*looks around nervously*
I'm starting this discussion thread for "Between Lives." I hope that's not too presumptuous.

Chapter 1 is up at efiction here.

Seriously, though, I'm always hungry for feedback and concrit of any kind, so please don't hesitate to speak your mind or share your opinions.

Thank you so much.

~Libby

You're not presumptuous at all, Libby. One chapter, and I'm already hopelessly hooked. There are so many interesting bits and pieces in this story - so many clues. What happened to Nate and Sophie's mom? Did she die of some disease and if so, why are they alone? What period of time is the story set in? The setting of the faltering steel industry makes me think we're talking about sometime around the 1970's or 1980's, right around the time of my youth. I'm thinking more the mid-late '70's, rather than the economic boom time of the '80's. Nate's $1500 camera also fits with a time period of no later than the 1990's, but more likely earlier than that. It is made of metal and plastic, and obviously purchased during better times.

Libby, I'm definitely looking forward to reading chapter 2!

I remember this in the sneak peek section and back then I loved it.

There are a lot of clues and hints that leave the readers wondering about Nick and Sophie's past and their background? Mainly, how did they all get to that point? Was it a death, or abuse? I don't think a father was mentioned, so I'm assuming it was just their mother.

In the sneak peek area I mentioned that I liked Will and got good, genuine vibes from him. Since he's going to be in the story and involved in the kids lives, possibly even befriending the cautious Nick, I look forward to learning more about his character. Maybe he becomes the father figure that Nick needs and can finally trust.

Definitely looking forward to more. I don't know how fast your updates are, but I am going to try to wait for it to be posted completely before reading...then again, I don't know if my patience can handle that. Probably not; who am I kidding? Having said that, can't wait for chapter 2.

Sneak peeks, that's where I recognize this from!

I'm still hooked on it as much as I was then. Definitely looking forward to more.

- dfp

Thanks, Altimexis! All great questions. And I promise they will all be answered soon. You sound like you're familiar with depressed steel towns. Their troubles can actually be cyclical, but you're close on the timeline. Thanks again for the feedback. I hope to have chapter 2 up soon.



Tiff, I'm like you. I rarely, rarely read a WiP, so I'll completely understand if you hold off until it's complete.

Will actually steals the story a little. You're right, he becomes very important in the children's lives, but especially Nate's. Willl has his own demons and regrets. He and Nate help each other.

Thanks so much for the feedback.



Thanks, dfp! I hope the story lives up to your expectations.

I absolutely love this story already, you've handled the siblings relationship brilliantly.
It's so cute the way nate looks after sophie.

Thank you. I'm so pleased you're enjoying it. I'd like to think Nate is a very good older brother. I'm going to try to show that, at any rate.

I should have chapter 2 up in a couple of days.

Thanks again and take care!

Well you're definately showing the relationship brilliantly already,

can't wait

I just read it. This is definitely an interesting story so far. It is a bit sad though.

Hia, I've read your two chapters, and I really like it so far! yeah its sad, but you make it real. the alcoholism, I've known quite a few alcoholics, one of them who has created quite a few problems for my family, so its interesting to read it from their perspective, that and it rings true.
keep up the goodwork
Celia

totally agree with smarties in that the alcoholics perspective is interesting, and very real to life.

It is. To start. I'd like to think the characters end up in a better place than where they start. Thanks for reading and commenting.



Thanks for reading and commenting, Celia. I have a bit of "firsthand" experience with it myself, from when I was growing up. At its worst, it's extremely ugly. I'm planning good things for these characters, though. So far, they've cooperated. Thanks again!



Two of my beta readers mentioned to me, separately, that the last scenes was perhaps too visceral in its imagery. By which I think they meant some people would be uncomfortable reading it. I listened respectfully to what they had to say, but decided to keep most of the scene intact. It's harsh, but it's reality. And no worries, things will get better for Will and Nate, though there will be stumbling blocks along the way. Thank you very much for reading and for your feedback.

Libby, reality is something you manage to convey to your readers all the time.

