Ohh, I hadn't quite realized it was this chapter! This and the next four are my favourites of the whole story. I really hope you guys enjoy them, and I expect this chapter to generate some interesting comments (please don't prove me wrong!)

_________________________________________________________________________

Buy me a drink?

Chapter 7: The Greatest Story Ever Told


“Don’t pick up, don’t pick up,” I mutter quietly to myself as the phone rings on the other end.

I really don’t want him to answer. I guess that sounds weird since I’m calling him and all, but my heart is in my throat, and I think what I really want is to be able to see him at Bender’s next Friday and just be able to say that I had called him. Or maybe I wanted to be able to look Mick in the eye when he gets home in a few hours and say ‘yeah man, I called him, but he didn’t answer.’ Who knows, maybe what I’m really after is simply being able to look in the mirror and tell myself that I tried. Whomever it is that I most want to inform about this attempted phone call the fact remains that it has now rung three times and there’s still no answer. Isn’t there a rule of etiquette or something about hanging up after three rings? I’m pretty sure there is.

Hanging up my cell phone and sighing in relief I grab my coffee mug and walk into the kitchen to put it in the dishwasher. As I’m busy rearranging bowls and glasses to make room for the mug I hear a sound which instantly makes my stomach do summersaults of anxiety and excitement. Just what is that sounds? It’s ‘Lithium’ by Nirvana.

If you correctly guessed that I’m not just some freak who overreacts to 90’s grunge music, but that this is in fact my ring tone…well 957 bonus points for you. Staring nervously at my phone – and feigning jamming out to make myself feel better – I’m at a loss for what to do. Finally I remember an excellent piece of advice which someone – probably a Nirvana fan herself – recently gave me when I was faced with a similar situation..

“Hello,” I say weakly.

“Hey Aar, you called.” Ben states rather than asks.

“Uh, yeah. I just wanted to…see what you were up to.”

“Putting away laundry actually.” Wow! Super-boy does laundry? …or maybe he just puts it away after someone else does it for him.

“Sounds exciting,” I joke.

“Oh it’s riveting, lemme tell ya. So what’s on your agenda for today?” Ben inquires.

“Well, uhh…Actually I was calling to see if you wanted to hang out or something for awhile.” Wooo hooo! Look at me!

“Sure, what did you have in mind?”

Well that’s a good question, Ben…what did I have in mind? Oh wait, I didn’t have anything in mind, I didn’t think you were going to answer!

“ Ohhh, umm, uhhh anything you like,” I fumble. Hell, not only did I fumble, I think if this is a game he just got an interception…

“Cool, you know Hermann park?” Ben asks, obviously seeing that I’m going to need help with asking him out.

“Uhh, yeah” It’s over in the museum and medical district.

“Well let’s grab some coffee at that Starbucks on Fannin and then go for a walk there. It’s a beautiful day today.” Ben suggests. I gotta say, I’m liking this idea. It sounds fun, low-pressure, and we’ll get some sun and fresh air. Nice one, Ben!

“Okay sounds great. What time?”

“Well, it’s about 1:20 now, and I need to do some things. How bout 2ish?” Ben asks.

“Sounds good, I’ll meet you at 2:00 then.”

“You know the Starbucks I’m talking about right?” Ben asks for confirmation.

“Yeah, you mean the one by the Metrorail huh?”

“Yep, that’s the one. We can either take the train to the park or just walk.”

“OK, I’ll see you there around 2:00 then.”

“See ya in a bit, Aar.”

“Bye.”

I actually meant to say ‘bye, Ben’. Like it was on the tip of my tongue, but then I just sort of…didn’t. According to social psychologists people love it when other people say their names. It’s little wonder then that his simple, ‘see ya in a bit, Aar’ still has my head spinning.

***********


I walk into Starbucks at 1:53 and I’m surprised to see Ben sitting at one of the tables texting someone. I don’t know why, but I just didn’t really think he would show up until after 2:00. You know how it is, people say, ‘I’ll meet you at 2:00’ and then they don’t show up until 2:10 or something. Anyway, I guess that’s just kind of what I thought was going to happen.

“Hey,” Ben says when he spots me. He promptly gets up and gives me a hug and a peck on the lips. We’re not in Montrose anymore, but this area isn’t really homophobic either. In fact I’m pretty sure at least one – if not both – of the baristas behind the counter is gay. In any case people obviously noticed but don’t seem particularly concerned.

“Hey Ben.” See I remembered.

“What are you going to get?” He inquires casually as we go up to the counter.

“Um, I think I’ll just get a regular coffee.” I like plain coffee, okay! Is that such a crime? “What about you?”

“Green Tea Latte! It’s SOOOO good. Have you ever had it?”

“Nope, don’t think I have,” I respond shaking my head. This is going so well! I wonder if we can just keep talking about Starbucks menu items all afternoon.

