So when two guys get engaged.... does one give the other an engagement right?

Or whut?

What have other people done?

or in what other ways have couples shown there... presumably eternal relationship. ???

James.

I'd say that all depends on the guys in question, what they each want out of the relationship, and their unique dynamic.

...I don't guess that's very helpful though is it?

not at all

We get a lot of stupid ideas watching old movies and believing that is the way romance ought to be. This is why so many people are hung up on gay marriage.

It doesn't matter what you do- come, go, stay, lay or pray: you aren't going to please everyone nor will gay marriage make you respectable in the eyes of our detractors. The best solution is to do what you and your partner are comfortable with.

Here, here! In fact, I don't want a ring when I get married, because they just accentuate my short, stubby fingers... which may be fine on a guy, but a girl?! Regardless, I feel pressured to do the traditional ring exchange --the ring being a symbol of eternal love, blah blah blah. But really I think girls in general just want the diamond.

For those GA members who are engaged or married... did you exchange tokens to signify your commitment to each other?

you can see Dan and Trebs' in their avatar

Err, I don't mean to insult your fingers in any way, and I'm sure they're lovely, but when put like that I don't think many people would really say that it's a good thing on a guy either.


Yeah, I kinda feel pressured too, but as I said in the Perfect Wedding thread I don't really want them either.

My wife didn't give me an engagement ring, but I gave her one... approximately seven years after we got married She doesn't wear it... She's just not a ring wearing person. Similarly, she doesn't wear her wedding ring, but I wear mine.

So don't get too hung up with what 'should be'. Do whatever suits you and your partner. If you want to give him a ring, then do so. If he gives you a ring, accept gleefully. Don't feel you're obliged to reciprocate, though Look outside the square -- if he's a car nut, buy him that special thingamajig that he's been long for as an engagement present.

yeesh a bunch of pessimistic answers. and none that are helping me.



people. come on now.

This isnt a threat about how things should be ... or what society expects of you guys.

What i am asking is... if you know any gay couples that have decided tehy wanted to be partners for lifes. and kind of got engaged or even married.

and how -if they did - exchange something? like a ring? i heard one couple exchanged locks of hair? or had them intertwined.... i'm pretty sure there are other ways couples have shown their permanent status of relationship. but im not sure. which is what this is for. :-P

or maybe there is - are - gay couples in here that are in a permanent relationship and have done something to show their permanent relatoinship.



I kind of find it hard to believe that there arent gay couples that havent done something. i know theyre out there. :-P


but yeah...


James

I think you are talking of the point where we go from simple boyfriends to partners. Right?

I think rings are better off for marriage. But I\'m a jewel freak. I love them. Sue me! So I would rather go along some bracelets or chains. To show the new step in relation.

Ieshwar

I'm with Ieshwar- give me a ruby and you have my complete attention.

Well, my girls (lesbians) got married, but they did use rings. They did have a special part of the ceremony during which their hands were tied together with a special hemp like material that symbolized...well something but I can't remember

I know of several other couples, whom I'm not as close with, who are essentially married, but AFAIK they did do the ring thing, or else I just don't know their stories of doing something different.

The more I've been thinking about it lately the more I think I want to exchange some kinda special locket/pendant (or maybe half locket/pendant) thingy with my hubby to be. I don't care for rings either, but I like wearing eccentric things around my neck.

James, my gay friends recently got "married/engaged" well.. as Married as one can get in the state of Kentucky... They exchanged different things, Derek bought Greg a ring and a necklace. Greg bought Derek and ring and a bracelet they both matched in style and design. Small tokens that show love are romantic to me and I would like seeing gay couples do this, but I understand why some don't.

For me personally, I have two engagement rings.. lol.. One from David (the first time me proposed, the second hasn't happened yet), and from Jared. I no longer wear the one from Jared as it would look extremely weird.. and really the ring no longer holds any emotional attachment with it.. BUT! David is incredibly wrong if he thinks he doesn't have to get me another ring.. lol. Anyway, the first time I was engaged to David I got him a bracelet, which he still wears. More women should buy their husbands engagement gifts in straight relationships.

hia

when my dad got re-married he didnt have a ring because he didnt want one, his wife had one though - they also eloped to scotland without inviting any of the family.

the gay couple who live behind us, I'm not aware that they have rings. they also aren't married and have no intention of getting a civil partnership now they can, but they've been together at least 20 years I think. They have a house together and dog, they share everything else. so what about some sort of promise/life-gift, something permanent to show your committed and want a life together.

