Before you all read this, I would like to point you to this so that you know where I am coming from. Now that you have a basic knowledge of what Sikhism is all about, here's what I have to say.

As you must have read in that link, followers of Sikhism are not allowed to cut their hair (especially on the face and their heads).

As far back as I can remember, I have never liked this clause of the Sikh code of conduct. You see, Sikhism is founded on the basis that there should be no unnecessary rituals associated with God. The basic reason Sikhism came into existence was due to the Bhakti Movement which was against any forms of rituals that the Hinduism of that time applied to.

While I have no problems with people following a religion, as I have stated in the Religion thread in the Q/A Forum, I do have problems when these very people force religion on someone.

Now, in our society, (ideally) when a child is born into a family, he/she is automatically drafted to that family's religion. Again, no problem with that. The problem arises when that child is old enough to take his/her own decisions, why can't he/she choose whether or not he/she wants to continue following that particular religion?

My parents as well as my sister are staunch Sikhs. They are quite rigid in their demand that I follow all conducts of Sikhism. But as I said, I have never wanted to keep hair so long that they fall to my waist (and have to be tied in a bun on the top of my head) nor do I want to keep a beard that is longer than my face itself.

Yesterday, I announced to my family that I wanted to get my hair cut. I had willingly accepted their decision on this regard for these many years, but now, when I am at a juncture which wil decide the course of the rest of my life, I feel that I have a right to take this most important decision of my life.

It is not that I have dropped this news like a bomb on them. My sister and I have had many heated discussions on this regard and so have me and my Mom. My dad just dismissed the issue by saying, "Don't even think about it" when I approached him before. We could never reach a consensus. But, I remained quiet, thinking that when I am older, I'll take this decision myself.

Now, when the time has come, I am old enough (I feel.) for this decision. I have to get my passport made and getting the photograph changed on it later would be a big hassle. I want to apply to Universities abroad, and I want to do that with the photograph that shows how I will look like when I do join them. (I do not want them to say, "But in your phot, you had hair and beard???!)

Also, a new year is starting in my high-school and its my final year in it. Getting my hair cut in the middle of a school year is not a good option for me. That is why I want to do it before the new session starts in April.

This news wasn't received well by my family. My mother announced/declared that she wouldn't keep a Sikh with his hair cut in her house. My sister is a carbon copy of my mother, always echoing her thoughts, so that was also a no go. My Dad, well he has yet to give a solid reply (he's coming to town tomorrow)

I know that if Dad supports this decision of mine, I can always shift with him (parents separated, but not divorced). But if he too rejects my decision (and in all probability, he would) I don't know what I'll do. It is my Mom who's capable of funding my education, and if I lose her backing, God only knows what I'll do. I can go for a loan, though. But still....

Is it so wrong to take a decision that would affect one's life? Is it right for my parents to impose and force their beliefs on me? Is it wrong on my part to ask for this after almost 18 years of abiding by their decision on this issue? Is it right for my parents to take a decision that will not even affect their lives, but still be adamant about it?


BeaStKid

I hate when parents use financial support as a means to make you do something you don't want to do. Especially in cases like this where it involves your personal beliefs. I think that you might just have to go along with your parents and take the picture with the long hair and beard. In the long run, it's not worth jeopardizing your education. Yeah, it sucks that they get their way just because they control the finances, but unless you think that you can defy them and still be able to support yourself, it's pretty much their rules.

Unfortunately, you're right. But I can look for options like loans. India has a variety of options for loans to fund higher education....

Beasty, first and foremost I think you must make the decision that is overall best for you. Which is, I suppose, I cop out, duh kinda thing for me to say, but I guess what I mean is that I think you must carefully evaluate what is important to you, and then weigh how it will be taken and what you can do in the worst-case, as well as the most likely-case, scenario.

Of course my reaction is to tell you to get the hair cut and shave the beard of that's what you want, but I'm not the one who'll have to live with the consequences. If you think you can live with the consequences, and that it'll be worth it, then go for it!

Either way you definitely have my support and well-wishes

Take care and good luck!
Kevin

Thanks Kevin... I am just waiting for Dad to come to town and announce what he has to say...

I suggest waiting, but while waiting, looking into those loans and what not. Are there scholarships that you can get? Either way, do what you feel you need to do. Don't let your family stop you from being you.

I've waited 18 years!!

Yes, there are scholarships as well as loans...

