James has decided on a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have to say that I was cheering when things kept interfering with his plans. Suicide is an escape, but it's a solution that doesn't give a future.

I felt a lot of sympathy for James, in the way that he was ignored -- always pushed into the background. That can be devastating for anyone's self-esteem. But instead of leaving the situation and looking for a new one, James decides to make a statement with a very large and permanent full stop at the end.

Ultimately, I'm disappointed in James. He could have moved. He obviously had no strong attachments where he was. Going somewhere new, where he didn't know anyone, would have been a lot better solution.

Kev,

I hope this story generates a lot of discussion about the topic of suicide.

I think you did a great job of explaining both sides of the story, one from James' point of view, where he had the overwhelming feeling of loneliness, even though he was surrounded by family and friends. The other side from Kenny, who maybe was never looking for problems or signs with his best friend right up to the time he noticed the light on, the music playing, and just made another assumption that everything was normal.

Suicide is always a difficult subject to discuss openly and honestly. When someone does become desperate enough to follow through, those that are left behind are always left with very conflicting feelings. Empathy toward the victim, not understanding how things could get that bad that they would make that choice, and anger and hate, for them putting the survivors through the emotional roller coaster.

I one obvious thing about suicide is that nobody ever benefits from it.

Thanks for writing this, and like I said, hopefully it generates some good discussion, as talking is ultimately the only way to work toward eliminating suicide from all of our lives.

Thank you

Steve

This story was so heavy...God, that ending. I won't forget that one for awhile.

I liked the beginning, with James explaining everything he was feeling in a letter. It was a great way of providing some of the details of Jame's life.

I feel really sad for James in that he didn't think there was any other option. On one hand, I understand that he wasn't thinking clearly and that suicide was the easiest and best option, since he felt invisible or not important enough. But he could have had a good heart to heart talk with everyone or something. Then again, we can never completely understand unless we are in Jame's mindset. For them, that's the only way out, because it seems they are stuck too deep in a hole, unable to dig their way out of.

Beautifully written, Kevin. Excellent job.

I totally agree with Tiff here...

I'm sorry I can't write more about it but that's because I'm still shocked..

This was absolutely great, certainly the best story I've read by you so far. James had a bit of Werther in him, and a bit of Holden Caulfield, whining and feeling sorry for himself. Kenny was (as seen through James's eyes) self-centred and unempathetic. Everybody says this story was heavy, and in a way it was, but great (and funny) lines such as 'Even on his suicide day he couldn’t get the spotlight' and 'Nothing I can't postpone until later' counteracted that feeling. Oddly, it felt as though he finally stood up for himself in the end as he actually went ahead and *did* it. Of course, one could see how his parents would take the blame (his mother: I failed as a parent!) and credit (his father: I taught him to shoot!) for this as well -- one last thing where James wasn't at the centre of things.

Great story!

Very poignant, and very well done!

Definitely not a happy story, but very illustrative. Suicide is no solution to emotional issues, and this shows that well indeed.

My impression of James was this was his own doing in so many ways; he couldn't come out to his openly gay best friend?? Seems to me like he was causing much of his own angst and projecting.

Very emotional, and very well done, Kevin!

...........Agreed, he seems to believe that during all his life he was unduly robbed of his thunder and achievements. I found it odd his best friend didn't see any signs of his emotional state. His death got him what he sought most, attention.

Wow, the ultimate attention getter.

Very interesting story, I liked.

That would've only made things far worse. Move from a place where at least people pretended to care to a place where nobody gave a damn? Bad, bad idea.



Agreed.


I don't really like that phrase... "...this was his own doing in so many ways...". It wasn't his fault. It wasn't exactly anyone's fault, but he managed to surround himself with people who never took the time to look close at him. Maybe they did and he just didn't realize it, but I really think that no one expected him to actually realize that they weren't taking the time to actually be there for him. The sad fact of it all is that the great majority of people really just don't care. Most pretend because they feel like they have to or because it's just the social norm. Truth is, a lot of people just don't realize how their actions and words affect others and their choices.

I'm a classic example, lol. People say one thing, it goes through the crazy straw of my brain, and comes out as something totally different. I've learned to just deal with it because most people don't understand at all, or they think you're nuts when you try to explain it. No skin off my back because they didn't pay attention to me; I just won't make the mistake of investing effort in a person who won't return it. Seems like a lot of kids never develop any coping mechanisms for whatever reason.