Celia

lol

I got into a huge argument with my hubby about the ring. I didn't really care much for them, so I was willing to buy one for like $20. But no, he wanted the one that cost $150. I'm like...f**K...I paid $235 to have a wedding done at the courthouse and he asked me to buy him a $150 silver ring? I thought, if I'm gonna get a fancy one, it might be in silver then since I don't like gold, but he tricked me by saying it's nickel-coated steel. I got pissed at him for pulling that on me and we argued on MSN (funny we always do most of our arguments on MSN and not in real life). I was getting low on money and I was trying to save.

We ended up buying that $150 ring for the wedding. After that, I almost never wear it and neither does he. It's on my desk at this moment. All I care that we still have each other...so a ring means nothing to me. We're just not ring/jewelery-wearing people.

Of course, when I thought I lost the ring...I went nut and moaned to him. I found in a couple months and he brought up the whole story and never knew I cared more than he thought.

Even at $650... It was a very expensive wedding for us.

That so sweet. Like it's been said before, it all depends on the person you're with. I had one person, my ex boyfriend, in my life that lasted for a long time. We were together, off and on, for 5 years. We had exchanged necklaces, one for him that looked like a dream catcher and mine, that looked like Kokopele. It was a two piece set that had was special ordered. They had been since stolen from us by someone who had been a dear friend on a camping trip.

I think it all depends on the guys in question. I would prefer a nice engagement myself....

BeaStKid

One of my bosses and her wife wear wedding rings, but neither one has an engagement ring. I didn't know them when they got married (about 3 years ago), so I don't know if there was anything else special that happened.

Personally, I would like to exchange a pendant with my significant other. I've always like penants, and depending on my significant other, I've already an idea for their design. Matching of course! White gold...mmm...

I very much agree that it depends on the couple though, perhaps once I have my significant other we won't want pendants at all.

That is called handfasting. It is a Wiccan marriage ritual. The origins of handfasting can be traced back to the Celts. The phrase, "tieing the knot", comes from the handfasting ritual. I have always been fascinated by the ritual myself. Even though I am not a Wiccan, I would consider having such a ceremony.

That brings up an interesting point. The distinction between engagement rings and wedding rings. Like you, I'd probably prefer some sort of neck adornment for the wedding/marriage symbol. However, I might lean more traditional for the engagement and may indeed get him a ring if I'm proposing, or like receiving one if I'm proposed to (this is related to the Will you marry me? thread).

I don't like wearing rings though, so I'd probably want us to stop wearing the engagement rings after the ceremony and just use whatever wedding symbol we've chosen.


That does sound really beautiful! Sounds like something I might go for as well.


Yes, he was a Wiccan officiator. They aren't Wiccan either, but one in particular has issues with Christianity, and either way I think they just thought the ceremony done that way would be meaningful and beautiful (which it was).

Interestingly, by coincidence I had a date with a cute Wiccan boy just last night!

I know the ring thing i dont want to do or necklace or bracelet none of that. The only jewellery i wear is if i bought it that way i am proud of what i have. I dont want to get this ring with a diamond and run around and going LOOK HE GOT ME A DIAMOND ITS A REAL DIAMOND! or if its a fake 1 go show everyone and they be like "Thats a cubic he dont love ya honey." Hair in a locket that makes me think like Victorian Romance Novels. But thats just me and 1 more thing the partner to be will have to deal with/help me get over.

I would like to see a silver bracelet or some sort of arm band, not a traditional ring.

I read a story in which the two main characters got matching tattoos with each other's names as their 'symbol'. I thought that was pretty cute and sweet. I wouldn't do it myself, but it's a nice idea.

Lol. That's cute, but risky. That would be a doubly painful sucker to get removed if the relationship fell to shambles.. But yes, I had to persuade Derek not to get Greg's initials tattooed on his wrist for that reason. I don't think they'll break up any time soon though, tattoos are just too permanent.

When my boyfriend became my fiancé, we had been together for almost 17 years, so he gave me a bouquet of 17 red roses when he proposed to me.

We then went out together a week later to buy me a ring -- we'd already bought a ring for him some ten years earlier.

- dfp

I would never go for tattoos. For one thing, I hate needles. Also, tattoos are much more difficult to get rid of than rings. I would probably opt for a ring. Rings represent forever, but if forever is not possible, they can be removed.

Never a tat for a wedding band, I would get a platinum wrist band.