Hey... I need help.

After announcing the relationship out to GA here with Robbie, I'm excited about the cabin trip with Robbie (Rknapp) to Northern Virginia (Prince William's Forest). At first, I'm excited about the trip, but later and now I'm nervous because It will be my first time that I met a friend I know from the Internet. Also, my Mom accepts me as gay, but disapproves of me meeting some friends from the Internet because of those kidnappings happening... So, I'm nervous about meeting Robbie. I know he will make me not worry but I worry about if my mom knows about this, maybe she will get mad at me for sneaking into the Internet and starting a relationship without she knowing...

I plan to lie to Mom by telling her that we met in DC during January or whatever those winter months are...

What should I do??

It always depends on the situation, and how you are with your mother... But, for myself, I find that sometimes it is for the best that a mom doesn't always know everything, or doesn't exactly have the real "how you met". Of course, I'm 4 years older than you... but, if it were me, I'd go with the lying plan. the way you say it, you're still gonna tell her about Robbie, just gonna fabulate about where and when you guys really met. I've done that with at least 2 of my friends (lied about where I met them) and I don't regret it and don't really feel bad about it.

My personal view is not to lie, but be misleading. The reason I say this is because the truth will probably come out eventually (eg. in a few years time, at the wedding reception, when someone gets up and makes a speech about how you two met at GA ) and it will hurt her.

Describe him as a friend who you were introduced to through a mutual acquaintance. Don't volunteer information unless you have to. Have a story prepared if you're interrogated, but try not to lie outright unless you're forced to. Ideally, you want to push off the discussion of where you met until after she's met Robbie. With a bit of luck, you can get away with the mutual acquaintance line and you won't have to explain further (apart from saying it's was an acquaintance she doesn't know -- a guy called Myr. )

Graeme, I tend to agree. Mothers are protective of 18 year olds, and it's bound to worry her if she knows. It doesn't need to be revealed for a while. See how things go with him and then work out the logistics of telling your parents later.

I'll just add one quote: "it's easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission"

-- Raro

I pretty much agree with what you've said, Graeme. The fact is, even though our mothers love us, they can be a little bit overbearing at times. By just telling her half a truth, you could be avoiding a difficult situation.

My advice? Just tell her that you met Robbie via some friends you know, got to like him and are now dating him. As Graeme said, if she asks who the friend was, you can always list out a few people here at GA.

Take care
BeaStKid

-Deleted- Will talk to Robbie for the best solution...

Just as an update, we've reached a conclusion and will be meeting later on. I'm actually kind of intrigued by his new idea because it involves a gay district that I didn't know about. The important thing is that it goes along with what he intends to tell his mother. This means that the cabin is canceled. It sucks, but I would much rather have him feeling good about himself and his promise to his mom than simply making me happy by meeting at a time when he isn't ready to. I can wait. Plus it dispels any fears of meeting someone from the internet since we'd be in a very public place at all times.

By a gay district, he means Dupont Circle in DC. I know it's not a lot of gay district but still considered a gay village like Greenwich Village or other gay villages across the nation (I mean the United States)...

I didn't really get much of an impression of the Du Pont circle being a gay district when I was there with the family earlier in the year (we stayed in a hotel just nearby), but it's certainly a nice area with lots of good restaurants. And easy access to the rest of DC

Enjoy!

It's known around here to be pretty gay friendly. some clubs are down in that area.

Definitely gay friendly. The first restaurant we went to while we were there had a stack of newspapers out the front. My wife asked if I wanted to pick up one on the way out. I had recognised the name (the Washington Blade) and asked her if she was aware that it was the local gay newspaper. I picked one up anyway....

OK, I'm going to imagine myself as your dad, and I'm also going to forget what a great guy Robbie is, indeed I'm going to forget I know anything about the situation.

My 18 year old son lied to me to go to a cabin with some guy he met off the internet? I'm seriously freaked out, scared, and more than a little pissed!

My 18 year old son met someone he liked online, was sensible and set up a meeting in a public place, let people know where he'd be and who he was with, decided he liked the guy in person too and started a relationship. I'm delighted and proud of him!

So yeah, big difference.