Also, in a world where everything you need is provided for, all you have left to worry about is the last step on that wonderful hierarchy of needs. When love and belonging become your focus in life, you're treading in dangerous water, since the most typical response of others is to not notice you.






Excellent, Kevvers. ~gigantic hugs~ I'm quite impressed.

wonderfull story
Kevin, you should write more stories, for your pleasure and ours.

The increasing of suicide of young people all around the world is alarming .
As suggested, this should be the subject of another topic.
Is loneliness the only reason for suicide ?
What could be done against this trend ?
My experiences in this matter tell me that suicide's attempt is always an appeal of help.
Am I right ?
Old bob

Wow thanks everyone

I'm so glad you guys found the story moving!

Let me address a few things:







Vic, Benji, Steve, and Procyon are addressing the main paradox of the story in my opinion, well at least the main paradox I purposely intended to write.

On the one hand James has been ignore all of his life and felt like he's always just had to do what other people expected of him with regard for himself. He's disparate for attention. Should Kenny, his family, and everyone else have noticed?

Of course they should have noticed, but something always stopped them from doing so. As Jamie said:

Kenny wasn't supposed to be a bad person, but he was supposed to be self-involved. James' family wasn't supposed to be uncaring, but they were supposed to be oblivious.

There was also a big element of something always happening to get in the way. Someone else having a crisis or a great success, and James being unable or unwilling to express his pain or happiness to the people around it. They could have noticed, but they didn't because he didn't speak up and they were too busy with their own lives.

The final example was an extreme version of the long-continuing pattern. If there was ever a time in his life when James needed someone to notice him, to ask what was wrong, to focus on his needs, it was when Kenny walked through that door, saw James freak out and act funny, and then later saw flashes of anger and sadness in him. But he didn't notice. And if there was ever a good reason for someone not to notice what was going on with James it was in those moments when Kenny had probably had the most physically and emotionally painful experiences of life! He had a good 'excuse' not to notice, but it was just one more excuse on a string of excuses.

The ultimate irony, which James even bitterly predicted ("Let’s see how long my rotting corpse takes to get your attention.") was that Kenny still didn't notice. Even the ultimate attention-getter as Vic pointed out, still failed to get James any notice. And as Procyon speculates, will people make this about James even after his death? Or will they once again make it about themselves? The final question then is was James ever, even now, put first or noticed by the people that 'loved' him?



Thanks Steve


Thanks Tiff, I tried to plan out the ending as carefully as possible, and of course the letter was definitely the primary window into James' mind and emotions.





James was definitely culpable to some extent. The main problem being his inability to genuinely express his emotions to the people around him, instead of just mirroring what they wanted/expected to see. He definitely had better options, but the point of course was that he couldn't see them, and no one else could see that he needed to be told about them.

Sorry, ran out of quotes.


Thanks Niels, I hope you ultimately enjoyed the story or got something out of it.


A few things I struggled with with this story was how Kenny and James would come off in relation to each other.

If you think about it, what James just did was about the cruelest thing he could possibly have done to Kenny. The guy had just gotten beat up, his ex-boyfriend (whom he was still close with) is in ICU, and now his best friend has just killed himself after all of that and after the two had just spent what to Kenny must have felt like a very emotionally intimate evening together. James had made things infinitely worse and more painful for Kenny in Kenny's greatest time of need and vulnerability.

Yet I didn't want James to come off as completely selfish, and I actually wanted to portray him as a caring individual. Was he truly concerned about Kenny when he was comforting him? Did he really care or was he just going through the motions because it's what was expected and he knew it was how he was supposed to react?

The answer I was hoping to convey was that it was both. He was worried. He did care. He did feel guilty for not having his phone on when Kenny needed him. But all of that was underscored and highlighted by the pain and resentment he was feeling, so once again instead of crying for himself, or getting angry that he was being ignored, he responded 'dutifully' by holding Kenny, getting him some food and movie, and covering him up before finishing up his own 'plans'.

Did it ever cross James' mind what he was doing to Kenny? Probably not, at least not consciously, because he didn't notice either.