“Well, I’ll give you a sip of mine then,” Ben says as he leans against my shoulder.

“Thanks.”

“What can I get you guys?” The straighter of the two baristas inquires when we reach the front of the line.

Ben starts to place his order, but I impulsively put my arm around him and order for both of us.

“He’ll have a Green Tea Latte and I’ll have the house blend coffee,” I say with a smile. A smile I really feel.

“What size?”

“Um, Venti,” I say.

“Me too,” Ben pipes in.

“Thanks, Aaron,” Ben says with a smile as I’m paying.

“No problem,” I say, and then add with a wink, “I owed you a drink anyway”

Ben laughs and squeezes my shoulder. Wow! I’m acting confident, winking, being somewhat witty…I think we need to have all our dates here. Forget Bender’s, Mick can just strip right on that table over there and Jake can get a job behind the register.

“So what’s your story, Aaron?” Ben asks as we’re walking outside.

“My story? Uhh, I don’t really know. I guess I’m still figuring it out.” I’ll take ‘Evasive Answers’ for 500, Alex.

“Fair enough, but tell me about yourself. Like what do you like to do when you’re not giving people you don’t know strange nicknames?”

“Ben I’m…,” I start to apologize, but he shrugs and smiles and I decide to just drop it for now.

“Well I’m going to UofH, and I’m majoring in sociology, and…did you want to take the train or walk?” I ask as we’re approaching the platform where we would have to wait for the train.

“Let’s just walk,” he says smiling then continues, “okay, so sociology…that’s why you like the people watching so much, right?”

I can feel myself blushing.

“Yeah, I guess so. What about you?” I ask in an attempt to shift the focus away from me and my neurotic tendencies. “ What do you like to do? School? Work? International playboy?”

I tend to make lame jokes sometimes in case you hadn’t noticed. Ben just rolls his eyes.

“I’m majoring in Business at Rice.” Wouldn’t have guessed that!

“Oh that’s cool, how much longer do you have left?” Sounded better than, ‘no way!’

“About two years, this is my third year there, but you know how it goes with dropping classes and stuff.”

“Yeah, that’s true. They say almost no one actually finishes in four years anymore,” I read an article about this recently.

“Yeah.”

Okay, so lull in the conversation, and I suck at the awkward silence thing…I wonder if I should tell him about that article?

“Hey Aar, I’ve been wantin’ to ask you something.” Oh thank god!

“Sure, shoot.” If it’s about Starbucks or articles about college demographics and attendance I can totally answer!

“What’s the deal with you and that stripper?”

“Uh, you mean Mick?” Not that I have a deal with any other strippers.

“I dunno his name, but the really hot one with the great arms.” Mick does have really great arms. Ben continues.

“After that first night when you left to meet your roommate, I was kinda pissed. I mean it felt like you were just screwing with my head or something. But then Dave told me that that stripper was your boyfriend, so I wasn’t as mad anymore. I mean I still was, but not as much. But then you pulled that drink incident and I was so f**king confused. It was like all of a sudden you were pursuing me…then Dave told me you didn’t have a boyfriend after all.” Ben sighs, but continues before I can say anything.

“And now it’s like you have this completely different look and personality. I don’t know what the hell to expect from you next at this point. If you had just wanted to f**K around that woulda been fine and we could have done that the first night, but it’s like…it’s like half the time you seem to be serious about me and half the time you’re not. Half the time you have a boyfriend and half the time you don’t. Just level with me okay. What’s going on?” He finishes. Um, where do I start?

Noticing my overwhelmed expression, Ben tries to express his questions a little more clearly. “Is that stripper your boyfriend? Or are you living with someone else who is? And what are you after with me?”

“Mick, is the stripper’s name, and by the way if you ever meet him, call him an ‘exotic dancer’ ” No sense in letting Ben get off on the wrong foot right? “ anyway he’s also my best friend and roommate, but he’s not really my boyfriend.”

Seeming to notice how the word ‘boyfriend’ still appeared in that statement, and deciding that he wanted a little clarification as to how it tied into the phrase ‘not really’, Ben presses, “What do you mean ‘not really’? Is he like an ex? Or an on again, off again thing? …or like a f**K buddy? Or…”

“No, no, none of that. He’s my pretend boyfriend, but he’s not even gay.”

“Aaron what the hell? Do you know how f**king stupid that sounds?”

“What do you mean?” I know I am explaining this like shit but I just don’t know where to start and I’m totally overwhelmed.

Ben sighs with irritation and I’m pretty sure if we were at Bender’s or anywhere else he could have stormed out of, he already would have. It’s a little more difficult to storm out of a park though. I mean you have to be having a major fit to be standing in the middle of a park and like storm all the way out…and there’s no doors or anything to slam. Yeah, parks are definitely not good storming out of options. Thank god!

