I thought I'd put a thread here for those people more accustomed to this method than leaving a review with the chapters.

Mind Over Matter (links to the story)

After an incident at work brings Joe and Adam together, will Joe be able to set aside his past and focus on what’s really important?

Opinions, advice and constructive criticisms please... if you'd be so kind as to share them.

Just read all four chapters in one sitting. Loving this story so far. I feel so bad for Joe/Joseph, sounds like he encountered so many awful people, one after the other. Mr. Dawson seems like a great character so far, can't wait to read more about him. And I hope better things are ahead for Joe. I suspect, from your teaser/story description, that romance isn't far off. Looking forward to reading more!

Thanks for the reply, CR. I'm happy to know the characters are coming across so well for you.

I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Just read chapter 6...

When I said I was hoping for better things for Joe, you apparently interpreted that as worse things. Poor guy. Hasn't he been through enough?

(Great story, by the way. I'm hooked. Keep 'em coming!)

No kidding, but Dion likes to really kick them in their faces before allowing the characters to enjoy life.

I look forward to things getting better, and I'm very much enjoying this story. I'm constantly hounding the poor guy to update. But at least it's completed so we don't have to wait too long.

My apologies, CR (and Tiff, of course). Rest assured there will be better days for Joe in future.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the story.

And Tiff - I don't think asking twice is considered 'hounding'.

Dion, you just wait. Asking twice is merely the beginning...hehehe. I have time on my hands. You wait; there will be more asking/hounding/hassling/stalking in the future.

But you love it. Don't try to lie.

See ya soon...

I won't deny it.

I shudder to think what you'll do when the next story comes out.

I'm kidding.

At least you know when to give in to the truth. Very good.


WHAT!?!?


Sure you are. I bet there is something bad brewing for Joe. Curse you. How much more can the poor boy take? Come on!

I have to keep track of how often you post, and how often I msg. you. I don't even remember! I think it was two days ago but I'm not sure.

Anyway, feel like posting....?

Not today - perhaps tomorrow. And Joe is a rather resilient individual, even if he doesn't think so.

The next story is a little harsher on the main character.

Interesting development, however. I had a person approach me with a request to use the plot for a media project to illustrate the difficulties facing gay youth. I hope they get a good mark.

Just read chapter 7. This is shaping up to be a really good story. Adam seems like an interesting character.

Though there's gotta be easier ways to meet hot doctors than to have to get shot, no?

You're probably right, CR, but you have to admit it was effective.

Dion, I just read all 8 chapters!

It's an awesome story for sure!

I was shocked with the end of chapter 6. I really thought he was trying to commit suicide in that chapter. Basically I thought he'd get some major bleeding started with all that pulling off his bandages and hot water and bleed to death. I mean, I figured it wouldn't actually work at that point given the story set up, but I thought that was his intent. I was surprised to discover it wasn't.

I'm really like Adam! He's a great character. I somehow managed to pull a nasty trick on myself. I knew there were 8 chapters but I evidently lost count while I was reading them. As such when I got to the end of chapter 8 I thought I had a whole other chapter to go...no such luck

Anyway, keep up the good work! Can't wait to read the next one!

-Kevin

Actually, Kevin, that would have been the ultimate result if he hadn't already been in a hospital. As for Joe's motive - I really don't think he cared at that point. A kind of overwhelming numbness had set in.

Sorry about the disappointment. I'll try to update again soon.

And thanks for reviewing every chapter! Logging in to find eight reviews all at once was a tremendous ego-booster. It really made my day!

Great chapter, Dion. I have yet to leave a review on eFiction. I read it late last night (or the night before??) when I was on Live Chat until 5 in the morning! (Thanks a lot, Mike!) And I was too lazy to leave one. But I'm posting here, so that has to count for something.

When you said good things were in store for Joe, I'm finally starting to believe you now. I don't think it will be sunshine and rainbows right away. It will take some time, work, and trust between Joe and Adam, but I love that things are heading in a certain direction.

Adam is a great character. Very sweet and caring and gentle. And it seems so romantic that he had a thing for Joe even before he met him. Fairytale-ish. I hope that happens to me one day, but I doubt it!

Great work, Dion. You're a great writer and you really weave an emotional, but sweet tale at the same time.

That was my take too.


No reason to apologize for my faulty counting, lol! Although, if you want to make it up to me with a new chapter


You're very welcome! It's the least I can do after reading a great chapter!


I really like how it seems like a major aspect of this story is going to be Joe getting over his issues. It's interesting that he was so well-adjusted to begin with and got so 'messed up' as a result of everything that happened. Makes for a very poignant story!

Take care and have a great day,
Kevin

Just read chapter 9, and you're right, it was a bit shorter, but it did manage to pack an emotional wallop.

I like how Joe is slowly getting closer to dealing with his issues. And he's taken another step in his relationship with Adam, too. It's almost possible to see a light at the end of the tunnel... though it may very well turn out to be an oncoming train!

