Is religion a factor when you date someone?

Lets say that you are a religious person, and you are interested in someone, but you find out that they are in no way religious at all, they believe in nothing, do you stay interested? Do you move on? What do you do?

Lets say that you are already in a relationship and you find out that they are not at all religious? What do you do?

Okay, again, what if you are a religious person, and the person you are interested in is of a different religion. Does it matter?

Okay, now lets say that you are not religious, either you just don't practise a religion much, or that you believe in nothing, you think religion is a big ol' hoax (or whatever... I think you get my point?). If you are interested in someone and find out that they are religious, either super religious or just religious, whatever, does it matter? What do you do?

What if you are already in a relationship, and you find out that they are religious. What do you do? Does it matter?

I am not much of a poll maker, so I will just leave it at this... Hope I make sense.

Initially, when you meet someone and go on a few dates, no, I don't feel that religion is factor. It's a few dates, you might click or you might not. I wouldn't disregard someone just because they did or didn't practicd religion or a different one. I do know, however, some people who want to date someone who is religious and the same one as them. It all depends on the person, I guess.

Once you get to know someone though, and you discuss the possibilties of a future together, then religion may be a factor, depending on how religious that other person is. If two people were not really religious, it wouldn't matter, cause neither are practicing. If one person was semi-religious and the other not at all, it could be worked out.

The only problem I forsee is when one person is devoutly religious or if two people had different religions and were very hardcore about practicing. When one person is insanely religious and the other doesn't care at all, then it would be so tiresome to hear one person preaching all the time. And if children enter the picture, there might be varying ways of raising them. For example, I have a very religious Catholic friend. I'm Christian, but stopped going to church and bible school a long time ago. Anyway, whenever she preaches to me about praying for everything and leaving things in God's hands, it gets me a little annoyed. I don't mind religion, I just don't want it shoved in my face all the time, whenever I have a problem or get stressed out. Some people need to understand that not everyone turns to religion for things. It all comes down to mutual respect, I guess.

When two people follow religions at opposite ends of the spectrum- I don't think it could work. Over time, the tension and differences would become too overwhelming.

I hope that made sense. My thoughts were jumbled and I didn't know how to respond to all your questions. Hopefully others will be more insightful.

Initially no, but it can lead to some heated debates


I'm not 'religious' in the sense usually understood by the term (organised religion). I predominantly believe in the goodness of people and build from there.

I quite enjoy a spirited debate so in some ways them having strong opinions on the subject will draw me closer to them, because I fall for intelligence and spirit and personality. Unless they were really insistent about or obsessed with religious issues it wouldn't be a bar to me wanting to get to know them better.


I've been in developing relationships where my partner has tried hard to get me to go to church or to 'prove' to me that their 'God' exists. If they don't recognise that religious belief is predominantly a matter of opinion rather than fact, I move on. As long as they don't try to 'convert' me or my friends and they keep their religious activities personal to them I'm fine with it.

The most annoying situation is where they give no clue as to having strong religious views, live a hedonistic lifestyle and can be seen breaking almost every rule in their religious doctrine, and then start pontificating about other people in a totally hypocritical manner.

Hi Kurt

I'm one of "those" people that don't care to be part of any organized religon. I do believein god tho.

With that said, I don't think the religon matters as much as the person. If a person holds other religons to be dramaticly inferior to their own, it might be better to stear clear of the situation

Hugs,
Tom

That hypocritical behavior is what turned me off of religion. There are very few people who are religious, yet actually stick to it, as in how they live. The ones that do, I can respect, but the rest just disgust me. Nothing wrong with living a hedonistic lifestyle, just don't preach or look down at others for not being pure enough or whatever.

Not really. I'm an atheist and he's a Buddhist (he grew up in a Vietnamese family with his parents being immigrants from the 1970s).


Erm religion is never a factor, but if the person I am dating is very religious and nag at me for being an atheist, then I would ditch him because I don't need someone looking down my own beliefs and not learn to let and live.


I wouldn't care. lol My boyfriend almost never goes to the temple or read the texts. He's probably almost as atheist as me.


No. As I said...he's a Buddhist. His family has a Buddhist statue in the house and they pray to it every day.


Hoax probably if we consider the existence of superhuman forces (gods, spirits, etc.) But there is nothing wrong with believing and using it to achieve peace in oneself.