“Is he in the closet? I mean is that why he’s not really ‘gay’? Is it some weird situation where he’s just ‘gay’ for you?” Ben asks doing the air quote things over gay. You gotta hand it to the boy; he’s really trying to get his head around this.

“No he’s strai…, I mean he’s not ga…, well I don’t think he’s in the clos…, he’s not in love wi…,” Suddenly I realize that despite what I know…I don’t really know.

It’s like anyone else on the planet could have asked me those same questions and I wouldn’t have hesitated to say, ‘Listen you silly dork, Mick is my straight best friend and roommate, and he has no interest in sex or romance at all. He just lives with a gay guy and works as a stripper at a gay club. I mean yeah he tells everyone that the gay guy is his boyfriend. And yeah he does pay for most of the gay guy’s expenses. And okay yes, he is openly affectionate with the gay guy. And of course he threatens to hurt people if they look at the guy wrong…but he’s not gay. No way! And he sure as hell isn’t in love with the gay guy.’

Yep, that was the story. I knew it well. Hell I lived it. But now, listening to it in my head, realizing that I was about to tell it to Ben – who by the way is looking at me with more vulnerability and fear etched across his face than I would have even thought possible, especially for him – I realize just how absolutely ridiculous all of that sounds.

None of this adds up though. I mean, if Mick were gay and in love with me why was he pushing me to call Ben and work things out? Why is he always launching into those speeches about how I should like believe in myself or whatever and go after what I want? Shouldn’t he be bad-mouthing Ben and telling me he’s the only one who’ll ever understand me? Shouldn’t he be erasing my phone messages while evil music plays in the background?

Okay so there weren’t any phone messages and Mick isn’t a soap opera villain, but this shit still isn’t adding up.

“Aaron??” Ben says as he waves his hand and tries to get my attention.

“Yes,” I respond dumbly as I look past him lost in thought.

“f**K this!” Ben blurts out as he turns away and attempts to prove me wrong about that whole storming out of a park thing.

“Ben wait!” I shout as I run after him and grab his arm.

“Look, Mick is not my boyfriend and I swear that until this very moment I never even seriously considered the possibility that he might be gay. We’ve never fooled around, we’ve never kissed, and the only reason we tell people I’m his boyfriend is so that he doesn’t get hit on after he performs.” Ben’s angry expression is starting to soften so I continue.

“He definitely isn’t trying to stop me from seeing people or mess stuff up. In fact if it weren’t for him” and Jake, Cosmo, and Ronnie I silently add “there’s no way I’d have ever even had the nerve to try to talk to you again after that first night.”

Ben opens his mouth but I continue my speech.

“And before you ask, I’m honestly not sure why I didn’t mess around with you that night, I sure as hell wanted to and believe me I felt like a dumbass afterwards, but there’s no way it had anything to do with Mick. I just used him as an excuse.” Seriously, I hadn’t even considered any of this back then.

By this point, I know I’ve pretty much talked him down, and we could probably change the subject and be okay, but I decide to go for the clencher.

“…if you really want to know what stopped me it probably has something to do with the fact that I haven’t…uhh been intimate with anyone for over two years, and even then it was just fumbling with other closet cases back in high school.” Yikes! I feel so exposed, but I’m not done yet.

“The thing is you’re really hot, like REALLY hot, and we both know you could have any guy at Bender’s that you wanted” except Jake, but now I’m starting to worry this might include Mick after all.

“So I guess I was just really scared and intimidated. Every thing I’ve said and done since then – however stupid, lame, f**ked up, and all around confusing it’s been – has only been in an effort to get you to notice me again and maybe to get to know you better.”

Everyone try to ignore that thumping sound. It’s nothing to be alarmed about; it’s just the sound of my heart lying in his hands.

After what seems like an eternity of digesting everything I’ve just said, Ben finally looks up at me and says simply:

“Yes”

“Yes?” I ask with confusion.

“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend, Aaron.”

Awww, Kevin! don't beat yourself up about it! Maybe if you ask real nice like, Steve will feel inclined to help... I'd offer, but I don't know anything about eFic. Although, you know, it wasn't that bad reading it from the thread. So, no worries. You're good!

Thanks Steph,

Actually I kinda wanna do it myself. I need to work on my skills in this general area. I also want to (eventually) become proficient with HTML.

Did you already read the new chapter? Any thoughts?

Take care
Kevin

Just about to... I had to finish Duncan's new chapter first (he did post before you!)

ch. 7... awwwww, kevin!!! I so didn't see that one coming!

Thanks Steph!

I just realized I forgot to format that chapter with section breaks and my ballyhooed italics! Edited now

This is the sweetest chapter, but knowing you, it will just get better and better. I can honestly say that I've loved every one of your chapters. It was a slow build up focusing on the friendships and I love those friend aspects!

