I've been gay for as long as I can remember, though I haven't always known it. I only admitted it to myself about 2 years ago. I'm 16 years old going on 17, and I'm ready to come out to my parents. I've gotten the ball rolling by using my most beloved sister as a conversation piece. I had her ask my parents what their reaction might be if one of their kids turned out to be gay. She of course used herself as an example, asking "What would you think of me if I were a lesbian?" My mother replied jokingly, but finished with she'd love any of her children the same no matter what. My father on the other hand said he would dissapprove of it, but certainly wouldn't bore down on us about it. If that makes since. He says he wouldn't be able to change the fact and would end up "coping with it."

I'm pretty confident about these reactions, and I'm pretty sure tonights the night I'm gonna tell them. I don't know exactly why I feel I need to tell them it's just something I have to do. I guess I'm searching for thier approval of my ways or something a long those lines. My sister, is willing to stick by me and control the situation if it gets out of hand, and I love her dearly for how much she supports me, though sometimes I'm not to good at showing it. I guess I should tell her I love her tonight....

But anyways, the reason I'm posting this tonight, is mostly to simply write out how I feel about the situation. I'm also here for any hints or tips from those who are more expierienced with this situation. Conversation starters, ways to let it out slowly, anything that won't scream "I'm Gay!" as soon as I start the conversation.

I really appreciate anyones help.

~Cody

Helloooooo? ^^

I don't have anything to advise as I'm still closeted myself.

But from their reactions on your sister's questions, I would say they'd be alright with it. I'm wishing you tons and tons and tons and tons of luck, man.

BTW Report back with anything that happens, we're right here, man.

P.S. your tactics sound good. LOL. I might use one of my sisters (I have four to choose from LOL) to break it to my parents... but... *sigh* I'm not that close to any of them except our youngest maybe. But she's 12 and no one would listen to her seriously LOL

i would think wen i came out to my mom that i was bi.. i basically just sat her down and said
" well mom i think theres something u should kno. ive been hiding it for a very long time because ive been in denial and i am attracted to both males and females"
slow but i got the point across.

im not sure that helps you but
good luckk

I will deffinately report back as soon as their news to tell , but I'm waiting for the return of my sister. I don't think I can do it without her by my side.

Hi, Cody,

I can't offer advice on how to start the conversation, though it may be as simple as the classic, "I've got something to tell you."

What I wanted to say is that I read a book from an ex-President of PFLAG that reported that fathers tend to have more problems with their daughters being lesbians than their sons being gay. If that's the case with your dad, then it might go better there than you think.

Good luck and best wishes -- you're braver than I was at your age.



Graeme

Parent number 1 down. My mom is totally okay with it, and once again joked about it with me. She's discouraged me about my father though. She says it took her years to simply cope with the fact my uncle that we see maybe once a year was gay, and that he still dosen't like him in the house with his husband. She says he's rather homophobe. T_T

Well, one parent down, one to go. I think I'll save dear daddy for another time. I'm completely full of energy now, and I don't think I'd be able to do it properly. Actually, I'm chickening out I guess. I'm not quite ready to tell my dad yet. Hopefully mom dosen't slip up. Or would that simply make things easier? Anywho, I'm glad to say at least one parent is accepting who I am, and she seems to be coping with the idea rather well. She absorbed it rather quickly.

Thanks for the support guys! I'll probably return when I'm finally ready to tell dad.

~Cody

That's not called chickening. That's called waiting for the right time. And it's very intelligent.

Btw, don't forget to tell your sis and mum how much you love them!!

Take care,
Ieshwar

Well done! If your mum advises you to wait, then take that advice. She knows him better than anyone else. However, having her support is going to HAVE to modify his reaction. Take your time and talk about it more with your mum over the next few months (yes, months -- what's the rush?). Don't harp on it, but get her help in working things out with your dad.

Good luck!

You don't sound like a Crazy Brit at all Cody. You sound more like a smart one.

If you aren't comfortable coming out to anyone, then don't do it. That discomfort will poison the whole process.

Best to wait until you are comfortable and confident.

Nothing will hurt your cause worse than fear, doubt and uncertianty. If that is in your head, you will communicate it unconsciously and may send a message that you don't intend.

congradulations.

i actually found my dad took it much better than my mom, she just took my time adjusting.
both fine now.

it's been almost exactly 2 years now.

Thanks for all your support and replies everyone. I'm rather glad I came out to my mom, and I'm most certain it will be awhile before dad hears anything of it.

I'm very happy I joined this site, It's been a great help and I'm sure you will all be here later on when I feel I need you guys again.

Thanks again! Hugs for all!

~Cody

Congrats, man. Hope your dad takes it well.

Hey Congrats on everything!!

Congratulations man.
I remember my own coming out story, and really wish that it was as successful as yours with your mum :].
Best of luck with your dad.

Me too.

I came out to my mother two years ago (my father died in a car accident in Ohio when I'm six), so she didn't want to accept it until now, when she told me that no matter who I am to be, straight or gay, she said that she will love me no matter what, so I'm happy that i didn't rush her, also she took time to examine it and realize that she need to respect my life...

Rak

Congratulations, and good luck for the future!

Good luck! You'll know when it's time to tell your dad. I found that my dad seemed to take it better than my mom. My good friend had a similar outcome. I don't know why that was, maybe my dad isn't as hung up on grandkids , although I knew my mom was getting better with the gay thing when she showed me an article about gay men adopting.

I don't think my mom will ever accept it completely. I wish she understood. Her views are slanted due to religious affiliation. I wish she would find a more open-minded church, but she never will.

Hopefully one day she'll realize that if she doesn't accept her son, she risks losing you forever.

Well, she still loves me, and that really matters to me. It's against her religion. I cannot change that. She still maintains that it is a matter of choice, despite mounting evidence to the contrary. I love my mom. She would have to disown me in order to lose me forever. She simply prefers not to talk about it. It's usually not a good conversation.

Well that's something at least. At least she doesn't shun you. Maybe one day you'll get through to her.

Well, at least it's good that you guys are capable of letting that on the side and still can hang out with you. Sometimes not talking is the best, cause you can forget about it and go back as if there was nothing. but really, what will happen when you'll get back home with a boyfriends?

Avoiding a discussion sometimes is just postponing something.

I partially agree, but not completely. I think it is acceptable to agree to disagree, and then shelve the topic as not needing to be discussed any more. This is common where two people have opposing political views, as an example. It's more complicated here because the topic can't be shelved if it is in her face each time her son comes around with a boyfriend, but as long as she's not in denial, I would say let her cope with it at her own pace -- don't force things unless there is a suspicion that she's ignoring the issue.