The final little play on ideas/words I was going for is sort of like the tree in the forest analogy:

If no one notices something, did it happen?

James' death will only be realized when it's finally noticed.

On an even more simple level, his death isn't explicit, only presumed. We're only told that Kenny awakes to the sound of a gun shot while a violent movie is playing in the background, that James' door is locked and 'he must be asleep', and that "Adam's Song" is playing but that it's one of James' favourites.

So is James dead?

Well if no one notices....

You used the narrator in a great way here, as you say it's not actually clear that he did die at the end; there's an imagined death scene earlier in the story, too, so the one at the end might be something the narrator imagines as well. In a way I like that theory better, because it gives James more self-insight, and it makes the story -- and James -- much more ironic. It'd be cool if it were actually James realising that that's what the ultimate result would be, and, for that reason, giving up on the whole idea.

Another aspect that you mentioned: there are always other events that get the attention when James has done something important -- but James lets them take all the attention, too; he never tries to actually raise his voice to say that he's done something worth noticing too, but has taken on the role of the eternal victim. In a way it feels like he wants to be able to always feel sorry for himself.

Hey Kevin,

I really appreciated your in depth explanation of James and the story in general. This story, along with Myk's "Without You" are extremely memorable and I find myself wondering about the characters.

Since you've mentioned and hinted at it, how do the readers know for sure if James is really dead? Readers at first go with their instinct, especially with the gunshot, but then you're right, they were watching a violent movie and it might not be what it came off as. Perhaps James is in his locked room, listening to music, wallowing over how he had to put his plans on hold, to comfort Kenny.

And I like that you pointed out that James also doesn't notice everything, he doesn't know how his potential suicide will impact everyone else. He doesn't notice that he often times makes himself into the victim by standing on the sidelines.

If no one notices...did it really happen kind of reminds me of the line, "It's not stealing if you don't get caught." As long as no one sees, people can pretend it wasn't there, it didn't happen and for some reason that really gets to me.

Lastly, I don't think James is completely selfish. He obviously cares a lot about his loved ones, even if he does appear to be a bit of a pushover. The fact that he did get annoyed at having to put his plans on hold to tend to Kenny just shows how caring or perhaps inherently dutiful he is. He is a good person, but is just not thinking clearly.

Gah! Stories that make me sad and overanalyze.....

Excellent story, Kevin. Well done.

Hey Kev

Like I already told you on msn, great story. You've touched a very disturbing matter, in a very well fashioned way. James was sick of everything always being about his best friend, for years it was always about Kenny. I wish James would have just told Kenny everything that was bothering him and somehow the two could have worked things out, but that's not the type of person James is. But even with everything James was feeling, even when he knew what he was going to do to himself, he was still there for his friend, when he needed him. It really wasn't fair of Kenny, but that's just how life goes huh?

Great story Kev, thank you for sharing it with us.

-Mike :hugs

I think that was Kevin's entire plan, and it really added to the story. It leaves room for you to try and imagine what you think happened/ Happens next.

Bravo!

Btw did anyone read the lyircs to Adam's Song? I already knew the song at heart, but there was a reason it's his favourites song and I'm guessing it's becuase maybe he can relate to it? You be the judge!

Wow, that one was heavy! A great piece of writing, but it also just had me very, very angry at James.

See, suicide is never the solution. But in some cases, it can be easier to understand why people would think so.

The thing is, James's situation is largely of his own making. Not that I'm not sympathetic; I know all too well what it's like to try to get people to notice you, to feel that they don't, that you're invisible. But I've learned the hard way that people aren't mind readers. If you need something - help, attention, understanding - you have to ask for it.

James didn't have the courage to ask for it. He didn't have the courage to go up to the people who professed to care about him - and yes, I believe they did care about him - and tell them the truth. He didn't have the courage to show anyone who he really was. He was dropping hints like crazy, and getting angry and hurt that people weren't picking up on them - but he never went up to Kenny or to his parents and said "I need you to listen to me. I need you to understand. This is who I am. This is how I feel."

