Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Birth Story
Gay Authors > Story Discussions > eFiction Discussion
FrenchCanadian
You can discuss on my latest short story here,, Birth Story

looking forward for your comments.

Sacha
aka FrenchCanadian
scoopny
What I liked about this story was how matter of fact you treated Alex getting pregnant. It was like no big deal, you didn't have to provide some big explanation on how it was possible, everyone just accepted it as normal. I also found it funny how clueless Jessie was over the pregnancy, he was constantly unsure how to handle it all, just like most dads are, they just do what they're told. All in all a very cute little tale.

Perhaps a sequel? Maybe about Dakota and Shea's kid? hehe....
moonwolf
ok, I just love this, simple,short,funny and nicely written to top it off... sweetie btw when do I get to be in your stories tongue.gif ?

Honestly I really liked it... continue writing the way you do, it's a gift that should be shown smile.gif
Benji
cool.gif ....That was different! I was waiting for "how was this pregnancy possible" scenerio to be played out, but the non-answer was perfect. Yeah a sequel? about Dakota and Shea's kid? tongue.gif
Tiff
QUOTE (scoopny @ February 27 2008, 03:06 PM) *
What I liked about this story was how matter of fact you treated Alex getting pregnant. It was like no big deal, you didn't have to provide some big explanation on how it was possible, everyone just accepted it as normal. I also found it funny how clueless Jessie was over the pregnancy, he was constantly unsure how to handle it all, just like most dads are, they just do what they're told. All in all a very cute little tale.

Perhaps a sequel? Maybe about Dakota and Shea's kid? hehe....

This was a great story. I really liked it.

I have to agree that it was nice you didn't go into deep detail or explanation of how Alex got pregnant. It was like it was a everyday occurence, like when straight couples get pregnant. It was cute how the story was told from the child's view.

I liked the wedding scene at the end. I liked when Alex demanded an epidural, or some marijauna. Had me cracking up. Found it cute and endearing that Dakota was so confident about changing the tire, but then broke his arm. Even though Dakota and Shea were secondary characters, I liked seeing them argue, because it was a realistic exchange between couples.

A sequel is not a bad idea.... biggrin.gif
Tiger
I have to agree. This sounds like something sci-fi. When strange things happen, there should be an explanation. wink.gif
BeaStKid
I loved it!

I too was waiting for an explanation, but when none came, I thought, what the hell? It must me Normal!! laugh.gif

A beautiful tale and I loved the barbecue chicken thing.... tongue.gif

Nice writing style..

BeaStKid devilsmiley.gif
Tiff
QUOTE (BeaStKid @ February 27 2008, 06:45 PM) *
I loved it!

I too was waiting for an explanation, but when none came, I thought, what the hell? It must me Normal!! laugh.gif

A beautiful tale and I loved the barbecue chicken thing.... tongue.gif

Nice writing style..

BeaStKid devilsmiley.gif

Oh, I forgot all about the barbecue chicken thing....that was a good scene---a bit of misdirection. biggrin.gif Makes a story fun.
BeaStKid
QUOTE (Tiff @ February 28 2008, 05:17 AM) *
Oh, I forgot all about the barbecue chicken thing....that was a good scene---a bit of misdirection. biggrin.gif Makes a story fun.

yup it does... one moment I was like, WTF? And the other I was like WTF!
Tiff
QUOTE (BeaStKid @ February 27 2008, 06:48 PM) *
yup it does... one moment I was like, WTF? And the other I was like WTF!

BK, you're so funny! tongue.gif That was the reaction I had, too! I was reading that scene and going, OH MY GOD, WTF are they talking about?!?! And then a bit later, I start laughing and go, WTF, barbecue CHICKEN???

Great stuff biggrin.gif
BeaStKid
QUOTE (Tiff @ February 28 2008, 05:25 AM) *
BK, you're so funny! tongue.gif

I aim to please...thanks
FrenchCanadian
QUOTE (scoopny @ February 27 2008, 03:06 PM) *
What I liked about this story was how matter of fact you treated Alex getting pregnant. I

Perhaps a sequel? Maybe about Dakota and Shea's kid? hehe....


It goes with the absurdity of the text,, that's why I made it seems "normal". Also that way I could play easier with the comedy of the situation.

