I'm 16, and well I'm seriously unsure about my sexuality. I have never had a girfriend nor a boyfriend. But there is a serious confusion inside me. I never thought I was gay. not until recently. You see up until 9th grade I just didn't date because I thought it was pointless because it wasn't serious or anything. But now that I assumed I should I find myself not wanting to date any girls. Except one, let's call her Mary. She and I did like each other very much. But we didn't end up dating, and my afftections were more of a sister/great friend kind. My one friend lets say Joe, is gay and is coming out slowly. I have a lot of feelings for him and I don't want to but, I can't help but start to fall for him. In so many ways he attracts me and causes affections. So I think I might be gay. I don't want to and I hate myself for it. I don't know why I couldn't be good at one thing. The bigger problems are is that he knows I like him and I believe he like me since he tends to smile at me in the halls and such. And I guess I do want to be with him. And I told him that I think I might be gay. And he is the only one who knows. But if "it" comes out I don't know what I'd do considering rumors too often spread viciously about me. And the worse thing about it is that both of my parents are teachers and they hear everything, my dad already heard about Joe and my other gay friend Tyler. Whom I have no feelings. And if they found out they would probably disown me or something considering that I haven't lived up to any of their expectations. This worsens because my sister was validictorian and in three varisty sports. My parents have a rule that I need to be in three sports a year. I refuse to be in any winter sports because I can't stand any of them. And they are pissed about that. Plus they don't support the fact that I love to act and refuse to allow me to be in the plays at our school. I just feel so crappy in my parents eyes, especially my moms. I don't want to be gay but I seriously don't know if I am. If I am I want to be with Joe, and I can't let my parents know. And I have felt affections for other guys too. I'm just so screwed over. Confused, and hating myself. Any advice would really help. Thanks.
-One troubled teen.
Full Version: Too Much Confusion.
I'm sorry, DiSAsterouS. 
Failing to live up your parents' expectations is something that a lot of teens worry about. In an ideal world, you would be able to talk to them about the unrealistic expectations they are pushing on you, but we don't live in an ideal world.
On the subject of whether or not you're gay, I would just wait. If you find that you're thinking thoughts of guys at "certain times", then you're probably towards the gay end of the homosexual-heterosexual spectrum. Don't rush to label yourself though -- it could be that you're the type who is attracted to a person, not a gender, and your friend Joe is someone you're attracted to.
Only you know your personal situation, but if you think it isn't a waste of time, consider sitting down with one or both of your parents and asking them to consider seriously the possibility that what you want from life isn't what they want. That maybe you're not willing to achieve the goals that they've set for you -- that you might want to look for your own goals. This is completely aside from the issue of your sexuality -- their expectations regarding sports, for example, are beyond what I think are healthy.
You'll get a lot of good advice here, but always remember that only you know your situation and you have to make the final decision on what to do. The number one priority is to be safe. If you don't feel that a suggestion is safe, then don't do it. If you are unsure, think very carefully about it. It may be better to wait until you are an adult and financially independent before you act on the advice you'll receive.
Good luck!
Graeme
Failing to live up your parents' expectations is something that a lot of teens worry about. In an ideal world, you would be able to talk to them about the unrealistic expectations they are pushing on you, but we don't live in an ideal world.On the subject of whether or not you're gay, I would just wait. If you find that you're thinking thoughts of guys at "certain times", then you're probably towards the gay end of the homosexual-heterosexual spectrum. Don't rush to label yourself though -- it could be that you're the type who is attracted to a person, not a gender, and your friend Joe is someone you're attracted to.
Only you know your personal situation, but if you think it isn't a waste of time, consider sitting down with one or both of your parents and asking them to consider seriously the possibility that what you want from life isn't what they want. That maybe you're not willing to achieve the goals that they've set for you -- that you might want to look for your own goals. This is completely aside from the issue of your sexuality -- their expectations regarding sports, for example, are beyond what I think are healthy.
You'll get a lot of good advice here, but always remember that only you know your situation and you have to make the final decision on what to do. The number one priority is to be safe. If you don't feel that a suggestion is safe, then don't do it. If you are unsure, think very carefully about it. It may be better to wait until you are an adult and financially independent before you act on the advice you'll receive.
Good luck!
Graeme
ahh parents. their one tough demographic.
If their making your life miserable then tell them. Talk to them (or the sympathetic one), and if you dont want to, thats what school counselors are for. Like, my counselor was my best friend really. She would get me out of class if i just didnt feel like going because of something at home, or in my personal life. Once you befriend one of the counselors you'll love them guaranteed.
Your 16 i think? So is ian (me). This is ;the time in our lives where we're growing into adults, making our own decisions and adventuring the real world outside of mom and dad.
my counselor knew i was gay before anyone else lol. Not that it came into play in any of the things i was seeing her for, but it was nice i guess. Im not saying to just go blab that shit out, im just saying in my own personal experience counselors have been my best friends. Most of them are cool down to earth people, not like teachers who care about your grades and not much more than your safety and junk. Counselors are cool people mainly cus they get paid to socialize with kids. They get paid to chat and help out kids, how bomb is that.
my counselor actually talked to my parents for me the majority of the time i had something to say to them. If i got into an argument with them, id go to school and tell my counselor all about it. Then she'd take it into her own hands and legally forced my parents to be nice lol. Not that they weren't nice already but they were being major dicks. And shit, when i used to chill with my counselor everyday, i used to brag to everyone about it lol. I talked to her about drug usage, parties and things other faculty workers will tell on you for. damn i miss those days.
Idk, talk to someone. I prefer counselors over school social workers and psychologists anyday, but once again thats ians thought.
Rumors suck, but i never paid much attention to them...or anyone who categorized themselves as anything but a student.
And in the immortal words of my best broski: "being gay isnt a lifestyle or choice, its who you like to f*ck in bed. And man, as long as you know who you want to f*ck, thats more than most can say."
If their making your life miserable then tell them. Talk to them (or the sympathetic one), and if you dont want to, thats what school counselors are for. Like, my counselor was my best friend really. She would get me out of class if i just didnt feel like going because of something at home, or in my personal life. Once you befriend one of the counselors you'll love them guaranteed.
Your 16 i think? So is ian (me). This is ;the time in our lives where we're growing into adults, making our own decisions and adventuring the real world outside of mom and dad.
my counselor knew i was gay before anyone else lol. Not that it came into play in any of the things i was seeing her for, but it was nice i guess. Im not saying to just go blab that shit out, im just saying in my own personal experience counselors have been my best friends. Most of them are cool down to earth people, not like teachers who care about your grades and not much more than your safety and junk. Counselors are cool people mainly cus they get paid to socialize with kids. They get paid to chat and help out kids, how bomb is that.
my counselor actually talked to my parents for me the majority of the time i had something to say to them. If i got into an argument with them, id go to school and tell my counselor all about it. Then she'd take it into her own hands and legally forced my parents to be nice lol. Not that they weren't nice already but they were being major dicks. And shit, when i used to chill with my counselor everyday, i used to brag to everyone about it lol. I talked to her about drug usage, parties and things other faculty workers will tell on you for. damn i miss those days.
Idk, talk to someone. I prefer counselors over school social workers and psychologists anyday, but once again thats ians thought.
Rumors suck, but i never paid much attention to them...or anyone who categorized themselves as anything but a student.
And in the immortal words of my best broski: "being gay isnt a lifestyle or choice, its who you like to f*ck in bed. And man, as long as you know who you want to f*ck, thats more than most can say."
The one thing about wondering, not being sure of if you're gay or not,, maybe, like graeme said it you're more the kind of guy that gets to fall in love with a person rather than a guy,, I know that it's my case and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
You talked about even fearing that something might get out and being the source of rumors. Well, I don't know all, but if both your parents are working at the school, chances are that they've heard so many of those that they don't pay that much attention to those.
I'd say try and go talk with the school counselor if you fear about how your parents will react and or simply if you don't know where you stand,, counselors are very good when it comes down to those things, making you see right. You certainly won't get judge by him/her. And the good thing for you,, he/she won't be allowed to talk to your parents about what you tell him/her, and that's even if they see each other everyday.
it's your choice, no one can tell you what is the good or the wrong answer for you. But remember don't let the other dictate who you are,, and it goes to everything, don't do something because someone tells you it's what you gotta do, do something because it's what you and only you want to at the end.
You talked about even fearing that something might get out and being the source of rumors. Well, I don't know all, but if both your parents are working at the school, chances are that they've heard so many of those that they don't pay that much attention to those.
I'd say try and go talk with the school counselor if you fear about how your parents will react and or simply if you don't know where you stand,, counselors are very good when it comes down to those things, making you see right. You certainly won't get judge by him/her. And the good thing for you,, he/she won't be allowed to talk to your parents about what you tell him/her, and that's even if they see each other everyday.
it's your choice, no one can tell you what is the good or the wrong answer for you. But remember don't let the other dictate who you are,, and it goes to everything, don't do something because someone tells you it's what you gotta do, do something because it's what you and only you want to at the end.
Parents always want the best for their children (been there, done that), even to the point of dictating how they should live their lives. Who is the parent you can talk to? One of them should be sympathetic to your side to where you should feel comfortable talking about their desires for your success.
If not, by all means, see a couselor. You need someone on your side, someone you can go to who will listen to you without a lot of preconceived notions about how you're not meeting unrealistic goals.
Gay? Well, it still is a bit early to come to a final conclusion about your position on the sexual scale. If you're drawn to this other boy, go slow and by all means talk to him. Tell him your fears. Tell him you're not sure.
Be careful of who you talk to, but you need to be talking to someone who will listen and who is willing to support you.
