So were you. Anyway, did you enjoy Chapter 2?

Yep, I enjoyed it a lot. Poor Aaron's gotten himself into quite a bind. He's trying to make things right with Ben. He's got to help Jake prove to his g/f that he's really straight. Cosmo is HIV+. Seems like Kev's fleshing out his characters quite well to prepare us for whatever comes next. It's a shame he doesn't have a better beta-reader though.

Gee thanks. Yes, that was definitely an interesting chapter. I think you will notice that Ben is a sensitive guy. Aaron is rather brash at times. It's not always a good combination.

Hey Kevin!

Remember when I said I'd try to wait for the entire story to be posted before reading? Yeah, well, I LIED! I couldn't do it. I came home from an agonizingly long night class and I just needed a little pick me up. Thank you for posting this. Perfect timing, for me at least.

Anyway, great job again. I really love the whole friendship aspect of this story, especially Jake and Aaron in this particular chapter. It's cute how Jake is forcing Aaron to go out with Amanda to set the record straight, and also that Jake ignores Ben's latest guy in order to buy Aaron more time. It's like a little scheme or something and I love that camaradie feel if that makes any sense.

Dave is a good character. So nice and easy-going. Maybe a friendship will develop there as well? Either way, I didn't think the title of this chapter was all that great at first, but after reading through it, it definitely fits very well! The whole drink thing with Dave and then at the end when he used that same line on Ben, you really tied it all together. It wasn't meant to be funny, I'm sure, but it still made me chuckle. Quirky Aaron learned a smooth line from Dave. Not bad, not bad.

So now that I know, and you know, that I cannot wait for the entire thing to be posted, I shall see you again in this forum once chapter 3 is posted. Hopefully soon, and preferably on Tuesday and Thursday evenings after I finish my night school. Yeah, I'm sounding bossy, but umm, yeah, that's it.

Aw, you know I love you like a son Tim. If I can't tease my kid who can I tease?

I think Ben's sensitivity, at least as it's been related to us, is what I found most interesting in this chapter. We're still taking someone else's word for that sensitivity though. It remains to be seen how true it really is. So I'm hopeful but still skeptical.

Aaron's brashness didn't surprise me at all even though this is the first time we've seen a real demonstration of it. Even in the first chapter he seemed like someone who was capable of being brash to the point of perhaps being brutal about it.

Hey Kevin,

I could have sworn I posted after the first chapter , but I don't see it anywhere, so maybe I'll have to check some other forums to make sure I didn't post it there .

What I said about the first chapter though was that I was really impressed. The bar situation or scene was something that I think a lot of us can relate to. I remember being a regular at one bar, and having names for others regulars that I never talked to. They were usually something that were personality driven and was humourous to my friends and myself.

In a way, it sort of reminded me in a way of Cheers. Not saying that you copied the idea, but just the whole bar atmosphere where bars have certain characters and the regulars know each others personalities down pat. Too bad there isn't a Norm .

I finished up by saying I would be looking forward to the next chapter, but since it here, I guess I can comment.

I liked the way that you actually developed the characters in Bmad's group a bit more in this chapter. It was good to see that Aaron learned a bit more about a couple of them. Maybe he learned more about Ben from Dave, but it was a good way to learn about not only Ben and Dave, but Aaron, Jake and Mick as well. Also it might be interesting to see how many people Aaron has turned down with the Mick/Aaron thing, and if it results in anything in the future.

If I had any critique, it would be that I was a little bit more confused in the switching of names between nicknames and real names. At times I had to think "which one was that", but I did figure it out on my own, .

Probably the best part had to be the final three paragraphs in the chapter. Here Aaron is trying to buy Ben (Buy Me Another Drink) a drink, and he is not interested, but Aaron turns it around in his favour. It had me laughing at the irony of it all.

Great Job

Steve

First my editor and now my beta reader come under attack! LOL, fortunately it seems they're both more than capable of handling the situation

What did you think of Cosmo's revelation? Were you guys surprised or did you see it coming at all?



