'allo, it's me with another problem...

okay, last time i came here, i had a problem with an annoying guy (aka AG)... well... lemme tell you another tale of woe...

it was valentines day and i was feeling horribly low because i was still in love with AG... on that day, everyone had been talking about a ZOMGNEWKIDFROMENGLAND!!!! i paid no attention to it cuz new kids are still kids except new to the school.

later that day, i was heading to english class, about to read a lovesick poem about AG when i bumped into this tall guy. my god, my heart stopped beating. i couldn't breathe. everything was just so... i dunno. do you believe in love at first sight? i believe i do...

but i tried to push it out of my mind cuz in my head it could've been a year nine or random guy i'll probably never see again... but at that moment, my crush on AG was dead, buried, dug up and cremated...

lunchtime: my friends said the new kid in their class seemed kinda... and i should totally meet him. they then drag me to the guy i freaking bumped into in the hallway. i spazzed out and run away.

four days i completely had him on my mind cuz he had such an effect on me, and omg.

and then turns out he has an art class next door to my art class... after some mental preparation i talked to him about vegemite... yes... turns out he has an orgasmic smile

anyways, a bit more preart class chats, i plucked up the courage to ask for his msn so we could talk more... he gave it to me and turns out...

HE'S FREAKING GOD. seriously, we have so much in common. we both like reading and writing, the same kinda music and omg... he even likes the stories i write. i can't believe i still met an amazing guy...

BUT, he's straight.... i think. he talks about girls in *that* way and yeahhh... my friend said though, he only talked about girls when we were first talking and getting to know each other...

i don't know. i still haven't come out to him yet so i dunno how he feels about gay people. also, while i totally want to tell him how much i am in love with him and how he ALWAYS takes my breath away and how his smile makes even the worst of days so much brighter, i dunno.

i don't want a repeat of last year where i get rejected and hurt and humiliated and played with and everything.

but i also don't want to keep on wondering "what if"...

AND

AG is officially talking to me again asking if i'm over him or not. i'm being a bitch and not telling him cuz it doesn't matter if i'm not talking to him and pursuing the issue, true? also, i feel he doesn't deserve to know what i feel about him cuz he ignored me when i tried to tell him stuff, so he doesn't deserve to hear me out when HE feels like like it.

and, he's a major prick for telling peoplew i sent him love notes... (super awesome guy i have a crush on told me this but dismissed it as highschool gossip which made me fall even deeper in love with him...)



anyways HALP...

Umm... I don't get it... what do you need help with, it seems like things are going great and you've just got a little bit of angst built up over the age old "is he straight?" question... if you're looking for how to figure that out.....

Personally, I'd go for a direct, but discrete approach. Get him alone so there's no potential for peer pressure to muck up his response and just ask him if he would be interested in dating a guy. You don't have to say right away that you're the guy who wants to know. If he says "No" then... well, what do you have to lose - AG already outed you anyway, and if he's a decent guy even if he's straight he won't turn on you. You should also keep in mind that a "no" answer might mean he's too closeted to admit it yet - a peril of gay dating, but this is just something you should keep in the back of your mind, not be counting on happening if he says he doesn't want to date a guy. Its best if he says he's straight, even if you suspect he's lying to you and to others, to simply accept that he's straight unless he someday changes his mind.

Alternatively, if he says yes, then I think you're right in

[quote name='Daffioak' date='March 9 2008, 07:00 AM' post='118372']
Dear Daffioak,

I fell in love for the first time the month before I was 21 and I told him and he told me not to be silly and didn't cut me off or refuse to be friends. He came to my 21st birthday party. I think I must have been rather a pain at the time. We are still friends. Both of us are married with children.

At the time all homosexual acts were illegal in England and the idea of a gay couple (even the word hadn't been used with that meaning) was really unthinkable! But I was so far gone that I couldn't hide it and most of my friends knew I was in love with another boy and still I wasn't hated or shunned as far as I recall.

So it *is* possible for people to be decent about it. I do wish you the best of luck.

Love,
Anthony

I'd go with Dem's advice. It should get you your answer but doesn't really risk you getting humiliated much.

Good Luck,
Martin

Hey dude,

I have some thoughts, first off I'd encourage you to bury that hatchet with (and not in ) AG. If nothing else just forgiving him and telling him you've moved on will make you feel better.

Anyway, as for the matter at hand, I would suggest that you do sort of feel him out about gay people. I'd give it a little more time before you flat out ask him if he'd want to date a guy (although I guess that might work out okay). Instead I would just find out how he generally feels about gay people. In many ways this is much more important because this will determine whether or not you even have the potential of a long-term relationship with him (even if it's strictly a platonic one).

Another question, how "out" are you at school? I'm assuming most of your friends and several other people in on the gossip know? If that's the case you might just want to go ahead and be honest with him and at some point say, "Listen, I'm not sure exactly what you've heard, but I just wanted to let you know that I am gay". That'll be a really easy way to find out how he generally feels about gay people, plus if you're already largely out to some people anyway, you'd might as well be honest with your new friend even if you didn't have an ulterior motive.

Just a few thoughts and suggestions though.

Take care and good luck
-Kevin

Might I just say that this sounds a tad bit rushed? From this I gather that you've only known he's existed for less than a month. It could just be me, but I think that considering how new your contact with him is, saying you're in love with him is a bit premature. I always cast off the first few months of liking someone immediately into "crush" or "lust" phase. Then if I still have feelings for them, I care about them. There are just things you can't know about a person so soon in a relationship. People's dynamics are complex, living with them, or going through rough times with them can totally change your perception of them.

I've always held the word "love" to be incredibly powerful and important when used in front of "in", and something to be taken very seriously. Often, people mistake infatuation with love. Just something to consider.

I think that before you try and go for the home run you should relax a little. I see no real reason to ask him right away if he'd be interested to go out with you. Personally I would go a little like Kevin said,, meaning, try and get on the "gay" topic, get to find out how open he is.

If he reacted favorably, from then, let some time go, get to know him better, get him to know you better, then you can try and ask him out.

good luck
sacha
.

I do not think we can go wrong with Kevin's advice. He's so smart. Have I mentioned how wonderful I think Kevin is?

Awww Thanks, Tim! I think you're nifty too!

Okay... well... maybe my way is a little blunt for how most people would feel comfortable approaching the situation, but being direct does have its advantages

I happen to appreciate your bluntness.

Good luck...


Vegemite is pretty awesome btw.