Spoilers Below!!! Full Version: The Bridge over Acheron by JFalcon
A chance encounter has Jay meeting David. After leaving his phone behind, Jay has the excuse to contact David again. The relationship that develops from there is one that's uneasy.
Jay has his own problems, stemming from a childhood where he stood up for himself, but was forced to back down and be quiet by his parents and teachers. He developed a habit of fading into the background, and lost the spirit he once possessed.
Despite his issues, Jay finds David intriguing: a mysterious man who seems to have changed cities on a whim. His possessions appear to be minimal. He arrived with no job and no place to live.
Then things start to go dark. Jay finds out that his neighbours, the ones that always fought, were dead in an apparent murder suicide. Jay became depressed, wondering if there was something he could have done to prevent the tragedy. David was the only bright light on that dreadful weekend.
There were hints of what was to come, but Jay didn't pick them up. David mentioned that life's short, and that that's not always a bad thing. The next weekend, David gets drunk and pleads for Jay to stay with him, that he doesn't want to be left alone. It was only when Jay thought that the scars on David's arms and wrist could have been made by cutting did he realised what may be happening.
I loved the scene with Jay searching for the missing David, finding him and dragging him away. It was short, but the tension was high. I especially loved the way it wasn't a happy-ever-after ending. Jay realised that David was still suicidal, but broke his own conditioning to reach out to David, and to promise himself that he would help David through his struggles. It would take time, but Jay was willing to do it. He had found something and didn't want to let it go.
Jay has his own problems, stemming from a childhood where he stood up for himself, but was forced to back down and be quiet by his parents and teachers. He developed a habit of fading into the background, and lost the spirit he once possessed.
Despite his issues, Jay finds David intriguing: a mysterious man who seems to have changed cities on a whim. His possessions appear to be minimal. He arrived with no job and no place to live.
Then things start to go dark. Jay finds out that his neighbours, the ones that always fought, were dead in an apparent murder suicide. Jay became depressed, wondering if there was something he could have done to prevent the tragedy. David was the only bright light on that dreadful weekend.
There were hints of what was to come, but Jay didn't pick them up. David mentioned that life's short, and that that's not always a bad thing. The next weekend, David gets drunk and pleads for Jay to stay with him, that he doesn't want to be left alone. It was only when Jay thought that the scars on David's arms and wrist could have been made by cutting did he realised what may be happening.
I loved the scene with Jay searching for the missing David, finding him and dragging him away. It was short, but the tension was high. I especially loved the way it wasn't a happy-ever-after ending. Jay realised that David was still suicidal, but broke his own conditioning to reach out to David, and to promise himself that he would help David through his struggles. It would take time, but Jay was willing to do it. He had found something and didn't want to let it go.
QUOTE (Graeme @ October 13 2007, 03:35 PM) 
A chance encounter has Jay meeting David. After leaving his phone behind, Jay has the excuse to contact David again. The relationship that develops from there is one that's uneasy.
Jay has his own problems, stemming from a childhood where he stood up for himself, but was forced to back down and be quiet by his parents and teachers. He developed a habit of fading into the background, and lost the spirit he once possessed.
Despite his issues, Jay finds David intriguing: a mysterious man who seems to have changed cities on a whim. His possessions appear to be minimal. He arrived with no job and no place to live.
Then things start to go dark. Jay finds out that his neighbours, the ones that always fought, were dead in an apparent murder suicide. Jay became depressed, wondering if there was something he could have done to prevent the tragedy. David was the only bright light on that dreadful weekend.
There were hints of what was to come, but Jay didn't pick them up. David mentioned that life's short, and that that's not always a bad thing. The next weekend, David gets drunk and pleads for Jay to stay with him, that he doesn't want to be left alone. It was only when Jay thought that the scars on David's arms and wrist could have been made by cutting did he realised what may be happening.