Yay! Glad to help out, Tiff!


I'm really glad you liked that! Some of my favourite scenes are between Aaron and Jake. He's a fun character to write for.


Thanks, the scene between Cosmo and Aaron at the beginning is my favourite in these first two chapters. I think it goes a long toward revealing a great deal about both of them directly and indirectly about Ben and Giorgio. It was also a lot of fun to write!

What did you guys think of Cosmo and Aaron's interaction?


Well, my goal is to get it online no later than Wednesday evening, but in all likelihood it may indeed work out to Tuesday night


LOL! Well it's good to know there's a post about it out there somewhere



Thanks, Steve! I was indeed going for that comfortable dynamic between friends, as well as infusing a slice of 'gay life' and 'the scene' into the story.

In all honesty I wasn't really thinking of Cheers when I created the characters. In many ways they're sort of like extreme versions and mixtures of various people that I know, but I also confess I had a little Queer As Folk and a little Friends in mind when I created them as well. So it's sort of like a combination of the three plus ALOT of creative license lol.


Thanks

Regarding that last bit, I'll comment a bit more on it as the story progresses.



I'm glad it wasn't too confusing then. I tried to make it as straightforward as possible, by trying to include the two names, obviously in reference to the same character, within a pretty short space. That way no matter which name the read 'knew' he/she would be able to figure it out pretty quickly. Here's a little list if it helps:

-Aaron is just Aaron and Mick is just Mick
-Bmad/Ben - I'll go so far as to say that the 'Bmad' days are over for this character. Hence forth he'll pretty much exclusively be referred to as simply 'Ben'.
-Jake/Marcus - It'll be 'Jake' the overwhelming majority of the time, just don't be surprised if you occasionally hear him referred to as 'Marcus'. Marcus is his real name, he just took 'Jake' because he liked it better for a bartender.
-Cosmo/Dave - It'll be a good split, with this one, depending on who is referencing/addressing him
-Daisy/___ - Haha, almost gave away his real name! So far in the story it hasn't been given. During the 'introductions' he was 'the bitch', and none of the others addressed him in front of Aaron so he still doesn't know. Like Cosmo once his real name is revealed it'll be used pretty evenly depending on who is referencing/addressing him.
-Giorgio/Jose - Same as the other two.

We've also had a mention of a "Ronnie", "Amanda", and "John". Again I don't want to give away any plot, but suffice to say that those are their only names as well.

In general I tend to call the characters by the same names that Aaron uses since I'm used to writing in Aaron's voice, so I'll probably say Jake, Cosmo, Daisy, and Giorgio the majority of the times as well.


Thanks Steve!

I remember when I wrote this chapter Aaron really surprised me! I wasn't expecting him to be so cocky and smooth, in fact I pretty much WAS expecting him to chicken out, but he proved me wrong! I think this was an important chapter for Aaron as a character. In the last chapter we saw hints of his assertiveness when he told off Daisy, and of course we've also heard some of the things that goes on in his head. Up until this chapter though I didn't think he'd have the nerve to act that way toward Ben.

What did you all think of this? As I said, it felt in character for him (which is why I wrote it that way I suppose), but it surprised me.


Take care all
Kevin

I laugh everytime I read this, and I've read it often.

Just so there's no misunderstanding on the part of members who don't know it, Tim and I are quite friendly and love to tease each other.

I can't say I expected Cosmo's revelation. And yet it didn't really surprise me either. There had to be some reason why he wasn't also taking tricks home. I think anyone with a conscience and is HIV+ should not be cruising bars or clubs for one night stands. There needs to be time to build a level of trust between partners because even safer sex still carries some significant risks.

................................................................................
......................................................

I'm reading the first chapter... I'll get to the second... okay now to the second.... (I'm posting as I read, lol, I can't help it)

I knew you were intelligent and articulate, Kevvers, but I guess I didn't know exactly how creative you are. Very nice descriptions without all of the run-of-the-mill adjectives that are all terribly threadbare (and I could've used bromidic, banal, dull, platitudinal, commonplace, old, overused, overworked... okay, outta synonyms).