By all means, don't give up on the parents. Your sister sounds like she set an unfair standard for you to aim at. You're not her and you shouldn't have to be as good as or better than her.
As far as the acting goes, there is always college. You gain a certain degree of freedom, especially if you go away to school. If possible, I suggest looking at colleges where you can't commute. And, while you're in college you might be able to come to some conclusion about your sexuality.
But, whatever you do, find someone to talk to.
If not, by all means, see a couselor. You need someone on your side, someone you can go to who will listen to you without a lot of preconceived notions about how you're not meeting unrealistic goals.
Gay? Well, it still is a bit early to come to a final conclusion about your position on the sexual scale. If you're drawn to this other boy, go slow and by all means talk to him. Tell him your fears. Tell him you're not sure.
Be careful of who you talk to, but you need to be talking to someone who will listen and who is willing to support you.
By all means, don't give up on the parents. Your sister sounds like she set an unfair standard for you to aim at. You're not her and you shouldn't have to be as good as or better than her.
As far as the acting goes, there is always college. You gain a certain degree of freedom, especially if you go away to school. If possible, I suggest looking at colleges where you can't commute. And, while you're in college you might be able to come to some conclusion about your sexuality.
But, whatever you do, find someone to talk to.
Hey there...
First off...Welcome to GA!!
Over demanding parents are nothing new. Trust me--> been there, done that!!
I'd go with the advice already given out. Try talking to them, not about your sexuality, but about the pressure they put on you. I'm sure that they'd understand.
About your sexuality, well that is something that you need to sit down and decide for (introspect).
As Graeme put it, is it only with 'Joe' that you feel attracted to or with other boys as well. Is it only 'Mary' that you've associated or there were more girls in and around your life. Personally, I came to the conclusion that I am bi after a lot of thinking and head-banging.
My suggestion to you would be that try taking things one at a time and if possible try taliking to someone like 'Joe' who has gone through something like this. If you're not comfy talking to him, try Tyler. 'Cause try as much, we here cannot substitute for what a man-to-man talk can do.
All the Best for your future.
BeaStKid
First off...Welcome to GA!!
Over demanding parents are nothing new. Trust me--> been there, done that!!
I'd go with the advice already given out. Try talking to them, not about your sexuality, but about the pressure they put on you. I'm sure that they'd understand.
About your sexuality, well that is something that you need to sit down and decide for (introspect).
As Graeme put it, is it only with 'Joe' that you feel attracted to or with other boys as well. Is it only 'Mary' that you've associated or there were more girls in and around your life. Personally, I came to the conclusion that I am bi after a lot of thinking and head-banging.
My suggestion to you would be that try taking things one at a time and if possible try taliking to someone like 'Joe' who has gone through something like this. If you're not comfy talking to him, try Tyler. 'Cause try as much, we here cannot substitute for what a man-to-man talk can do.
All the Best for your future.
BeaStKid
........Welcome, you've already have gotten better advice than I can offer to give to you. But about hating yourself, no are not alone there, I'm sure everyone here has done that to themselves, especially at your age. I know I did, for way too long a time, once I accepted and stopped hating myself. Well things got better and I was able to focus on my future rather my "perceived predicament". I wish you the best and please take these guys advice, they are all like family to me, whenever you feel like it, you can talk to them anytime.
Hey Disasterous
I have a few thoughts, but first of all please take everything I say with a grain of salt. It's easy for me to sit here and spout off, but only you can know these things for yourself
My gut feeling, based on what I've read so far, is that you are gay. I base this on several factors, none of which would be conclusive on its own, but combined they form the basis for my opinion. First and foremost is the fact that you think you're gay (or might be) and that you're attracted to Joe. The other factors would be:
-gay friends
-a delayed/initial aversion to dating
-feeling as though Mary is more of a "friend"
-a stronger interest in acting/drama than in sports (a horrible stereotype I know).
Anyway, I'm not trying to prove you're gay, or convince you that you are, but that would be my speculation based on what you've written thus far. Of course that's only a piece of the picture. There may very well be lots of compelling evidence that you're straight or bisexual that you didn't include in your post. Anyway, the point is it's irrelevant what I think you are, but I wanted to tell you my opinion.
Now if you don't mind I'll respond to a few things in your post:
Why would you hate yourself for it? Do you think there's something wrong with Joe? Isn't he a worthy enough person to care for and be attracted to? Is there anything wrong with him being gay? What about your friend Tyler, isn't it okay that he's gay?
The reason I'm approaching it from this angle is because long before I ever worked out that I was gay I worked out that it was okay for other people to gay. Like you I had gay friends. When I finally decided "Hey! You know what, I'm gay" I was forced to come to the conclusion that it would just be hypocritical and stupid if I were okay with some of my friends being gay, and if I told people it didn't make a difference, but I couldn't do it for myself.
What I'm saying is, if you like and accept Joe and Tyler why wouldn't you like and accept yourself?
Are these feelings the result of something internal? Do you actually have a problem with your (possibly) being gay or is it something that hurts and bothers you because other people would have a problem with it? Would it bother you because your parents might not approve? I'm just throwing things out here to get you thinking, but let me say this with regards to the parent issue:
A parent's primary responsibility is to love, accept, and care for their child
I'm not trying to marginalize it by any means. It definitely sucks and is going to be problematic if your parents have major issues with this. I'm sure that you love them and they love you. I'm not trying to say it's otherwise at all. What I am saying is that if there is a problem with them not accepting this about you the fault is with them and not with you. I'm not saying it's not your problem, because if it's there problem it's probably going to be your problem as well, especially at this phase in your life, but I'll go out on a limb here and say something I'd normally hesitate to say: it's their fault and their responsibility to get over it.
Give them time and do what you can to educate and inform them, but don't feel bad about this when you didn't do anything wrong.
As for Joe specifically, well I say go for it! Take it slow, talk to him about your feelings, and just see what happens. Also, as others have said, don't worry so much about finding a label for yourself. You like Joe, that's as far as you've gotten, and that's as far as you need to get right now. Labels are for clothes, not for people
Dude, just my perspective but this sounds like a good thing not a bad thing! It's always good when the person you like knows it and likes you back!
Well that's awesome for your sister! What you, and definitely your parents, need to realize is that you're two different people. Her success or failure has no bearing on your success or failure.
The way I see it if you want to be with Joe, then you want to be with Joe, and it doesn't matter whether you're "gay" or not. Hell, maybe you are "straight" except for this one guy that you have feelings for, but even if that's the case it doesn't change the fact that you have feelings for him! Since you're not interested in or seeing anyone else, then I don't see why you shouldn't pursue this. I'm not straight, but if I did develop feelings for a girl I'd certainly date her and see what happened.
Please, please, please don't hate yourself! Judging from this post I'd say you're a pretty nifty guy
Even if everyone else did hate you, which would just suck big time and be plain ridiculous, you still shouldn't hate yourself. If there's one person you need on your side right now, or ever for that matter, it's YOU.
Anyway, if you think your parents would have such a big issue with it, then I would advise that you don't tell them until you're 18 and/or you're on your own.
It may be a good idea to talk to a counselor, in fact it probably is, but I would like to warn you that not all counselors are necessarily going to be supportive of gay issues. They probably stand a pretty good chance of it, but it's still possible that they'll have personal feelings that oppose it, and being merely human, the may let these feelings seep into their interaction with you. I'm not trying to freak you out, overall I think it's a great idea, just be careful and remember that they're only people too.
Anyway, I know I got a bit long-winded, which is just par for the course when I'm posting about something I care about.
Take care, don't worry, and remember that your first responsibility is to love and trust yourself.
We're all here for you if you need to talk
-Kevin
I have a few thoughts, but first of all please take everything I say with a grain of salt. It's easy for me to sit here and spout off, but only you can know these things for yourself
My gut feeling, based on what I've read so far, is that you are gay. I base this on several factors, none of which would be conclusive on its own, but combined they form the basis for my opinion. First and foremost is the fact that you think you're gay (or might be) and that you're attracted to Joe. The other factors would be:
-gay friends
-a delayed/initial aversion to dating
-feeling as though Mary is more of a "friend"
-a stronger interest in acting/drama than in sports (a horrible stereotype I know).
Anyway, I'm not trying to prove you're gay, or convince you that you are, but that would be my speculation based on what you've written thus far. Of course that's only a piece of the picture. There may very well be lots of compelling evidence that you're straight or bisexual that you didn't include in your post. Anyway, the point is it's irrelevant what I think you are, but I wanted to tell you my opinion.
Now if you don't mind I'll respond to a few things in your post:
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 27 2007, 07:36 PM) 
My one friend lets say Joe, is gay and is coming out slowly. I have a lot of feelings for him and I don't want to but, I can't help but start to fall for him. In so many ways he attracts me and causes affections. So I think I might be gay. I don't want to and I hate myself for it.
Why would you hate yourself for it? Do you think there's something wrong with Joe? Isn't he a worthy enough person to care for and be attracted to? Is there anything wrong with him being gay? What about your friend Tyler, isn't it okay that he's gay?
The reason I'm approaching it from this angle is because long before I ever worked out that I was gay I worked out that it was okay for other people to gay. Like you I had gay friends. When I finally decided "Hey! You know what, I'm gay" I was forced to come to the conclusion that it would just be hypocritical and stupid if I were okay with some of my friends being gay, and if I told people it didn't make a difference, but I couldn't do it for myself.
What I'm saying is, if you like and accept Joe and Tyler why wouldn't you like and accept yourself?
