I rather enjoyed this story. It wasn't hard to tell that this is a first-time story, but it's not bad at all, and there's some real storytelling spirit behind certain passages. All you really need is a little spirit.

What I was most pleased about was the lack of sappiness and the description of lifestyle and events that I found realistic. I didn't really care for Sean's snagging of Calvin in the supermarket, but the development of their relationship through working out was well done. It's a different kind of romance from what you normally get in, well, romance books and soap operas.

I would suggest making more grammar and spelling corrections, as well as ending the story somehow on Sean. Since he's the one damned to loneliness (before he finds his own Craig, we hope), it would be very compelling to see what he's thinking.

I agree with corvus -- while there are some rough edges, this story shows an author with a lot of promise. I hope they write some more.

It wasn't an easy decision for either Sean or Calvin when Craig woke up, but what happened was very realistic. Sean made the decision for the two of them, which isn't normally right, but in this case I'm not sure. Normally there are two people involved and both should have a say in a decision, but here there were three people, and Calvin probably wouldn't have been able to make a decision -- and no matter what, he would have hurt someone. Sean decided he was the one to be hurt, making himself the martyr, but then he always knew that what happened was a possibility.

I think it was great story

The idea behind this story was good and, despite the rough edges, it kept me interested to the end.

Now as for the ending...
Well, I'm probably the least romantic person who's ever existed in the universe since the big bang, so let me say Sean was totally stupid to just disappear.

Okay, I put myself in Sean's position:

1) Total time that Calvin and Craig were together was two years, compared with the three years Calvin was with Sean.
2) Calvin & Craig have had no meaningful interaction for ten years.
3) In the ten years since the accident Calvin's personality must have changed and developed.
4) All that time in a coma means there is a good chance that Craig's personality has changed also.
5) There is a high probability that Calvin's desire to get back with with Craig is as much out of a sense of loyalty/duty/guilt as it is out of romantic love. (IIRC Craig's mother is laying a guilt-trip on Calvin).
6) What Calvin feels now as romantic love for Craig is just a memory and an idealised image of what once was. They are now two different people who may or may not fall in love again.
7) While Craig is still in hospital Calvin may be able to hang on to that idealised memory.
8) Once Craig is well again, there is a very high probability that Calvin and Craig will no longer have that romantic love and that Calvin's sense of duty (or guilt) will not be enough to hold the relationship together.

So....
Sean should fade into the background a little for the time being, but not totally disappear. He should 'be there' as a friend for Calvin. Then there is an excellent chance that Calvin will get back with Sean when it becomes obvious that the Craig-Calvin relationship is dead.

Kit

Ahhh... Kit. Injecting a sense of realism into a lovely romantic story... How could you!?

You're right on your points, but you are also looking at 'most likely' scenarios. People are more complex than that and while it is likely that Calvin and Craig will have a great deal of problems with their relationship, there is still a reasonable possibility that they'll get through those.

But, realistically, if Sean truly disappears (tough, unless he changes jobs, because Calvin knows where he works), then the most likely outcome will be three unhappy people. That's not guaranteed, though. I'm sometimes an optimist -- and I'd like to see Calvin and Craig try to make it work.

Ahh, but I am a realist!


Apart from guilt/loyalty, why should Calvin dedicate himself to trying to work through a problem relationship with Craig when he already has a perfectly good (apparently non-problem) relationship with Sean?

If I were Calvin I'd help Craig recover and rehabilitate and be there for him as a friend. If Craig really loved Calvin then surely Craig would have wanted Calvin to move on and find happiness in the 10 years that he was basically just a lump of not-dead meat on a hospital bed.

Even as a romantic-optimist, I'm sure that you have a sense of realism
Do you really think that there is much chance that Craig & Calvin can make it work?
Personally I think that Calvin & Craig have as much chance of making it work as I have of winning the lottery.

Of course, the fact that I actually buy lottery tickets means that I, too, am an optimist... or stupid. Yeah, actually, I guess it probably just means I have a case of selective stupidity!

Kit

It may have been ten years for Calvin, but not so for Craig. And Calvin said his feelings for Craig had only deepened over the years. Yes, he loves Sean, but not in the same way and both Sean and Calvin know it.

I think Sean did the right thing, even if his method wasn't the best.

Excellent for a first story and I hope to see lots more from this author!

May I point out that Calvin didn't get to make the decision. Sean took it out of his hands. So the phrase "why should Calvin..." is not really appropriate.


Yes and no. I agree with your first statement, because, in reality, Calvin and Craig are starting their relationship again. It's not a continuation of their earlier relationship.

The second statement is hard to contradict, as stated, but it has implications that I do disagree with. When I love someone, I want what's best for them, which is why I have to agree that Craig would want Calvin to find happiness. But it's not Craig's choice to move on -- that's Calvin's. You can't make someone else move on -- they have to do it themselves.


I aim for realism in my stories as much as possible (I'm happy to have an unrealistic scenario as the trigger for the story, but after that point it should continue in a realistic and consistent manner). No, there's not much chance that they can make it work -- that ten year difference, as well as the major medical hurdles that Craig still has to overcome are a major challenge. But that doesn't mean they can't do it -- the odds are definitely above zero. And I think they have better odds than winning the lottery. My gut feeling is that they have maybe a 10% chance of making it work.

BUT, having said all of that, the story itself is realistic. People do do these things. Sean's actions are understandable, even if they aren't really the best approach to take. Calvin's reaction to the ring is reasonable, but, as you pointed out, that doesn't mean things after the end of the story will be as happy.

Oh, yes, I wasn't intending to imply that the story wasn't realistic. I meant that Calvin was being illogical if he believed that a renewed relationship with Craig had a realistic chance of working.

Indeed, in real life people do illogical and stupid things for 'romantic love'.
So the fact that (IMHO) Calvin and Sean behaved illogically was very realistic.

Kit

What a creative idea! Definitely a really great storyline!

One comment on the whole Sean debate:


If he does that I think it's almost guaranteed that Calvin and Craig won't be able to make it work. It would be way too difficult with such a serious ex lurking around.

I also think that they have a decent chance of making it work. Probably more like 50/50 IMO.


Actually, we don't know if it's a first time author! It could be anyone who just didn't want to tack their name to the byline!

I am a bit curious now too, lol

I really enjoyed this story and although it was evident that the author is a relatively new one at the art of writing and that there were kinks in the story that could have been ironed out, it was still an interesting read.

I particularly liked the way the author depicted the wide range of emotions going through the protagonists.

My verdict? A really promising writer with immense talent. Just needs the right guidance.

Thank you for sharing this story with us.

BeaStKid

I think you're right. Unless Sean is an incredibly exceptional person and works with Calvin and Greg to do everything he can to make their relationship work. In which case, I think he should be in line to be made a Saint.... Would that be the first openly gay Saint?


I wouldn't rate it that high, simply because people change in ten years, and Calvin is not the person Craig knew. He couldn't be -- the length of time is too long. Also, Craig is going to have massive health issues, and that will change him, too -- he's the not the person Calvin fell in love with.


*cough* The author note at the start says quite clearly it is their first story. Unless they are lying, we should take them at their word.

I'd like to see the author do another story under their own name, maybe for the next anthology But it's up to them if they want to reveal who they are.