I read this after Kevin's, and it's just my luck to read two "glimpse in the life" stories regarding warm and fuzzy gay anniversaries. Surprisingly, though (okay, not surprisingly... but some of my friends know me as a dour, anti-sentimental bastard), I quite enjoyed this one. The characters felt very real, and the first person voice was very well done. The humor wasn't overdone, but it was enough to have me laughing out loud every other paragraph. My favorites:

“How did it go?” Marnie asked quietly, picking up the ominous stack of paper and starting to sort it into smaller, more manageable sections.

“We broke up,” I said casually...



“I don’t particularly care what you do with them. Just don’t take them to the super market. You’ll end up with a cart full of bio friendly tampons and her pleasure condoms.”



Even though there isn't a central plot to this story, there was a lot of amusing "stuff" going on (not really subplots... hmm, events? incidents?). One thing I'd point out is that the voice of the two central characters, though enjoyable, didn't differ too much. I believe you envisioned them as being quite different, as evidenced from the part recounting how they met and what their first impressions were, but that wasn't very well manifested in the respective tones. That's not a major problem, of course -- more like a challenge that'd have driven my good opinion even higher. Thanks for an intelligent and well-written story.

Aww I truly enjoyed it, Nice anniversary gift. I can say half the things that happened at work in this I can relate to (like how massimo is interacting with his co workers)

cracked up the tampon line and love this one as well

This was a really fantastic story! Enjoyed it from start to finish. And it's one of the few short stories that I think would work really well as a longer novel or a serial. You have introduced some great characters - main ones and peripheral ones - and there is surely a lot of back-story that would be great to read about. Not to mention, a whole opportunity to write about that trip to Italy. Kudos on a job well done.

While I hated the start (I don't think anyone should be made to work unreasonable hours, especially not on their anniversary), I loved the story. It was just a delightful tale with a happy ending. Sean's nephew and nieces were a delight, too. I can just picture their mother's exasperation with them.

Though I have to wonder -- who does Mike invite around to his uncle's place while Sean is at the office with Mass, and will Mike change the sheets on the bed afterwards?

See!!! I'm not the only one. Mass and Sean are great characters.

Thank you so much for the compliments, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

As for the characters not having their own individual tones, yeah I'm with you on that one. That's probably one of my biggest personal challenges when writing. I have a hard time giving characters their own voice. I usually just end up giving them mine ;-) I guess I'll just have to keep practicing.

Thanks for the kind words, they're much appreciated.

I was tossing around the idea of turning it into a serial, and Sharon obviously isn't opposed to the idea ;-) So who knows, maybe one day.

If you do choose to write it as a serial, might I suggest either sticking with one character's first-person PoV, or rewriting in third-person? I, too, found the alternating first-person point of view to be a little distracting. I find it's one of the techniques in storytelling that rarely works as intended.

Just my opinion... it's entirely up to you, of course.

Ever read a story that leaves you all warm, fuzzy and sugary? I think this story was one of them...

I really enjoyed reading this one and although this was the third one with changing POVs (a thing that I hate in stories), this story more than made up for it by its quality...

Even I had a hearty laugh at the lines mentioned and the antics of the young ones.

Thanks for sharing this with us...

BeaStKid

Wow, I love it! A story that have the important elements in it, Love, Comedy, Sadness. I think this is one of the best romantic stories. I really hope you will turn it into a serial because I want to see what happened in Italy for Sean and Massimo. A little of "Mamma Mia"??

Storia eccellente! Fantassimo!

Awesome job, Luigi!

I thoroughly enjoyed this story!

Not too much more I can add that hasn't already been said, but I will say that I was really pleased when you had Sean give Mike the safe sex talk! Well done!


Great story all around
-Kevin