The final scene with Will in Chapter 2 should not be any different. I'm glad you left it as-is. This is a case where the author needs to override the suggestions of her beta-readers. The scene in the bar is a perfect reflection on everything that happened to Will that day. It's clear that Will is a much more complex character than that of a simple drunk. For one he has morals which are plaguing him, thus the need to drink more than just beer that night. He needed to get those feelings out of his mind lest they torment him. And yet, when he's sober again I suspect those feelings will come back to haunt him again. It'll be interesting to see how he deals with them. I have my suspicions, but I'll keep them to myself for now.

In your summary you've already hinted that at the very least Bran and Nate develop some sort of friendship. I'm not sure if I want it to be more than mere friendship though. That seems weird, doesn't it? By all rights they should become boyfriends and live happily ever after. Yet I get the feeling this isn't necessarily going to be one of those happily ever after stories. Maybe you'll prove me wrong.

You continue to be a consummate storyteller Libby. Your style of writing is unique and I'd recognize it even if I didn't know you were the author. IMO you've got a bright future ahead of you at GA and hopefully beyond into the world of publishing.

I certainly hope so. I am rooting for them!

Hia, yeah I'm glad that you stuck to what you intended. It wasnt uncomfortable reading it from my persepective. I liked how you described the withdrawl symptoms, because I think i forget them sometimes when I am dealing with alcoholics, not how uncomfortable, painfull or ill they can make you, but how difficult the resolve must be to actually to give up, to not be tempted by the physical ease of drinking. your making me feel alittle bit of empathy for someone I don't want to feel that for , or at the very least a need to temper my impatience (somewhat).

I agree, you are one of the best writers here from the little I've read so far, you can really tell when you read a good author because the story stands out miles, or at the very least online they do (and then I stick to them as much as pos ).

Happy writing,
Celia

So I couldn't stick to my resolve of waiting for the completion of the story before reading it.

I read chapter two and it was as good as expected. I like how Will can sense Nate's nerves and understand where he's comin from as wel as empathize. I really love Will's character. I know he has his own story and history, but it's obvious he's a good guy and genuninely does care for those kids.

That scene where Will is offered free furniture, he knows how Nate will react and hesitates on accepting, but knows he has to in order to keep up the appearances. For strangers, he's very in tune with Nate.

The final scene was amazing; subtle but very realistic. The thing I remember the most, and I can't quote it exactly because my memory sucks, but it was the beautiful amber liquid on his fingertips and he licked it off? Excellent imagery and I felt I was there, beside him in the bar, watching him down that whiskey. I don't think I'll ever forget that scene, so well done! Like Gary said, I can understand why he needs the hard stuff because there are demons in his head that he wants to supress. Again, I SO look forward to finding out more about Will and his past and see his relationship develop between him and Nate. I look forward to something good occurring, even if this piece might not have the typical happy ending.

I'm very jealous of you, Libby. I could only dream to write as well as you.

Can't wait for chapter three! Although, my promise to myself is to skim it, and then when you post the entire series, then I will reread it again, very slowly and very carefully! I'm too impatient for my own damn good!

Thank you very much for your kind words and feedback, Gary. They put a huge smile on my face. As for Nate and Bran...all I'll say is sometimes it's okay to forge friendships, make families, and take comfort and support where you can. Intimacy doesn't always make soulmates, and I happen to think that's perfectly okay. In my world, there can still be happily ever after.



Thanks, Celia. I'm glad the scene worked for you. Give Will a chance. I hope to show he's not a bad guy...in fact, he goes to great lengths (eventually) to protect Nate and Sophie. Thanks again.



Aw! Flatterer! Thank you so much for your comprehensive and thoughful feedback, and also your words of encouragement. But I would remind you that you have a great gift as well.

The very final scene (the licking of the fingers) was the scene they suggested I delete. It's too raw, they thought, and perhaps they were correct. But see? You remembered it. Yes, Will has demons, the details of which will come to light very soon. Thanks again for everything, Tiff.