Are these feelings the result of something internal? Do you actually have a problem with your (possibly) being gay or is it something that hurts and bothers you because other people would have a problem with it? Would it bother you because your parents might not approve? I'm just throwing things out here to get you thinking, but let me say this with regards to the parent issue:
A parent's primary responsibility is to love, accept, and care for their child
I'm not trying to marginalize it by any means. It definitely sucks and is going to be problematic if your parents have major issues with this. I'm sure that you love them and they love you. I'm not trying to say it's otherwise at all. What I am saying is that if there is a problem with them not accepting this about you the fault is with them and not with you. I'm not saying it's not your problem, because if it's there problem it's probably going to be your problem as well, especially at this phase in your life, but I'll go out on a limb here and say something I'd normally hesitate to say: it's their fault and their responsibility to get over it.
Give them time and do what you can to educate and inform them, but don't feel bad about this when you didn't do anything wrong.
As for Joe specifically, well I say go for it! Take it slow, talk to him about your feelings, and just see what happens. Also, as others have said, don't worry so much about finding a label for yourself. You like Joe, that's as far as you've gotten, and that's as far as you need to get right now. Labels are for clothes, not for people
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 27 2007, 07:36 PM)
I don't know why I couldn't be good at one thing. The bigger problems are is that he knows I like him and I believe he like me since he tends to smile at me in the halls and such. And I guess I do want to be with him. And I told him that I think I might be gay. And he is the only one who knows.
Dude, just my perspective but this sounds like a good thing not a bad thing! It's always good when the person you like knows it and likes you back!
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 27 2007, 07:36 PM)
This worsens because my sister was validictorian and in three varisty sports.
Well that's awesome for your sister! What you, and definitely your parents, need to realize is that you're two different people. Her success or failure has no bearing on your success or failure.
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 27 2007, 07:36 PM)
I don't want to be gay but I seriously don't know if I am. If I am I want to be with Joe, and I can't let my parents know.
The way I see it if you want to be with Joe, then you want to be with Joe, and it doesn't matter whether you're "gay" or not. Hell, maybe you are "straight" except for this one guy that you have feelings for, but even if that's the case it doesn't change the fact that you have feelings for him! Since you're not interested in or seeing anyone else, then I don't see why you shouldn't pursue this. I'm not straight, but if I did develop feelings for a girl I'd certainly date her and see what happened.
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 27 2007, 07:36 PM)
Confused, and hating myself. Any advice would really help.
Please, please, please don't hate yourself! Judging from this post I'd say you're a pretty nifty guy
Even if everyone else did hate you, which would just suck big time and be plain ridiculous, you still shouldn't hate yourself. If there's one person you need on your side right now, or ever for that matter, it's YOU.
Anyway, if you think your parents would have such a big issue with it, then I would advise that you don't tell them until you're 18 and/or you're on your own.
It may be a good idea to talk to a counselor, in fact it probably is, but I would like to warn you that not all counselors are necessarily going to be supportive of gay issues. They probably stand a pretty good chance of it, but it's still possible that they'll have personal feelings that oppose it, and being merely human, the may let these feelings seep into their interaction with you. I'm not trying to freak you out, overall I think it's a great idea, just be careful and remember that they're only people too.
Anyway, I know I got a bit long-winded, which is just par for the course when I'm posting about something I care about.
Take care, don't worry, and remember that your first responsibility is to love and trust yourself.
We're all here for you if you need to talk
-Kevin
QUOTE (AFriendlyFace @ November 29 2007, 07:33 AM)
A parent's primary responsibility is to love, accept, and care for their child
I'm not trying to marginalize it by any means. It definitely sucks and is going to be problematic if your parents have major issues with this. I'm sure that you love them and they love you. I'm not trying to say it's otherwise at all. What I am saying is that if there is a problem with them not accepting this about you the fault is with them and not with you. I'm not saying it's not your problem, because if it's there problem it's probably going to be your problem as well, especially at this phase in your life, but I'll go out on a limb here and say something I'd normally hesitate to say: it's their fault and their responsibility to get over it.
Give them time and do what you can to educate and inform them, but don't feel bad about this when you didn't do anything wrong.
I'm not trying to marginalize it by any means. It definitely sucks and is going to be problematic if your parents have major issues with this. I'm sure that you love them and they love you. I'm not trying to say it's otherwise at all. What I am saying is that if there is a problem with them not accepting this about you the fault is with them and not with you. I'm not saying it's not your problem, because if it's there problem it's probably going to be your problem as well, especially at this phase in your life, but I'll go out on a limb here and say something I'd normally hesitate to say: it's their fault and their responsibility to get over it.
Give them time and do what you can to educate and inform them, but don't feel bad about this when you didn't do anything wrong.
As a parent, I can 100% agree with what Kevin has said.
I think your coming out is still some time away, but when you're ready, this is a good site to help parents with having a gay child.
QUOTE (AFriendlyFace @ November 29 2007, 07:33 AM)
Well that's awesome for your sister! What you, and definitely your parents, need to realize is that you're two different people. Her success or failure has no bearing on your success or failure.
I discussed your post with my wife last night and she's of the same opinion as Kevin (and me). Everyone one is different. Everyone is an individual. You are NOT your sister and your standard of success and failure should not be hers. We already know that our two boys are different people and we can't use the same standards for them when it comes to success.
Good luck!
Graeme
This is not the popular response to give, but if you are 16 and have to ask, you are more than likely gay. Obviously, I can't say that certainty, but I would be surprised if you weren't at the very least bi.
As for your parents, you ultimately have to recognize that this is your life, and not theirs. I know that is easier said than done but if your primary goal is pleasing others, you will not be a happy person. Taking that first step and standing up to parents can be a difficult one that may or may not be worth it to you, but if you don't want to play sports, then you need to vocalize that politely, but forcefully. Parents often don't recognize the pressures that they put on their children, and barring the really unreasonable kind of parents (in which case I wouldn't necessarily give the same advice), they do want you to be happy. Telling a parent that you are unhappy because of the pressures they put on you can have a profound affect on them; I've seen a grown men cry when his kid finally told him he hated boxing and was only doing it to please father.
I don't know your parents, and as such I can't comment on how they would react if you came out to them, but I know from experience how hard it can be to un-accepting parents. The most important thing is that you accept your sexuality, whatever it may be, and wait until the appropriate time to come out.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and always remember that you don't need to live up to anyone's standards except your own.
Menzo
As for your parents, you ultimately have to recognize that this is your life, and not theirs. I know that is easier said than done but if your primary goal is pleasing others, you will not be a happy person. Taking that first step and standing up to parents can be a difficult one that may or may not be worth it to you, but if you don't want to play sports, then you need to vocalize that politely, but forcefully. Parents often don't recognize the pressures that they put on their children, and barring the really unreasonable kind of parents (in which case I wouldn't necessarily give the same advice), they do want you to be happy. Telling a parent that you are unhappy because of the pressures they put on you can have a profound affect on them; I've seen a grown men cry when his kid finally told him he hated boxing and was only doing it to please father.
I don't know your parents, and as such I can't comment on how they would react if you came out to them, but I know from experience how hard it can be to un-accepting parents. The most important thing is that you accept your sexuality, whatever it may be, and wait until the appropriate time to come out.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and always remember that you don't need to live up to anyone's standards except your own.
Menzo
QUOTE (AFriendlyFace @ November 28 2007, 03:33 PM)
Why would you hate yourself for it? Do you think there's something wrong with Joe? Isn't he a worthy enough person to care for and be attracted to? Is there anything wrong with him being gay? What about your friend Tyler, isn't it okay that he's gay?
The reason I'm approaching it from this angle is because long before I ever worked out that I was gay I worked out that it was okay for other people to gay. Like you I had gay friends. When I finally decided "Hey! You know what, I'm gay" I was forced to come to the conclusion that it would just be hypocritical and stupid if I were okay with some of my friends being gay, and if I told people it didn't make a difference, but I couldn't do it for myself.
The reason I'm approaching it from this angle is because long before I ever worked out that I was gay I worked out that it was okay for other people to gay. Like you I had gay friends. When I finally decided "Hey! You know what, I'm gay" I was forced to come to the conclusion that it would just be hypocritical and stupid if I were okay with some of my friends being gay, and if I told people it didn't make a difference, but I couldn't do it for myself.
My response to this is that even though my sister may be "perfect" I've always tried my best. I have a 95.5 GPA and I do two sports. She had like a 105 GPA and three but I figured that "at least I'm straight." Not that I'm saying that being gay is wrong, I have nothing against it. In my parents eyes it would be ideal for me to stay in this little hellhole of a town get married around thirty have two kids and live happily ever after. And I guess I assumed that it was another thing that was wrong with me. So when I started thinking this I tried making up for my "imperfections" and I joined the play and chorus (I'm already in band) and tried extra hard in school. But as for chorus and the play it couldn't have done a worse effect. My mom thought I was trying to rebel or something. So she banned me from acting. And then 'Joe' came along and made my emotions even loopier. But today I played around with the tought that I might be gay and they seemed okay (my friends, not my parents) I'm not sure how serious they thought I was but it was a start. When I decide I'll do it lightly like today. Unfortunately my counselors at school are my parents friends not a great option. But I did think about a semi-good news and that is that both of my parents are retireing at the end of my junior year and if I decide to come out then it'd probably be my senior year. And at that point I don't know if I'll really care what they say, and maybe my class will be mature enough to handle it. But as for hating myself well I still do and I don't know if I ever won't. I hope to but who knows. I still am on the fence and maybe talking to 'Joe
soon will clear something up.
Good luck It sounds like you know what you're doing. If you need any encouragement or reinforcement that you're doing the right thing, just let us know.
It sounds like you know what you're doing. If you need any encouragement or reinforcement that you're doing the right thing, just let us know.
