It isn't often that someone writes a story in second person, but this story fitted it perfectly. It wouldn't have had the same impact if it had been written in either first or third person.

That unusual perspective, coupled with a largely present tense narration, give an unworldly feel to the story -- a feel which is oddly appropriate, considering the ending. By using the second person "you", it feels like the story is telling us what we're to do -- which is how the senator in the story felt. He had been told all his life what to do, by the god of political expediency, and in the end he was still being told what to do, though it was his long forgotten conscience that had the final say.

It is easy to focus on one part of a person's life and make a judgement. The senator appears to have voted against gay rights in the past, and some people would condemn him for that. However, I noticed the price he paid for his life in the closet -- three failed marriages, and alienated children. As a gay father, I can't understand or appreciate what it could be like to have children who are distant from you, and I pray that I never find out. That, even more than his last impassioned speech, led me to feel sympathy for the unnamed senator. His life wasn't perfect, but whose life is? He had done some things that he regretted, but who hasn't? Being in a position of power, his mistakes are magnified, but his main sin has been just going with the status-quo. He wasn't a leader -- just someone who stayed around.

Did his final act redeem him? That's a personal judgement and one that I don't feel I should comment on. Others may, but to me I just feel sorry for a life that wasn't what it could have been, a life bent out of true. The total sum of good and bad isn't mine to make.

Thanks, C James, for another fantastic and powerful tale.

A serious and more retrospective CJ. I must admit I didn't pick up on the Senator being in the closet until I read Graeme's comments. I originally thought it was more a case of the Senator being a hyper-workaholic - toiling for the right wing - who grossly negected his family(ies).

The man made peace with himself in the end.

Good job, CJ!

P.S. I learned a new word: legerdemain.

But...but..no surf?...no unshirted guys?

Wow, that was really well-written. With great details and descriptions. The story was ver succint too. I grasped the fact that he was in closet too.

Was he really that scared(?) that he died when he said that speech?

Ieshwar

Thanks Graeme! I originally tried the first few paragraphs in first, then in third, before picking second for the reasons you say.

I would like to add (as the disclaimer below the story says) that the senator is fictional; I was careful to make sure his electoral record didn't match any past or present Senators. He could be of any political party; both sides do have their closeted.



Thanks Jack!
This was very much a new ground for me, in a lot of ways. I wanted to do something different. He could have been from either party, I was careful to leave that part vague, but his sexuality was only alluded to;



Those two quotes weall all I used; "Dark and dusty cloakroom" was meant to indicate a closet. "Furtive liasons, shame and fear" was meant to allude to gay sexual encounters of a deeply closeted man.

I wasn't as clear as I could have been.



Hi Ieshwar!
Thanks!
It wasn't fear that killed him, not quite. He was very old, and his doctors had told him he was dying (the bit about the doctor's warning, his final campaign done and over, etc) He felt the pains in his chest, he knew towards the end that he was done. It could well be that he guesed he wouldn't leave the chapter alive and that's what changed his mind, but I left that part up to the reader.

This is as you say very much a departure for me. Not my usual style. A year ago I wrote "the Muse", in last fall's anthology, which was also very different from my usual. It's fun to break the mold every once in a while.

All the more powerful for how much it packs into such a small tale.


I had to look it up HERE

Thanks Emoe!!!

I would like to ask how the second-person voice worked (or didn't) for those who read it?
Please feel free to criticize...

I liked it.

I can't ever remember reading something in the second person. I found it extremely effective. Good one, CJ!

CJ

At the outset, I had a feeling the teller of this tail was that inner voice we all have that is ever the critic and gives us support when no one else will.

The senator is at the end of his life and this voice lays his legacy bare. He has a choice; go out like a lamb or a lion. It's good the he finally paid attention.

Thanks for the great story.

Carl

Wow
When I re-read your first short story (Summer 06 anthology)and compare with this one, what a progress !
The way you express the feelings of your hero, your style, the choice of the words, the intensity of the awakening of his conscience.
You are a born writer and I'm still astonished that you didn't know it when you began writing. It was a long way and I'm sure you are still at the beginning of this road.
Good work done JC, I'm allready happy to read your future stories .
Take care, be happy and a good travel to Europe
Old bob

....I liked the way this story was written in 2nd-person, it worked very well, it was interesting the way his conscience revolted from all he had stood for in his life. How knowing he was at deaths door he chose to ignore his legacy.

Sorry CJ, but this did nothing for me.

I hate 2nd person, and find it very hard to read. It always seems stilted, archaic, and reminds me of school ....

Camy.

Thanks Conner!



Thanks Carl!
Yep, he finally paid attention; his conscience was finally given voice.



Thanks Bob!!
I keep trying to improve, and I know I've got quite a ways to go, but I'm very happy to see progress.



Or he chase a different Legacy to the one he'd intended. I left a lot of it open to interpretation.
Thanks Benji!!


Thanks Camy!
2nd is very subjective; some people just hate it and thats totally understandable. Its like me and poetry; I just don't like poetry.

The wording was often archaic, but that is often how senators speak when they're on the floor, especially old ones. (in other words, windbags. )

CJ,

I really liked the story. As far as being in second person, I found myself reading every word more closely than maybe in first or third person. Being an important message, I did not see any of the words wasted on being "filler".

As far as knowing that the senator was closeted or not, I did get the correct feeling from the two lines quoted.

As I usually do, I began to wonder what the topic of the vote was for. When I was about half way through, I thought eureka, it is about the internal debate of one person to decide to vote his conscious on the Matthew Sheppard Bill. Even though this was not the issue, I can well imagine that it was pretty accurate of some of the feelings of the Senators that did vote in favour of that bill.

But like you said, it could have been anyone in any party. So the location also seems to not really matter as well. It was a very well written story, with a clear message that I sure wish more politicians would do. Vote with their conscious, rather than their fears. Luckily more and more politicians are beginning to look at marriage for all, this way. Hopefully the US doesn't lag behind too long.

One particular line stood out amongst the others:



Very, very powerful words. And for that I must applaud you

Definitely this senator found something in the end worth fighting for.

Steve

That quote is soooo good, that I'm taking out my Star Wars quotes and putting Cj's words into my email signature instead...



Replaced:

I've used some words from the song 'Me and Bobby MaGee' in the past.



Jan

I read this something like a month ago and liked it. I don't know why I didn't say anything until now (when the author is out of town). Better late than never I guess...Anyway, I realy liked it. It was unique and I could clearly imagine the scene.

That was a good story. I never actually thought 2nd person could actually work in a story, but it reminded me that if I had taken a different path in life, it could have been me. I think that's the power of second person. Great job, CJ!

Thanks Tim!!!

I originally tried the opening parts in 1st, then 3rd, but then 2nd just seemed like a better fit. It was a tricky one to write; I was trying for a sort of formal style, and some eloquence, and I'm not skilled at either. It was fun to try it though.

I've now written in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. I've yet to try 4th.

Hey C!

I utterly loved this story. I had read some stories in second person before and yours really takes advantage of it.

The fact that EVERYTHING changes with the simple word "we" is an excellent touch.

Well done!

Cheers,
G