I will give Will a chance, its clear already from what you've written that he seems like a nice guy. I was refering to the person in my family who is an alcoholic not Will.
Celia

I agree, that was a great scene, all of it from the bus stop onwards -- it's like he morphs from Dr Jekyll into Mr Hyde, almost (not that far-fetched, that is often the case with alcoholics). Very convincing and very sad, and yes, visceral. But that is the point with writing, it should move the reader. On all levels.

At this point, btw, Will is almost the most interesting character. I'm also very curious about the family he seems to have had -- what happened to them? And how did things go so wrong for him?




Complicated happily-ever-afters are often more interesting and satisfying (to read about, harhar) than simple, friction-free love stories. This seems very promising. When are you posting chapter three?

A thousand apologies for taking so long with this reply! End of school year insanity swallowed my life. I swear every May it gets crazier. Chapter 3! Tomorrow or the next day. Out of the twenty chapters that make up this story, it was one of the few that wasn't done (despite being one of the shortest), so when RL hit ludicrous speed, posting came to a standstill. Again, so sorry.

Quite honestly, Will is the most interesting character to me too, but I identify more with the issues he faces (will be facing) and his reactions are, of course, that of an adult, not of an adolescent. But at the same time, I'm more emotionally attached to Nate. Odd, yes? You will find out more about Will's family and what happened to him very soon.

I'll say I'm not a big believer in happy endings, but that would be a big fat lie. I love them, I just don't think happy needs to mean fairy tale happy.

Thanks so much for your comment. Take care!

I just read the new chapter. It looks like Nate has some major pain in his heart. I wonder what it will take for his wounds to start healing. Libby, I must say that I really like this story. I'm hooked!

...............Nate is an interesting character pain over his mothers death, anger over crummy father, an "assumed" abuser. How long before Bran figures it all out. This chapter had me sitting on the edge of my seat quality to it.

This first part is from my review:

This was such a sad, but apparently necessary chapter Libby. I'm really beginning to understand Nate now. That makes me sad and happy at the same time. Sad that he has enough morals to hate living a lie. And happy that he's at last found someplace where he and Sophie can live with some degree of comfort and absence of fear. Oh, I know he's afraid of what's happening between himself and Bran because in his mind it could jeopardize everything he's worked so hard to accomplish for himself and his sister. But the signals Bran is putting out are just too obvious to ignore. I hope Nate will eventually be able to trust Bran enough to share his secret with him. And what of Will? I still want to know more about him and the role he's going to play in all this. I'll add more comments in your forum Libby. Ten points for you as usual.

Moving on:

Several things stood out in my mind.

Did Bran's grandma really forget to give the cookies to Nate? Or did Bran convince her to let him bring the cookies to Nate's place after enough time had gone by to make him think Sophie had gone to sleep and thus he and Nate could have some quiet time alone together?

Something tells me Bran is going to be playing a major role in this story on many different levels. Perhaps more so than even Will or Miss Emma. I see Bran as the person who's going to pull Nate out of his shell, find out the truth about the relationship between Will and Nate and protect Nate's secret and teach Nate how to trust and love again in a way other than how he feels about Sophie. I'm praying Bran will realize the lengths Nate has gone to to protect his beloved camera and help him get back on his feet financially via photography.

I felt so sad when Nate took a shower and, I guess because he was so used to denying any feelings that weren't relevant to taking care of himself and Sophie, he refused to let himself indulge in anything more than a simple fantasy about Bran even though you did a masterfully tasteful job of letting us know what was really going on. But then later on in bed you let Nate redeem some of his lost ability to simply enjoy himself. That was so touching. And hopefully an indication of better things to come.

The steel railings of Nate's mother's hospital bed seemed like a poignant reminder of the cold hard life that Nate and Sophie have been living up until now.

There are only a few authors I've read here on GA who have the ability to literally make every single word count. You can't skim this story and still appreciate it.

I'm totally in with you as a fan Libby. That's why you're one of a select few authors I include in my signature. Each of those authors has truly earned the right to take up space in every message I post.

I basically agree with everything Gary said, although I'm probably going to repeat it in different words. Every person has a slightly different review!