Another approach is finding out if your school has a GSA, and if so, find out which faculty member(s) supervise it. You don't have to join the GSA (though it might work to your benefit... the GSA at my college is my only inlet to the gay community and they are the only people in the world who I see and talk to face-to-face who know I'm not straight). Anyway, you could possibly talk to the faculty member about the possibility of being gay and how you think your family might play into this. They might be able to shed some light on the issue (especially since your parents are their co-workers) or they can simply be an adult ear to vent to. I didn't realize that I had that in my guidance counselor and one of the sophomore counselors until long after I'd graduated. In fact, I toyed with the idea of e-mailing her and seeing if she would meet with me to talk about it (never did, probably never will since I still hate that school with a fiery passion).
Here's another idea, have you talked to your sister about the situation? I'm talking about the over-expectations, not the gay thing. Get her take on the situation since she likely went through it as well. Honestly, my parents were thankfully happy for me for the grades I got (climbed out of a hole that I dug myself into early in my high school career and graduated with a 3.0 after ending high school almost entirely on math and science courses) even though my sister got a 4.0 on all honors and AP courses. My parents learned through my sister that they realistically can't hold such high expectations, since she had several breakdowns in high school after my dad forced her to take honors and AP courses. They learned that they can't expect that from someone on their own, so when my turn came they made it a point to help me, especially when my first two semesters were utterly horrible.
Additionally, as the old joke goes, "If you think you might be gay, then you ARE gay!" I won't make you take that to heart since even though I think I might be gay, I still wish it weren't true, and not because I hate the idea of being gay. I don't care about my sexuality, I care about how my friends and family would perceive me if I were to wind up being gay. I hate disappointing people, but it's hard not to when both of your best friends are severely homophobic. One of them is better than the other, but the other is a total loss. He constantly makes egregious comments along the lines, "all fags should die," and, "I wanna go to a gay bar so I can shoot it up." He hasn't made those comments in a while, but it seems like military school is bringing those despicable values out of him again. I don't care though... as bad as it sounds, I don't think my relationship with him has too much of a future, and that has almost nothing to do with his homophobia.
Last, as far as the rumor thing goes, I wouldn't worry about it. If BOTH of your parents are faculty members at this school, then there must thousands of rumors floating around about you everyday and your parents catch most of them. Kids suck in that regard.
Here's another idea, have you talked to your sister about the situation? I'm talking about the over-expectations, not the gay thing. Get her take on the situation since she likely went through it as well. Honestly, my parents were thankfully happy for me for the grades I got (climbed out of a hole that I dug myself into early in my high school career and graduated with a 3.0 after ending high school almost entirely on math and science courses) even though my sister got a 4.0 on all honors and AP courses. My parents learned through my sister that they realistically can't hold such high expectations, since she had several breakdowns in high school after my dad forced her to take honors and AP courses. They learned that they can't expect that from someone on their own, so when my turn came they made it a point to help me, especially when my first two semesters were utterly horrible.
Additionally, as the old joke goes, "If you think you might be gay, then you ARE gay!" I won't make you take that to heart since even though I think I might be gay, I still wish it weren't true, and not because I hate the idea of being gay. I don't care about my sexuality, I care about how my friends and family would perceive me if I were to wind up being gay. I hate disappointing people, but it's hard not to when both of your best friends are severely homophobic. One of them is better than the other, but the other is a total loss. He constantly makes egregious comments along the lines, "all fags should die," and, "I wanna go to a gay bar so I can shoot it up." He hasn't made those comments in a while, but it seems like military school is bringing those despicable values out of him again. I don't care though... as bad as it sounds, I don't think my relationship with him has too much of a future, and that has almost nothing to do with his homophobia.
Last, as far as the rumor thing goes, I wouldn't worry about it. If BOTH of your parents are faculty members at this school, then there must thousands of rumors floating around about you everyday and your parents catch most of them. Kids suck in that regard.
Hey there
So let me start off by saying i agree with alot of things everyone posted above me.
Anyway i know what it feels like to not feel worthy in your parents eyes, if you check out some of my old blogs, i felt the same way. And only being 16 its tuff, i know. But let me tell you something that always helped me. Parent's are a very important part of your life, but the MOST important thing is yourself. Never let your parent's come in the way of something you love. Liking acting for example, if its something you truly love don't ever give up on it!!! Even if it means not being able to doing it until your 18, wait it out. Don't ever let anyone control your life... It's your life afterall, and you need to do what ever you feel is the best for you. But don't be afriad to get some help...
And from what i can see already your not afriad to get help, so good for you.
Take care, and if you ever need anyone to talk to send me a tell =P
-Mike
So let me start off by saying i agree with alot of things everyone posted above me.
Anyway i know what it feels like to not feel worthy in your parents eyes, if you check out some of my old blogs, i felt the same way. And only being 16 its tuff, i know. But let me tell you something that always helped me. Parent's are a very important part of your life, but the MOST important thing is yourself. Never let your parent's come in the way of something you love. Liking acting for example, if its something you truly love don't ever give up on it!!! Even if it means not being able to doing it until your 18, wait it out. Don't ever let anyone control your life... It's your life afterall, and you need to do what ever you feel is the best for you. But don't be afriad to get some help...
And from what i can see already your not afriad to get help, so good for you.
Take care, and if you ever need anyone to talk to send me a tell =P
-Mike
Ive already said what i wanted to say, but i wanted to say one more thing about something else thats relevant lol.
This site man, idk wat so say, i came here first (as like oyu it seems) and had my life all fuged up and snuff. But after having a thread here that lasted for like 80,000 years (give or take a few minutes) it really helped me more than i could imagine. I took a lot of advice form what was said to me and it changed my life...literally.
If i hadnt have come here and said something, id be that awkward straight kid who never has a gf nor is interested in having one. Now (for the most part haha) im that gay kid who everyone likes and has a...calm life where i can be free around my friends. Not like before i told them i was gay and they tried hooking me up with like 12 different girls (no joke here).
So idk, if and when you decide to take any of the advice given, just know that it is the most helpful stuff you can prolly get about this particular issue. Idk what life would be like if i hadnt taken advice or come here in the first place.
special thanks to everyone who gave advice to me and you likewise. Take it easy DiSAsterouS and do what you like, its your life but these people did to me what i never could have; (given me the courage to come out and have a smooth life from here on in)
This site man, idk wat so say, i came here first (as like oyu it seems) and had my life all fuged up and snuff. But after having a thread here that lasted for like 80,000 years (give or take a few minutes) it really helped me more than i could imagine. I took a lot of advice form what was said to me and it changed my life...literally.
If i hadnt have come here and said something, id be that awkward straight kid who never has a gf nor is interested in having one. Now (for the most part haha) im that gay kid who everyone likes and has a...calm life where i can be free around my friends. Not like before i told them i was gay and they tried hooking me up with like 12 different girls (no joke here).
So idk, if and when you decide to take any of the advice given, just know that it is the most helpful stuff you can prolly get about this particular issue. Idk what life would be like if i hadnt taken advice or come here in the first place.
special thanks to everyone who gave advice to me and you likewise. Take it easy DiSAsterouS and do what you like, its your life but these people did to me what i never could have; (given me the courage to come out and have a smooth life from here on in)
Hey there,
You have here a lot of friends who lived what you live now and made the same experiences. Everybody here is ready to help, just ask. At 16, its normal to be confused. Don't be afraid to be yourself. About your parents, your opinion is more important to you than their. You have to grow by yourself. It seems to me that I have the most experiences here because my age
.If you have questions (any), just ask (pm or post).
Take care and try to be happy.
Old bob
QUOTE
So let me start off by saying i agree with a lot of things everyone posted above me.
You have here a lot of friends who lived what you live now and made the same experiences. Everybody here is ready to help, just ask. At 16, its normal to be confused. Don't be afraid to be yourself. About your parents, your opinion is more important to you than their. You have to grow by yourself. It seems to me that I have the most experiences here because my age
.If you have questions (any), just ask (pm or post).Take care and try to be happy.
Old bob
QUOTE (The Reaper @ November 29 2007, 10:06 AM)
Ive already said what i wanted to say, but i wanted to say one more thing about something else thats relevant lol.
This site man, idk wat so say, i came here first (as like oyu it seems) and had my life all fuged up and snuff. But after having a thread here that lasted for like 80,000 years (give or take a few minutes) it really helped me more than i could imagine. I took a lot of advice form what was said to me and it changed my life...literally.
If i hadnt have come here and said something, id be that awkward straight kid who never has a gf nor is interested in having one. Now (for the most part haha) im that gay kid who everyone likes and has a...calm life where i can be free around my friends. Not like before i told them i was gay and they tried hooking me up with like 12 different girls (no joke here).
So idk, if and when you decide to take any of the advice given, just know that it is the most helpful stuff you can prolly get about this particular issue. Idk what life would be like if i hadnt taken advice or come here in the first place.
special thanks to everyone who gave advice to me and you likewise. Take it easy DiSAsterouS and do what you like, its your life but these people did to me what i never could have; (given me the courage to come out and have a smooth life from here on in)
This site man, idk wat so say, i came here first (as like oyu it seems) and had my life all fuged up and snuff. But after having a thread here that lasted for like 80,000 years (give or take a few minutes) it really helped me more than i could imagine. I took a lot of advice form what was said to me and it changed my life...literally.
If i hadnt have come here and said something, id be that awkward straight kid who never has a gf nor is interested in having one. Now (for the most part haha) im that gay kid who everyone likes and has a...calm life where i can be free around my friends. Not like before i told them i was gay and they tried hooking me up with like 12 different girls (no joke here).