I firmly believe that all those people would have listened, would have cared. But for James, it was too easy to feel sorry for himself. It was too easy not to say anything to his best friend about being gay. Sure, at the time when they were 13 years old, he might have gotten sidetracked trying to comfort his friend, but surely he had opportunities in the six years since. It was too easy not to tell his parents how insignificant they made him feel. It was too easy, when Kenny walked in beat up, to just suppress James's own emotions, and not tell him he'd interrupted a suicide attempt. Sure, arguably the timing is lousy, but it looks like James does this his whole life. He doesn't talk, doesn't tell people what he feels or what he needs, and then resents the hell out of them for not somehow knowing.

I'm not saying the only two answers in life are suicide or dramatics. There's a happy medium. But James has to realize that if all those people around him keep stealing the spotlight, it's because they have the courage to openly say what they're thinking and feeling, and to ask for help. James always had the option of asking for help, but he took the coward's way out and never did.

Your writing was excellent, and you so accurately portrayed the useless tragedy of suicide. Anyone contemplating something similar needs to realize that there's always another way. Help is out there - whether from a parent, a friend, a counselor or an anonymous hotline listener. But you need to take the first step and ask for it. You need to pick up the phone and say "I'm sad. I need someone to listen to me." People will. But you need to ask.

Oh, and kudos to you for writing such a realistic story that your characters actually made me this angry. Good job!

Thanks Old Bob!


Thanks Procyon! I definitely agree with that interpretation. Actually I'm really glad you brought this up because I wanted to see what everyone thoughts of that little bit of misdirection. Was it effective? Did you guys actually assume it was James? Did it change the way the ending was perceived? In other words did you expect James' death less as a result of this? Or did it indeed lead you to conclude that maybe he wasn't dead after all?

In the original version I visualized Kenny does see the note when he wakes up from the movie and rushes in to check on James. One variation was finding it too late and ending story there with everything explicitly spelled out, the other alternative, and the one I probably would have used had I not opted to end the story the way I did, was to find James safe and sound in his room (with him merely having neglected to remove the suicide note from the drawer in which he'd hidden it (perhaps because he subconsciously wanted it to be found?)) and the two of them having a long 'heart to heart'.

I decided that that ending was too sentimental though and that overall the story had much more consistency and unity, not to mention being more evocatively powerful, the way I eventually elected to write it.


I agree, and not to marginalize suicide at all, or to further stigmatize the victims, but I think very often depressed people do want to play the role of the eternal victim (granted it might be all they're able to do in some instances), and of course in many ways suicide is very often the ultimate act of self-pity.


Thanks Tiff!


So let me ask you, what do you think?

I noticed that almost everyone's initial reaction seems to be that he did do the deed, and the possibility that he did not is something later considered and possibly 'chosen', but seldom the automatic assumption (in fact I don't think it's been anyone's automatic assumption).

I honestly can't tell you whether he did or not. I purposely tried to leave it subjective, so that whatever the reader decided, however the story would have more significance to him/her would still work.


Thanks! that is how I hoped he'd come off!


Thanks Dion!


Thank you Mike!


Thanks, yeah, I did try to pick a significant song. Adam's song definitely has that lonely, depressed, "another six months I'll be unknown" quality to it as a suicide song. The other big suicide song I considered was "Last Resort" by Papa Roach, but that song had a more angry, active, rageful depression that I didn't think worked as well for the story, and didn't have as much significance.

Once when I was in high school and the song was recent, I was in the car with my then best friend who was going through a rough time (his mother had recently died ), and the song came on and he said, "this is my favourite song right now", I said, "yeah it's a good song". Then I promptly freaked out and started wondering if he was trying to tell me something!

I definitely agree with you!


I think they would have listened too. I tried to write them in a realistic way that made them seem like 'typical' human beings. They're natural tendency is to be a bit self-involved and a bit oblivious to someone's unexpressed feelings, but I think that's very much human nature, regrettably I think this is often even the case for parents. They're supposed to think first of their children and read between the lines, but I think it's far easier for most parents to live in denial that everything is just peachy if they aren't hit in the face with the contradictions.

The thing about suicide is that it usually is a surprise to the people close to the victim. How often do we hear the wailing regret of "how could I know have known?" "Why didn't I realize?" etc.

I definitely think they would have been supportive of James if they had known.


I think this speaks of another issue I see frequently. Very often people will go into hysterics over the silliest things! They'll grab the spotlight and run with it and make everyone notice their smallest problems. I think that's definitely the other side of the coin. I think it's seldom just about problem X or situation Y for 'over-dramatic' people. I think it's more often about generally wanting attention and affection from those around them and not quite being able to ask for it in a positive way.