Anyway, one thing I must tell you is that you're one of the few authors on GA that I actually read every single little word. I think it's because you put so much detail in every statement, phrase, and the emotions and reactions are so in depth that I cannot skim it and get the gist. So it usually takes me forever to read one of your chapters, and I swear it's not because I have some reading impediment.

Ok, flattery out of the way now; back to the story. This chapter gives complete insight into Nate. Prior chapters, to me, focused on Will, or at least Will stood out more, so I sympathized with him. But this chapter allowed us to see Nate's side, some vague details about his background--his mother dying from cancer, watching her slowly fade away in the hospital, the rocky relationship with their father, taking care of Sophie, and living in a shelter. I'm so curious about their father. I'm guessing he was an abuser? But what happened to him that made them end up in a shelter? Was it a foster care type of shelter. So many questions. I love that you provide details, but just enough where there's more to be told, and you literally leave the readers hanging on the edge of their seat for more!

Also, we see how high strung Nate is, and with good reason! He's afraid to be found. That means someone is looking for them, their father perhaps? I couldn't imagine what it would be like to constantly look over my shoulder or worry about keeping my lies straight. It must be agonizing and especially for someone so young. You detailed his constant worry very well, with how he kept checking up on Sophie and at the end of the night, he was tempted to sleep in her room or outside her door. Or the fact that he can't sleep and wants to memorize every creak the house makes.

I agree that you handled the ending of this chapter tastefully. It was subtle, just like Nate is. He doesn't get carried away and he puts everything before himself, even his own needs, so the fact that he was so hesitant to do anything was realistic. However I thought it was a bit heartbreaking when he told Bran that he wasn't interested. Poor Bran.I wondered how he really felt and what will develop between them in the future. Like Gary said, Bran will be a crucial character in the story. Will can be the father figure Nate never had and someone to confide in and trust. Bran he already trusts somewhat although that thought scares him. Despite his efforts to remain closed off, Bran will get him out of his shell sooner or later, or let him know that Nate has people he can turn to. It was the phrase he said as he left Nate, "Welcome to the family." That might have some meaning in the future, but it's up to the reader to detect it, since you're so darn good at inserting subtle little hints or hidden meanings. You're crafty Libby, just crafty! Or evil!!!

So there's only one author I stalk so far, but if you keep up this level of writing, you may have your very own stalker....Beware.

Bummer about school keeping you so busy. I know how that is. I'm in freaking summer school and I didn't even complete my readings and I have to leave in a few hours!!!

Oh, I'm so glad! Thank you, Tiger! Yes, he is suffering. But there's hope on the horizon.



Wonderful! I'm thrilled to hear that, Benji. One of the reasons I put this chapter off for so long was because I was afraid it would be a tedious read. I knew what I wanted to do with it, but was afraid it wouldn't satisfy. From a reader's perspective, that is. Thank you very much for the feedback.



Firsty, Gary, thank you very much for such rich and heartfelt compliments. I'm overwhelmed. I try very hard to cut everything extraneous I can from my prose, but it's a slippery slope, and I've far from mastered it. I think I often shortchange the narration, actually, but I'm still learning.

Bran's a hopeless flirt. That should answer some of your questions, yes? I suppose I'd like to think that, at its heart, this story will end up being as much about what constitutes a family as much as about finding new purpose. We'll see if I pull it off. And yes, Bran becomes as important a figure to Nate as Will does.

As always, thanks for reading and for your thoughtful comments.



I'm accused of being evil all the time. Funny how a rep like that follows you.

Thanks for the commiseration. Between my four kids, every day is a logistical battle, but the last month of school is enough to drive me to drink. I had been holding off writing this particular chapter, and that's what gummed up the works. The four after this -- chapters 4,5,6, and 7 -- are complete, awaiting edits, but this one gave me fits, and I put it off for that reason. I'm sorry to have such a long wait between updates.

I really appreciate you taking the time to leave such comprehensive feedback. It helps give me an idea of whether I'm doling out the story too slowly or too quickly, and it's always heartening to hear that I've accomplished my goals for a specific chapter. I knew this was going to be an information heavy/action light installment since day one, and I was kind of dreading it. I'm so happy to hear it's been enjoyed.