If you don't mind one minor, well, not criticism exactly, because I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it, so I guess I'll stick with "comment": I'm not quite sure what to make of the fuzzy ethical line between Adam and Joe. I mean, Adam is a doctor but he's not Joe's doctor. His interest in Joe is personal, not professional. And yet, half the time I believe he's trying to be his shrink, and the other half of the time I believe he's trying to be his friend, and although it certainly comes across as plausible, it also seems to feel a bit, I dunno, not-quite-right. I'm not sure if I can explain it better than that, it's just that it seems to me that Adam ought to be more aware of it. Does that make any sense?

Looking forward to chapter 10.

Is Adam actually a psychiatrist? I wasn't sure what his specialty was.

To me it doesn't seem odd that he would do that. I think that the professions people chose very often reflect their general personalities and tendencies (as they should). So that sort of thing probably comes naturally to Adam and it would probably be difficult for him to avoid it. That's just my opinion though.


It was a really great chapter and I"m really routing on Adam and Joe figuring out and working through Joe's issues! Looks like they have a promising future if they can pull that off.

Great chapter!
Kevin

Thanks for commenting guys.

CR - you're right. Adam is a psychologist. His relationship with Joe isn't exactly straightforward. Initially, if you recall, he was only going to check on Joe for Mr. D who couldn't be there. He's currently trying to help Joe the only way he knows how - by being a psychologist and a friend. He knows that until Joe gets past his current issues the relationship he's hoping for cannot proceed.

I think Kevin summed it up pretty well - thanks Kevin.

Because of some great suggestions and reviews I've rethought the ending for this story. Don't misunderstand me - it is complete. I've just decided to write an epilogue to bring it all together. I wish more people would give input to the writers. It's invaluable. There are so many aspects of this particular story that I didn't realize I hadn't addressed properly and probably never would have found them if it weren't for the comments I've gotten. With Sharon's excellent assistance I hope to have a satisfactory end to the story soon.

A heartfelt thank-you to all who took the time to let me know what they think of the story so far.

Hey Dion!

Another great chapter. From Joe's perspective, I can imagine how frustrating Adam is. For one, he's very attracted to Adam, but also, he's a little bit lost. How can he ever move on without Adam's hand? On the other hand, who wants to be analyzed every time they hang out?

From Adam's end, he is only trying to help because he cares. And he knows nothing can truly happen until Joe works out his issues.

Their frustrations come to a head at the end. But I'm happy to see that Adam is not planning on giving up on Joe that easily. I still think it will be a difficult road ahead for the two of them, but I like to believe that something good will come of it in the end.

Thanks for another emotional and heartfelt chapter.

You've hit the nail on the head, Tiff. Those were precisely the emotions I was trying to get across. I'm glad I was successful.

Thank you again for reviewing.

For those of you waiting for an update on the story:

My computer and I had an argument and I lost. Until it comes back from the repair shop I won't be able to update the story. That is if the hard drive isn't cooked. As it looks right now the motherboard may be fried.

Also, the computer I'm currently using isn't my own so I won't be online again until mine comes back.

I apologize in advance for the delay. Thank you for being patient.

Dion

Oh wow! I'm so sorry you're having all these problems, Dion

I regret the delay too, but obviously you can't help it and you need to look after yourself and your situation. Good luck and I hope everything works out!



-Kevin

I'm falling in love with the story... Just LOVE it....

Please hurry I'm dying to read the completed story...

Great and fantastic story.....

Oh wow! I was surprised when Adam cancelled their date. It looks like Joe is really trying to figure out a way to overcome his issues and I'm really proud of him. I hope Mr. Winters can suggest someone.

I enjoyed this chapter and I liked the way you incorporated two common experiences in the human condition: waking up and not knowing if it's morning or evening, and having a dream about a sound that's really something happening in the physical environment. Both happen to me relatively often, so it resonated. Well done!

-Kevin

My only critique of the last two chapters is that they're too darn short!

Still liking the way this story is going. And especially liking that it sounds like Joe is going to get some help from someone other than Adam, leaving him free to build a real friendship (or more) with Adam.

Kevin - it happened to me once, the 'morning/evening' thing. Very confusing. I knew I'd have to use it someday.

CR - sorry for the short chapters. The story is almost complete anyway and posting all at once wouldn't read as well, I think. The epilogue should more than make up for it. In fact, I may have to post it in two parts as well!

THis particular chapter was a bit short, and nothing much really happened. It was comical that Joe was confused about the time, but was too embarassed to ask. It was cute that the waitress figured it out and told him the real time.

In spite of the short chapter, you redeemed yourself with the ending. I'm glad Joe really understands that he needs help and needs to talk to someone. And even though he still gets physically ill at the image of being with someone sexually, he realizes he wants to be with Adam. I think it's a great idea to talk to someone other than Adam. While Adam has good intentions, well, sometimes it's easier to talk to someone, umm, not so close to the source or biased or something.... I can't explain myself!