Thank you very much!



I definitely think you're right, Old Bob!


I certainly don't think loneliness or feelings of being ignored/invisible are the only reasons someone commits suicide! There are definitely a whole range of other reasons such as: rejection, anger, fear/worry, extreme stress, and ill-health just to name a few!

It is a very difficult trend to reverse indeed! My only advice on this would be for everyone to look carefully at the people around them and try their hardest to be perceptive and sensitive to their needs. It's easier said than done of course, and as many have said, to a great extent it's up to the depressed person to let someone know how they feel and what they need. The flip side to that would be to make it clear that you're there for them and that you would be supportive and listen if they needed something.

Did Kenny let James know that he would have been available to support James? We've all pretty much agreed that he WOULD have supported James, but did he let him know it? Did he back up his words with actions that reinforced his promise?

My gut instinct is to say that no he (and James' parents) didn't do that.


Thanks, Steve!

I definitely agree with you and I've already enjoyed the discussion we've had thus far about this issue! I really hope that it does do someone good. Perhaps either a potential victim will read the story and see the ultimate fruitlessness of it or a potential 'saviour' will read it and be more on the look-out for this sort of thing.

Of course I'm probably deluding and flattering myself to think the story could have that effect. In any case perhaps just opening up communication in general will be beneficial


Thanks everyone!
-Kevin

Yeah I thought about Last Resort as well, but like you already stated that song was to rageful, to voilent, I think Adam's Song worked perfectly, too bad Jame's wasn't named Adam! lol

There is not much I can add to the previous comments. It was a great story and it really got into the head of an extremely depressed person.

Thanks!

Just wanted to let everyone know that the story is now also available in eFiction. If you haven't already read it please do!

Hi Kevin, well done for a great story.

I havent got time to go through all the quotes and reply what I think, I'm procrasinating as it is.

But suicide, sigh.

I have contemplated it a lot this last year, and before you all worry not because I feel suicidal but as I know several close people who are/have been and have been trying to help them and be a good friend. in fact 2 people who I vaguely knew committed suicide in the last few months, one only 2 weeks ago.

Suicide attempts are very different to actual suicide I think. Suicide attempts, even if no-one really discovers them, can often be thought of as appeals for help, because underneath those people usually don't actually want to die, but a better life, another chance. James was attempting to get his friends and familys attention. if the story ends with him Not doing it, all the signals are things like the song, his comments, things he thinks in his mind are obvious signals he is not happy.

but of course mental health does factor in, when your mental state is affected such that your perception of reality is changed, thats what I have been battling with the people I know. Its been a mixture of them not recognising (in their depression/desperate state of mind) that they are not doing all that could be done to get better, be happier, so I've pointed out routes to do this and supported them, and my fear that their state of mind will allow them to do something that if they were thinking normally and not being pulled by this sense of doom, desire for non-life, that can overwhelm them, then they most likely wouldnt do something which at the time seems normal, natural and commen-sense. my aim has been to recognise when people are that low/affected, but unfortunatley its proving to be very difficult. those particular people are still alive, but each time they have told me about those times they felt like that, overwhelmed by a desire for death, I look back and wouldnt have been able to tell, which is frightening as I had been watching them quite hard, in fact at those times I even thought they were doing well sometimes. the first of the 2 who ave committed suicide was a guy who was in a mental hospital ward (I'm not actually sure if he was there voluntarily or sectioned or 'advised'), but as far as I know they weren't on a suicide watch (or at least a strict one), and the problems he had disclosed weren't such that to anybody else they'd be extremely depressing, there were other people in the hospital seen as of much greater risk (also based on his behaviour/demeanour), but he managed it in the hospital (there is a review in process).