QUOTE (Benji @ February 27 2008, 03:23 PM) *
cool.gif ....That was different! I was waiting for "how was this pregnancy possible" scenerio to be played out, but the non-answer was perfect. Yeah a sequel? about Dakota and Shea's kid? tongue.gif


Yes, it is indeed very different, and unique... That's why I was worrying a little about what the reaction would be. It could be either good or people could simply don't "get" it or take it more seriously.

QUOTE (Tiff @ February 27 2008, 05:22 PM) *
This was a great story. I really liked it.

I have to agree that it was nice you didn't go into deep detail or explanation of how Alex got pregnant. It was like it was a everyday occurence, like when straight couples get pregnant. It was cute how the story was told from the child's view.

I liked the wedding scene at the end. I liked when Alex demanded an epidural, or some marijauna. Had me cracking up. Found it cute and endearing that Dakota was so confident about changing the tire, but then broke his arm. Even though Dakota and Shea were secondary characters, I liked seeing them argue, because it was a realistic exchange between couples.

A sequel is not a bad idea.... biggrin.gif


The wedding scene did bring the sweetness in the story all together. The braking the arm part,, well I wanted to get the funniest,, and since he said how it would be easy,,, tongue.gif

About the sequel,, it seems like most of you ask for it, tongue.gif smile.gif I made the opening at the end for the sequel just in case I'd need it. But I won't make one just for the fun of it,, if I write one it will be cause it will be just as fun/weird as the original one. But I do have an idea in the working
BeaStKid
QUOTE (FrenchCanadian @ February 28 2008, 05:32 AM) *
But I do have an idea in the working

w00t!
FrenchCanadian
QUOTE (Tiff @ February 27 2008, 06:55 PM) *
BK, you're so funny! tongue.gif That was the reaction I had, too! I was reading that scene and going, OH MY GOD, WTF are they talking about?!?! And then a bit later, I start laughing and go, WTF, barbecue CHICKEN???

Great stuff biggrin.gif


The chicken/sex scene was honestly sooooo fun to write, tongue.gif I kept thinking,, oki this thing is going a little too far, but still I was like,, one more.. LOL
GaryK
I'm finally getting around to reading stories from more authors. I enjoyed this one, Sacha. I disagree about any explanation being needed. Sometimes a willing suspension of disbelief is enough; no other explanation is necessary. For a more thorough critique you can look at the review I did. smile.gif
GaryK
I want to publicly apologize to Sacha.

My initial review of this story included things I should have sent via PM. Chalk it up to being new here and not fully appreciating proper etiquette when it comes to making comments that should be made privately.

I deleted my initial review and posted a new one.

I truly did love this story and anything else I have to say about it has been said to Sacha via PM.
C James
Sasha, I loved it! Sorry it took me so long to read it, I've had a very hectic couple of weeks.

I loved the humor, and the portrayal of a guy getting another guy pregnanat as an everyday event was both hilarious and poignant.

CJ smile.gif
Anthony
A good idea and it was well worked out to be a good joke. I liked it but I did notice a typo or two. For example:

off their coat
I have go to tell
tried to reassured his
Jessie made his best to appear happy
to diffuse the tension
Dakota said his words became slurred
a long deep kiss. It didn’t last long
had made over to the house
not once I have regretted not

I bet, if I searched carefully, I could find more. Do you want a supernumary editor?
FrenchCanadian
QUOTE (Anthony @ April 18 2008, 12:15 PM) *
A good idea and it was well worked out to be a good joke. I liked it but I did notice a typo or two. For example:

off their coat
I have go to tell
tried to reassured his
Jessie made his best to appear happy
to diffuse the tension
Dakota said his words became slurred
a long deep kiss. It didn’t last long
had made over to the house
not once I have regretted not

I bet, if I searched carefully, I could find more. Do you want a supernumary editor?


Thanks Anthony, I'm glad that you like the idea and the end result, and yes there's prolly some more typos, and when I'm being told I correct them, so thanks you, as for the extra editor, well thanks for the proposition, you'll notice that for my newest texts I also added a beta reader in my team,, there's still not such of thing as too many eyes
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2008 Invision Power Services, Inc.