But Ben trying to find out what the deal was with Aaron and Mick was adorable and the rambling way Aaron explained everything was even cuter! Btw, Aaron being a rambler totally makes sense. It fits his whole awkward caveman talk. But Ben agreeing to be Aaron's bf at the end took the cake. It was the perfect end, although technically Aaron didn't ask, unless I happened to read over it. (I can be a messy reader: I bounce around the chapter, I sometimes stumble over sentences...)

The thing about your writing Kevin is that although nothing much really happens in the chapter, there's such great story telling that it leaves me interested and hanging onto every word. There are few authors that I read every little word because I have attention issues, but you're one of them that I'm willing to spend a long digesting every little bit.

Great work as always and no worries about the efiction thing. Whatever you can manage. Your fans don't mind!

This is an awesome chapter! I absolutely love the way you write with such uncanny accuracy about the awkward moments of a quasi-first date. I hate those stories where all the characters seem to speak with Shakespearian eloquence at every moment, always supplied with the right snappy comebacks and the gift of glib conversation at every moment. No, in my experience, it's your picture of not quite knowing what to say next, of the uncomfortable silences, of the "fumbles" and "interceptions" that is the truer picture. You have a real gift at getting that across, so my compliments to you!

Aaron seems like a real sweetie. A bit shy, a bit better at seeing stuff going on in other people's lives than in his own, but a sweetheart nonetheless. And Ben, for all of his BMAD behaviour, actually seems pretty down-to-earth, though maybe a little quick to forgive and forget, if you know what I mean. After all, Aaron kinda called him a whore in the last chapter, and Ben hasn't even confronted him about it - though he wasn't shy about yelling at him about the whole Mick situation. Makes me wonder if Ben thought Aaron hit a little too close to the mark, maybe?

I have to wonder how much of Aaron is you. I don't know you very well, Kevin, but I get the sense that we might have quite a bit in common, since Aaron is starting to remind me of a gay, male version of myself in some ways. The whole insecurity thing, well, yeah, I can definitely relate.

And I like how you've not-so-subtly introduced a seemingly upcoming Mick plot twist. Oh yes, there's definitely a story there.

This story just keeps getting better. Keep 'em coming!

Off-Topic: Yay first male to answer!

Such a sweet chapter, Kev Kev! I almost jumped up from my chair and ran silly through my room!!

Goh, geez, I don't really know what to add to what the misses above me already said...

I sure liked the start of this chapter, where Aar calls him, and doesn't get a reply Soo neat to have his nerves back in a matter of minutes

So, you better keep on posting chapters!!


Niels

Just wanted to say I am continuing to read (and love) this story, and I always look forward to when a new chapter is released. Aaron is a great character with all his uncertainties and awkwardness, and I'm glad he's finally managed to get things going with Ben. The best chapter so far, I think, and I'm also curious as to what going on with Mick, I have my suspicions but I'll have to wait to see if I'm proved right

I think Kevin is misleading us with the whole Mick situation. Misdirection...make the readers wonder...toss and turn in their sleep over the "what ifs."

Evil Kevin

Since things are heading in the right direction for Ben and Aaron and Mick is a constant supporter/provides encouragment, I think Mick must feel some sort of brotherly love, or perhaps he is bi, but doesn't want to be with Aaron because he can't be want Aaron wants...since Mick still wants to play it straight.

Ok, enough of this darn speculation.

Next chapter!!!!

You can always keep posting them after 6 days, Kevin! You seem to have dropped that good behaviour!

That's cause Kevin's a little busy bee. He's a busy dude on this site.

Sigh, so us readers must suffer....

In the meantime, find some buckets of tomatoes and start chucking them at him until he posts.

QUOTE

I like plain coffee, okay! Is that such a crime?

QUOTE

I’ll take ‘Evasive Answers’ for 500, Alex.

I loved all the internal thoughts in this one. Aaron was on a roll that had me laughing out loud. And no, it's not a crime to like plain coffee. As I told Kevin the first time I read this, people that order those half decaf, skinny mocha frappuccino grande whatevers drive me nuts.

Are potatoes good as well? I think my father has some in his garden


I loved that 'Evasive Answers for 500, Alex' As well! Seriously, all off those thoughts had me cracking up That's what I like about this story!
I like plain coffee as well Meh, we don't even have a Starbucks around here...

I'm remembering a quote my sister once told me, when I was starting to go out and date people. "SOme guys you need to hit with a brick to get their attention. Some guys you need to hit with a big brick." I've been wondering when Aaron would start trying to add 2 and 2 to get 57 in regards to Mick.

As an aside, I somewhat love the silliness of google ads. The ones at the top of the page atm are advertising Starbuck's Doubleshot. My drink of choice is a gigantic red eye with four shots.

