On the show Ugly Betty, Marc (Wilhelmina Slater's assistant), was embarassed to be seen in public with his boyfriend. Marc really liked his bf in private, but was embarassed by the way the bf looked and dressed (the bf was husky and dressed somewhat like a slob).

Ben from TLW could best be described as 'femme' if one had to label him.

Here is the first discription of Ben from TLW Ch 4:



I'll admit that when I was first coming to grips with being gay, I probably wouldn't date someone like Ben (assuming he would have me ). I was sooo 'worried' what other people thought that being seen out in public with someone like Ben would be extremely uncomfortable.

I'm happy to say that I've gotten beyond that over the years and aren't so concerned what other people think. If there was a good personality match, I'd have no problem dating a Ben and being seen out in public with him.

What do you think? Could you see yourself liking/loving someone in private, but being embarassed to be scene seen with them in public?

I won't say embarrassed. But rather sacred, when you're in closet.

But i would say yes. Of course, it's possible to be a tiny bit embarassed. But also a bit sad for your bf.

Sayings like 'Love is blind' or 'You should accept someone as he is' is good only in books...

Ieshwar

Personally I wouldn't be in the least bit embarrassed , but I'm a very hard person to embarrass or make feel uncomfortable.. and with a boyfriend that cute just plain proud . Having actually dated a boy who can fit the description of Ben almost perfectly, all I ever felt other then happy/proud was fear that being so openly gay/flamboyant and somewhat "effeminate" that he would be an easy target for homophobic people, which he is. We're just lucky we live in a place thats generally very accepting, but he's still a target for hostility too often.

I'll pass on the leather pants and the rainbow bracelet, but other than that I'd date him. He struck me as an air-head at times (and I'm not a big fan of forgiving the guy who put me in the hospital, but whatever) but I have no problem with fem guys, given that I have my fair share of stereotypical habits.

Menzo

Umm, I don't think I'd date him, and I don't think it has to do that I'm not completely out. He's a little too flamboyant for me. Tho I'll give it that he has a very nice personality.

If I'm dating someone, someone that I love in private, there's no way that I'd be embarrassed to be seen around him in public

.......I couldn't find the character you are referring to in this link, am I missing something?

On that link, the actor 'Michael Urie' plays the character Marc on Ugly Betty. Marc has some stereotypically gay characteristics and some may call him femme. I don't think there is a picture of the boyfriend who Marc was embarassed to be seen in public with...But that was the situation that got me thinking about dating a 'Ben'.

The people we love tend to embarrass us more then any others, it's a mark of how much we love them that we forgive them each time they do but if your truly embarrassed by someone you love just for them being themselves, then maybe it's not the real thing, or you just have issues .

The important thing to recognize those issues, and to be ok with them That's how I rationalize my failed relationships

Menzo

PS It's not me, it's definitely you.

Well of course I'd be willing to date a "Ben". I don't really care for the labels, and I guess if you are going to stick them on people I'd go with a "middle of the road" kind of gay guy ideally. However, I'd most definitely be more comfortable dating someone more toward the Femme side of the spectrum than the Butch side.

Would I be embarrassed? Of course not!


Actually, I thought that was really awesome and it made him seem more attractive to me. Forgiveness is HOT!

-Kevin

Very nicely (and concisely) said.




Forgiveness is good, but some things are unforgiveable, and I'd say that was one of them.

Menzo

PS But seriously, leather pants? Really? Leather?

That is a minor spoiler for me. I rarely have a consistent enough schedule to follow a series on TV. I've decided to watch all of the episodes of "Ugly Betty" in sequence through the magic of Netflix. I've made it through the first season and am waiting for the second-season DVD to come out. The show is surprisingly well done, and Marc who could be just a silly stereotype works so well with Wilhelmina and Amanda. It sounds like the bf could find Marc embarrassing, too, much like the question of this thread concerning Ben.

Thanks to the folk who did the thread on Justin and got me to give "Ugly Betty" a try.

For me personally, a masculine man is definitely preferable. I like a touch of femininity here and there, but I could not date guys like Ben from TLW or Mark from Ugly Betty. They're not my type. It's nothing against the femme types per se. It's just one of my quirks.