So idk, if and when you decide to take any of the advice given, just know that it is the most helpful stuff you can prolly get about this particular issue. Idk what life would be like if i hadnt taken advice or come here in the first place.
special thanks to everyone who gave advice to me and you likewise. Take it easy DiSAsterouS and do what you like, its your life but these people did to me what i never could have; (given me the courage to come out and have a smooth life from here on in)
Awww
It's been great getting to know ya, Ian QUOTE (old bob @ November 29 2007, 11:43 AM)
You have here a lot of friends who lived what you live now and made the same experiences. Everybody here is ready to help, just ask. At 16, its normal to be confused. Don't be afraid to be yourself. About your parents, your opinion is more important to you than their. You have to grow by yourself. It seems to me that I have the most experiences here because my age .If you have questions (any), just ask (pm or post).
Take care and try to be happy.
Old bob
.If you have questions (any), just ask (pm or post).Take care and try to be happy.
Old bob
Old bob, is indeed extremely wise and helpful, DiSAsterouS!
If anyone can help you he can I think you're going to be okay too
Take care all and have a great day,
Kevin
Well today probably couldn't have gone worse, I woke up to find that my Zune was broken. But other than that I realized painfully that I have a 77 in Bio. But I have "an easy quiz" tomorrow and my teacher said that it would bring up my grade majorly. And my band director flipped at me and my friend Kelsey because we can't make it to our Jazz performance this weekend. That was just crappy. I feel worse about the fact I had two really odd questions. One was by my friend asking why I was so upset recently. (Obviously everything that went wrong today didn't help) but I didn't tell him that I'm really internally struggling. Another one that shook me up was when my dad asked me how my love life with girls was. I lied that it was going decently and felt majorly guilty afterward. Anyway. Whatever.
DSAS
DSAS
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 30 2007, 10:47 AM)
Another one that shook me up was when my dad asked me how my love life with girls was.
Just curious -- did he ask it that way? Most dads would just ask about your love life (and assume it is with girls), or ask about girls. Asking about your love life with girls may be his way of wondering if you're gay.
QUOTE
I don't want to be gay but I seriously don't know if I am
I would hazard to guess that this is exactly what everybody felt here at one time or another. No one wants to be gay because being gay means enduring what would most likely be a lifetime of discrimination. But DiSAsterous, if you are gay or Bi and attracted to a guy, then you really must not lie to yourself. It would only make you unhappier in the long run.
I'm not saying you are gay, but judging from how you described 'Mary' and your gut feelings for 'Joe', I'd say you were. Those were pretty much the same things I experienced in highschool. Tho I went through mine, earlier. I had what I thought was a 'crush' on an awesome girl, but somehow I realized I really only felt deep friendship. Then I discovered I always wanted to be with one of my male friends and the feelings were way different than what I'd felt for the girl. It took another year for me to realize that I might be gay. Then some more years of trying to accept that realization. And yes, I hated myself a lot during those years.
It's hard to realize you're gay. But don't ever try to lie to yourself. Lying to others is alright, I think. It's self-defense after all. If you tell them you're gay right away (considering your descriptions of your parents), they might not take it well. And you're still 16. I dunno. LOL. I'm not too experienced on that part. I'm still closeted after all.
But feeling guilty about lying is a part of that. I know it's sad. But just... live with it for a while. If this was a perfect world, there'd be no need for that.
You may yet turn out to be straight, so don't try to pen your emotions on one gender.
Besides, boys your age most often experiment with the same sex and turn out to be straight later on. Just as a sort of test... you do have some porn, right? ... LOL ... Do you get aroused from Lesbian porn?
QUOTE (Hylas @ November 29 2007, 09:07 PM)
Just as a sort of test... you do have some porn, right? ... LOL ... Do you get aroused from Lesbian porn?
Awww now that isn't exactly a fair, or reasonable test, especially now. I know when I was sixteen a any number of things could have resulted in arousal including straight, lesbian, and some selected gay readings. Hell even going commando would produce that result.
I'm not going to venture into the whole gay, bi, or straight thing. Simply put D, your in the middle of figuring that out, and it is uncalled for any of us to make assumptions based on the information you gave.
That said, I know where you are; I was there once, and to a certain extent I still am. I remeber my own realization, and the broiling desires that lead me to that point. I also remeber being deathly afraid of that truth. I played around with it, making comments to the group of liberal friends I found myself surrounded by.
"Would it shock you if I said I was gay?" I asked one afternoon at lunch.
My friend Jessica responded, "No, but you like tits too much."
I left it there, secure in the knowledge that if I did say it; it would be okay, yet I clung to their assumptions more than I did the 'okay'.
If you have feelings for Joe, explore them. Don't rush into it. Just move at your pace. As for the parents; well I cant really give any advice there because I still have my own hangups in that department, so anything offered would be hypocritical.
Hang in there,
Steve
QUOTE
Awww now that isn't exactly a fair, or reasonable test, especially now. I know when I was sixteen a any number of things could have resulted in arousal including straight, lesbian, and some selected gay readings. Hell even going commando would produce that result.
yeah. sorry for that. I was basing it on my own experience. As a youngster I was never aroused by any porn that didn't have at least one man in it. LOL. So that probably was the clincher for me.Ya DiSAsterouS, just hang on as shadowgod says. Like him i'm still hanging on. heh. We know what you're going through right now. been there, and in a sense, still there, heh.
BTW, cheer up. It's nothing to be upset about. Considering that the guy you have an interest for is gay and, as you said, seem to return the feelings for you. It could have been worse, like me. LOL. I fell for a straight guy. So smile and count yourself lucky man.
This world's not as bad as it seems.
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 29 2007, 05:47 PM)
Well today probably couldn't have gone worse, I woke up to find that my Zune was broken.
I'm sorry
...uhhh, what's a "Zune"?
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 29 2007, 05:47 PM)
But other than that I realized painfully that I have a 77 in Bio. But I have "an easy quiz" tomorrow and my teacher said that it would bring up my grade majorly.
Awesome! Good luck on the quiz!
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 29 2007, 05:47 PM)
One was by my friend asking why I was so upset recently. (Obviously everything that went wrong today didn't help) but I didn't tell him that I'm really internally struggling.
It's really good that you have friends who not only care enough to ask, but are perceptive enough to notice when something's wrong
QUOTE (DiSAsterouS @ November 29 2007, 05:47 PM)
Another one that shook me up was when my dad asked me how my love life with girls was. I lied that it was going decently and felt majorly guilty afterward. Anyway. Whatever.
QUOTE (Graeme @ November 29 2007, 09:41 PM)
Just curious -- did he ask it that way? Most dads would just ask about your love life (and assume it is with girls), or ask about girls. Asking about your love life with girls may be his way of wondering if you're gay.
I was going to ask this same thing for the same reasons.
QUOTE (Hylas @ November 29 2007, 11:07 PM)
I would hazard to guess that this is exactly what everybody felt here at one time or another. No one wants to be gay because being gay means enduring what would most likely be a lifetime of discrimination. But DiSAsterous, if you are gay or Bi and attracted to a guy, then you really must not lie to yourself. It would only make you unhappier in the long run.
Hmm, well I think you're definitely right in that this is the natural reaction most people go through, but, now at least, I'm happy to be gay. It was a journey though and I'm glad I got to the place I did
QUOTE (Hylas @ November 29 2007, 11:07 PM)
I'm not saying you are gay, but judging from how you described 'Mary' and your gut feelings for 'Joe', I'd say you were. Those were pretty much the same things I experienced in highschool. Tho I went through mine, earlier. I had what I thought was a 'crush' on an awesome girl, but somehow I realized I really only felt deep friendship. Then I discovered I always wanted to be with one of my male friends and the feelings were way different than what I'd felt for the girl. It took another year for me to realize that I might be gay. Then some more years of trying to accept that realization. And yes, I hated myself a lot during those years.
QUOTE (Hylas @ November 29 2007, 11:07 PM)
Just as a sort of test... you do have some porn, right? ... LOL ... Do you get aroused from Lesbian porn?
QUOTE (shadowgod @ November 30 2007, 12:11 AM)
Awww now that isn't exactly a fair, or reasonable test, especially now. I know when I was sixteen a any number of things could have resulted in arousal including straight, lesbian, and some selected gay readings. Hell even going commando would produce that result.
I agree with Steve on this one. It's also be complicated figuring out what "caused" the arousal. I can still watch lesbian porn and be aroused, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm around because of the lesbian porn.
Also if you want to be, especially at 16, you can pretty much be aroused whenever you want anyway. So if you want to be aroused watching the lesbian porn to "prove" something to yourself, you probably can be. (Well I'm using my own perspective here. I understand that some people find girl bits actively unarousing. I don't so that may make a big difference too.)
Anyway take care all
-Kevin
QUOTE (AFriendlyFace @ November 30 2007, 09:08 AM)
...uhhh, what's a "Zune"?
-Kevin
-Kevin
Kevin, you really gotta get out more!
A Zune is Microsoft's mp3 player. It's not a major part of the mp3 world, but they just came out with some new models that are less expensive. I don't know anyone who owns a Zune, though I'd assume with about 35,000 students at my school there must be one or two who have a Zune. Colin
QUOTE (colinian @ November 30 2007, 06:01 PM)
Kevin, you really gotta get out more! A Zune is Microsoft's mp3 player. It's not a major part of the mp3 world, but they just came out with some new models that are less expensive. I don't know anyone who owns a Zune, though I'd assume with about 35,000 students at my school there must be one or two who have a Zune.
Colin
A Zune is Microsoft's mp3 player. It's not a major part of the mp3 world, but they just came out with some new models that are less expensive. I don't know anyone who owns a Zune, though I'd assume with about 35,000 students at my school there must be one or two who have a Zune. Colin
..........Ahem!! Glad you cleared that up (I was thinking somesort of Skateboard )
Hey, D,
You are heaping a bunch of expectations on yourself. It isn't just your parents. Look at your posts. You're calling yourself or things bad or wrong for many things that aren't your fault or aren't necessarily bad or wrong.