I loved the scene with Jay searching for the missing David, finding him and dragging him away. It was short, but the tension was high. I especially loved the way it wasn't a happy-ever-after ending. Jay realised that David was still suicidal, but broke his own conditioning to reach out to David, and to promise himself that he would help David through his struggles. It would take time, but Jay was willing to do it. He had found something and didn't want to let it go.
Jay has his own problems, stemming from a childhood where he stood up for himself, but was forced to back down and be quiet by his parents and teachers. He developed a habit of fading into the background, and lost the spirit he once possessed.
Despite his issues, Jay finds David intriguing: a mysterious man who seems to have changed cities on a whim. His possessions appear to be minimal. He arrived with no job and no place to live.
Then things start to go dark. Jay finds out that his neighbours, the ones that always fought, were dead in an apparent murder suicide. Jay became depressed, wondering if there was something he could have done to prevent the tragedy. David was the only bright light on that dreadful weekend.
There were hints of what was to come, but Jay didn't pick them up. David mentioned that life's short, and that that's not always a bad thing. The next weekend, David gets drunk and pleads for Jay to stay with him, that he doesn't want to be left alone. It was only when Jay thought that the scars on David's arms and wrist could have been made by cutting did he realised what may be happening.
I loved the scene with Jay searching for the missing David, finding him and dragging him away. It was short, but the tension was high. I especially loved the way it wasn't a happy-ever-after ending. Jay realised that David was still suicidal, but broke his own conditioning to reach out to David, and to promise himself that he would help David through his struggles. It would take time, but Jay was willing to do it. He had found something and didn't want to let it go.
I really liked the story; you know something isn't right, but can't place it... Then the plea to stay the night, and alarm bells go off...
That final scene was a nail-biter; at first, it seemed like he was looking back while falling forward. I thought Jay would be too late.
Very well done!!
Thanks guys!
Oh that was GREAT! I love it very very much! 
In fact when I had started the story, I thought Jay would be the one who'll be needing helping but it turned out to be the contrary. I don't know much what to say except wow! The comparison between the hole in the ceiling and the hole in his world!
Great!
Take care,
Ieshwar
In fact when I had started the story, I thought Jay would be the one who'll be needing helping but it turned out to be the contrary. I don't know much what to say except wow! The comparison between the hole in the ceiling and the hole in his world!
Great!
Take care,
Ieshwar
A good tale, but it left me a tad frustrated. It felt like you brought it to a premature conclusion.
I wanted to know more about David. Why had he just moved across the country? What were the significance of the paintings? Why was he so 'damaged'?
Camy
I wanted to know more about David. Why had he just moved across the country? What were the significance of the paintings? Why was he so 'damaged'?
Camy
QUOTE (Ieshwar @ October 17 2007, 08:45 AM)
Oh that was GREAT! I love it very very much!
In fact when I had started the story, I thought Jay would be the one who'll be needing helping but it turned out to be the contrary. I don't know much what to say except wow! The comparison between the hole in the ceiling and the hole in his world!
Great!
Take care,
Ieshwar
In fact when I had started the story, I thought Jay would be the one who'll be needing helping but it turned out to be the contrary. I don't know much what to say except wow! The comparison between the hole in the ceiling and the hole in his world!
Great!
Take care,
Ieshwar
Thanks!
QUOTE (Camy @ October 17 2007, 09:45 AM)
A good tale, but it left me a tad frustrated. It felt like you brought it to a premature conclusion.
I wanted to know more about David. Why had he just moved across the country? What were the significance of the paintings? Why was he so 'damaged'?
Camy
I wanted to know more about David. Why had he just moved across the country? What were the significance of the paintings? Why was he so 'damaged'?
Camy
This is always my dilema: how to end a story without leaving loose ends. Sometimes when I try to explain everything that happen I end up rambling on for pages. I put the paintings in the story because I had just been watching a show about anchient mythology. It turns out that the (ex?) planet Pluto was named after the Roman god of the underworld. It made sense to me at the time but I'm not so sure I would have writen it the same way now.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.