I enjoyed:
-the homicidal ideation involving the tweaked out bitch and his scarf
-Aaron being fun to watch/read/whatever
-LMFAO at "[the mug] didn't really exist anyway"
-It's parallel, meaning that it's well-written. Things match up nicely and fit together without clashing. Some people write and things just get hazy around the edges. This is more like puzzle piece edges.



My personal issues:
-having thoughts in italics bothers me, but not a big issue
-"Cosmo" reminds me of the idiot fairy from Fairly Oddparents
-knowing way too damn much at points, and what I mean by this is the thing like the Columbian accent, the Giorgio cologne, etc.
-WTF, man, you already ruined it by f**king with Cosmo! Omg Kevvers you lose all the points you had, you're in the negative, DEATH!; Also, he would not be drinking if he had HIV. I'm assuming that, like everyone in the real world, he's started HAART, and recent research definitely suggests that alcohol use correlates with higher viral load and lower T-cell count. The amount of alcohol could be questioned, but considering as how the boy always has a cosmo in his hand, he's gotta be topping more than just one drink a day.
-it almost seems like you're writing defensively at points... hard to explain, but like you're preempting certain possible criticisms



It's great so far, Kevvers. Wish it were finished, I hate trying to keep up with chapters coming out. Anywho, keep it going... I really, really like it (which, as you know... is sorta rare for me ).

LOL, I know how you love that line! I was wondering if you were going to comment on it!




LOL, now here's the sort of discussions I was expecting about Cosmo!

I don't want to give away too many spoilers, but I will say that Gary's interpretation of Cosmo's reasoning for going home without playmates is exactly what I intended for the readers to assume at this point (LOL, it sounds like I'm saying there's some secret, other possibility, which isn't really my intent, but I do want to leave room for further layers build on this).

Regarding the part about being ticked off because I gave him HIV...well, it was always my intention to write him that way, and it was also always my intention to let the readers know early on (wouldn't you hate this revelation more 20 or 30 chapters in? ). However, I have to say I hated to do it too. When I got to the scene in which Aaron found out, I was having so much fun writing Cosmo, and he was so likable that there was definitely an "awww man!" moment for me as well.

Finally, about the alcohol, you're definitely right about your info, Jamie, and I have taken that into consideration. Unfortunately, much of Cosmo's character is based on someone I actually know, in terms of how I physically imagine him, his personality, his status, his age, and yes, unfortunately to a lesser degree his drinking habits. The guy I have in mind doesn't actually drink Cosmos but a variety of other drinks, and fortunately at least he doesn't drink quite as much as Cosmo does, but still far more than he should given his condition.


Aww thanks, Jamie




Good points I'll concede. On the other hand those things wouldn't be impossible in general, but they might be harder for Aaron specifically to determine quickly.

The cologne thing for example: I've had people identify my cologne before on several occasions. On a few occasions it's been a much less popular, well-known cologne than Giorgio Armani, and in one instance IT WAS Giorgio Armani. So I know a lot of guys can do it, and I'm pretty sure that in any given gay club at least a handful of the guys would be able to pick this out. I agree that it doesn't seem all that likely that Aaron or Jake would be able to, and that's definitely a slight failing of the story.

I had originally written Aaron slightly different, and my first version of Aaron would have been able to pick it out. The "2.0 version" probably wouldn't. I still don't think it's that far fetched though, let's imagine for instance that after Giorgio walks by Aaron and/or Jake says "did you smell him!?" at which point random cologne queen by the bar says, "you mean 'Giorgio'? Yeahhh *dreamy look*". LOL, of course I didn't write that, but it or anything similar could easily have happened.

Regarding the accents, I absolutely know "Gringos" who could pick out a Columbian accent, and one of the characters is the story would definitely be able to. Houston has a huge and diverse Hispanic influence and I personally know Columbians, and I can tell that there's a difference between that and the more common Mexican accent, I probably wouldn't pick it out as "Columbian", but a lot of people could, and I don't think it's completely unreasonable to think that Aaron could.