It's very wrong to force someone to do something that they do not want to do, or prevent them from doing something that they do want to do. Like everyone else said, I suggest weighing your options. Is financing the only thing you'll lose if you cut your hair and shave your beard? If so, then you're not in too bad of a position. Where are you planning on going to college/university? If it's far enough away that you're parents won't see you for the whole four years that you're gone, then you could pull a fast one on them and get your hair cut after you move to school. There is a girl in my major concentration who is originally from Jamaica and doesn't see her family often. She spent all of winter break here in New Jersey and doesn't even see her siblings, who go to school near Philadelphia, PA (20-30 minutes drive, 20 minute train ride from where our school is). A friend of mine from high school is attending John Cabot University in Rome and very rarely visits the US anymore. His family has visited him in a trip to Europe once that I know of, but they otherwise are lucky to see him even once a year. The difference of course that he loves the camera and has many many pictures of himself on Facebook, so it's quite obvious how much he has changed physically (clothing style, hair cut, skin tone, etc.).

True, that's being deceitful and you'll have a lot of explaining to do come graduation, but you'll graduate debt-free and with your dignity in tact. If you wind up losing the financing anyway, then you're still not in a bad position. You're a very smart man and can easily get scholarships to wherever you wind up going. Not to mention that many student loan institutions will give you interest-free loans for all four years and won't expect a penny from you until you graduate.


Based solely on semantics, I think you're in the clear. If you're leaving the country then you won't be in her house


Kidding aside, if you wind up taking the passport picture as you are, then the worst that will happen is they'll ask for a supplemental form of picture ID, which could be a driver's license, a state ID, university ID (almost always a picture ID), etc.

Yeah Robbie, I am thinking of doing what you said.

As it is, I am thinking of coming to the US for my Undergrads... So.... This did cross my mind. Are you sure that the Passport problem will not be too much a hassle in US?

BK, until you become financially independent, you should probably respect your parents wishes. We all know how difficult it can be, but you are going to be an adult soon. Just give them the respect they deserve. Once you are on your own and paying your own way, you can do as you will.

Ah! You sound just like my mother...

I can't help but think, why is that respect comes only through abiding by all of their decisions, however unfair they seem?

It sounds like you're really dying to get your hair cut... And of course you've got the right, technically and morally speaking, you're (almost) an adult, and your looks affect how you view yourself as well as how others view you, especially abroad.

It seems like this is something your parents (or at least your mother) would take very hard though. Can you discuss it with them at all, and make them see how you feel, or do they refuse to talk about it? And have you told your dad yet? Are they serious about throwing you out if you cut your hair? I don't really want to advise you to cut your hair in secret while you're away, but it *is* a last way out if nothing else works. You can't be sure that you'll get a scholarship if your parents cut you off, and loans are a drag to pay back, believe me. Even though I'm sure you're sick of waiting, I think maybe you shouldn't do anything hasty right now. Don't cut your hair just because school starts in April, for instance, that is not a good reason, and a new passport is a lot cheaper than financing your studies with a loan. Maybe you should keep bringing it up with your parents, and in the end they might give in. It could happen...? You're the one who knows if there's a chance at all. But bring it up every day (terribly hard I know) and make them face the fact that this is something that you really want to do.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!

Sorry, if I'm gonna say things that's already been said, but I just gotta answer to the original post...

BK, from the sound of it, both of your parents are extremely religious, or at least, they follow the religions rules. Yes, when young, a kid simply has got to follow what their parents makes them do. But now, you're 17-18, you're old enough to do what you want. And I'll add, good for you. Very good for you, you've thought by yourself, you've questioned what has been brought to you.

This is certainly not something that you're doing on a rush,, you've been thinking about it for a while now. Yes, it have some bad downsides, doing it now rather than wait till after you're totally independent from your parents. But, If you find a contingency plan or that it really bugs you soo much, I'll tell you this, just do it. It's for your own good.

I don't know your parents nor your sister, so I can't say for sure, but I'd guess that after a little time, they'd tolerate it.

Yes, I know you've waited this long. But sometimes you have to wait, even if you have to do it for a bit longer. You're almost out of school and will soon be graduating and leaving your mothers house. Just be a bit more patient dear.
Again, good luck with this.
Oh, thought. I don't think the passport will be to much of a problem. Considering my passport has me with short hair that is strawberry blond, which I don't have any more, they don't give me any flack for it. Still, I would get a new one as soon as you are settled where ever you end up going.