Then there are the people who are determined they are going to die, for them it is not an appeal for help. for those people it definetly won't be a failed attempt, it will work, they will find resources of some kind, they will be inventive, they will make sure people won't be able to revive them or accidentally disturb them. It could be an appeal for help, but what they are doing is helping themselves out of a situation they don't want to be in. and it doesnt have to mean that they haven't tried and thought of lots of different alternatives. I don't think suicide is the solution, I would like to think all situations can be bettered, there is some solution around the corner. But I have had to question that this year. can every life situation be suitably resolved that their quality of life is happy, or at least moderate, worth living. it depends what worth living and happiness is. I have concluded from all thats happened this year that happiness is the most important thing in life, I do not mean as someone once questioned me, to be hedonistic, but I suppose content, not-in pain, or such that you are never-endingly miserable, experience joy, peace. We can tell a person that to be happy they must do this or that, tell this somebody about a problem etc, but how can we guarentee they will be happy at the end, it depends on that person and how they respond, and of course the nature of whats going on/the situation. I can tell a person that they must keep going, keep trying to find the solution, or working towards solutions, but do I have the right. what if they are constantly in misery and by searching for a solution their torture is prolonged until they die of natural reasons. I don't know what the answer is, or even what I believe, but these questions are ones I've been asking myself. and then there is, if this world is not perfect, never can be, then true happiness can never be found (I don't actually think this), but I was panicking about this in january, because if its not possible I concluded at one crazy point that maybe my mum was right, she didnt have a chance at happiness anymore- the obstacles were too great, even philosophically against her, there was too much in her way, and the only way she could be happy was heaven, and well, then I panicked and got upset of course. but are there some circumstances where a tolerable life isnt available... What is so great about life that it must be kept at all costs..., that it is always the solution.
if so, are we then in the wrong to deny them, and condemn them. and then when it comes to those who know the 'victim', how are we supposed to tell when we are becoming selfish ourselves, if we think along that argument and maybe prevent people from doing things, maybe by emotional blackmail, maybe physical restraint, maybe not assisting euthenasia. and what about when someone doesnt die soon enough. is it selfish to even think that or is it the person who hasnt died/committed suicide the selfish one. I'm talking about situations where someone else is causing another pain/misery for being in their life but for whatever reason they cannot abandon that person. where do you draw the lines in all these sands.

suicide is not simple.

a tip for if you know someone is depressed/has suicidal thoughts. if they are begining anti-depressants, they will start to kick in about 4 weeks in. but the depression will still be there then, that won't have been begun to be addressed by the tablets. what will happen though is they get their motivation back, say if they have been lethargic, dispirited. so bad suicidal thoughts + motivation/energy = dangerous. just beware.


right well, sorry for being morbid. but I welcome people's thoughts, these are just a ramble of thoughts, ideas, not all that I agree with or believe in, but well that need thinking about.

Celia

Hi Kevin

Just joined gay authors and your story was the first I read.
Loved the open ending. Keep the good writing

Cheers!

Thank you very much for your thoughtful words, Celia


Thanks G! I'm incredibly flattered that mine was the first you read

I hope you'll check out my other story, BMAD, as well if you get a chance.



Take care all have a great day
Kevin

Hi Kevin!


'Giving Up' was the first story of yours that I read, and as I threatened in my comment on that story, I went looking for more. So, here I am, having just finished 'If No One Notices', and feeling a desire to comment. However, it seems that pretty much everything I wanted to say has already been said by others in this thread. I suppose it's my own fault for being a Johnny-come-lately!

Anyways, as you will know, I'm far too locquacious just to say 'me too'!

It was a very well written and absorbing story and dealt with a sad subject. My gut feeling was that James was dead at the end, but even before reading this thread I had hopes that perhaps he could be still alive. You are obviously kinder to your readers than I was in my recent story on a similar subject.

I guess James is a reasonably common name, though I found it a little disconcerting to find that I'd also used that name when you'd already used it in a story dealing with the same subject. Actually, I'm very glad that I hadn't read your story before I wrote 'Just Two More Days', because if I had it might have influenced how I wrote it. Indeed, it's even conceivable that I might have decided not to write JTMD at all!

Well, back to James in 'If No One Notices'. Was he suffering from real depression, and if so, had it been going on for years since the childhood events he remembers? Or was he using those remembered events to reinforce and almost justify his more recent depression?

To be honest, I must admit that I find it hard to have a great deal of sympathy for James (does that mean I'm heartless??). As others have said, much of his problem is that he's thought himself into the role of 'victim'.

In many ways, presuming James is actually dead, I have more sympathy for Kenny, being left in the s**t like this. Also, when they were 13, Kenny came out to James, his best friend. This must have been a very difficult thing to do, and must have showed a lot of trust. Yet, six years later, James still had not reciprocated that trust.