Ohh! That's interesting! On the one hand Aaron himself is defensive, but on the other it's definitely possible that I'm doing that purely as a writer. I love to debate and discuss, and very often when I write forum posts, or simply enter into a discourse, I try to anticipate any objections or arguments and deflate them before the other person can make them...so while I definitely wasn't trying to do that with the story, it may indeed have seeped through as a result of force of habit or something. Fascinating comment! I'm definitely going to be on the look out for this!

Thanks for the wonderful, interesting, and insightful review, Jamie!


-Kevin

Kevin, I liked Ch 1 much better than Ch 2. Ch 2 felt klunky to me. It just didn't have the same flow. The conversation between Cosmo Dave and Aaron was awkward. I haven't gone back to pinpoint why... but if everyone else liked it so much, maybe it's just me? Jamie did have a point that you sometimes described too much or maybe it's that the sentence structure repeated too often?

I did love the ending, and how the title was weaved into the story. You're right that Aaron seemed to have some weird confidence showing up there, but I think it fit. Nice!

Thanks for telling me Steph! If you could pinpoint the problem with the conversation between Aaron and Cosmo I would really appreciate it (no problem if you can't though, I'll go back and review it myself and see if I can figure out any problems). I actually felt like that dialogue went pretty well, and as I said it's one of my favourite scenes, so I'm definitely eager to make it better if I can, and brush up on future dialogue.

If you don't mind my asking, what did you think of the dialogue between Aaron and Jake? Did that seem to flow naturally?


Thanks!


Regarding chapter 2 not being as good as chapter 1...well it's the last thing an author should say about his chapter, especially while it's the 'current' chapter, but despite the fact that it had some of my favourite interaction (Cosmo/Aaron, Jake/Aaron), have to admit that if I had to pick a regular chapter in all of BMAD to identify as my least favourite...it would probably be that one.

Like I said, I felt like it was a very important chapter and I thought it did have some good scenes, but yeah, overall I think I like the others better myself. My favourite chapters are actually the last four of the series. Anyway, hopefully you'll like the next chapter better. Personally I do like it much better. Apart from all that there's a new kid in town who ought to shake things up a bit

By the way, now seems like a good enough time to announce the name of the next chapter: Make Over Madness

Any speculation about the name (LOL, I suppose it shouldn't be THAT hard to figure out)?

Also, what did everyone else think about the Aaron/Cosmo and Aaron/Jake interaction? I definitely want to address any dialogue problems I'm having before anymore chapters go online!

Thanks again, Steph!

Take care all,
Kevin

I happen to approve of the chapter title. I also think you have sparked their curiosity with the title.

I thought the Aaron/Jake interaction was natural. Especially when Jake was hounding Aaron to hang out with his girlfriend Amanda in an effort to convince her that he's straight. And how easily Aaron folded. I mean, only close friends tell one another what to do, and then the other party just accepts it. I mean, didn't Aaron agree to chilling with Amanda, like inviting himself along?

As for Aaron and Cosmo/Dave, sure it was a bit awkward and wasn't the most flowing conversation, but I think it worked well. In my opinion, it could have been intentional. Kevin, just say that it was! LOL. Take the glory!

But seriously, Aaron has been observing Bmad and his circle of friends for awhile now, so of course the conversation isn't going to be super smooth. Aren't they strangers, pretty much? But it seems like there was an attraction on a friendship level. Cosmo was witty and fun. They were honest with each other right away inspite of the intial awkwardness--the whole drink thing and already having one...

If it was awkward, I still feel it worked to your advantage.

This was my favorite chapter, I know, they're only two, but I like this one the best. The dialogue between Jake/Aaron and Aaron/Cosmo was funny and made me laugh. My memory blows and I can't even quote the lines, but good stuff. I think Sharon mentioned one funny line about Cosmo alreayd having a Cosmo. And then Jake saying his girlfriend thinks he's gay because he was hugging Mick, while Aaron was not having sex with Ben.