Does that mean you're really screwed up? Nope. It means you're confused and trying to work it all out.
Don't blame yourself and don't judge yourself.
You feel like your parents are giving you a hard time over grades and activities. How about if you talk to your sister? Maybe she feels like they give her a hard time too? What if you and your sister sit down to talk with them? You've got a good grade average, that's great. Maybe your mom and dad will see you feel really pressured, and will ease up a little. I'm not sure why they wouldn't approve of drama and would insist on sports. Again, sit and talk with them. Don't get accusatory or defensive. Let them know there are other things you'd rather do and you really like. That might get them to think some, and compromise.
OK, you are really concerned about being gay or straight. Uh... nobody said you had to decide one way or the other, right? Nobody said you had to come out, if you're gay or bi, right? I hope not. Just be honest with yourself about how you feel. Sure, it may be confusing. It isn't a timed test with a pass/fail grade. Give it time and you'll figure it out. That's all you need to do.
So... maybe you have some feelings for guys sometimes and girls at other times. Maybe you have stronger feelings for guys. Or maybe you have stronger feelings for girls, but sometimes for guys. Or maybe you really like girls, but you're... shy. C'mon, you'll know how you really feel when you're with someone, or when you're all alone, or daydreaming, or sleeping. (We don't need to know. That's for you to answer yourself.)
What matters is for you to feel good about yourself and someday to find someone you love. That is more important than some label you might use to limit yourself. For now, let go of all those worries and self-judgments. If you love someone and that person loves you... it'll all solve itself anyway. See, it's simpler than you think.
None of us here can give you perfect advice. You need some friends you trust to talk with in person, when you're ready to talk.
What about your parents? Uh... does anybody here know his parents? :: Looks around :: Nope. Not likely! -- How do they respond on things about being gay? Could you ask them questions? They're teachers? Maybe they are at least open to talk about things. -- Or maybe there are some other people you know and could talk with.
Hey -- Just be yourself. Best advice ever.
You are heaping a bunch of expectations on yourself. It isn't just your parents. Look at your posts. You're calling yourself or things bad or wrong for many things that aren't your fault or aren't necessarily bad or wrong.
Does that mean you're really screwed up? Nope. It means you're confused and trying to work it all out.
Don't blame yourself and don't judge yourself.
You feel like your parents are giving you a hard time over grades and activities. How about if you talk to your sister? Maybe she feels like they give her a hard time too? What if you and your sister sit down to talk with them? You've got a good grade average, that's great. Maybe your mom and dad will see you feel really pressured, and will ease up a little. I'm not sure why they wouldn't approve of drama and would insist on sports. Again, sit and talk with them. Don't get accusatory or defensive. Let them know there are other things you'd rather do and you really like. That might get them to think some, and compromise.
OK, you are really concerned about being gay or straight. Uh... nobody said you had to decide one way or the other, right? Nobody said you had to come out, if you're gay or bi, right? I hope not. Just be honest with yourself about how you feel. Sure, it may be confusing. It isn't a timed test with a pass/fail grade. Give it time and you'll figure it out. That's all you need to do.
So... maybe you have some feelings for guys sometimes and girls at other times. Maybe you have stronger feelings for guys. Or maybe you have stronger feelings for girls, but sometimes for guys. Or maybe you really like girls, but you're... shy. C'mon, you'll know how you really feel when you're with someone, or when you're all alone, or daydreaming, or sleeping. (We don't need to know. That's for you to answer yourself.)
What matters is for you to feel good about yourself and someday to find someone you love. That is more important than some label you might use to limit yourself. For now, let go of all those worries and self-judgments. If you love someone and that person loves you... it'll all solve itself anyway. See, it's simpler than you think.
None of us here can give you perfect advice. You need some friends you trust to talk with in person, when you're ready to talk.
What about your parents? Uh... does anybody here know his parents? :: Looks around :: Nope. Not likely! -- How do they respond on things about being gay? Could you ask them questions? They're teachers? Maybe they are at least open to talk about things. -- Or maybe there are some other people you know and could talk with.
Hey -- Just be yourself. Best advice ever.
Sorry to hijack the thread but I was going to create a similar thread and decided just posting in this one would be easier.
To speak about confusion, how's this- my whole life I've only been attracted to girls, gone out with them and even "hooked up" with a number of them.
But..for basically two years now, I've been well and truly obsessed by this other guy in my year, it's turned into some kind of infatuation. During this time I've continued seeing girls regularly but started paying a little bit of attention to other guys, and have become much less homophobic, to the point where my mates question my lack of gay jokes.
During this time I've tried to know more about this guy, who is in fact within our circle of friends, there are only 7 of us so you'd think we'd all be pretty close yeah? Wrong, this guy is the most secretive and shy person ever, rarely talks.
It was always planned by the gang to get him totally hammered on schoolies (end of highschool celebrations) and force him to open up.
We were able to somehow successfully convince him to come, which was a challenge given his anti-social tendencies, to come on the biggest pissup of the year imaginable surrounded by 1000's of other pissed teens everywhere.
Me in particular was looking foward to seeing whether booze would make him more talkative, create this whole new personality. I didn't think it would.
So we all start drinking, just before going out to a party, and the thing is, this guy has never drunk before, and on his first time he has about 10-15 beers, which is considerable.
At this stage I'd had a similar amount, but obviously can handle it better, and I find myself alone with him when everyone else has gone out.
By this stage he WAS another person, not only showing a lot of anger towards my other mates, but at the same time he was all over me, and I found it strange he was abusing everyone else, even his best friend, yet had me in a constant hug telling me how much he loved me. Apparently he even offered sex, but 1) I never have and never will take advantage of someone in that state and 2) I myself was too wasted to realise what he had said, so even if I had wanted to I couldn't remember it!
So for the rest of the night we were huddled together until we both passed out. My mates have never ever thought I could be gay so thought nothing of it.
The next day, after getting over hangovers, he was sadly back to his regular anti-social behavious, not talking and when he had to giving one word replies.
I noticed he kept staring at me and looked away whenever I caught him, and when told of what he had said the night before became increasingly unsettled and embarrassed.
He stayed the next night getting over his hangover while we partied and the next day he left, stating that he was too sick to stay and wanted to go home, to the incredible disdain and disgust of everyone there. I myself was speechless and said nothing to him, just watched him leave.
I realise that the first night had most likely been the result of excessive alcohol, but it didn't stop me from stirring my own emotions, having someone you want so badly having hug you and tell you they love you, and knowing you can't do anything about it, is quite frankly f**king hell.
His leaving put me in bad spirits for the rest of the week, and I sulked while my mates had the time of their lives.
So GA crowd, I quite simply ask, WTF!?
Sorry for the long post by the way, at least I'm not often innundating you with trash.
To speak about confusion, how's this- my whole life I've only been attracted to girls, gone out with them and even "hooked up" with a number of them.
But..for basically two years now, I've been well and truly obsessed by this other guy in my year, it's turned into some kind of infatuation. During this time I've continued seeing girls regularly but started paying a little bit of attention to other guys, and have become much less homophobic, to the point where my mates question my lack of gay jokes.
During this time I've tried to know more about this guy, who is in fact within our circle of friends, there are only 7 of us so you'd think we'd all be pretty close yeah? Wrong, this guy is the most secretive and shy person ever, rarely talks.
It was always planned by the gang to get him totally hammered on schoolies (end of highschool celebrations) and force him to open up.
We were able to somehow successfully convince him to come, which was a challenge given his anti-social tendencies, to come on the biggest pissup of the year imaginable surrounded by 1000's of other pissed teens everywhere.
Me in particular was looking foward to seeing whether booze would make him more talkative, create this whole new personality. I didn't think it would.
So we all start drinking, just before going out to a party, and the thing is, this guy has never drunk before, and on his first time he has about 10-15 beers, which is considerable.
At this stage I'd had a similar amount, but obviously can handle it better, and I find myself alone with him when everyone else has gone out.
By this stage he WAS another person, not only showing a lot of anger towards my other mates, but at the same time he was all over me, and I found it strange he was abusing everyone else, even his best friend, yet had me in a constant hug telling me how much he loved me. Apparently he even offered sex, but 1) I never have and never will take advantage of someone in that state and 2) I myself was too wasted to realise what he had said, so even if I had wanted to I couldn't remember it!
So for the rest of the night we were huddled together until we both passed out. My mates have never ever thought I could be gay so thought nothing of it.
The next day, after getting over hangovers, he was sadly back to his regular anti-social behavious, not talking and when he had to giving one word replies.
I noticed he kept staring at me and looked away whenever I caught him, and when told of what he had said the night before became increasingly unsettled and embarrassed.
He stayed the next night getting over his hangover while we partied and the next day he left, stating that he was too sick to stay and wanted to go home, to the incredible disdain and disgust of everyone there. I myself was speechless and said nothing to him, just watched him leave.
I realise that the first night had most likely been the result of excessive alcohol, but it didn't stop me from stirring my own emotions, having someone you want so badly having hug you and tell you they love you, and knowing you can't do anything about it, is quite frankly f**king hell.
His leaving put me in bad spirits for the rest of the week, and I sulked while my mates had the time of their lives.
So GA crowd, I quite simply ask, WTF!?
Sorry for the long post by the way, at least I'm not often innundating you with trash.
Hmmm, well obviously I can't say exactly why you're attracted to him specifically. As to what happened though, I have a couple of hypotheses:
First, perhaps he is gay or bi, and into you as well! This would just be incredibly good luck
I think it is possible, perhaps even more so that mere chance would dictate. For example perhaps one of the things that attracted you to him in the first place was some subconscious signs you were picking up that he might fancy guys. I believe "gaydar" can most definitely work on an unconscious level.