BTW: Who else feels the Starbucks franchise would be improved with the inclusion of Male strippers in all their stores?

Haha, so true! And some guys, you need to hit over the head with a tire iron.

Potatoes might work, but they're harder and might knock Kevin out. Then how would we get those new chapters?

And no Starbucks? WHAT?!? *spews profanities in her disbelief*



*waves hand in the air* I do, I do!

It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "MMMM, coffee."

Guess this "'evasive answers for 500, Alex" line doesn't mean much to a non-American, and I was wondering at the time of reading but since the line had been brought up here, I feel it's now okay to ask, who's Alex?

Here you go!.

Thanks, that clears things up nicely

huh, good point, Dravenn! I guess that's a risk the author takes when using parodying popular culture --is that the term?

ack! so, now I'm thinking of a whole bunch of other common lines from other game shows! like "survey says" from Family Feud and "is that your final answer" from Who Wants to be a Millionnarie and "come on down!" from The Price is Right or "I'd like to buy a vowel" from Wheel of Fortune. ack! no more!

Family Feud- it's Family Fortunes over here. My favourite catchphrase was always "I'll have a P please Bob" from an old gameshow called Blockbusters. Cracked me up every time.




The things about popular culture is it's very much 'of it's time'. Once this Alex bloke has retired and the show is no longer around, the references become redundant, but I suppose that's the risk with contemporary stories, especially when the tone is as conversational as this one.

Yeah, but that's okay. I mean, plenty of classics have references that were reflective of the contemporary culture of the era in which they were written. Even if people reading them later don't necessarily understand them, they can learn them by reading the story, and get a window into what it must have been like to live in a given place or time.

Thanks! LOL, I think Ben just realized he was going to have to help Aaron out.



Awww

Wow thanks, Tiff! I really appreciate those comments!


Thanks Hotchik!

BTW, I totally agree with you about perfect, overly poetic and polished conversations of this nature.



Well, I certainly don't want to give away any spoilers or anything, but that's how I would interpret things at this point as well.


Well thanks, I take that as quite a compliment!

As I've said, I think all my characters have a lot of 'me' in them. Aaron and Ben both certainly do; however I consider them both quite different from me in some major ways.

One of the ways that Aaron definitely is similar to me is that I often think one thing and say something else. Like Aaron I'll occasionally say something sarcastic in conversation, but more often I'll merely think it and hold my tongue.


Thanks


Thanks, Niels!

And congrats on being the first male!


Thank you very m uch Dravenn! I appreciate the comments.

I wonder what your suspicions are about Mick. I look forward to you telling us what you were thinking and whether or not you were right!


Hehehehe

The whole Mick thing was where I expected a lot of the speculation and debate to come into play!



Awww, sorry Niels, as said unfortunately I have been pretty busy

I'll try to get back on track though

Thanks Sharon!


Thanks Zilar...but potatoes? YIKES!


LOL, Gabe! I agree with you about the ads! I've seen some pretty crazy ones before trying to target the audience that reads a story. In many ways it could be a game just trying to figure out what a chapter will be about based on the ads Google shows



Thanks Sharon


LOL, well you guys just got me thinking and I realized if I wanted to be sneaky I could change the chapter title of one of the upcoming chapters!



Good points! I guess that does 'date the story' a bit. While it would certainly be nice if people were still reading it in a couple of decades when Alex and Jeopardy are more or less forgotten I wasn't really counting on or expecting that. Should that happen (lol, yeah right!) I hope hotchik is right and it just adds a bit of flavour from the period.





On another note, I thought it would be fun to debate Mick's feelings for Aaron since Tiff and Gabe (and others) seem to hold opposite views. So, to that end, I went back and edited the first post of the thread to turn this thread into a poll. Vote now and let everyone know what you think!


-Kevin

So...I'm sort of addicted.

Just thought you should know.

I was kind of hoping you might want to make a novel out of this. It's certainly worthy of a place on my book shelf, so you can put my name down for a copy right away

And you're right about the cultural references, it would be extremely difficult to write this kind of story without them, and they obviously work, judging by the comments you receive, even if some of them are obscure to us non-Americans

Oh, and as for your poll, I think it's not so much what Mick might feel for Aaron, more what Aaron might feel for Mick, even if it is on a sub-conscious level. That's my theory anyway.

That's funny, I actually think it's the opposite. Mick is one of the most intriguing characters so far. He's a supposedly straight guy who dances in a gay bar so he can pay all the expenses for his gay roommate and spend more time with him. Ummmm.... right. I guess getting the story from Aaron's point of view makes it seem not so obvious to us, because it's clearly being missed by Aaron - but there's just no way that Mick's interest in Aaron is simply friendship. Even best friends don't go that far. My theory is that Mick is head-over-heels for Aaron, but is just waiting for Aaron to get a clue.