And I liked seeing the friendship aspect between Jake and Aaron. There wasnt enough in chapter 1 really. But in all fairness chapter one was the introduction stage. I'm big on the friendship things in stories, apparently. Friends keep you sane, help you out in your time of need...and all that good stuff.

Bingo!!!

``I've just begun releasing my new story, Buy Me A Drink.`` First I`d like to start by saying thank you for taking the time to write the story, and hope you`ll have more time and inspiration so that you`ll keep going `til everybody gets a happy ending. Especially Dave. Next, I`d like to wish you health, love, and loooots of happiness cause you need them in order to write, right? lame joke, sorry. Seriously, can`t wait for the next chapter, yes I`ve read the second one as well, and loved it even more, now that you`ve outlined Mick`s sensitivity, he almost cried after he broke Aarons coffee mug. And he seems to be a good friend to him, but does he have to be straight? Maybe Aaron can help him overcome his fear of sex. And poor Ben, can`t he find one guy that`ll love him and put a stop to all of those one night senseless affairs. I`m not saying anything about Daisy, don`t like him. Well, that`s it, hope you`re convinced, you have lots of fans that can`t wait to read your stories. Take care, bye, Rada.

To me, it wasn't the conversation so much as the way it was written. It almost made me stop reading. But since I like Kevin, I kept reading. I've seen authors write awkward conversations that flow well, especially when they include thoughts. I am extremely picky about dialogue and when it doesn't flow properly, I lose interest in reading the story. The difference was a huge, comparing it to ch 1, and not the best way to start the next chapter.

Just looking at the first two lines...

"...someone says as they..." -- First off, this is bad grammar. It should be he or she, not they. Then, we switch subjects in the same dialogue line from 'someone' to 'I'. It's not a big deal, but it makes a difference in the reading. It's not a strong way to start off the chapter.



This is just my personal opinion, and Kevin does get back into his groove by the end of the chapter. The beginning was just painful for me personally, because I'm very picky about dialogue.

Kevin, I promise I'll give you more examples when I have a chance.

Respectfully, dialogue is the only thing I'm not picky about. Rarely does anyone speak in a way that flows the way you'd like it to. Grammar is often imperfect. The flow is often choppy. Now, if an entire story is filled with crappy dialogue then I might have a problem with it. But a few awkward sentences just isn't a problem in my judgment. I give my authors a lot of leeway when it comes to making suggestions about changes in dialogue because people just don't speak perfectly.

Actually, that's a totally different point. If the dialogue uses perfect grammar, it's awkward. I totally agree with you. The grammar I pointed out was not in the dialogue, but in the writing around the dialogue (the descriptions and such). The writing around the dialogue should conform to grammar rules, unless it's written as thoughts. Most of the time when I'm reading, I just feel that something's off and can usually figure out how to fix it. The more I read, the more my guidelines begin to formulate. Again, these are just my own guidelines, and you can chose to disagree.

My bad. I guess I didn't pay enough attention to the rest of your message. I think we're pretty much in agreement on this issue. Awkward dialogue can be alright. Poor grammar and other mistakes around the dialogue can result in a confusing mess. Sometimes I find I don't know who said what to whom in cases like that. It's very annoying.

Thanks all around, Tiff!

I agree, I think friendship is very important and a convincing friendship in a story can definitely make a huge difference!


Wow! Thanks, Rada! I really appreciate you taking the time to review the story, especially with your first post!

LOL, regarding the questions, comments, and requests, well I promise I definitely will address each of these points in either BMAD or its sequel!




Thanks, Steph! Those comments definitely helped a lot!

So maybe something like:



I think that's still more or less in Aaron's 'voice' (I want the exposition itself to still sound roughly like something Aaron would actually say to someone). Is it easier to read?


Well that's certainly the last thing I want! Please do tell me if you find any situations like that!


