QUOTE (Graeme @ February 29 2008, 05:04 AM)

So, you're putting it forward as a 'weaker' form of bisexuality? If you treat sexuality as being a scale from homosexuality to heterosexuality, you're saying "sexually fluid" means he's not quite 100% heterosexual? In my opinion, very few people are 100% homo- or heterosexual.
No, that's not really what I meant at all. For one thing, I personally prefer to think of sexuality along
two scales. One for interest in one gender one for the other (with orientation labeled appropriately depending on one's own sex). Really I mean "sexually fluid" to be a completely different concept from this two scale model, however. I would not even attempt to pinpoint someone's sexuality on the scale model whom I had called "sexually fluid".
I suppose, sexually fluid is specifically designed to avoid labels. A "sexually fluid" person wouldn't be gay or straight, but bi wouldn't exactly fit either. However, I would tend to let the person label themselves based on whatever their usual preference is. For example I think Eric
could refer to himself as "straight", but I think a little asterisk next to it with a footnote for "sexually fluid" might be more appropriate

Actually, I might possibly apply this label to myself. I identify as gay, I think of myself and conduct myself as a gay person, but I'm not really...rigid about it. When it comes to sexual matters I have a pretty open-minded outlook. A good example I can use is how many straight people have a knee-jerk "Eughh" response to nudity, genitals, bodily functions, etc for someone of their gender (these people also typically get grossed out about same sex relationships). Yet,
alot of gay and lesbian people are exactly the same way!! They act disgusted by the thought of straight sex for example, or the intimate bodies of the opposite sex.
To me this is unconceivable. I simply can't fathom why someone would find straight, gay, or lesbian intercourse innately disgusting. There are quite a few specific people I don't care to imagine "doing it", but the act itself would never repulse me, and assuming that the individuals partaking in it are average, every-day people I'll probably be mostly disinterested, or only turned on in so far as it does represent a sort of "sexual energy". If the people are really "hot" - by my definition and perception - I'll probably find it quite erotic. It is likely that if I find it erotic it will be males, or a male/female, but I certainly wouldn't be surprised if it were two females.
In that way, unless the conversation were extremely inappropriate (which would mostly be a social and contextual thing) I would have no problem hearing or thinking about anyone in particular's sex life. As I said, it probably wouldn't "do much for me", but chances are it wouldn't embarrass me, and it's very unlikely it would actually "gross me out".
Anyway, with regards to that, and the fact that I would always be willing to gamely enter into a heterosexual relationship if it felt right under the given circumstances (however, unlikely that is), I would describe myself as "sexually fluid"...but certainly not "bisexual".
I similarly have a hesitancy to concrete any gender/sex(ual) roles or expectations in any of my relationships (including platonic), but overtime I will probably establish a particular dynamic with the specific person involved. However, I would find it constraining and disconcerting if we
always interacted in a certain way based on these gender/sex roles, and I would certainly never be willing to establish a set with which to carry over into all/most of my relationships.
A good example is a relationship I have with a specific friend. He's naturally inclined to assume a more passive role and I do tend to naturally be inclined to assume a more dominant one. However, the idea that there's an
expectation that that is the way we will continue to conduct our interactions is very unappealing to me and I get a bit miffed when he behaves as if this is the case. Instead, I prefer us to sort of "make it up as we go", and if that means I tend to make more of the decisions, carry more things, open more doors, and pay more frequently then so be it.
QUOTE (Graeme @ February 29 2008, 05:04 AM)

Tastes and preferences don't equate to sexuality. Tastes and preferences evolve over time -- I have no doubt on that. But that doesn't mean their sexuality evolves.
I would disagree here. To me sexuality does more or less boil down to a matter of tastes and preferences. Perhaps not in the strictest sense...and perhaps this is just how I personally tend to look at it, but while I agree that sexuality is much more complicated than
simple tastes and preferences, I think the
composite of all these tastes and preferences do essentially add up to "sexuality".
QUOTE (Graeme @ February 29 2008, 05:04 AM)

I think he's fairly unlikely to consider having casual sex with another guy, but I think he's highly unlikely to go through with it. The circumstances would have to be special for it to happen, because I think he'll always choose a girl if there is a suitable one available.
I can see him considering it, but not going through with it. It's like he'd consider drinking rot gut, but if there's a bottle of Tequila next to it, we all know which one he'll drink from....
LOL, so if girls are tequila that must make guys "rot gut"...I'm not sure I appreciate this analogy!
In any case, what I was talking about wouldn't be about "preferences" at all. It would be about "trying something new", "curiosity", or "experimentation" whatever you want to call. The analogy I would use is that I enjoy a good Shiraz or Pinot Noir. I
always prefer these to a Merlot. In a strict matter of picking what I find more appealing I would get the Shiraz or Pinot Noir every time.
HOWEVER, if I consciously thought "you know, Merlot is popular around here. My friends seem to like it a lot and I do
always get the Shiraz or the Pinot Noir. I think I'm going to branch out and try the Merlot tonight!" If that were my frame of mind (and indeed it has been on occasions), then nothing, even the waiter offering me a Pinot Noir, is going to stop me from ordering a Merlot. I certainly wouldn't be planning to
switch to Merlot, I know that in fact I would probably enjoy a Shiraz more. Nevertheless, just for tonight, I'm going to order a Merlot with the knowledge that there'll be plenty of opportunities for me to have Shiraz or Pinot Noir in the future.
QUOTE (Graeme @ February 29 2008, 05:04 AM)

You've made it sound like it's a closeted or unwitting bi-sexual, in which case why should you be voting for bi-sexual?
No, I definitely didn't mean to imply that it would be closeted or unwitting. I think that the person would likely have already realized that they're "fluid" (whatever that meant to them), and would instead be making a spontaneous (but conscious) decision.
QUOTE (TL The Writing Tiger @ February 29 2008, 11:25 AM)

Very few people are 100% straight or 100% gay. I'm more like 80/20 myself. Some would say that makes me bi; others would say that makes me gay but flexible.

That's a good way to sum it up!
QUOTE (TL The Writing Tiger @ February 29 2008, 12:27 PM)

I think we're socialized to be straight or gay, preferable straight. I happen to think it's time to stop the social engineering and let people decide for themselves with fear. Monosexism is not healthy for human civilization.
Amen to that!
Take care all and have a great day!
-Kevin (whose favourite wine is actually Chardonnay

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