Campaigning door to door, Dan Kirk tries to move up to the number three spot on the GA Top site list.

“Go away, I don’t want any of what you are selling!” said the disgruntled old lady as she slams the door on Dan. Dan hears a muffled voice from behind the door, “Time travel and vampires, nonsense!”

“Grrr…Another bad lead. How am I supposed to overtake Domluka if people won’t even listen to my spiel?” Dan grumbles to himself. “I’ve befriended Dom, got him busy writing one of my stories, become one of those nasty Domaholics, helped setup a forum for him, and I still can’t seem to slow him down. His number of hits just jumped over 15000!”

Dan walks over to the next house. It’s an older, creepy looking house. Dan checks the address again, “Sigh, I hope I have better luck with this Domophile. Shoot! Note to self, they call themselves Domaholics. I hope I don’t slip!”

Dan knocks on the door and puts an exaggerated smile on his face. The door creaks open and a young Goth looking girl opens the door. Music is playing in the background and Dan can hear a couple other voices in the background.

“What?” The Goth girl eyes Dan.

“Hi, I’m Dan and I’m looking for the Domaholic of the house.” Dan puts on his best smile.

“Uhhhmmm, this is a bad time, I’m having a party right now.”

“Isn’t it a school night? You shouldn’t be having a party on a school night.” Dan frowns.

“And who the f*ck said it was any of your business?”

“Wait, wait, that’s not what I meant. Uhmmm, I’m Dan Kirk and …”

“Oh, you’re Dan Kirk of Vampire Jared and Gay Authors?"

“Yeah, that’s me. I was hoping to chat with a Domaholic.”

“Well Dan, why don’t you come in? My name’s Trina and I am a Domaholic.”

“Trina, Trina Ashpock? You’re a Domaholic?”

“Yeah, almost all of Dom’s characters are. How do you think I got my part? Let me introduce you to a few people.” Trina leads Dan into the house and brings him over to a group of people talking. Trina taps on the shoulder of a blue haired boy. “Hey there’s someone you’ll want to meet.”

The teen steps over to Dan, “What’s up?”

“Hey Taylor, this is Dan, Dan Kirk.” Trina gives the introductions.

“Oh really?” Taylor’s eyes widen and an evil smile comes across his face. “What are you doing here?”

“Uhmmm, I was visiting with Domaholic’s hoping to get them to change their votes for Top Site on GayAuthors. Hey I thought your hair was purple.”

“I change it every so often.” Taylor says. “About changing my vote, ain’t gonna happen dude. While I love your stories, I’m pretty loyal to Dom.” Taylor leans over toward Dan and whispers in his ear “I wouldn’t admit this in public, but I love that Jimmy of yours.”

‘TAYLOR!” Tina hisses while punching Taylor in the arm. “Have you seen what he’s been posting at the forum about you and Quinn?”

“Well yeah. Quinn and his OCD, that’s funny stuff!” Taylor laughs.

“That’s not what everyone thinks.” Trina points with her eyes to the kitchen.

“Never mind Quinn.” Dan interrupts. “So what’s it going to take to get you two to change your votes?”

“I’m not changing my vote.” Trina states flatly.

“Well, I could be persuaded.” Taylor leers at Dan, gives him the once over and then checks out Dan’s rear. “But first Dano, there’s someone else you’ll want to meet. Let’s go to the kitchen.”

Taylor points the way to the kitchen and gives Dan a pat on the rear as they move through the kitchen door. Leaning on the counter smoking a cigarette, the young blond man looks over to Dan.

“Hey Jude, look who showed up at the door. Jude, this is Dan Kirk. Dan, Jude Landon.” Taylor introduces.

“Taylor you had a phone call to make, right? Tina, can you leave Dan and me alone for a few minutes?” Quinn tells his friend then his cousin respectively.

Taylor takes out his cell phone as he and Tina leave the kitchen.

“So, the infamous Dan Kirk. We finally meet.” Jude looks over at Dan.

“Hey Jude! Wow! this is a pleasant surprise. I’m a big fan of yours and TOU.” Dan can't help but sound like am obsessed fan.

“I know what kind of fan you are Dan; I’ve been reading the GA forum. Let’s see,” Jude says from memory, “And I quote: ‘TOU is my personal favorite, but only because I want to mess with Quinn's mind.’ And ‘… can I have Taylor or Quinn (either way to mess with Quinn's compulsive cleanliness).’”

“That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!” Jude glares at Dan.

“Boyfriend? Hey Jude, no offense but you haven’t gotten past first base with Quinn. As far as I’m concerned, he’s up for grabs.” Dan smirks. “I know your game Jude, ‘There’s nothing wrong with you Quinn. Everything’s going to be fine Quinn.’ Yada yada. The nice guy approach. But we want the same thing; we want to get into his pants. But me, I also want to get in his mind too.”