The second hypothesis would be that he isn't into guys, and instead acted for different reasons. Perhaps because you're attracted to him you were treating him differently (in a good way) than the way everyone else was treating him. If that's the case then it's natural for someone very drunk to suddenly become highly emotional (as you obviously well know), thus he expressed his pent up anger at the others and was simultaneously grateful and affectionate toward you for treating him well. As for the offer of sex...well when you're drunk, affectionate, horny, and curious lots of things can happen.
Obviously I'm hoping for your sake that the truth is closer to hypothesis number one
As for why he left (regardless of which of the two possibilities you choose) it probably had a lot to do with him simply being embarrassed about the way he acted (both to you and to the others), and also probably feeling out of his element and generally uncomfortable.
Good for you for not taking advantage of the situation
As for what happens now? We certainly you're the only one who can decide that. My opinion is that you should make a strong effort to continue to be nice to him and to hang out with him alone. Let him know that you're trustworthy and won't turn on him, and he may just go ahead and open up (while sober!
). Then perhaps you can work out his feelings, and decide on your course of action from there.
From your point of view I definitely say "go for it!" if you're interested in him (and you already have some evidence he might be interested back!)
But I may be completely wrong about everything *shrug*
Just figured I'd make wild conjectures based on my thoughts on the matter, take what you will with a grain of salt.
Good luck with everything!
-Kevin
First, perhaps he is gay or bi, and into you as well! This would just be incredibly good luck
I think it is possible, perhaps even more so that mere chance would dictate. For example perhaps one of the things that attracted you to him in the first place was some subconscious signs you were picking up that he might fancy guys. I believe "gaydar" can most definitely work on an unconscious level. The second hypothesis would be that he isn't into guys, and instead acted for different reasons. Perhaps because you're attracted to him you were treating him differently (in a good way) than the way everyone else was treating him. If that's the case then it's natural for someone very drunk to suddenly become highly emotional (as you obviously well know), thus he expressed his pent up anger at the others and was simultaneously grateful and affectionate toward you for treating him well. As for the offer of sex...well when you're drunk, affectionate, horny, and curious lots of things can happen.
Obviously I'm hoping for your sake that the truth is closer to hypothesis number one
As for why he left (regardless of which of the two possibilities you choose) it probably had a lot to do with him simply being embarrassed about the way he acted (both to you and to the others), and also probably feeling out of his element and generally uncomfortable.
Good for you for not taking advantage of the situation
As for what happens now? We certainly you're the only one who can decide that. My opinion is that you should make a strong effort to continue to be nice to him and to hang out with him alone. Let him know that you're trustworthy and won't turn on him, and he may just go ahead and open up (while sober!
). Then perhaps you can work out his feelings, and decide on your course of action from there.From your point of view I definitely say "go for it!" if you're interested in him (and you already have some evidence he might be interested back!)
But I may be completely wrong about everything *shrug*
Just figured I'd make wild conjectures based on my thoughts on the matter, take what you will with a grain of salt.
Good luck with everything!
-Kevin
Very much appreciated Kevin.
And I'm attracted to him because he has that good looking shy guy quality, simple as that.
And yes hypothesis one would be most pleasing indeed!
And I'm attracted to him because he has that good looking shy guy quality, simple as that.
And yes hypothesis one would be most pleasing indeed!
I largely agree with Kevin regarding the two possibilities. I'm especially glad he included hypothesis two because that was my first. I was very introverted when I went through school and, partially as a consequence, emotionally starved. Someone being nice to me had a strong impact on me. It wasn't that people picked on me, but that no one got close to me. This sounds like your friend. He could have used the word "love" as a stronger version of "like", rather than in an erotic sense.
However, if outwardly you're the "least homophobic" of the group, and he's gay or bi-sexual, then that would go a long way towards explaining why he said things about the others and clung to you. Being a shy, introverted, gay teenager in a group that appears homophobic can be intimidating.
In either case, just make sure you show him that nothing has changed -- or at least nothing has changed for the worse.
I'm sorry you didn't enjoy schoolies as much as you might have, but it's only one week. You'll have other times to cut loose And if it leads to something, it might have turned out to be the best schoolies ever!
Good luck!
However, if outwardly you're the "least homophobic" of the group, and he's gay or bi-sexual, then that would go a long way towards explaining why he said things about the others and clung to you. Being a shy, introverted, gay teenager in a group that appears homophobic can be intimidating.
In either case, just make sure you show him that nothing has changed -- or at least nothing has changed for the worse.
I'm sorry you didn't enjoy schoolies as much as you might have, but it's only one week. You'll have other times to cut loose
And if it leads to something, it might have turned out to be the best schoolies ever!Good luck!
Thanks again Graeme, and I'd like to point out that ebing "the least homophobic" still makes me homophobic, and I'd like to clear that I am not, otherwise I probably couldn't tolerate this site.
QUOTE (Perthonian @ December 2 2007, 03:12 PM)
Thanks again Graeme, and I'd like to point out that ebing "the least homophobic" still makes me homophobic, and I'd like to clear that I am not, otherwise I probably couldn't tolerate this site.
I know. I put that in quotes because you had said in your original post:
QUOTE
...started paying a little bit of attention to other guys, and have become much less homophobic, to the point where my mates question my lack of gay jokes.
My impression from that was that as far as your friend was concerned, you had a history of appearing homophobic, but you've modified that recently. If he is gay, he may be wondering, and considered you the best one of the group to connect to. Please note that I said "appearing homophobic" because I'm also aware that 14-18 Aussie males are reported as being the most homophobic group in Australian society. This is generally thought to be because they want to appear macho, rather than because they are actually homophobic. As they mature and gain self-confidence, this tendency drops away.
Going back to my original statement, I was looking at it from his point of view. He can't know if you are homophobic or not. He can only go by outward indications -- which appear to be that you used to make gay jokes, but you've stopped. I certainly didn't mean to imply that you are homophobic.
Well I can certainly attest to that, and yes you are right, "my bad" *shudder*.
QUOTE
I noticed he kept staring at me and looked away whenever I caught him, and when told of what he had said the night before became increasingly unsettled and embarrassed.
He stayed the next night getting over his hangover while we partied and the next day he left, stating that he was too sick to stay and wanted to go home, to the incredible disdain and disgust of everyone there. I myself was speechless and said nothing to him, just watched him leave.
He stayed the next night getting over his hangover while we partied and the next day he left, stating that he was too sick to stay and wanted to go home, to the incredible disdain and disgust of everyone there. I myself was speechless and said nothing to him, just watched him leave.
This sounds awfully familiar. LOL. Except I was on the other end. I think he really does like you back. But he's just afraid you'll reject him if he admits it. He has already done so (while under the excuse of being drunk, I say 'excuse' because being drunk is just another reason to be uninhibited
). He felt confused afterwards and hurt that you probably didn't follow up on what happened the other night. You should have made your move, dude. LOLI'd go with Kevin's hypothesis one. Because, I've been there myself. Drunk as a skunk. With ME hugging and telling him how much I like (i didn't use love, too scared, even drunk!
) him. And being emotionally drained afterwards. And ashamed. And leaving early... Well... at least that's how it went. And he was straight. T.T
So go talk to him. High school's over anyway.
You sound Bi (which means, you fall in love with the person ), and I'm happy you were courageous enough to admit falling for a guy. Best of luck.And I believe it could lead to something more, man.
QUOTE (Hylas @ December 2 2007, 06:34 PM)
This sounds awfully familiar. LOL. Except I was on the other end. I think he really does like you back. But he's just afraid you'll reject him if he admits it. He has already done so (while under the excuse of being drunk, I say 'excuse' because being drunk is just another reason to be uninhibited ). He felt confused afterwards and hurt that you probably didn't follow up on what happened the other night. You should have made your move, dude. LOL
I'd go with Kevin's hypothesis one. Because, I've been there myself. Drunk as a skunk. With ME hugging and telling him how much I like (i didn't use love, too scared, even drunk! ) him. And being emotionally drained afterwards. And ashamed. And leaving early... Well... at least that's how it went.
And he was straight. T.T
So go talk to him. High school's over anyway. You sound Bi (which means, you fall in love with the person ), and I'm happy you were courageous enough to admit falling for a guy. Best of luck.
And I believe it could lead to something more, man.
). He felt confused afterwards and hurt that you probably didn't follow up on what happened the other night. You should have made your move, dude. LOLI'd go with Kevin's hypothesis one. Because, I've been there myself. Drunk as a skunk. With ME hugging and telling him how much I like (i didn't use love, too scared, even drunk!
) him. And being emotionally drained afterwards. And ashamed. And leaving early... Well... at least that's how it went. And he was straight. T.T
So go talk to him. High school's over anyway.
You sound Bi (which means, you fall in love with the person ), and I'm happy you were courageous enough to admit falling for a guy. Best of luck.And I believe it could lead to something more, man.
Thanks a lot for the reply.
It's so weird, even though I feel a lot for him, while he was telling me all this shit, I never reciprocated what he was saying, when he said "I love you man" I just went "Yeah that's cool", what a douche!
You left ashamed? Did you do it because you maybe sense some awkwardness from the other guy or did you take it upon yourself?
And yeah I'm Bi, it's all about the person for me, not biased either way
And I hope it does, btw interesting to see where you're from, one of my best mates is a Phillipino too, saw an incredibly hot Phillipino girl over there but he froze and didn't act on it lol.
Sometimes a truth has been spoken, or sung, so much better than I could ever do justice too, I prefer to let those words stand on their own.