Thanks again, Tiff!

<MyOpinion>

Libby, I don't think there was any reason to dread this chapter.

At some point in a story like this you have to have to provide lots of information and a little action before moving on.

From my point of view two chapters of mostly action were enough to begin a fan base while introducing all the major players--at least in terms of who we've met so far. Now it's time to start fleshing out those characters a little more.

We know a lot more about Nate and Bran after this chapter.

At some point you'll need to do the same thing for Will, and maybe for Miss Emma.

When that time comes please don't dread it. You've already successfully managed to combine the right amounts of action and information in this chapter.

</MyOpinion>

Four kids and school?!? God bless you woman!

I just have school and I feel overwhelmed. Amazing Libby

Anyway, I know authors are always a bit self-conscious of their work before posting. Even when they're in the middle of a series, there will be certain chapters that the author might feel won't go over well with the audience. That may or may not be true, but hey, you're the author and as long as you're satisfied, that's all that really matters. Those that complain, well, how many of them take the time and dedicate themselves to writing like you do?

Lastly, some authors just have an amazing gift and ability to write emotional and compelling stories. Action or no action, I don't know if it's even POSSIBLE for you to screw up a story. I've loved Paying the Piper and since then I've never looked back from your writing. It's definitely smooth sailing.

It probably won't do anything to alleviate your worries as your continously write, but at least know that you have loyal fans.

Very loyal fans Libby. Although I'm dismayed nobody has commented on your most recent chapter. Here's what I wrote in my review. I really can't think of anything to add.

Well, here's the chapter with more about Will. I'm convinced now that he used to be a cop who, despite apparently being married and with at least one child, got outed and was driven out of the police force because of it. "Homophobic bastards" keeps running through my mind. Here's a man who obviously has a conscience and yet because of what he is he's drummed out of a respectable job, is apparently forced to abandon his family, and sinks so low that he's now just a drunk who's barely hanging onto life. I'm praying that Nate and Sophie will be his saviors. It certainly seems like he's beginning to have good feelings for them.

Will's comment that was meant to comfort Sophie and also comforted Nate shows just how vulnerable and scared Nate is despite his bravado. That was the one section of this chapter that sent chills up my spine and brought tears to my eyes.

It also seems Will knows a bit more about Nate than Nate is willing to admit. And my gosh, what has Nate been through that he so thoroughly misunderstands why Will wants Nate to have that money back?

Will has done his good deed for the day, and despite trying to fight his demons along comes Will's own tormentor and leads Will astray. I barely know Steve but I already hate him.

Well done again Libby. I'm running out of superlatives to describe how much I am enthralled with this story you're crafting.

Thanks again, Gary, and I'm not dismayed in the least. I don't expect every chapter to prompt the same reaction as the last. And look at all the shiny fiction that's been posted with the new anthology. I'm loving it myself -- it's a bit like Christmas.

Nate and Will's full stories will (finally) be revealed in the next couple of chapters, so all those hints and clues will be explained very shortly. Thanks, as always, for the lovely review and thoughtful feedback.

........I thought I posted this last week........Hummm, getting old I ....never mind any how;

Another agonizing chapter with the perfect tempo accompanying Will’s descent into the darkness he wishes to engulf him. His pain of love lost over powers his dignity and sense of right and wrong. While Nate runs from his past and nightmare, he courageously strives for normalcy not knowing how scared he really is, his future is his new nightmare. Fate has brought them together; their secrets are cracking thru to each other. Another well written chapter Libby, I look forward to more!!

Darn Ben. That sounds like a professionally written review. Great job my friend!

Just posting / nagging here for a new chapter. Okay, okay, I won't push you, I know you'll post when you're ready. But (imagine whiny voice here) I reeeeeaaaallllly can't wait to read the next one! I'm so hooked on your writing and on this story, and I keep checking back incessantly to see if it's been updated. Oh, and I should warn you: I have a Jewish mother; I learned the art of nagging from the best.

~ Just a fan

P.S. Why is it that you aren't a hosted author here, Libby? You're certainly more than good enough to be one.