I look forward to the remaining chapters and the epilogue. Noooo, don't post the epilogue in two parts! Just give it to us!

I understood what you were trying to say, Tiff - sometimes it's easier to talk to a neutral party. As for the short chapter, it's kind of unavoidable. There's one more, I believe, before the epilogue.

I'm glad you're still enjoying it!

Quick update: My wonderful beta, Sharon, assures me the epilogue is complete.

Looks like you'll get your wish, Tiff.

My wish...as in the epilogue being posted in one sitting?

....

I hope so!!!

Otherwise...

Chapter 11 is up. Only the epilogue remains.

Thank you to everyone for reading and letting me know what you think. I really appreciate it.

Great ending of Ch. 11! Finally, some humor! Loved those lines and the fact Joe is finally feeling more comfortable.

How sweet that Adam was already waiting in Joe's place, although I'd be pissed if I wanted to wallow alone and someone was in my face. However, it all worked out in the end.

Epilogue, epilogue, epilogue....

Now that the story is pretty much over, I have to say I liked it. It was sweet, and you sketched some very realistic characters - both the main characters, and the supporting cast like Mr D and Cindy.

I particularly liked the point about seeing the rejection by Joe's mom as "ultimate permission" to live life as he chooses. This is a very astute observation about how we can't control the actions of others; we can only control our reactions to them and our decisions.

I do have a few minor critiques, which I hope you don't mind if I mention. One is that, though Adam seems incredibly sweet, and Joe is an eminently likable protagonist, it's hard to see where the relationship between them really happened. What I mean by that is that they don't seem to have spent enough time together to really be that comfortable, or have that much trust in each other. I would've liked to see more, particularly see more time where Adam can see Joe as himself, not as just a messed up headcase, which, to be fair, is pretty much how he's acted in virtually every scene where he's with Adam. It's hard to see what Adam sees in Joe from the time they spent together, even though we as the reader get to see what's so great about Joe. Let's face it, not too many guys are going to find "I'm seeing a shrink" to be an attractive come-on line. Adam's obviously a caring guy and, for whatever reason, he's smitten with Joe; it's just hard to see, on the basis of the little time they've spent together, why. Give us some more material to work with so we can understand it!

The other thing is that I found the story pretty short, and now that it's done, I wonder if it would work better as one short story rather than as an 11-chapter serial. Each chapter is really just a scene, anyway. This isn't a criticism per se - I like short stories - it's just that I'm not sure there's a need for the chapter breakdowns.

In fact, the characters are so richly drawn and the setup is so good that I could see this as an intro to a much longer story, if you ever felt like writing one.

Anyway, thanks for sharing, and I look forward to the epilogue to see if Joe and Adam end up "happily ever after".

Cynical Romantic makes some very excellent points that I would also like to touch upon further. My comment was made late last night, so I couldn't really write anything in depth. I'm slightly more awake and alert now, so I can add a little more sense to my initial thoughts.

The whole "ultimate permission" thing was very good. It's a great way to turn something that is extremely negative and painful, into something positive. Sure, it's still painful, and that pain may never go away, but at least Joe can deal with it better. So his parents want nothing to do with him? Well, big deal! He has his own life, job, apartment, friends, pseudo family--he can do anything he wants. It's the ultimate freedom.

As for why Adam really likes Joe, or what he sees in him, I have to agree that at a first glance, it doesn't seem very realistic. More than anything, they'd be just friends, since Joe is so messed up, and Adam appears to be taking on this charity case. But then I thought more about it, having remembered everything I read, and Adam had known about Joe way before they had met. That means in some way, Adam kind of fell for Joe awhile ago, although not directly, you know? I guess through the tidbits he heard and his own analysis/interpretation, he feels something strong towards Joe. It happens. An infatuation that becomes real once you meet someone? I'm not too sure how this works, since I can be skeptical and cynical at times. But I do feel that Adam's feelings for Joe is quite possible...and at least in stories...anything goes.

You do write your chapters by scenes, for the most part. As in, there's not a lot going on, so in theory, you could have made this into a one shot piece, but then it would have been ridiculously long. Nevertheless, this is great. A really nice happy, but emotion piece. I can't wait for the epilogue.

Well... what if I said it was a chaptered short story? I'm kidding.

You're absolutely right CR in that I didn't outline the 'why' of Adam's attraction to Joe. There was reference made earlier on about how Joe and Adam spent time together before Joe was released from hospital and Adam did say he was attracted to him almost immediately. Since the story is from Joe's point of view as opposed to Adam's, it wasn't really possible to explore that angle in-depth.

Tiff got what I was trying to convey (although she does that a lot... I think she may be in my head), so I don't think it was too unlikely a situation. Nevertheless, the opinion is totally valid and I will definitely file it for future use. This is one of the great reasons for feedback - I wouldn't have realized the implausibility of the relationship if it wasn't pointed out to me. Thank you, CR!

Tiff - I'm glad you're enjoying the story that much. I hope the epilogue lives up to your expectations.