As for Ben, well, he's a bit enigmatic too, isn't he? Here's a guy who's MO is basically to take home a different trick every night, and he's trying to initiate some kind of relationship with a guy who called him out on his behaviour. Usually you'd associate that kind of behaviour with an avoidance tactic, but Ben doesn't seem to be avoiding it at all; he's facing it head-on. It's obvious he's looking for more than a one-night stand with Aaron at this point, and his insecurity is showing bigtime by his - astute - questions about Mick. Only once again, Aaron doesn't notice.

For a guy who's supposed to be the big sociology major / keen observer, Aaron is coming across as a bit thick. Hehe. Poor guy.

Woo HOO!! I'm spreading addiction


Wow thanks, Dravenn! I feel honoured and excited that you said that

In all honesty I was considering eventually trying to do that with Indefensible IF I can write it up to the standards I have for it (but that's iffy ). I hadn't considered it with BMAD though due to the unconventional style in which it's written.



Thanks, and I really appreciate you asking too. I'm embarrassed to admit that it hadn't occurred to me to clarify that reference. So it's good that you mentioned it and Sharon explained it; that way if anyone else reads the thread they'll know now too!


Hmmm, That's a very astute observation and based on that I really think you'll like the next few chapters.


Another top-notch and astute observation! LOL, you'll have something to look forward in the next few chapters as well


I think you're absolutely right about Aaron failing to notice things right in front of him. As I see it, Aaron's the sort of person who'll notice the splinter in someone else's eye but fail to see the log in his own.

Of course I'm not specifically talking about either the situation with Mick or Ben. Just in general that's kind of how he rolls.


On a very happy note, I've finally finished reloading the first seven chapters to eFiction!

I think while I'm at it I might add my anthology entry, If No One Notices as well. (err, that's the name of it; I'll add it even if people do notice, in fact I kinda hope they do )


Finally, I thought it'd be nice to get back in the habit of releasing the chapter name again. This week's chapter title, which is both Sharon and Tim's favourite, will be:

"Turning Japanese"

Kev, great chapter and thanks .

Sorry haven't posted yet, but loved the internal voice of Aaron more and more after this chapter. Usually people will try to describe what they are feeling, but you putting it in Aaron's voice really adds to the point.

As for "Turning Japanese" If it means what I remember hearing way back when what that phrase meant .

And if your curious about what I'm talking about, you can read about it here

Tsk, tsk, tsk Kevin

I can hardly wait now. Hopefully I'll be able to connect to the Internet.

Steve

Thanks Steve!





I certainly hope so!

Hi all,

LOL, so I did something a bit stupid. I inadvertently released bits of BMAD in the wrong order! I was actually supposed to release Reflections Over Coffee': Part 1 last week in place of chapter 7. Unfortunately, probably due in part to the situation with eFiction, I forgot and released chapter 7.

It shouldn't matter too much, just please go back and read Reflections and pretend you haven't read chapter 7 yet

Since I goofed up and I've been promising you guys chapter 8, I'll release it in 3 days instead of the usual 7. That works anyway because Reflections is probably the most boring part of BMAD, so if you get through it you deserve a reward anyway

Let me know what you think!

-Kevin

So I got through it (and liked it ) so where is my reward?

LOL, how about a copy of chapter 8 before I post it?

Honestly, the reason I came to this thread was to say that there would be a day or two delay for the posting of Chapter 8. Mainly because of the rather abysmal lack of response I got from Coffee. I'm not trying to blackmail people into commenting if they don't want to, but I honestly do feel less motivated as a result. E-Fiction is a headache and I've already dealt with it enough this week (re-uploading all those chapters). So I'm going to hold off on posting chapter 8 for a couple more days.

I'll PM Ashes and Dion (who left a review in eFiction) chapter 8 since they did comment so it isn't fair to use the same excuse on them. As I said I'm not trying blackmail or punish my readers at all, and indeed quite a few of you are great about commenting (and it's much appreciated ) and simply didn't this time - which I understand, people are busy and it really wasn't that great a chapter anyway. Anyway, uploading the chapter as an attachment in the PM is much easier and quicker than going through the eFiction process, so that's my excuse and reasoning. In the meantime anyone can feel free to comment here or PM me and I'll send them chapter 8. Either way it'll be up late tomorrow or Saturday, Sunday at the latest.

Again, not punishment or whining, just me being lazy and unmotivated

-Kevin

You are so punishing us! I'm sorry, I haven't been able to get through Coffee at all. I keep trying and failing. I miss the witty dialogue. I'm horrible with introspection... just ask Krista.

So you do think it's boring? LOL, actually I find that helpful since it let's me know what people like (and don't like).

Honestly I didn't particularly enjoy writing it (I guess it shows). I just felt like it was necessary to write. Anyway, I really am just being lazy

I'll send you chapter 8 though.