The fact that INON gave rise to so much thought shows that it is a great story and very well written.

Well done!
Thanks for writing and sharing it.

There's nothing more to say, so I'll shut up now.

Kit

Hey Kit


Yay! I'm so glad you did check out "If No One Notices" as well!

LOL, and you never have to worry about being too loquacious around here!


Oh wow! Then I'm really glad you didn't read it first too, because JTMD is an excellent story and I've have felt awful depriving readers (myself included!) of it!

LOL, I noticed the name thing right away too though! Maybe people named James attract suicide or something


Well, that's definitely open to individual interpretation. It's my opinion that James was suffering from a sort of chronic Dysthymia all along and that he had either 'snapped' or something had happened to gradually escalate the situation to boiling point. I think that would actually make more sense in terms of the whole 'no one noticing' thing. If he suddenly started acting depressed then I think it's likely that Kenny would have noticed, if on the other hand he had this chronic low grade sadness and withdrawn personality then it probably was taken as just that, his personality.



That's rather exactly my opinion too. In fact I was concerned that everyone would absolutely hate James and think he was the biggest prick on the planet for what he did to Kenny. However, I tried to portray James in a sympathetic, understandable light. His suicide would certainly hurt Kenny a great deal, especially when he's this vulnerable, but I don't think James ever meant to hurt Kenny or even really thought about it much.

Indeed, when Kenny came home and mentioned that he couldn't reach James due to James' cell phone being off, James felt guilty for that. He felt guilty for not being able to provide a tangible, concrete thing for Kenny, but even then it didn't occur to him that he as an individual might matter to Kenny (and his family). To James, they didn't notice him and he probably figured they'd forget about him soon enough. I think that attitude and frame of reference is one of the hallmarks of a suicidal person. Suicide is a horribly selfish, mean thing to do, but someone who is suicidal is (unless it is for spiteful, revenge purposes) is unlikely to think about it. All they see is that no one will particularly care, or notice.

...BUT that's just totally my own speculation!! I hope the story is open to other forms of interpretation.




Thank you very much! I am really flattered by the wonderful and insightful feedback that this story has generated! I was quite nervous about posting this one - in fact I almost didn't - so I'm very pleased and honoured that people found it compelling


Thanks!

-Kevin

I know, I know...I'm just a tad late!

There isn't too much I can add to the previous comments, so I guess I will just give you my initial reactions to the story.

I think that James is dead, unfortunately. I didn't even consider an alternative until I read other comments.

I felt for both James and Kenny. Kenny went through something horrible, and it seemed to me he wanted James to help him through that. I didn't really feel that he was self-centered in his actions, he was turning to his best friend for support during a hard time. James, on the other hand, never trusted anyone enough to speak up about his problems. Maybe he left hints, but not anywhere during the events we were shown.

Thanks for sharing! You did a wonderful job not only in the story, but in generating commentary on a generally uncomfortable topic.

I'm just happy you made it at all, Jess!



I would agree with all your points except perhaps for the last one. I did mean to show that James was leaving hints. The letter he hastily shoved into the drawer, his general nervousness and surprise at seeing James unexpectedly, his turned off cell phone, his evasive answer to what he had planned (which he did briefly register anger and sadness over), and lastly of course the note Kenny almost saw at the end of the story, the locked bedroom door, and the sad song.

Of course Kenny would have had to have been looking in order to see those things. The fact that he wasn't can indeed be attributed to his own situation. It's just hard to know where all the blame lies. I would tend to echo the opinion of most of the readers who said that James should have tangibly and explicitly vocalized his feelings and asked for help.


And thank you very much for reading and commenting!

-Kevin

My fault - I didn't make my comment very clear! I meant that James hadn't left any clues behind that we saw leading up to the conclusion. Did he leave clues along the way that would have let people know he needed help? They may have been there, but we just didn't see them in the story. I'm not blaming James by any means. He didn't communicate his emotional needs to anyone, but did anyone ever really take the time to ask?

I completely agree that he had left clues for Kenny during the conclusion. Unfortunately things that would have probably tipped Kenny off (or at least should have) weren't even noticed because of his own situation.

Anyways, hope that clarifies the subject!