Look at the answer for question #2.

So I was once seeing this guy, Catholic I believe, who for religious reasons wasn't entirely comfortable with being/acting gay. I felt very awkward about this: I don't want to be someone's guilty pleasure.

So, beyond just asking "are our religious beliefs compatable with each other's?" you might want to ask whether they are also compatible with sharing the kind of relationship each of you have in mind.

-- Raro

I wouldn't mind dating someone 'spiritual', but it would be difficult to date someone who was hard core in their religious beliefs.

Also, it just seems that since so many mainstream religions frown upon the gay lifestyle, there would be a lot of self-hate or self-loathing with this person and why would I want to date someone who wasn't comfortable in their own skin.

Take Care®,

Vic

But as we know Vic, the advocates of almost all religions have an à-la-carte approach to the particular edicts they choose to follow, and the ones they choose to overlook or ignore

The only way religion would affect my relationship with someone is if they forced theirs on me. I was born and raised Roman Catholic, but I am non-practicing. If some was religious and tried to convert me, I would run them over with a stolen armored car/truck. If someone was religious and didn't give a shit about my religion (and was interested in me), then I would do them from sun-down to sun-up. The only thing that would disrupt that is if their religion was against homosexuality, they are male, and at some point they let their religion decide their love life for them. In which case I would say, "Adios," and move on.

Tiff said it exactly. I have no problems dating with someone religious, be they Christian, Muslim, Jew, etc. as long as they're not all evangelical about it.

On another forum, I have heard the experiences of one guy who met someone really attractive on a seminar or something. He was gay too, so he invited the guy for a cup of coffee. Flirting ensued... bla bla. And then the guy started talking about how his religion (protestant, I forgot the specific group) was so good to him, and how they were so accepting of gays, how they take retreats, etc. Basically... the guy was trying literally to convert him, inviting him for some church activities and stuff.

That's what I don't like.

If they're religious, no problem. But they got to respect the choices of the other person - in my case atheism.

I think it depends on the specifics involved--religion can involve observances of practices or rituals (e.g., sabbath observances, dietary rules, reverence of shrines), or theologically-based opinions of behaviors (e.g., no drinking, no dancing no war-making, no slavery, forcing people to behave in certain ways or an aversion to forcing people to behave in certain ways), or simply dogmatic beliefs (trinitarianism, consubstantiation versus transubstatiationism, etc.). The extent to which you can choose to either share beliefs and practices, or appreciate your partner;s beliefs and practices without necessarily sharing in them, is part of the negotiation of any ongoing relationship. The extent to which one person requires the other partner to conform to beliefs or practices--to what extent is one prepared to compromise out of desire for the relationship without feeling coerced?

I'm involved in a mixed-religious relationship, but each of our religious backgrounds is so complex that t would be difficult for me to go into detail, since we don't fall into neatly compartmentalized labels.

Just some random ramblings at a very late hour for me.

--Rigel

For me, it would depend upon what religion it is. Some religions I am okay with while others are unacceptable. I won't name names of the religions, but those who know me probably have a good idea anyway.

Doesn't make any sh*t of a difference to me if my partner/wife is religious or not. It does when he/she tries to force it on me.

I am not religious myself. I am more on the spiritual side rather than religion...

BeaStKid

Like some others stated before, it doesn't matter to me, as long as there is tolerance/acceptance of other opinions/believes. I can't stand it if someone tries to convince me that his/her believes are the only valid ones... that would be a sure "no go".

I have to say, that no religion doesn't really matter to me. It's probably because my family may be prominatly Christian, but we do have those who were raised in other religions.
I'm of the mind set that as long as the person doesn't try to dictact my movments with the excuse that their religion says I can or cannnot do something, or try to force their beliefs on me, I can care less what they believe in.
I believe in quite a bit personally. I still believe in God, but I also have some pagan flavor to my beliefs, but that's just me.
As long as they try to understand my stand point, and I understand theirs, I could care less. All I'm interested in when I date someone is if we actually get along.

I think of myself as spiritual as well. I would rather have someone who is more relaxed and easy-going. Some, not all, of the religious types seem to be too uptight for my taste.