Thank you, Benji. I really appreciate the feedback. Sorry it's taken me a while to reply. Yes, Nate and Will are beginning to open up to each other. They're seeing that even though the differences between them are vast, so are the similarities. Thanks again for the review.




Thank you! Chapter 5 is coming. I had some Internet difficulties last week, and though the chapter was done, I couldn't get it to my betas -- no email! It should be back to me by the middle of the week. *hopes* I'm thrilled you're enjoying it so much. This next chapter is the one I know a few people have been waiting for: we get a glimpse into Nate and Sophie's past.

Hosted, Promising...it's all very difficult for me to keep straight. Truthfully, I'm happy being part of GA in any capacity. It's been a series of great experiences, and I'm sure that will continue no matter what label is next to my pen name.

Thanks so much for all your support and your patience.

Hey, thanks for the reply. Glad to hear a new chapter is coming up soon. I will keep my eyes peeled.

I posted a review, but... eheh, I'll say that I liked this story here, too. From a writer's POV, I'm rather fascinated by this present tense usage and the really... objective, almost, tone. Take this for example, from chapter 2:



It feels almost like a Noh drama, with precise, crystalline movements. Now change it into past tense:



Doesn't it feel different???

Thanks for the review, corvus. Popping over to efiction and seeing how many comments I haven't replied to was just mortifying. I really need to get my act together. I appreciate your feedback, as always.

Yes, it feels so different! This is an experiment for me, in a way. I've written plenty of short stories in the present tense, but each of the four novel-length stories I've written have all been in the past tense. To be honest, I'd planned to write this in the past tense. But each time I sat down to write, I'd end up with whole paragraphs in present tense. I'd go back and change it all, only to have it happen again and again. So it was intuition, I suppose, to do it this way, combined with a fair amount of subconscience influence.

The alternating POV is a different animal all together. There are two stories being told here, intertwined but very different, and -- barring a decision to split this into two different stories -- I thought a shared, alternating POV was the best way to tell it. I don't know if you remember the thread on POV in the Writer's Corner, but I tend to prefer third-person limited/one character, even (usually) for longer works. So this is also something new I'm "experimenting" with.

Not all experiments are successes. But if I've learned something from the experience, and can be even the tiniest bit a better writer, then I'm happy. Thanks again for reading and for your thought-provoking feedback. I greatly value your opinion.

Libby, I love you. Great chapter.

I so wanted to see Nate and Sophie's past and you didn't disappoint. A small glimpse, but enough to get the big picture. And I was mad pissed at that lawyer guy. When children say something about sexual abuse or any abuse, even if they don't believe it, it should be investigated rather than brushed off. Stupid lawyer. Ok, enough of that.

Nate's determination and statement that his father would never get his sister was very powerful. I could feel his anger off the page.

After that brutal and draining stroll down memory lane, or nightmare lane, LOL, the ending chapter was sweet. Nate seems to finally be relaxing, or at least momentarily. He will probably remain nervous, paranoid, and tense for many more chapters to come, but this seems very promising. Flirting a bit with Bran without freaking out, and making breakfast together seems really domestic and family like.

Love it. Love you, Libby. Keep the chapters coming!!!

Great chapter, Libby.

Until now, I'd been under the impression that Nate and Sophie's father was just a run-of-the-mill drunk, you know, the type who comes home after having a few and loses his temper and takes it out on his innocent kids. Big, loud and scary, but simple to understand. However, it seems that he's something altogether more sinister. Manipulative, evil, very very terrifying. All things considered, it's amazing that Sophie still seems like such an open and friendly kid, and Nate's paranoia isn't exactly hard to understand either.

No Will in this chapter, which made me sad... I was kinda getting to like the guy, despite everything. Hoping to see more of him in the next chapter.

But Bran and Nate cooking breakfast - too sweet. I hope Bran doesn't chase too hard. Nate is still skittish as a rabbit, and if Bran comes on too strong, he'll retreat in an eyeblink.

Keep up the good work, Libby. I'm really enjoying this one!