I decided to start a thread before anyone else got to it.
A Butterfly's Dream is now up and ready to be talked about. And if you're anything like Jason, discuss on how to ban cliff hangers...
Summary: A story about a teenagers path of self discovery and discovering his families dark history.
Full Version: A Butterfly's Dream
This is great!
CLIFFHANGER!!
No, erally, this a strong piece of writing and looks promising enough to grab my attention. I can't wait to see (read) where you take us from here...
BeaStKid
(your perpetual stalker
)
CLIFFHANGER!!
No, erally, this a strong piece of writing and looks promising enough to grab my attention. I can't wait to see (read) where you take us from here...
BeaStKid
(your perpetual stalker
)
Hi Rose!
I think this is a great start. I like the opening, where we get to see David's thoughts and what's bothering him. I like that you don't go into a big descriptive speech about his looks, like many authors, including myself, do. You kind of weave in briefly that he's dark haired and left it at that. Subtle is better, less is more, that kinda thing. I'd like to try that in future writings, myself.
I agree, this is somewhat of a cliffhanger. Since the chapter isn't long and doesn't go into too much detail and the readers aren't too emotionally attached, it's not a cliffhanger C James style. But it does get the readers interest piqued, definitely enough to keep reading more!
I want to know why David is so curious about the girl....interesting.
I shall (try) to wait patiently for updates.
Great start! Looking forward to more!
I think this is a great start. I like the opening, where we get to see David's thoughts and what's bothering him. I like that you don't go into a big descriptive speech about his looks, like many authors, including myself, do. You kind of weave in briefly that he's dark haired and left it at that. Subtle is better, less is more, that kinda thing. I'd like to try that in future writings, myself.
I agree, this is somewhat of a cliffhanger. Since the chapter isn't long and doesn't go into too much detail and the readers aren't too emotionally attached, it's not a cliffhanger C James style. But it does get the readers interest piqued, definitely enough to keep reading more!
I want to know why David is so curious about the girl....interesting.
I shall (try) to wait patiently for updates.
Great start! Looking forward to more!
QUOTE (Tiff @ March 28 2008, 06:43 AM) 
Hi Rose!
I think this is a great start. I like the opening, where we get to see David's thoughts and what's bothering him. I like that you don't go into a big descriptive speech about his looks, like many authors, including myself, do. You kind of weave in briefly that he's dark haired and left it at that. Subtle is better, less is more, that kinda thing. I'd like to try that in future writings, myself.
I agree, this is somewhat of a cliffhanger. Since the chapter isn't long and doesn't go into too much detail and the readers aren't too emotionally attached, it's not a cliffhanger C James style. But it does get the readers interest piqued, definitely enough to keep reading more!
I want to know why David is so curious about the girl....interesting.
I shall (try) to wait patiently for updates.
Great start! Looking forward to more!
I think this is a great start. I like the opening, where we get to see David's thoughts and what's bothering him. I like that you don't go into a big descriptive speech about his looks, like many authors, including myself, do. You kind of weave in briefly that he's dark haired and left it at that. Subtle is better, less is more, that kinda thing. I'd like to try that in future writings, myself.
I agree, this is somewhat of a cliffhanger. Since the chapter isn't long and doesn't go into too much detail and the readers aren't too emotionally attached, it's not a cliffhanger C James style. But it does get the readers interest piqued, definitely enough to keep reading more!
I want to know why David is so curious about the girl....interesting.
I shall (try) to wait patiently for updates.
Great start! Looking forward to more!
First off, the article appeared after he left the room, just to be clear on that point.
Now, thank you for the review. I try to end the chapter at a certain point so it's a clean break and so you guys don't end up with 19 pages per chapter, so expect most of the chapters to end like this. It makes my life easier and gives me more wiggle room to fgure out what's to happen next chapter and how it's going to happen.
As for the characters, I'm going to hunt down a good artist who is willing to draw all of the characters for my eternal thanks and all the credit for the pictures so that my readers have a picture to put to the discriptions.
I hope that I continue to capture your attention with future chapters. Again, thank you for your reviews.
Rose
Oh dear, am I a bad reader or what?