In many ways, with regards to grammar and flow, the story itself is simultaneously easier and more difficult to write. As I said, I don't want it to read quite like a 'typical' 1st person story, but instead like something coming directly out of Aaron's head. So my primary focus is definitely on flow, often at the expense of grammar and punctuation. So the story itself is very 'relaxed' to write since in most ways as long as I remain in Aaron's voice, writing it exactly like I'd casually recount it - versus trying to spruce it up grammatically and make it look all pretty - is precisely what I want. On the other hand, none of the readers have the benefit of actually hearing 'Aaron' tell them the story. They have to read it for themselves, and it's difficult to get people to read it exactly like someone else would say it. Apart from which hearing this 'voice' in one's head is more intrusive than hearing it in one's ears, so I suppose there's less patience there as well. Finally, there's a good chance Aaron would irritate quite a few people with the way he speaks anyway.

So, of course I (and Sharon! and Tim!) have to go back and make it as 'readable' as possible without losing Aaron's casual, 'unpolished' voice. A good example of the problems that presents is just what Steph pointed out! That sentence just wasn't very readable to her and I should have spent more time making sure it flowed better.

As I said, how the story 'flows' is definitely my main concern. It's purposely choppy in some parts, and rambling in others because I think people, and certainly Aaron, are occasionally very choppy or rambling in their speech.

Anyway, thanks very much for that example, Steph! As I said, it helped immensely!

-Kevin

And that's a very fine line. Everyone is going to 'read' things just a bit differently. We go back and forth with each chapter repeatedly, tweaking this and that. As long as Kevin is happy enough with the end result to push that 'post' button, well to me anyway, that's all that matters.

I feel the same way, Sharon. This is an interesting series, and I am glad to be a part of it. I am so blown away by his style. It's so refreshing. Mine is quite rigid in comparison. I just hope I am being helpful despite that.

Chapter 3: Make Over Madness is now out!

Click here to read it.

I hope you guys like it! Of the three thus far it's probably my favourite

Nice chapter, Kevkev!

I love your description of the hug

I do think you could've held the why-she-questioned-his-sexuality-convo a bit longer, I sort of had expected more of that...


And off-topic: Hahahaha you should've seen my reaction when I noticed the change in your signature!! I do wonder if it won't cause any lasting mental effects!

How interesting. So Aaron is a bit more into Ben that he'll even admit to himself. That's the only explanation I can see for letting Ronnie and Amanda do him like that. Certainly I would have been extremely uncomfortable in that situation.

I'm glad this weeks update went up a little early. Thanks Kevin.

-Gabe

Thanks!


Yeah, now that I think about it I guess perhaps I should have. In all honesty it was probably lazy writing and a foolish oversight with regards to the potential it held as a brief sub-plot. Thanks





I'm glad you enjoyed it, Zilar! Thanks

-Kevin

A very good observation!

Hehehe, you should see what Ronnie has in store for him in the sequel!

Thanks, Gabe!


hehe, well don't tell anyone, but I'm actually trying to release the chapters about 6 days apart while promising 7 in case anything goes wrong

No probs!




Getting curious!!
Oh noes, I probably have to wait 6 days now!!

Not to disappoint you but for the sequel it'll be considerably longer than 6 days. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I recently finished up a Ronnie/Aaron scene that I rather liked, so it was on my mind.

Noooooo...

Ah well, I'll have to learn to survive anyway *snif snif*

But do continue writing/posting!

I agree with the hug. It was a very humorous description which made it more enjoyable than a typical description. Boob hugs. That's great. Ahh the witty mind of Kevin.

Anyway, the whole questioning Jake's sexuality convo, I think it was perfect. You handled it really well. From Jake's perspective, it was a serious issue, but for Amanda it was all a joke. In chapter 2, I don't think a girlfriend would be fooled that easily into thinking her boyfriend was gay just for hugging Mick. So the fact that Amanda came clean right away or whatever was cool. Then they got into the more important topic--like Ben and his crew and we see Aaron's true feelings. He is actually angry that Ben is not interested in him, which I didn't expect. Embarassed maybe, but not angry. I guess after watching him so many times in the club, a subconscious crush developed?