-Kevin

I liked the interlude with coffee. Granted, it lacked the snappy dialog, but IMHO it was needed; it gave us more background, and thanks to my tardiness I read it in the right seqence. I also feel that it was an innovative way of giving info, which i appreciated.

Loved the park scene, especially the comments about parks not being a good place to storm out of.

Hrmmm.. One of the other things that caught my eye as a great idea: I loved the usage of the term "Baristas" for bartenders.

Okay, on to Kevin's question about Mick.

I've wondered about him from the start. He's not homophobic, obviously, but could he be in some kind of denial? His actions towards Aaron do seem incongruous for a pure friend. To be honest, at this point I hope he and Aaron end up together.

CJ

Okay, I read Reflections Over Coffee, and while I could just give you compliments on the quality of the writing etc, which isn't in doubt, I also think you'd prefer if I was completely honest here, and basically I agree with Steph in that I found this hard to get through.

The problem is that this 'interlude' isn't necessary to the story. It's a bit of an info dump, the majority of it stuff we already know. There are a few new things in there, How Aaron met Mick etc, but in this case where it appears in the story all it does in my opinion is slow the narrative, which up to now has been rolling along at a cracking pace. I think because you posted this after chapter 7, instead of before as you intended, and no one noticed there was anything missing, kind of proves that you don't need it. I did find myself skimming this section, which I never did with the other chapters.




Just my 2 pence worth, I hope you're not offended because that wasn't my intention.

Awesome, thanks, CJ! LOL, I was kinda hoping at least a few people would get to read it in the right sequence.




It's true...It's like boats...just try storming out of a boat!

(okay, maybe boats are a bit worse actually)


Thanks

I wish I could take credit for being creative, but honestly I've really only ever heard the service person at a coffee shop referred to as baristas (well maybe 'cashier', or 'guy behind the counter' )



LOL, well perhaps chapter 8 will throw some more light on the situation!


Thanks Dravenn!

I really do appreciate that feedback. Also, I pretty much intended it to be a non-essential, information dump. I guess this makes me hypocritical for complaining about the limited feedback I got on it, but in all honesty I meant to include a note along with that went something like, "feel free not to read this if you don't want to". It definitely shouldn't impact the story at all.

Unfortunately, as you may have inferred from the title "....Part 1" there IS a part 2. It comes as sort of a prologue before the sequel. If I can get several more chapters written before it's time to start posting the sequel then my intention is to release Coffee 2 and chapter 1 together. Honestly, that isn't looking good right now though. I really need to decide what I'm going to do about release dates for the sequel. There will probably be at least some delay in posting unless I can get at least another 3 or 4 more chapters written in the next few weeks. On the bright side I do have a short story planned for release after BMAD ends and before the sequel begins. It's completely separate from either story and has no common characters, but I think the general tone and feel fit pretty well.


Anyway thanks for the comments ya'll

-Kevin

Okay, honesty time? I agree with Dravenn.

Maybe it was more obvious because you posted the chapters out of sequence... but when an entire section of a story can be removed and nobody misses it, then it probably should be edited out.

One of the rules of editing is that sometimes you don't need to explain everything. Sometimes you can left things unseen, unsaid. Sometimes you can skip over things entirely. The questions you should be asking yourself are: Does this move the story forward? Does it maintain or build the dramatic tension? Does it transmit vital information that cannot be obtained, deduced or surmised in other ways? If you can't answer all of those questions with a "yes", it's probably fodder for the editing room floor.

I read "Coffee" twice, mostly because my reaction to it the first time was kinda negative, and I wanted to be sure I wasn't missing the point or reading things wrong. I don't like giving negative feedback on a story, generally having been raised with the motto "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut". And there were a few good lines and interesting Aaron-isms in the section. The second time around, I could see how you dropped a few more hints about Mick, and how you gave us a bit more insight into how the wheels in Aaron's brain turn.

But I still think, despite that, this whole chapter really isn't needed. After all, the previous chapters drop plenty of hints about Mick - we don't know what's coming, but most of us know there's a story there somewhere (if the discussions in this thread are of any indication). Plus, your conversational writing style and your habits of having Aaron's inner thoughts show up in the middle of paragraphs already give us plenty of insight into Aaron's mind. I don't think we gain much from this that we didn't see elsewhere.

I hope you don't mind the constructive criticism, but I still think the story works better without "Reflections over Coffee". If I were you, I'd cut it out altogether.

That said, I am definitely enjoying the story, and I am looking forward to reading chapter 8.

Okay, I was late so I read the chapters in the order you meant them to be read in. I guess I can see both sides of the argument about coffee... On one hand I did feel like we had just a little bit of an information dump. On the other hand, I think you handled the 'dump' in a new and creative way. I thought the release of more information on Mick was a natural lead in to the confusion Aaron feels in chapter 7. I'm interested to see what comes up in terms of their relationship.