“Listen, you’re not getting near Quinn or his mind. And by the way, his whole clean thing is cute. And anyhow, you didn’t come over here to fight over Quinn did you?”

“No, I came over to try to get more votes for Top GA site.”

“Votes? Talk about being obsessive about something.” Jude counters.

“Hey!” Dan defends.

“Never mind. Can I offer you a drink? We have Kool Aid, Iced Tea, and water.”

“WATER!” Dan says quickly.

“Water? Jeez not only are you obsessed, but you’re paranoid too! We’re not like your characters Dan and we wouldn’t spike these drinks. I mean they may have a little bit of rum in them, but we don’t have access to any of your special potions.”

“Oh yeah, who do you think is helping hand out ‘Euphoria’? I got your boss Dom to start writing Service with me and his boy Andy has been spiking stuff. What do you call that?”

“That is a lapse in judgment.” Jude states.

The kitchen door opens and in walks a middle aged woman. “Hello Jude, I came over as soon as I got the call. Is this the pervert saying those bad things about my son?”

“Yeah, Mrs. Moore, this is Dan Kirk.”

“Well you twisted little <bleep>.” Mrs. Moore starts in on Dan. “You’ll not be getting near my son. He’s grounded right now and there is no way I am letting him out of my sight so you can pervert him.”

“ME? What about him?” Dan points over to Jude.

“Jude? What does Jude have to do with Quinn.” Mrs. Moore glares at Dan.

“Jude wants Quinn!”

“Nonsense, Jude’s dating my daughter Bree. Jude’s a nice young man, unlike you!”

“But Jude’s gay!” Dan yells.

“How DARE you call Jude one of ‘those people’.” Mrs. Moore’s eyes narrow on Dan. “Deception, lies, creating mistrust, those are your ways, aren’t they Dan?”

“But…But…” Dan stutters.

“Enough out of your mouth, we’re getting you out of here, away from my son, and out of this town.” Mrs. Moore grabs Dan by the ear and leads him out of the kitchen and out of Trina’s house.

Mrs. Moore calls over her shoulder in her motherly tone, “Jude, be a dear and go over to our house and keep an eye on Quinn. He’s still grounded and I want to make sure he doesn’t leave the house. Bree won’t be there, but just be sure to make yourself at home.”

“No problem Mrs. Moore, I’ll be happy to help baby sit Quinn.” Jude says to Mrs. Moore while smiling at Dan.

“Thanks sweetie, I’ll be out for an hour or two taking care of this one.” Mrs. Moore roughly throws Dan into her car. “Votes are the least of your worries now mister!”

Mrs. Moore starts the car and starts driving away. Standing on the side of the road are Jude and dozens of people waving goodbye to Dan. They were all wearing decoder rings.

“Thanks for letting me know he was coming guys.” Jude says to the gathered group.

“No problem Jude, go have fun with Quinn.”

...

<although it may not seem so with the above, the author does have a lot of love and respect for Dan and his writing. He does however leave himself open to this type of humor with his forum posts >

Vic the Domaholic

Gasp! Sputter!

There's just one problem. Poor Mrs. Moore. How long has it been since she's had a man blush and wink at her? Don't a lot of heterosexual women dream about being able to convert a gay man.

She doesn't stand a chance.



Edit: Dom can stay on top of me all he wants. Just so long as we both pass up Myr and eventually Comicality.

Okay, reality check here, maybe just Myr.

LOL, Dan, I think vic is a closet fan of yours

Umm....No.

If we did, who would help us coordinate our accessories?

Sharon

As Jeff Foxworthy said on television last night: If you're sleeping in a bed with ruffles and throw pillows...you're either gay...or married.


What he missed out on is: Or Both.

Novelty, I'm an Out and Proud Dan Kirk Fan!!!

Vic

Now I'm considering the run for the hills...


Hey, Naper, what's that 50% I see on you?

Can't be, you're a dyed-in-the-pubic-hairs Domaniac

I have smited Vic for his heresy of claiming to be a danaholic.


Twice.

Power is good!

OMG, am I on probation by you too?

Is there anything I can do to make this up to you...Sir?

Notice the warning level under your name. It's at 50%. Keep it up and you'll find out what it means to be smitten by Dan.

Then again, tell me where in California you live and you could end up really smitten.

hehehehehehe

There is supposedly someone in the Danaholics chat that's smitten with you Dan

--rolling on floor, laughing-- Oh this is great, this is just great! I love it Vic, I really, really do!

--Looks over his shoulder to where his s/o is staring at him again-- Dammit, I gotta learn to control myself...He's starting to wonder if he needs to ban me from another site or if I'm back to reading Dom's stories again....--runs off laughing crazily on his way to Dom's page--

Oh Sh*t, our bed doesn't have ruffles or throw pillows! Shoot, we don't even have bold colors, just a khaki shade. I guess our bed is straight acting/straight appearing.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Gives all new meaning to the phrase "Straight to bed"

Careful. There's always another board.