The makeover thing was great, debating whether highlights were out of style or not. I liked it even better that Aaron and Ronnie struck up a friendship.

I think this story just gets better and better with every chapter. This was by far the funniest, IMO. I mean, A-gays? What would Aaron be classified as, a B or C- gay? And Cavemanese! Just brilliant! Aaron is just too cute and too awkward at times. He sounds like he'd be an awesome person to spend the day with. I'd like to observe his Cavemanese in real life. Give me some good laughs. The inner dialogue as Ronnie, Amanda, and Aaron are talking is the best--he's shocked when Ronnie calls him girl, or he contemplates talking about fashion/shoes to cheer Ronnie up.

You know, you're always ridiculously articulate and intelligent sounding in the forums, but I very much enjoy you're humorous and lighthearted fictional writing skills! A funny, cheerful piece is important every now and then.

Thanks for the new chapter Kevin .

I was laughing with the whole 'boob hugs' description. Funny that I never really thought about it before, but they do get in the way of a great hug IMO, lol. Nothing wrong with them, but they are still different. Okay, I'll shut up on that before I get myself in trouble .

One thing I found interesting was the way that Ronnie described Daisy. It sounds like both of them kind of have similar personalities and mannerisms. Could it be Ronnie was actually jealous of Daisy, and the in he had with the crew? Also, Aaron seems to dislike Daisy too because of his 'bitchy' attitude, and was sort of taken aback by Ronnie at first.

I guess it just shows it is easy to judge someone without really knowing them. Then you actually might surprise yourself when you do actually get to know them. Does this mean that there is a side to Daisy that we haven't seen yet?

Can't wait till next monday .

Steve

Awww, don't worry we'll get there! LOL, I definitely can't wait to find out what you guys think about the stuff I'm writing now!


Thanks!


Thank you, Tiff! I was sort of thinking that for it to be a major sub-plot it would have had to have been developed better too. Honestly, while I wanted those scenes to be fun and interesting to read, the main point was just to have a reason for Aaron to go shopping and stuff with Amanda and Ronnie.

Incidentally, all the places mentioned in the story - like in this chapter Niko Niko's, and M2M - are real places in Houston. Bender's and Frank's are the only two fictitious places, and they're actually both a combination of two other real places (Bender's is a combo of two bars/clubs I go to, and Frank's in a combo of two restaurants/diners).


Thanks

So did you like Ronnie? As I said, I don't want to give anything away, but I will say that Ronnie remains in the story and this definitely wasn't a one time appearance.




Thanks!


hehe, yay!


Awesome observation Steve!


LOL, well let's just say that Daisy has lots more surprises in store for us


Me either! I'm eager to see what you guys think of the next chapter! Although it looks like this chapter certainly wasn't as popular with readers overall

Anyway take care all and have a great day!
Kevin

Lol


I kinda figured that already Since you said you had recently a Ronnie/Aaron scene worked out


W00t w00t getting curious again!




Maybe some haven't gotten to reading yet?
Don't worry about it, it's a great chapter!
And I'll certainly watch out for the change in your sig!!

Cheers

Niels

EDIT: Woohoo, 69th post!
And all dedicated to you, Kev kev

You can't judge a story by one chapter. Eventually we'll get to see how well this chapter fits in with the whole story. I'm sure then the folks who thought this wasn't the best chapter will realize it was important to the overall story.

It sucks to come in late. All the clever things were said. Nice tone, and actually the club/ night scene is not an usual topic. It sounds both genuine and not cliché. So, praise to you, Kevin.

Hey Kev,

I hope your not judging your story by the number of posts per chapter ! I'd hate to think you would think that is a reflection on the chapter itself.

If you want a glimpse of how popular your story is, check out how many guests are reading it at anyone time. I have been surprised at four or five guests reading it at any given time of day. I know myself, I was a guest for about a year before I signed up and then probably six months before posting, so be assured that the number of posts is no reflection on how popular or the quality of the chapter .

Also, I noticed the comments are a little more in depth and analytical now than maybe the first chapter. That tells me you have a close, dedicated,and intelliigent following?

