I know I've met a bunch of gay people in the past and alot of act different, yesterday my friend was confused on how gay people act, I was a little curious about it too. It's easy to define whether a gay person could act "straight", but what do you define a gay person who acts like something else or would you just define it as "gay". I hope this doesn't confuse anyone, lol.

I've found that this discussion is typically a question of whether the person is acting effeminate or masculine. It devolves from the (erroneous) view that gay means effeminate.

Gay guys are guys who are sexually attracted to other guys. That's the definition I use, and the corollary is that in all other fields of human endeavour, there's no distinction between gay and straight guys. There are straight guys who are effeminate. There are gay guys are who masculine. I will concede that there is probably a higher percentage gay guys amongst effeminate guys than with straight guys, but even that is not certain. The problem is that masculine gay guys don't stand out as much, and hence most people don't notice them. Effeminate guys are the minority and hence are more easily identified. The ones that are also gay thus stand out more.

I mostly agree with Graeme; however, to simply answer the question without attaching any kind of value judgment or evaluation to it, I would say that "acting gay" most likely means (when said by the average person), anyone who acts in a way that is gender atypical and who breaks gender roles, stereotypes, conventions, and expectations etc.

With that said, I personally loath gender roles, so I'm all for people breaking them, be they man, woman, child, straight, gay, bi, old, young, or a lime green monster from AJOREIA

-Kevin

(I am first and foremost in favour of people simply being themselves, however, so if a girl is extra feminine or a boy is extra masculine (regardless of sexuality), I'm fine with that...I just personally enjoy seeing people screw with social conventions lol)

I agree with both Graeme and Kevin,

There is no such thing as 'acting' gay or straight. Yeah, one may pretend to be straight just because of the fear of being outed, but that is a different thing altogether.

For me, there is no distinction between gay or straight. or that may be due to my abysmal gaydar!!

Me, too. Same thing. In high school I found that girls have a hell of a lot better gaydar than any gay (or straight) guy.

When Doug and I came out at our Senior Ball there were two kinds of reactions: I KNEW you guys were an item! (mostly said by girls) and No f'ing way, you guys are SO totally straight looking/acting! (mostly said by guys).

Oh, yeah, there were a lot of "congratulations!" too.


Colin

Awwww

well... I'm just gay. LOL. I don't have effeminate tendencies though I do gravitate a bit more towards art than normal 'male interests'.

And I hate sports... but other than that, I'm just your average guy

So yeah, it's hard to categorize people simply by looks or how they act alone.

Sometimes I really wish that there were some secret symbols which would enable us to figure each other out!!!

But that, I know, is impossible!!!

There' a device actually. Electronic Gaydar:

http://members.tripod.com/~marco_santoro/

I dunno about it's practicality tho.

Man, that sounds very clever! It would have to become popular in addition to being clever in order to be of value.

Colin

You guys should save yourselves the money and just get yourselves a Greg.

Greg is proven to make jocks, nerds, goths, and preps flame.

He can be yours for the low low price of dinner and decent conversation.

Disclaimer: Monthly charges and variable annual interest may apply.

CALL NOW!!!

lol...a greg?

.... I would buy one if I had money to toss out the window for something like that, lol! As it is, I'll just make educated guesses.

Wait, you know, cell phones vibrate/ring/whatever and are in GIGANTIC use nowadays. Wouldn't it be really easy to make some sort of system for them to do this same thing...? I mean, I don't know how the whole proximity thing would work, cause I'm not sure how the locations of phones or the presence of phones around them could be known without changes to existing hardware, but you'd think someone would be working on that about now. Social networking taken to the next level.

There are actually more straight men who happen to be cross-dressers than there are gay/bi men. I say let people be themselves. There are much more important things to worry about than whether Tyler across the street is a "fairy queen." Judge people by the content of their character and how they treat others instead of worrying about gender conformity or lack thereof.

Amen

LMAO Greg! How much is shipping?

Colin, yeah. I've known about them for a long time now. I first read about it in a magazine once. I don't know if people are actually using it. It would be pretty pointless if you have one and it turns out only like a thousand men/women own others. *sigh*

Plus I think there are a lot of different brands of the electronic gaydar out there. :S

Razor, awesome idea! One that could really amke money LOL. An addon or a software or something! Not just for gays too, but say, keyed for people searching for a specific type of people (fetishers, heh, polyamorists, etc.). That way you won't have to be in awkward situations of wondering 'is he or isn't he?'. Heh.

