This is my first time to do this so here it goes..

I have this bestfriends and weve been close for the past two years.. we started out like how normal friends start buddys and stuff.. after a while we started to become really close.. then he would always tease me of being in love with him this teasing has been going on for like a year he wouldnt stop.. I know deep insend that i like him but i wouldnt dare tell him cause i didnt want to be rejected. 3 months ago teased me do give him an oral then the teasing actually became a reality. I did give him an oral then one again the next day. we were both sober no alcholol or drugs were invovled. he said it wont happen again then a month after it happened again. After that he kept on telling me that I am indeed in love with him. Eventhough weve done the oral thing i always told him I was still straight ( i know stupid). He then changed his attitude towards me when were in public places. He would say that we shouldnt be seen together because people will think were a couple. I told him hardly anyone thinks about that and his just too paranoid. Then finally I told him that I was indeed gay and he was so happy about it. we was laughing really load and sounded happy. Weird actually.

Thing is he still tells me his "straight" but we do all this crazy stuff together even without any influence. He keeps on telling me that he will still eventually get a girlfriend and marry a women. A lot of girls actually drool for him but he doesnt seem to go for them. When I asked him about this he just tells me his choosy and he tells me I like him thats why I ask those questions.. Do you guys think he actually has a real potential to be gay? What im thinking is he still might be confused of what his feelings are. I need help with my situation.. I dont know what to think or do..

It seems right now that is confused as to waht he wants. I think the best thing would be to give him some space, but at the same time tell him what your feelings are on the whole situation.

On the other hand, learn to limit what you do around him as well. Don't give into temptation, that's the worst thing that could happen. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but maybe there is a possibility that he was experimenting with you, and if ture, it sucks. But keep in mind that you still have a friend in him.

If you need any advice stop on by my page and leave me a pm or comment.

Eric

Yeah definitely. I mean okay, I can't know that for sure since I've never even met him, but based on what you said that's certainly my impression. Sounds like the guy doesn't really know what he wants or who and what he is.

As I see it you have several options, which one you should take should depend on what you want:

-You could do nothing and essentially let things go on as they are and just enjoy them. Are you enjoying them? It sounds like you are. If you're comfortable with the fact that nothing serious is in the cards right now you can just sorta have fun being his friend (however you and he choose to define that ). In this instance you're not 'over-thinking' you're just having fun. Obviously you should still treat both him and yourself with respect and kindness, but this probably isn't the best option for your friendship or for a relationship. So the priority in this option would be having fun and being casual.

-Alternatively, you might realize that first and foremost he is a friend and that his friendship and well-being is the most important thing. If this is the case I would recommend you quit doing the physical stuff, don't pressure him or confront him about his sexuality, but do 'be there' for him if he needs anything or wants to talk.

-Finally, you might decide that a romantic relationship with him is the top priority. If this is the case you need to consider your actions and situation carefully. There's an old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Basically right now he's already got a boyfriend in a lot of good ways: companionship, sexual stuff, someone to hang with etc. Of course there are lots other really good things to having a boyfriend, but he's already got someone he likes who'll do fun things with him ('fun things' being sexual and non-sexual). He also doesn't have to deal with having a 'boyfriend' in the literal sense. He basically has an excuse to be less concerned about your feelings and well-being than if you were really his boyfriend. Not that he shouldn't care about your feelings and needs anyway as your friend, or even just as another human being, but being 'in a relationship' with someone really makes those things more important and relevant. He also doesn't have to actually confront his sexuality, publicly or privately. As far as the world is concerned you guys are 'just friends', and in his own head you guys are probably 'just friends'. So he doesn't have to deal with being gay/bi at all. It's a pretty sweet deal for him, no?

So I guess my suggestion is that if you want him to be your boyfriend maybe you shouldn't give him access to all the goodies without making him take on any of the responsibility. That still leaves you with lots of options though. You could quit messing around with him, just be his friend, and hope he misses the physicalness enough to ask for it. If he does that would be your opening to gently question him about why he wants/needs it, what it means, and what it means for the two of you. OR you could cut off the physicalness and pull away a little bit emotionally. Hopefully he'll miss the closeness in both cases and ask for them. Again that would be your chance to bring the important topics up. Or you could keep with the physical but be less emotionally close with him and hope that in and of itself will be enough for him to realize his feelings. That might be effective if right now he's using the excuse that it's just horniness or something. If he's forced to face the fact that he cares about and needs you emotionally it might be a jolt.

However, I don't really like any combination of those two options because I think withholding sex and/or emotion in a relationship (any kind of relationship) is a very unhealthy, poor way to deal with things. However, it's different if you do those things because you really want or need to do them (versus just doing them to get your way). If you realize that it's too painful emotionally to be physically and/or emotionally close with him and not have him, then it is your right to (kindly) distance yourself from him.

Finally, you could just focus on making him own up to the responsibilities and issues without altering your physical or emotional relationship very much. This would involve gradually nudging him to either make a commitment or at least open up to his feelings and sexuality. On the other hand this has the possibility of pissing him off and/or being bad for him developmentally if he's not ready.

So do I have any actual advice? Not really. I don't know the situation well enough to judge, but hopefully I laid things out in a way you might not have considered before. It's up to you to try to pick your best option (and there's every likelihood that your best option isn't one I've thought of and mentioned in this post!).

What would I do? Probably cut off the physical stuff, remain his friend but quit thinking he'll develop/realize his feelings for me anytime soon, and go off and find a proper boyfriend.

On a purely separate note if he's gay he may indeed need your help and support to deal with it eventually. I hope you do give him that, but it's up to him to make the first steps.

Anyway, good luck, dude! I hope you can make things work out

Take care,
Kevin