I've always loved that adage.


We have that in Houston as well. You can always tell when you're in a gay friendly part of town if they have copies of "Out Smart" (which happens to be my favourite magazine of any time) in front.


Take care and good luck,
Kevin

Just wanted to add I think you're doing it the right away. As an adult, in his mid-thirties I chose to meet someone online in a public place instead of somewhere like a cabin. Trebs and I met at the movie theater in Modesto. It doesn't matter how old you are, or how young. Doing something like this the smart way is always the best.

AND he had an escape plan - after the movie, he had a little time, but needed to work with another author later that evening (we went to a mid-afternoon movie) so he couldn't stay out too late...

I have not met anyone online as of yet. I probably will at some point. I think I would opt for a public place and some pepper spray, and I'm not kidding about the latter. I don't want to end up being chopped up into tiny pieces or something. There are a lot of freaks out there.

Well, i met someone online and it turned out to be quite an experience. I mean, he wasn't what his pic showed, but not bad too...

I have been forever scarred by that incident and have sworn never to place myself in such a vulnerable position again.



BeaStKid

I meet someone online before we meet at a public place, best is to meet at a public place first imo. Like dan said have an escape plane.

I guess I can be kinda paranoid, but I always have an escape plan, even when I meet someone at a bar, club, or over the internet. It usually goes down like this (feel free to modify if necessary):

1. Club/Bar setting: Get to know one of the bartenders/security/staff/etc. because 99% of the time they know the person that wants to hangout/etc. with you afterward (also go with a friend who's been to the club a bit that you know and trust). If they are a regular, chances are they know them, what they are like, who they hang out with, etc. Also make sure to tell a friend where you are going at all times and point to who you're going with (even if it's a different location in the club) so if you go missing, they know who to look for and such. Also make sure if you know where your drink is and NEVER leave it unattended!

2. Internet: Always, always, always always make sure to meet in a public and safe spot. I would try for the movie theater and meet inside, not outside. Also go with your gut, if you don't feel comfy or you feel weirded out, leave. Don't give an excuse, just leave. Another thing is to always let someone know whats going on. I would usually bring a friend with me and tell him to do the same, just to be safe and such. Also, never go out right afterward unless you feel its ok, and not because the other person says so, and even then make sure to tell someone.

It is extremely important that you tell people where you are going, who you are going with, and give as much information about the other person as possible. If the otehr guy gives you his cellphone, give his cellphone number to a friend. Text your friend with updates (i.e. goin into the movie, leavin now). I know this wounds paranoid, but I think this is the safest. I also know this works, because when I told my last ex about what I did, he thought it was a little overboard, but then realised, after looking at statistics, how much it was worth it.

So yes. Have an escape plan, meet in public, and tell someone you trust, and give small updates. I know it sucks to say this, but you can never be to careful anymore

Eric

Since we've moved into the subject of how to meet in person someone you've met online, I remember something that Jakob (sumbloke) wrote a while ago.

Tell a friend that you trust what you are doing, and tell them that you'll ring them. Give them a code phrase that indicates there's a problem. Eg. "Sorry, X, but I'm going to be staying out late. I'm having a great time." (the 'staying out late' could be the code phrase).

Tell whoever you've met that you have to ring someone, or get your friend to ring you at a pre-arranged time, and if things are not right, use the code phrase so they can come and help you, if needed. If you don't use the code phrase, they know it's all okay.

It sounds very spyish, but it's a simple precaution that can make a difference. Sometimes you DO need help to get away from a bad situation, and when you're meeting a stranger (despite knowing them online), you have to be prepared for the worst, while hoping for the best

Good advice guys. I suppose the danger of meeting someone from the internet never occurred to me because I have met probably 50+ people that way. As some of you may know I am a member of several car enthusiast forums and I have subsequently been to many car shows and club meets and mod days with these people. I have been nervous going to these when meeting a large group of people for the first time but I otherwise haven't ever had a problem, and half the time these people were drinking heavily.

John doesn't believe me I'm sure, but this whole thing is partly my fault because of that... it hadn't ever occurred to me that he might be more than a little nervous, so I'm more than happy to change the plans to something more public (ie spend a day at DuPont Circle and possibly other public places in DC) save the romantic stuff (ie cabin) for later.