Keep smiling yourself

Steve

P.S. Yes, I intended to misspell intelligent, lol

For me, I feel like not much happened in this chapter, so I'm waiting patiently for the next one. I was disappointed that nothing happened at the end. This was definitely a fun chapter, but ch 1 was still my fav and it's hard to top!

Not all chapters are going to be popular with everyone. Every reader has their favorites or perhaps some readers just don't like to review or don't get a chance to right away. Either way, you're a great writer and keep up the good work. Your loyal fans will always follow and support you.

As for this chapter not having much action, it's true, nothing developed between Aaron and the potential lover of Ben (?), but this was still a great chapter. Some chapters need to develop the characters more, dig deeper into the timeline, or set up the plot in the future. If every chapter was action packed, it wouldn't feel fleshed out. You're doing an amazing job. Come on, the humor and dialogue more than makes up for lack of action.

Nothing gets by you!


I'd completely forgotten that I'd just mentioned that


Woo hoo! I'm both honoured and uhh, excited to be your 69th


That a good point I suppose, thanks Gary.


Thanks Francios, it means a lot


Wow! Those are excellent points! Thank you Steve, I hadn't seen things from that angle!


Well I certainly do appreciate my very wonderful, intelligent, and dedicated weekly readers!


It did prove your point excellently! Pure jenius!


Thankst Steph! Hmm, perhaps I ought to take a page from another author's book and use a few evil cliffhangers to rope my readers in!


Aww

Thanks, Tiff! I really appreciate that!


Thanks!

I had thought that the importance of the chapter was further setting up Aaron and Mick's dynamic, introducing Ronnie and Amanda, and actually getting Aaron the makeover. I suppose those might not be the most exciting things though, but I'm really glad you enjoyed the dialogue and humour at least!


Thanks everyone!
Kevin

KEVIN!!!
I NEEEDDDDD MOOOREEEEEE
Are you done with Chapter 4 yet? UGH GET ON IT MAN!

and while I'm at it I'm going to yell at you on msn too! lol

Just got caught up! Kevin, superb job!!!!

I really like the style of it, and the character development. I loved the situations, and why Arron is at the club.

I do want to ask a question though. First off, let me say that I'm NOT questioning the story (it's fiction, so if you stretched things a little, great!) but how realistic is the "club culture" portrayed? Never having seen it in person, I have no idea.

BTW, the shopping trip was hilarious! Most especially the way Arron refused the makeover, which of course they gave him anyway.

You know I never really did think about that, but CJ does bring up a really good question... *Yells at Kevin on msn about it*

HAHA! Thanks Mike!

Actually I have finished chapter 4, but I don't want to release everything too soon or I'll run out of chapters and people will get tired waiting, lol! Plus, I want to see what people have to say about the story as it develops


Thanks CJ!


Well, all in all it's pretty accurate. In fact to be honest quite a bit of it is based on my own experiences, the experiences of people I know, the things I've heard about it, or simply the things I can readily imagine happening.

Of course there's creative license, but I am trying my best to conceptualize realistic gay characters based on people and personalities that I know, and put them into an environment that is for the most part accurate, and then sort of 'tell the story' of what might happen with these types in these environments.

I'll also say that really 'club culture' depends very much on your own experience of it. Just like gay culture in general or any other gathering of people. You can have a very tame, conservative experience of gay culture OR you can have a very wild experience. It largely depends on where you go, who you're with, and what you do.

Here's a good example, a friend of mine is very religious, very conservative about sexual matters and wouldn't dream of messing around outside of the confines of a serious relationship, only drinks in moderation, never touches drugs, doesn't smoke, doesn't dress in such a way that 'puts him on display', and doesn't dance in a hyper-sexual dirty manner.

On the other hand I know people who go to clubs for whom all those above statements would be the exact opposite. There's also pretty much all kinds of other people there that fall anywhere in between that very VERY wide range (myself included ), and there's probably even people there who are more 'modest' in their behavio