Oh, and a another little side note: I thought that Aaron's little introspective time slot of the week being the most important time for him fit in perfectly with his character.

It is Monday, you'll note. I wake up, having spent yesterday recovering from a fairly tiring week at work, looking forward to the latest chapter of "Buy Me a Drink." I even copy a poll form your blog onto mine, because I knew you'd provide the first genuine smile of the morning.

And what do I see? A distinct lack of BMAD Chapter 8.



Why did you lie to me Kevin? I'll have to console myself now with promotional photos from the movie Twilight. Specifically this one.

Actually, that's kind of a good analogy for Coffee I think. It sort of is like the 'out-takes'. I guess I meant it as a little something extra for those that do want to read it. I agree with and appreciate your comments though!



Thanks Jess




Awww, I'm sorry, Gabe. On the bright side Chapter 8 is out now, and ...well I'm sure it's still Sunday somewhere

Seriously, sorry about that (everyone), and I'll do better in the future


Well that is a consoling picture!

Here's the link to chapter 8: Turning Japanese


I hope you guys enjoy it!

Thanks!

See folks, note the results linking a picture of an almost too pretty young man received. Not even a full hour passed before the chapter went up.


Speaking of which,after reading "Turning Japanese" it finally dawned on me what was bothering me about Mick and Aaron. Despite my earlier comment, I don't really anticipate Mick harboring a love that dare not speak its name for Aaron. But something was twigging, and I finally got the shape of it. Aaron's feelings for Mick are vaguely Oedipal, aren't they? At the same time that Aaron wants to grow up and be a real "man" (for lack of a better term) in Mick's eyes, he also has a sincere sexual attraction for his roommate. Mixed in there is the need to take care of Mick in the same way that Mick has been taking care of him. In other words, he thinks Mick thinks of him as a little boy, and Aaron desperately wants to prove he's all grown up, to the point of inventing a...sophisticated motivation behind Mick's actions.

Hey Kevin,

Another great chapter as always. I liked all of Aaron's inner thoughts. They were just as comical as previous chapters. But most of all I really appreciate how the story is getting deeper into everyone's relationships. Before it was the introductions and things were light and funny, but now we get to see more of the dynamics between Mick and Aaron, and Ben and Aaron.

That dinner between the three guys was described very nicely. I could visualize everyone trying to be on their best behavior while trying to act normal and fun with each other.

It's good to see that Ben genuinely likes Aaron and vice versa, but I still like the subtle mocking on Aaron's part such as 'whispering about lack of money was customary in their circle.' So I guess Ben is the type of guy that gets treated to dinner? Is that why Aaron needs to get a job? Maybe in the future they can come to an agreement. I'm liking Ben more and more with each chapter, but he still comes off as a little high maintenance.

There is still something curious about Mick and Aaron's relationship and B1ue had a good explanation, but I'm far too tired to add to it or completely decipher it. But I agree that Mick seems to want Ben and Aaron together and wants Aaron to be happy. The way he was so confused when Aaron kept asking him if he was really happy for Aaron was telling enough.

Poor Aaron, he's so stressed and emotionally drained by the end of the day.

Can't wait for more!

Yay, it's up!

= Best line ever!

I tried PM'ing Kevin about ch.8, but I don't think it worked.

Loved it! I was kinda surprised that money, (rather Aaron's lack of) would be an issue for Ben. I'm hoping that that and Mick's involvement in Aaron's life and financial status doesn't affect Ben and Aaron's relationship.

Can't wait for more!

I actually don't think it is a problem for Ben. I think Aaron is miscorrectly assuming that because Ben always gets guys to buy him drinks. Remember, Aaron's a bit think sometimes!

Hmmm, good insight, Steph. When Aaron started to object to the sushi restaurant, Ben didn't seem upset by it; he was probably just going to be fine with eating somewhere cheaper, or eating in. I bet he would've liked that better than having to endure an awkward dinner with Mick right off the bat, though he didn't complain much. I think the money thing is more Aaron's insecurity, plus perhaps a little projection; after all, he's quick to judge Ben for accepting free drinks from guys in the club, but gets a bit defensive about his own habit of accepting free everything else from Mick. Pot, kettle, black?

To that, I'll add that Aaron seems to hold a good deal of stereotypes against Ben and his friends, the money one being only one of them. Being a sociology major or even taking a few soci courses can do that to you, as you get used to thinking in broad generalizations about other human beings, and to labeling people's behaviour... as I remember well from my uni days. The way Aaron "studies" people is a double-edged sword; he had Ben's behaviour nicely pegged in the club, but he didn't know what to make of it when Ben started deviating from the script and showing interest in Aaron. I think he also panics a little when he's no longer the detached observer and is actually involved in the story.