I sooo agree with that!!

In my school, many people don't know about me, but I don't want to reveal this part, so when later i come out to some, some thought that I'm straight, so I told them, "Am I a great actor, huh??" so that's my line to them when they said that they thought that I'm straight, not gay. LOL...

i think those devices are pointless... for the record

Honestly a lot of my guy friends aren't gay but the ones who are i didnt know that they were till i actually sat down and spoke to them . I know alot of people l who go by what people wear and thats not right cuz i kno a lot of straight guys who wear tight pants and all the other stereo typical gay guy clothing..-.- i hate stereo types

I think we all have our fetishes. <blush> I won't talk about mine in a forum. If you must know, send me a pm. lol

When I was in high school, I found out two things:

1. Me, and my friends who were gay (and knew I was gay), and other kids on campus who were out but weren't my friends (and thus didn't know I was gay), seemed to be clueless about which other guys on campus were gay unless they were told by someone. In other words, they and I did not have functional gaydar.

2. Some of my straight female friends knew (or claimed to know) which guys (who weren't out) were gay . They were right on with some guys, but missed other guys (including me and Doug).

I never wore tight pants (jeez, they are SO uncomfortable!) and don't have any fem mannerisms (there's nothing wrong with either of those things) and most of my friends who I knew were gay didn't either. But some of the girls pegged some of those guys anyway. When that happened it blew me away.

So, my opinion is that in general straight girls have better gaydar than gay guys.


Colin

I was just talking to my brother Chris, and he said that homophobes could buy these devices to find gays to beat up. Maybe this isn't such a good idea!

Colin

And if enough did it, they'd wind up beating up each other.

When I was in high school, I was so far in the closet that I did not even admit to myself that I was bi. And yes, I know it's different, but I still know about hiding one's own sexuality to the point of denial. At least, you weren't in denial. That's more than can be said for me and so many others.

Colin

Every girl I've ever clued in, with the single exception of my friend Chelsea, reacted in total surprise. They've all told me that I "just don't act gay". Therefore, in general, straight girls have had the least amount of luck guessing my orientation.

There is no gaydar... I say we should just flirt when we wanna flirt and bam, you'll figure it out eventually.

There is Gaydar Jamie, it's just yours gets all fouled up due to the emo-ness .

Graeme put together a list of all the Gaydar threads, my favourite being the Gaydar, real or myth? thread (probably cause I posted my own theories on Gaydar back then ).

tlwritingtiger: I so agree! I have mine as well. Though not to the point of obsession. It's just what makes us human.

glomph: LMAO. I hope they do! ^^

i was this typical skater guy(except me being gay) up til my late teens and my first boyfriend was a footballer and into martial arts and stuff.Stereotypes are a powerful means of reassurance . Nobody suspected that we were gay and dating . Even my dad found us asleep on my bed one night and didnt give much thought to it . Well he sure did think it over when i came out to him. I never "acted" one thing or the other . I think i was just myself. This gay norm is a construct . we are all exceptions of a rule that doesn't exist. ( someone important wrote that , dont remember who)

I don't know who said it either, but it's very true.

As an analogy, I read a comment by a paediatrician that he's never seen an average baby, but he's seen lots of normal ones. The idea is that "average" is a point, while "normal" is a range around that point. The gay "norm" is a point constructed by taking a set of "gay attributes" -- and no one has all of those attributes. Some of us have very few and other have a lot -- but the degree we have them also varies. Add it all up and you get a very complex picture that bears no resemblance to the "gay norm".

Actually I have several. <blush> I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours (in pm of course).


The only real attributes of being gay are being exclusively attracted to men on sexual and emotional levels. That is the only "norm" so to speak. Acting in an effeminate manner is acting in an effeminate manner. As I said before, there are plenty of straight and bi men who sometimes act in an effeminate manner, and there are plenty of gay men who are just as butch as they can be.

That is one of the best ways I've seen anyone put forth this view!

How true it is...

BeaStKid

I'm flattered. People have to get over this whole idea of gender conformity. I tend to be manly most of the time, but if something disgusts me, another side of me comes to the surface. So what? I will never apologize for being me, and neither should anyone else.