I think it is only an issue when there's kids, or if one person is very active in their religion. I'm a rabid Dawkins-esque atheist, yet I'm dating a French Catholic right now. He believes in god and yada yada yada, but it hasn't (so far) been an issue because it's not a huge part of his life. I wouldn't date someone who was extremely religious, and I don't think I could ever have children with someone who wanted to raise them to be religious, but as far as dating goes, I haven't found it much of an issue.

Menzo

Religion is a personal thing. This wouldn't change anything for me. If I were big on religious things and my bf weren't, It wouldn't be of any problem, I would not force him to do anything.

Just as much as it wouldn't matter at all if he was of a different religion. As long as he doesn't make me do thing I don't want

Interesting discussion!


Hmmm, yes and no

That wouldn't be a big issue for me as long as they were supportive/accepting of my beliefs (which are of a non-fundamentalist Christian flavour, but with an over-arching belief that all religions are equal).

This is actually slightly preferable to me than dating an atheist/agnostic (which as I said wasn't a no deal situation anyway).

I would be most uncomfortable with someone who was openly anti-religious, or someone who was very religious without an over-arching acceptance of other religions and I'd feel this way even if they were my "religion". Basically it's just the lack of acceptance and patience for religions/other religions that I find off-putting.

I can't stand it when people go around thinking their way is the only right way. There is no "right way" and this includes atheism as far as I'm concerned. Tolerance, Tolerance, Tolerance!!!

I go to church, and church functions on a weekly basis so in many ways I suppose I might seem like the sort that would have a problem dating a non-Christian or an atheist/agnostic, but quite the contrary I wouldn't. The church I go to actively encourages questioning and closely examining your faith, and we're currently in the middle of a program whereby we have guest lectures from other, very different religions come in and explain their faiths, and we go to their services/worships etc.

I think religion is important in general, but I don't think the particular religion is all that important. I think in the end it all boils down to the same thing and it all comes down to how well you followed the code set up for your own life (assuming that code was meritorious in the first place).

We recently had a female Jewish rabbi come in, it turns out her husband is a "Jewish Atheist". So a rabbi and an atheist are making it work because they're respectful of their differences. I don't see why anyone else can't make it work as well.


Agreed. I would be uncomfortable dating someone who'd never thought out their religious beliefs or just blindly followed something. These are actually the people that are typically less religiously tolerant as well.


Amen to that!

That sort of would be an exception to what I said above. I wouldn't be with someone who thought our relationship - any part of it - was a "sin" or anyway "wrong". Their religion would either need to be accepting of it, or they would actively need to not believe and be bothered by that particular belief. Even believing it, but not caring, would put me off.


Well, I'll only speak of my faith, but my church is supportive of it so you never really know. Indeed a very significant proportion of our congregation is gay.


Take care all and have a great day
Kevin

Religion, Does it matter?

I don't care as you don't try it on me.

That's my case .
Everybody is free to be religious and/or to practice, but this should not interfere with his behavior with friends or date .
Religion is much much more important in USA than in Europa. Here, nobody asks you to which religion you belong or if you practice or not.
Here my example. Born 1929, the pressure of the Nazi power in Germany (I was 4 when Hitler came) brought my parents (extreme assimilated liberal Jews) to give me a complete religious education. I made my Bar Mitza in 1943, at the same time we heard the first rumors about the Shoah. In 1948, I became an extreme left Sionist and gave up any contact with my religion.
My wife is catholic, from a strong family (one of her granduncle is a Bishop), we met in a left youth group and we didnt marry in a church. The question above wasn't our question. It was our families who had problems .
So neither of us care. We like the freedom and it should be the same for all our friends and relatives. To live and let live, thats my motto.

Im not at all religious. Would call myself an Agnostic Atheist (with Existentialist tendencies). So Ill admit it, when I first hear that someone I like/am dating is religious, Im kinda bummed for a sec. But then I get over it. What I cant do though, is exactly what others said about religious people, just dont be pushy about it.

Religious views are a very personal issue. I, personally, am not religious. I understand the reasoning behind it, and I like the concept of it if it means making people more morally conscious and empathetic. However, I hate it when religious people take my lack of religious views to mean that I have no morals or values. If people are accepting, I have no problem.

Although I would like to say for certain that it would not be an issue, I really don't know. I'd like to believe that it wouldn't. I'm not really sure.

Well said

amen...

this gives me another thing to think about...hmmm..i'll post it somewhere...