Well, here's an unique situation for you all to solve: I'm an 17 year old high school senior in a deaf school (an institution), the reason why I still not figure out is that I never had a relationship ever in my school, straight or gay, but I haven't figure out who am I, straight or gay??

I remember how all it began when I read an story (anime-related) when an tall, handsome boy (straight one) comes into the library, my feelings suddenly changed (it when I'm 14), now, I'm only the gay student in my school but my hormones are beginning to go out of control (I mean the urges), I'm almost ready to kissing an striaght boy but I stopped at an arm-length and let him go.

I also come out to all of my close friends (one boy, girl, three teachers), but I haven't come out to the school because I'm scared that my reputation will be ruined because I'm the Student Council President, also that it's a small school (65 pre-K to 12), should I let the school found out itself or do I should tell them at a graduation speech??

Hi,

A lot depends on WHY you want to say something. Coming out is not something you do just because you can (it would be nice if it was, but that's not today's society). If you want to show others that it's okay to be gay, that you've set a good example of what a gay guy can be, then okay. If you want people to know because you don't want to be hiding it any more, then okay.

But if you have any sort of fears, think long and hard about it. You've indicated you're scared that your reputation will be ruined. Why would it be ruined while you're in school, but as soon as you graduate it won't be? What are you plans after graduation and how will coming out affect them (if at all).

One thing you haven't mentioned are your parents/guardians. Do they know? If they don't, don't you think you should tell them BEFORE you tell the school? I can't see how you can tell the school and not tell them -- they'll find out soon enough.

Another thing you haven't mentioned is which country you live in. Different countries have different attitudes. I would probably avoid mentioning which state/county you live in because your school sounds unique enough that the extra information may be enough for it to be identified, which would automatically identify you, too.

Coming out is a very personal thing. Only you know your circumstances and the likely consequences, so only you can make the decision on what to do, largely based on what is safe to do. Hopefully others will be providing a lot more detailed advice.

Like Graeme said, it depends on why you want to come out. If you wanna set an example, a role model for other to follow, the you have me rooting for you.

If you want to come out just because you want to come out, well at the graduation speech, it's kinda high profile. You'd have to face the reaction of everyone at the same time, the good ones and the bad one too. I personally wouldn't have the courage to do that. I say there might be other way to come out without making such a big wave.

A graduation speech is not the place to talk about personal things. By all means, come out if you feel ready (a 'reputation' that is sullied because of who you share your bed with is superficial) but I advise against doing it at graduation.


Menzo

Yeah. Coming out in your graduation speech might be melodramatic, but it's just not the right place.

Hey Dude!

I'm really excited to have you here!

My gay best friend is studying to be an interpreter for the deaf, so homosexuality in the deaf community is something I'm very interested in, and have experienced first hand.

LOL, I can even "Hi my name is Kevin, I'm gay, and that boy over there is beautiful!" (although I typically avoid beginning conversations that way )

Anyway, all the information I have is anecdotal; I haven't done any research on my own. However, from what I hear, the proportion of gays in the deaf community is much higher than that in the hearing community. If the magic number is 10% for hearing people, my friend tells me its 30% for deaf people! Granted, I'm pretty sure he was just ball parking that himself (and we were drinking at the time if I recall), but in any case from what he says there are statistically more gays in the deaf community.

Indeed I once attended an all gay deaf social! Not only that but besides my close friend who's very close with the deaf community, I have another friend who's fluent in ASL as a result of a relationship he had with his ex-boyfriend. I also have a good friend who is functionally, but not culturally deaf, who is also gay.

There also seem to be quite a few parallels between the way the gay community has been treated by society at large and the way the deaf community has been treated. (mostly with people not understanding it and wanting to change it). Anyway, from what I gather there seems to be a greater degree of acceptance in the deaf community. In any case the two cultures seem fairly well integrated and tied together.

As I said, all of this is just from what my friend has told me, coupled with a slight amount of personal interaction I've had with deaf gay people, so perhaps none of this carries over to your specific situation. However, I hope that you can at least be heartened by the fact that there are others out there just like you, and that quite a few gay deaf guys have boyfriends and lead happy, fulfilled lives!

