or poetry, I enjoyed it. I am uncertain as to whether you could write a full story this way. Then again, maybe you're another Homer in the making.

Conner

It's both.

From Behindthename.com:

LAURIE

Gender: Feminine & Masculine

Usage: English

Pronounced: LAWR-ee

Pet form of LAURA or LAURENCE.



I've never really though of it like that...it wasn't intentional. (alot of what I write seems to be unintentional, maybe I should stop planning and just type. :S)

Thanks for the feedback though. :]

Ever heard of Hugh Laurie? There's no indication that he's calling the "invisible man" by his first name... and even if he was...

Laurie could be a nickname for Lauren or Laurence (i.e. Robby for Robert)

Bob