Same is with me... I'm pretty 'straight acting' but sometimes, when I'm quite excited...................................................

yup...even I don't apologize...Even when I flirt with my best friend...

The whole class teases him of being gay. And since I am so close to him, they kinda club me with him . If there's one thing that I've learnt in high school, its that if you're being teased, don't let it get to you. Play along and the teasing will die down. So while it royally pisses my friend off, I enjoy the teasing. At least I can spoil myself my believing that he is gay during the teasing It's friendly teasing, BTW

BeaStKid

Good for you. You've got guts, dude. I may have to start a new topic, because it is my understanding that you live in a country full of homophobes, and tyou can even be arrested. That must be horrible. My heart pours out to you and other gay/bi men in India and other countries that suppress people like that. We have plenty of homophobia in the US, but at least we do not have to worry about getting arrested or being stoned to death.

That is true. A gay/bi man (not females) can be arrested for being a homosexual under the Indian Penal Code. About me having guts!! I'm not even out! I just joke around...friendly banter...that's it. Nothing more, for if it went more than that... God save me!!!!!!

But the acceptance is coming. Especially amongst the younger generation. If I can joke about 'allegedly' being gay, then the situation is indeed improving...

BeaStKid

I'm glad to hear it. I used to talk to this guy from India on Yahoo until I found out he was a homophobe and a supporter of terrorists. I hope your country repeals those archaic Penal Codes someday soon. We have our own struggle here in the US, but at least we do not have the worry of being arrested for who we love.

Yeah... It's surprising to hear that an Indian is a supporter of terrorism... I guess there are all types of people in a community...

When the political leader from Pakistan was assassinated, he was happy about it. I realize that the two countries have issues, but being glad that a woman was assassinated is going WAY overboard.

Psst... 17 and counting. (# of posts) hehe

Well, I wasn't happy...but now that you've cleared as to what he was doing, I'd add something here...without going into politics..

India and Pakistan have had a long history of perpetual hostility which has begun to thaw in recent years. While many young Indians believe that there is nothing wrong in having friendly relations with Pakistan, many from the older generations feel otherwise. The main reason is that they have too many wounds from this rivalry. Both sides have lost many of their number.

There are some Indians who feel that Pakistan is their sworn enemy, there are still others who feel that U.S is out to take over the world while another faction feels that China is God! But the majority of us are quite liberal and are quite modern in their outlook.

That is why, the law which criminalizes homosexuality is facing an appeal in the court of law...

And yes, being glad was going WAY overboard, but there are people like that in every community...Even in U.S...

BeaStKid

(Yeah, I'm very patriotic...Some people here can attest that!!!)

There are hostilities between neighboring nations all over the world. That needs to change. I am of the belief that there is an unwanted hostility between Americans and Canadians. It's complete nonsense. Good relations between neighboring states is essential for a peaceful region to develop.

Amen! Too bad there aren't many like us in positions of power...

Careful! We don't want to get into trouble for being too political.

You are obviously in a better position to say than me, but don't confuse rivalry (and a touch of jealousy, since the two nations aren't equal) with hostility. Some people will take the level of rivalry to that of hostility, but my understanding is that it's more rivalry. The USA is the bigger and more powerful nation, so Canadians feel they have to bluster a bit and point out their strengths, and the USA responds by pointing out their strong points. There's a similar relationship between Australia and New Zealand, and Australia and the USA. Australians like to beat NZ in sporting events more than almost any other nation, but if we can't win a multination event, we prefer NZ to beat other nations.

Sadly, some do take to the point of hostility towards Canadians, and I don't think we feel the same way about sporting events as you feel about New Zealand. That's a shame though. Canada has some great figure skaters. (Did I just say that?) lol

~throws a globe dotted with tiny american flag pins into the closet~ Taking over the world... whatever do you mean? K, here's my random thought, lol. Everyone's against the U.S. China's evil, and they're trying to kill us all with toys containing lead and date rape drugs. India's out to get us by making really weird movies, thus confusing us long enough for them to invade. Those damn Canadians are gonna stab us all with ice skates one day. England is spelling all our words wrong. And don't even get me started on the Mexicans... they just wanna come here for the Taco Bells.

Now that I've been thoroughly silly, I'm done.