.............It reminds me that when something as simple as getting a ride from the airport from someone who didn't know me, at the time I didn't give it a 2nd thought, later giving it some thought I realized I needed to offer a 'safety net' (cliche) to the other person so I gave some private info on myself about the maniac he was about to pick-up.

Well I concur with all the safety tips given. However, my warped, yet creative thought process--okay, it was a little impish voice coming from somewhere in my cranium: What if they are both axe murders?

This is why I should never let my mind wander. It is to small to be out alone.

Anyway, please, both of you be safe, and smart.

I once unknowingly accepted a ride from a stranger...I thought I knew him.

It was back when I was in college. The parking situation was horrible and the school had several buses that passed through the area. So I had opted to ride the bus to class that day. Well I'm notoriously and chronically late for everything so naturally I was running behind schedule and as I left my apartment door I saw the bus at the bus stop. Now I'm the sort of person who's fairly energetic and doesn't embarrass easily, so I sprinted toward it. It took off before I could catch it.

It really wasn't that big a deal, in fact it was by no means the first time I had run for the bus and missed it. I also often ran for the bus and caught it. Usually in fact I managed to catch it, but this time I missed it. Anyway, some guy in a suburban was only a bit behind the bus and he saw me miss it so he stopped and offered me a ride to campus.

He looked strikingly like a friend of a friend so I thought I knew him. I also figured since he was being so friendly he must know me. So I happily accepted and we chatted while on our way. Turns out I didn't know him, lol. But I made a new friend and I got dropped off directly in front of my building instead of having to walk. So really it all worked out quite well. Besides he was obviously another student and so was I, so I suppose neither of us had reason to be mistrustful.

-Kevin

.....Oh the days when we used to hitchhick all over! I did it a lot when I was a kid (16) in southern California getting to the beach and all. Back then it was no big thing, and you never heard of abductions. Funny I remember one time this older guy was giving me a lift and was ragging on me about the dangers of hitchhiking (little did he know I was carrying)

For anyone who has any concern, I don't know anyone who as killed an axe

Dr. Mr. Snow Dog

I'd say the odds that you'll get in trouble now are pretty much the same. I remember some horror stories from girls hitchhiking when I was a kid (the 70's). We had a serial killer in our area, who turned out to be a gendarme (rural police).

So let's keep everything safe. Meeting in a public place is a good idea. I've set up meetings with online people at my place, and I've gone to meet people a theirs. I think that if you've given a fixed phone number, your address, and made sure the person has told someone, then it's safe for him and me. Plus the people I meet online are more or less all part of the same "scene", so we give each other references; I'll call a friend to let him know I met someone online and get information ("Oh, yeah, you're going to meet X, cool, he's an OK guy...") Usually I don't want to know more, you don't want to get spoilers...

But for you teenage/ younger people who cannot host people at your house and check things out front, do meet in a public place. Have a back-out plan if the person is nowhere near who he says he is; a crowded place and a cell phone should prevent any harm. It all comes down to having someone know where you're going and for what purpose. Graeme's/ Jakob's idea above is simple and efficient to ensure your safety. Let's be cautious, not paranoid.

Good plan. I'm a firm believer that until you meet someone live, you really don't know them.

I also think it's best not to have plans beyond the first real life meeting, you know lower the expectations a bit. Go meet, get to know each other face to face, go home, reflect... Was he who you thought he'd be? Better, Worse? Then decide if you want to continue...

Anywho, you've gotten lot's of good advice from others. I'm just generally more paranoid. Just be careful.

Who knows, either one of you could be the next Jeffrey Dalmer .

I had to search that name to find out who it was... sounded familiar.

That's just sick! ... and I only read the first two pages of one of the articles that came up...

......Unfortunately, in todays world, reality is you can never be to careful! You didn't know who Jeffery Dalmer was? (checks rknapp age, oh right! Too young to remember)

Hey, Dalmer was kinda cute when he was cleaned up for court

Snowy

.......I remember, 'all american boy' shudder!!!!!!!