I hope something I've said has at least given you hope. I shall ask my friend whether or not he can suggest any books or resources for you, and if he can I'll post the info here

Hang in there!

-Kevin

...... the possible punnery contained therein is too easy even for me to take advantage of.

ANYWHO, I have to interject with a bit of odd logic here. You stated that you do not know exactly the nature of your sexuality, right? Why would you even consider coming out in any form unless you're absolutely certain? Not to belittle the action itself, because it is something that is of great significance to most gay people, but isn't it a tad bit odd that if you're not sure, then you're wanting to shout it to the heavens?

Graduation speech= bad time. Though we ALL dream of doing some insanely spastic dramatic somersault and tada outta the closet, it's generally not a good idea. I would suggest pondering something else; is it really anyone's business unless you want them to know? People don't walk up to you and announce that they're straight just randomly, so why would you tell anyone that you're not unless you have some reason for them to know?

So, while I have no concrete solutions for you, I would just suggest that you step away from the situation and think about it for a while. Don't look for solutions. Look for understanding the way you feel, and why you feel like doing the things you want to do. So, y'know, after you know how you feel and why you want to do the things you want to do, then maybe it'll be a little easier for you to make decisions that you'll be happy with.

Jafar put it pretty simply in Aladdin when he said "Calm yourself, Iago".

Okay, changed the controls to be "gay", thanks for informing me.

Graeme, if you want to know, the country is United States.

I will go to college next year anyway (it's the only university for the deaf in the world anyway).

You're right, also I told the counselor about doing it at a graduation speech, she said no, now I will side with the majority, thanks for helping me drop "graduation speech" plan, it helped me change my mind about it...

.................ROFLMAO, Kevin you truly crack me up!!!!

I am, in general, going to agree with the majority that a HS graduation speech is not the place to reveal your sexuality in a similar way that it isn't a place to announce that you got a job working for a member of congress, that your parent has some disease, that you have converted to Shinto, or that you got somebody pregnant. In general, those are personal things, like the great Razor said ( ).

HOWEVER, it there is an ongoing climate at the school that shows a clear prejudice against people with some disease, religion, sexual orientation or ... whatever, then it is well within the bounds of appropriateness to use you position of "influence" to address the issue (assuming the administration would let you), state your fear at revealing your experience with said situation BECAUSE of that climate of fear, and express your hope that things change so that people don't have to hide.

Meh, enough from me ... on to someone wiser and more eloquent

Dr. Mr. Snow "Snoopy" Dog

I am actually in your shoes. Not exactly 100% in them, but I am deaf myself too. But I wasn't in a deaf school, but in various "normal" schools with other kids.

But damn, a graduation speech is not the thing to come out. Keep that personal part of your life out of there and make some BS about how great is your school. That's what those boring speeches are for (sorry, not implying yours would be boring lol).

Personally, I'd let the school find out itself. A couple kids guessed I am gay but that was before I even realized and accepted I am. But that's my personal choice. You have your own. If you think you have no obligation to tell people as people don't tell people they're coming out as a "straight" person. Their fault for assuming you're straight. Just think it over and if you think you'll feel better annoncing it, go ahead. If not, keep it personal and only let your friends know if that's all you care for.

Search around the net for the best ways of coming out. Of course you can keep asking us here at GA. We all know what it's like.

God...it makes me think. If I had came out to my high school, I'd have just gotten another label on me...a gay anti-social deaf kid.

I know, thanks Jack and everyone for supporting and helping me drop the plan to do it at graduation, THANK YOU!!!

.............Actually I lost most of my hearing, well a long time ago 0% left have maybe 40% right. I am glad you got some good advice!!

I have some minor hearing problems. I think it's genetic. I don't need a hearing aid yet. My grandma had hearing problems and so does my uncle.

......Lost mine in Southeast Asia

I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?

.............leans in to read small warning sign on a howitzer, that states "Ear protection needed when firing...........BOOOMMM!
Actually, I was aboard a security post, The jets that took off were only 16" above the station I was at, and the nature of my post...well we could not wear protection

ah... Benji, welcome to the deaf community!