I reread the last paragraph more carefully and realized that, duh, he had already left the room and the article showed up on its own. Perhaps some odd forces are trying to tell him something about this open case.
Either way, I have some reading problems. But now rereading it and understand it, it makes the ending that much more interesting. LOL!
I reread the last paragraph more carefully and realized that, duh, he had already left the room and the article showed up on its own. Perhaps some odd forces are trying to tell him something about this open case.
Either way, I have some reading problems. But now rereading it and understand it, it makes the ending that much more interesting. LOL!
QUOTE (Tiff @ March 28 2008, 10:03 PM)
Oh dear, am I a bad reader or what?
I reread the last paragraph more carefully and realized that, duh, he had already left the room and the article showed up on its own. Perhaps some odd forces are trying to tell him something about this open case.
Either way, I have some reading problems. But now rereading it and understand it, it makes the ending that much more interesting. LOL!
I reread the last paragraph more carefully and realized that, duh, he had already left the room and the article showed up on its own. Perhaps some odd forces are trying to tell him something about this open case.
Either way, I have some reading problems. But now rereading it and understand it, it makes the ending that much more interesting. LOL!
It happens with most of us, Tiff...
Don't worry...you're not the only one with reading problems..
I didn't think it was fair of me to review this chapter since I was part of the beta-reading/editing team.
However I do think it's alright for me to comment here how much I loved reading what Rose has written so far.
Indeed the way she handles her characters is quite unique. It's all very subtle and yet somehow you understand exactly what they look like.
Rose, if I might suggest I think sketches of the characters would not be a good idea. It's something best left to the imagination. Some things are better off left for the reader to ponder.
The end of the first installment is quite spooky, especially if you understand that it happened after he left the room. When I first read it I had to ask Rose if that's what she really meant. When she confirmed it's what she really meant I got chills all over my body. I can't wait until we all get to find out how that happened.
However I do think it's alright for me to comment here how much I loved reading what Rose has written so far.
Indeed the way she handles her characters is quite unique. It's all very subtle and yet somehow you understand exactly what they look like.
Rose, if I might suggest I think sketches of the characters would not be a good idea. It's something best left to the imagination. Some things are better off left for the reader to ponder.
The end of the first installment is quite spooky, especially if you understand that it happened after he left the room. When I first read it I had to ask Rose if that's what she really meant. When she confirmed it's what she really meant I got chills all over my body. I can't wait until we all get to find out how that happened.
QUOTE (Tiff @ March 28 2008, 08:33 AM)
Oh dear, am I a bad reader or what?
I reread the last paragraph more carefully and realized that, duh, he had already left the room and the article showed up on its own. Perhaps some odd forces are trying to tell him something about this open case.
Either way, I have some reading problems. But now rereading it and understand it, it makes the ending that much more interesting. LOL!
I reread the last paragraph more carefully and realized that, duh, he had already left the room and the article showed up on its own. Perhaps some odd forces are trying to tell him something about this open case.
Either way, I have some reading problems. But now rereading it and understand it, it makes the ending that much more interesting. LOL!
It's alright dear. We all miss those little things, even me. For that matter, I've gotten to the point that I'll go back over a chapter if I feel like I've missed something, which happens often.
As to the pictures, that is going to be FAR into the future, after I've introduced all the characters and the looks are out there. This is for me and so that I have a customized banner for this story at a later time.
Alright, now we got that out of the way, Gary, thank you for saying such wonderful things.
I enjoy working with you and Jason and I've added a third beta/editor. BK has offered and I accepted. I like having 3 betas/editors that are as good as you guys. Thanks again for your hard work.
I really should just edit my last post, but I want to make this easy to find again. Next chapter of 'A Butterfly's Dream' is up. I posted an announcement about it in eFiction forum.
Update on this story: I have since posted two new chapters on A Butterfly's Dream. It is now off of hiatus. I am now updating every three weeks now though, so that means you have to wait a bit longer for each chapter. I'm sorry, but for me right now, it works and allows me to be able to do other things, and allows for problems that happen every so often.
Later on, I may start to post every two weeks. That'll happen when I start to wrap things up.
Later on, I may start to post every two weeks. That'll happen when I start to wrap things up.
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