The Finale
By: Jason R.
Written October 1st, 2007

Its five o’clock and I arrive home
This house is empty I feel so alone
I wonder if you’re working late
There’s a message saying you’ll be home by eight

I place my coat on the chair in the den
Go to the kitchen and get a bottle of Zin
The one you bought that time at the fair
The liquid tastes bitter without you there

By six o’clock the shadows fall
I stare at memories lining the walls
There was a time when the sun would set
You’d be right beside me and the day we’d forget

There’s something special about the dining room
We’d light candles and romance would bloom
We’d laugh and talk with nothing to say
Building up for the climax on the way

Holding hands start the passion there
At times we never made it up the stairs
Making love in the fading light
Inside of you my life felt right

But something happened along the way
Divided by things we forgot how to say
It’s bittersweet as I drink my wine
Realizing that your life’s no longer mine

But we still live in my fantasy
In my dreams it’s still you and me
Can we get back to how it used to be
Here in my memory

Seven o’clock and I’ve got a plan
Tonight’s the night I make my last stand
Maybe there in that dining room
We can cut through the silence and the gloom

I made a fish the kind you like
A bucket and ice chilling the white
The tables set and I wait for you
I’m a bit nervous but play it cool

At eight o’clock you walk through the door
I’m standing there with a glass and I pour
Hoping to see some encouraging sign
I walk into the kitchen as you drink your wine

You sit down and the dinner begins
The talk is small like estranged friends
I can’t believe the silence is there
Where once our lives always shared

At nine o’clock your cell phone rings
And to your face a smile it brings
You walk out and I wonder why
I guess it’s easier than telling a lie

You hang up and head off to bed
I stay back realizing love is dead
In my head I know I can’t fight anymore
You’re just as gone as if you left out the door

So here I am finally facing reality
There’s nothing left of you and me
We’re just another used to be
Existing only in my memory

Wow...of all your poetry that I've read, that is probably my favorite. Commenting on something like this is difficult, and all I can say is that you did an absolutely fantastic job of communicating your/the protagonist's feelings to the reader.



Those are my two favorite lines. The small things that people share the in the beginning of relationships that don't get said as time progresses can really damage a relationship.

Anyway, great job as usual,

Menzo

That was great, Jason! I really enjoyed reading that. It was very sad and evocative. My two favourite lines were definitely:

AWESOME!

Great job!

I look forward to checking out your other work!

-Kevin

That was really sad and great. Nice poem. My fav lines are same as that of Kev.

The 'bittersweet' makes allusion to both wine and reality. It's awesome (as Kev already said. )

Take care,
Ieshwar

This my not be my favorite poem I've written, I hate the title and more than a few stanzas, but I am proud of this piece. Mainly because I normally write pieces that are very personal and deal directly with my life. But The Finale is my first try at conceiving an idea outside myself and inventing the circumstances to portray characters drifting apart slowly over time. It was a struggle, and it took me over six months to bring the piece this far along.

Even as of this morning, I've changed it, took out two stanza's and completely re-wrote the ending. I've flirted with about two dozen titles but I can't find one that I really like. Oh well.

To Menzo, Ieshwar, and Kevin, thanks for the kind words. And I just realized, Menzo liked the first two lines and Ieshwar and Kevin liked the last two lines of the same stanza. This is my favorite as well, it's the turning point of the whole piece. The protagonist realizes at that moment that his life is falling apart. I don't even think he truly loves his partner anymore, but the fear of being alone prompts him to try one last time. And in my head, it was too little, too late. Luckily, this was not one of the stanza's I changed.

And by the way, if anyone can think of a better title, I'm all out of ideas. The help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

Jason R.

I think your title is fine, however I do clearly remember thinking "Oh, I'm surprised ___ isn't the title" when I first read the poem. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember exactly what it was that had passed through my mind. The only suggestion I can come up with now would be:

"In my memory"

It seems to sort of fit and the line appears twice in the poem:



Just a random suggestion though, as I said I like your title anyway

-Kevin

Hmm, I would have gone with "Bittersweet memories." But then, I'm not the person who comes out with the best titles!

Wow! great piece of poetry , I like the time progression that brings the story into the night when the remaining light is a fragile candlelight and memories , I like the romantisme which works so well with the sharp intrusion of modern technology , betrayal by candlelight .
Darn! now i'll have to read all your stuff