The bad news is that vic knows I'm joking and didn't get phased by my attempts at gallows humor.


*pouts*

It's no fair when I can't strike back effectively. Guess I have to sharpen the wits instead.

Then again, I seem to be striking out a lot lately especially with kit.

At least you're not trying to stab me with a sword (ouch Mark! That hurts! I like ya guy, honest! You're the best! OUCH! DOM! Call off your goon squad!)

Or is it rabid pack? I can't remember which!

It's all about baseball. I get SO horny during baseball season! Dom, can you write Quinn as a baseball player?

Is that why Jimmy's always wearing baseball pants? I thought that was Jarred's fetish

That's a trait that I give most of my main characters.

Vic, a true Danaholic will know Dan likes cute boys in Baseball uniforms (check out his blog on the GA ads).

Check, I'll add these to my list:

24) Dan likes cute boys
25) Dan likes cute boys in Baseball uniforms

Thanks Novelty!

Vic the DXXaholic

(If POST in DOMLUKA_FORUM then XX = om
If POST in DANKIRK_BLOG then XX = an)

Glad to help. This might be too much infomation for you but also note that Dan wears boxer briefs. I guess I'm the #1 Danaholic

Silk boxer briefs preferred for those shopping for bribes and presents.

Medium? And any preferrable color?

36-38 waist size...I'm a little older now ya know.

Dark Green and blue work wonders on me too.

(can I drop the straight face now?)

Only after you finish modeling a few... gotta make sure your gifts fit ;-)

Someone needs to go run a bit more

Naw, a little something to grab onto is sometimes nice ;-) Plus, for a tall guy, that's not ~that~ bad

BTW, Trebs, I'm very worried I might know you...but if I did you'd have probably recognized my name...I did live in Sacramento from 95 to 97 with Manuel. 16&H Streets, and 13&G were the two intersections for the complexes we lived in...I went to Faces and a few other bars a lot after the breakup.

I was even on News10 during 1997 for an interview about a gay non-discrimination bill I was testifying on for Sheila Kuehl. (Remind me to talk about that in a blog sometime...I also sat next to the Rev. Lou Sheldon of the Traditional Values Coalition).

Worried?

You lived around the corner from where my work was then (20th & I) - I was living at 29th and G myself...

I never was much of a bar person, though I did go a couple time to Faces and to Beau's... But I'm one of those that only talks/dances with the friends I go with, and get scared to talk to anyone else... (ogle - ya, talk - nope, coward...)


'course, if ya really wanna verify if you knew me or not... I know some good coffee places around town... it is only a 70 minute drive up, as you pointed out yourself

Is that brick coffee house still there, the one that use to be a firehouse and that has a laundromat across the street (yes, I'd go there to do laundry and have coffee while waiting for the tumble dry.)

Nope, original New Helvetia closed - building is still there, but think it's empty. The branch they opened near DMV on 24th south of Broadway is still open though. I used to go to Cornerstone myself

Are we having a Dan convention in Sacremento? That would give me an excuse to get to Sacremento

Well I may be going to Great America with Manuel this weekend. We'll have to see.

Before you complain, you should see the sword.

I feel a road trip to Missouri coming on me...

Oh, I mentioned Dom in my latest DOR review. Somehow I thought the people who read this thread might like it

Ooooo. Playing both ends against the middle

Ooooo. You've been learning Dan's tactics

I was just re-reading the posts on this thread and I thought to myself, 'Self, is this where Trebs & DK all started?'

Dan? Trebs? Or were you already talking/meeting before that?

Vic

Hadn't met before that - this was the first time I put out there to him about meeting though (I'm pretty sure). This was actually the 2nd big exchange - the first being the Dan live chat that was set up (was going to be a regular "Chat with the Authors" thing).

But it was a week after this thread that in Live Chat he mentioned not having seen Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and me sending him a note about going down to Modesto to see it with him if he were interested...

Wow, I just realized it's been about 2 years since Trebs(Robert) & DK met.

Jesus, now THIS is real-life irony that makes its way into my stories. I loved the New Helvetia coffee shop. It was in this old brick firehouse from the 1800's. It's a really nice building, and just had this wonderful ambiance that I loved. It was one of my favorite spots in mid-town Sacramento. Lots of good memories there, and I was sad to hear the coffee shop was closed way back when I posted that and Trebs replied.

Guess what?

I now WORK in that building! The second floor of it is office space (there's now a nice restaurant/catering business on the first floor). The campaign/consulting firm I work for is located in the office space on the second floor, so I spend most of my week there. I've got a lot to be thankful for over the last two years since Trebs finally wheedled me into going to see a movie with him.

***wheedled***?!? More like blugeoned...

Awww.. That is so adorable.