This song is called All Along the Watchtower originally written by Bob Dylan, it has been covered by all sorts of bands from acid-rawk to wussie-pink emo (but I suggest Jimi Hendricks version).
No reason to get excited, there are many here amoung up who think that life if but a joke,
You I we've been through that, And this is not our fate.
So let us not talk falsely now, The hours getting late...
There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the joker to the thief
Theres too much confusion
I cant get no relief
Businessman they drink my wine
Plow men dig my earth
None will level on the line
Nobody of it is worth
Hey hey
No reason to get excited
The thief he kindly spoke
There are many here among us
Who feel that life is but a joke but uh
But you and I weve been through that
And this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now
The hours getting late
Hey
Hey
All along the watchtower
Princes kept the view
While all the women came and went
Bare-foot servants to, but huh
Outside in the cold distance
A wild cat did growl
Two riders were approachin
And the wind began to howl
Hey
Oh
All along the watchtower
Hear you sing around the watch
Gotta beware gotta beware I will
Yeah
Ooh baby
All along the watchtower
This song is called All Along the Watchtower originally written by Bob Dylan, it has been covered by all sorts of bands from acid-rawk to wussie-pink emo (but I suggest Jimi Hendricks version).
No reason to get excited, there are many here amoung up who think that life if but a joke,
You I we've been through that, And this is not our fate.
So let us not talk falsely now, The hours getting late...
There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the joker to the thief
Theres too much confusion
I cant get no relief
Businessman they drink my wine
Plow men dig my earth
None will level on the line
Nobody of it is worth
Hey hey
No reason to get excited
The thief he kindly spoke
There are many here among us
Who feel that life is but a joke but uh
But you and I weve been through that
And this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now
The hours getting late
Hey
Hey
All along the watchtower
Princes kept the view
While all the women came and went
Bare-foot servants to, but huh
Outside in the cold distance
A wild cat did growl
Two riders were approachin
And the wind began to howl
Hey
Oh
All along the watchtower
Hear you sing around the watch
Gotta beware gotta beware I will
Yeah
Ooh baby
All along the watchtower
Love that song. The one by Bear McCreary was great too.
Being introverted myself, I would suggest his reasons for leaving early were being intimidated with all of this group partying all at once, as well as being embarrassed by what he said to you while he was three sheets to the wind. I'd have done the same. The reason that I haven't gone to the gay bar in Philly with my GLBT friends is simply because I hate being without my car. If I am without it, then I can't leave whenever I like. BUT I've gotten better in that regard... I am usually the last to leave a party now haha.
QUOTE
You left ashamed? Did you do it because you maybe sense some awkwardness from the other guy or did you take it upon yourself?
Yes. It was a sort of feeling... I dunno. Lost. Look at it this way: I just tried to go for the prize and got nothing for it.
Sorta like an anticlimax to my hopes, y'know.
Partly, of course, because the guy in question didn't respond as I had hoped. T.T
QUOTE
"I love you man" I just went "Yeah that's cool", what a douche!
As I suspected... :S It may not have meant much to you that you didn't say anything during the time... but he probably interpreted your reaction (or lack of it) from anything as indifference to outright rejection.
Might be you've been sending too many wrong signals. And if I interpret 'All Along The Watchtower' right ;P (correct me if I'm wrong), there's a time to make things clear to someone. It may be too late later.
Of course the reason for his leaving might be as rknapp said... but heh. It doesn't matter. if you like him, tell him. if you can't, try to show it in actions. he can get a hint, right? ;P
there's not a lot to lose (or is there?), and you have everything to gain.
Duh. I'm just probably incurably romantic. ^^
BTW, it's spelled with an F. LOL. Filipino. And the feminine form is Filipina.
Good to hear that. I have two good aussie buddies from our online team. I like the aussie temperament better on the whole, LOL. Call him 'Torpe". LOL. If he knows how to speak tagalog, he'll understand what it means. Hehe
Damn, I've always gotten it wrong.
And I think maybe he was just a tad too pissed to interpret anything lol.
Well our poker night is approaching, and he is going to be there (unless he chickens out) so basically I am screwed!
And I think maybe he was just a tad too pissed to interpret anything lol.
Well our poker night is approaching, and he is going to be there (unless he chickens out) so basically I am screwed!
QUOTE (jamessavik @ December 2 2007, 04:18 PM)
Sometimes a truth has been spoken, or sung, so much better than I could ever do justice too, I prefer to let those words stand on their own.
This song is called All Along the Watchtower originally written by Bob Dylan, it has been covered by all sorts of bands from acid-rawk to wussie-pink emo (but I suggest Jimi Hendricks version).
No reason to get excited, there are many here amoung up who think that life if but a joke,
You I we've been through that, And this is not our fate.
So let us not talk falsely now, The hours getting late...
There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the joker to the thief
Theres too much confusion
I cant get no relief
Businessman they drink my wine
Plow men dig my earth
None will level on the line
Nobody of it is worth
Hey hey
No reason to get excited
The thief he kindly spoke
There are many here among us
Who feel that life is but a joke but uh
But you and I weve been through that
And this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now
The hours getting late
Hey
Hey
All along the watchtower
Princes kept the view
While all the women came and went
Bare-foot servants to, but huh
Outside in the cold distance
A wild cat did growl
Two riders were approachin
And the wind began to howl
Hey
Oh
All along the watchtower
Hear you sing around the watch
Gotta beware gotta beware I will
Yeah
Ooh baby
All along the watchtower
This song is called All Along the Watchtower originally written by Bob Dylan, it has been covered by all sorts of bands from acid-rawk to wussie-pink emo (but I suggest Jimi Hendricks version).
No reason to get excited, there are many here amoung up who think that life if but a joke,
You I we've been through that, And this is not our fate.
So let us not talk falsely now, The hours getting late...
There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the joker to the thief
Theres too much confusion
I cant get no relief
Businessman they drink my wine
Plow men dig my earth
None will level on the line
Nobody of it is worth
Hey hey
No reason to get excited
The thief he kindly spoke
There are many here among us
Who feel that life is but a joke but uh
But you and I weve been through that
And this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now
The hours getting late
Hey
Hey
All along the watchtower
Princes kept the view
While all the women came and went
Bare-foot servants to, but huh
Outside in the cold distance
A wild cat did growl
Two riders were approachin
And the wind began to howl
Hey
Oh
All along the watchtower
Hear you sing around the watch
Gotta beware gotta beware I will
Yeah
Ooh baby
All along the watchtower
.......Talk about sending me back!! Bob Dylan was my hero when I was growing up
QUOTE
This song is called All Along the Watchtower originally written by Bob Dylan, it has been covered by all sorts of bands from acid-rawk to wussie-pink emo (but I suggest Jimi Hendricks version).
That's a nice song indeed
Well, nothing to cheer my weekend up like a wedding. (sarcasm) It was generally miserable / boring considering other than me everyone was 3, 30, or 60 - ish. And then my parents made me dance which is hard to do wiht people who are at way different ages than me. And they made me attempt to catch the garder which was lame, and very awkward. It was very weird in general. And got me thinking when they mentioned "these two people designed for one another" and I won't elaborate but it didn't help with my confusion. Now for good news I'm not confused anymore. Well sort of. I just have decided not to think about it. I'll wait a while and see how I feel. And although it might suck not knowing for sure I've decided to push it out of my mind. I probably won't sign on too frewuently anymore. Not until I decide or if anything else happens inside me. Again, I'm still confused, but I'm glad to know people care. And I'm not alone. Unfortunately my things with my parents haven't cleared up and I tried to calmly consult things with my mom but she was still attacking me and saying that "I'm wasting my high school career" and I told her that she was ruining it. But things still sucked. At least Christmas is coming, and that will be a plus. Sort of. Merry Christmas.
DSAS
DSAS
Good luck, dude!
Wishing you the best,
Kevin
QUOTE
"these two people designed for one another"
Well... weddings suck! If it's not yours that is. LOL. Biological Design has nothing to do with love.
If it helps... mid-teens are usually the times when you go through a dark phase. So just try and cheer up, dude!
I knew I was gay before I was 16. Hell, I knew before I was 12, but diffrent things for diffrent fols, I guess. I do think you need to talk to people. Nothing works better than talking, trust me. I can't say much because obviously (as stated above) only you can do what is best for you. Open up with Joe and see where that takes you. God, I wish I can say more, but another time. Remember you have friends here.
- D
- D
Crikry, the whole night tonight tonight this guy I mentioned before was flirting with with me, I've never veen so sure in my lief, and yet I still didn't act on it, advice please fellow members? I realise I'm not being as ekloquent as possible
QUOTE (Zapp @ February 12 2008, 04:19 PM)
Crikry, the whole night tonight tonight this guy I mentioned before was flirting with with me, I've never veen so sure in my lief, and yet I still didn't act on it, advice please fellow members? I realise I'm not being as ekloquent as possible
........ I guess I would flat out ask him if he was flirting with you! Congrats on your 69th post!!
QUOTE (Zapp @ February 12 2008, 05:19 PM)
Crikry, the whole night tonight tonight this guy I mentioned before was flirting with with me, I've never veen so sure in my lief, and yet I still didn't act on it, advice please fellow members? I realise I'm not being as ekloquent as possible
Well, if you're so sure that he was flirting with you,,, (I can't remember if you said that you liked him) First, think about if you like him that way or not, if you do, well start flirting back,, but being a little more obvious.
That way, he knows that you're also interested, you're obvious enough that he can't ignore the flirting,, something should happen. And yet you don't get the hard part about asking him about it
Refer to post 27 for more, same guy
I see him again on Friday probably, so yeah advice taken.
I see him again on Friday probably, so yeah advice taken.
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