Call me sensitive, weird, or just being plain stupid, lol. I think I have a problem with rejection and my self-esteem lol.

I 'always' get rejected when I try to become friends with someone I thought would be friends with me in real life. Many times, I think I'm very flawed. I remember trying to make friends with 15 people from a website, but I got rejected by all 15 in a row, lol. I know this is a common thing, hehe, but I don't normally handle them properly than I should.

Just yesterday, I was talking to this guy online because I thought we shared a common interest in books and whatnot. I really wanted to be his friend. He told me if we could send picture of ourselves- fair enough, I did so. LOL, and he never replied back. I guess that was what happened to those 15 people I tried to be friends with. It kinda puts a mental toll on me I guess. I have to figure out what's so flawed with me. In my head, I keep thinking that there is really really honestly something wrong with me that no one is willing to tell me.

When I was 15, after I received the diagnosis of my medical condition, I couldn't face reality. It made me weak LOL and it just pulled me down emotionally. I thought I was really flawed in all aspect humanely possible lol. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without criticising myself or slapping myself - I nearly wanted to just die lol. I guess I had an epiphany before I downed a bottle of aspirin. I thought about my parents' reaction. I didn't want my mum to come in crying - I felt as though this thought had let them down. But I had too many things to worry about lol. One of those included my boyfriend who left me for a girlfriend. He told me because he was bi and that our relationship wasn't going too well, but... it did... until he realized he couldn't be there for me because of my medical condition. He was really the only person I thought I could rely on during my crisis.

I really want to be able to stand up for myself - which I'm trying both literally and figuratively. LOL, I still am looking for "MR Right", but it seems really really futile. Me being on crutches just seem to make things even worse...

My friend told me once that I needed someone to complete me. I guess he was right. I don't know why, but I just couldn't face being alone lol. I need to get out of that thought, but it seems really hard to. I still have a lot of personal, inner demons I need to battle with, but I don't know who to share them with. Most of the time, I would face them alone, but I really don't know how to move on from there.

Omg, I'm sorry about this post. I just need someone to slap me on my face and tell me to wake up and smell the coffee. My doctor told me that this is the "real world" and rejection always happen, but I dont know about that. I think it is having a mental toll on me. How do you face rejection without getting yourself emotionally upset?

I'm so so so so sorry about this post. Sorry for this rant! I'm so sorry! I just want a reply. Thank you all!

Jovian, if people cannot accept you with you medical condition, they're really not worth your time. True friends will stand by you no matter what. Some people care too much about the superficial. It's a fact of life. Just remember that the right kind of people are the ones who love you anyway.

I agree with Tiger.

Also I will add (and I mean no insult or offence to anyone here on GA) an observation based on my own experiences. The vast majority of online 'friendships' can never be converted into real-life friendships. Furthermore, the more intense the feeling of friendship, and the faster it develops in the online situation, the less likely you it is that there will be a real-life friendship.

Now, of course we all know how some people have met their soul-mates online and others have formed great friendships. I know people who've met someone on a gay dating site and are still together several years later. I myself have a few very good friends who started off as just an email pen pals. A couple of these I've met in person. However, in my experience, they are exceptions.

Again, I can only speak from my own experience and my observations of my friends, but it seems to me that real friendships grow from online friendships only when they start off as pen-pal type friendships. i.e. with no idea that they may actual meet in person. Then, the online friendship grows slowly and you have a better chance of getting to know the real person, not just the online persona your imagination has created from the (possibly carefully selected) information that has been given to you.

So, to summarise what I'm trying to say, for online contacts, 15 rejections is a tiny number. Be prepared for ten times that number of rejections before you meet someone online who you can meet and get on with in real life. This would be the case regardless of any medical condition and is just the nature of online communications.

Good luck!


Kit

Hi Jovian!


Although 15 people have rejected you, remember that many more in GA have accepted you for who you are.


I've always believed that the way we handle rejection is important in helping us uphold our morale and dignity. Rejection is an inescapable part of our life, so unfortunately, there's nothing we can do to stay away from it. But keep in mind though, that rejection can only be destructive if we allow it to be.

I think the only advice I can give you is to have confidence. If you feel good about yourself, then you wouldn't have to worry about what other people will think about you. The more confidence you have, the better you will be in handling rejections.

I hope this helped! Take care!

tracy

Awww, thanks guys, I really appreciate your replies. I feel much better now. I'm sorry if I've been such a wuss lol. I really wanna stand up for myself. Facing rejection is common, i.e in workplace etc, but facing it in relationships is kinda hard for me. I know I have to be intrepid to challenge that thought and stop whining haha. *slaps myself* lol

Jov... I really agree with what Tiger has said.

People will always talk. They will always have something to say to you that you won't like. It is in the nature of 'those people' to talk like that. it is up to us to ignore those people and instead listen to the ones who actually want to get to know the real you...the ones who overlook the fact that you have a physical disability and rather see that you are as good as any other person from within and without.

Trust me, it is the latter group of people that should matter in your life. People come and they go, but these ones would stick by you. True, they are very hard to find, and it'd be after a lot of hits and tries that you finally find such ultimate people, but you would find them.

Have faith in yourself and your capabilities. So what if you have to walk with the help of a crutch? Just because you have to doesn't make you any less of a person, rather it shows how much courage you have to face the world - a world that doesn't look towards disabled with kind eyes.

I am sure that if you look around, you'll find number of people who would be willing to be your friend. Here at GA, I can see an impressive friend list in your profile already. Just be yourself and I am confident that you'll make 30 more friends and forget those 15...

BeaStKid with a

Hey Jovian!

No need to apologize about whining. We don't consider that whining and here at GA we love to help any way we can.

As for what was said, you already received a ton of great advice from the previous posts. I'll just add my two cents because I like you so much.

Those 15 losers don't know what they're missing out on. They're immature and shallow for rejecting you for superficial reasons. Some people are just like that, or it takes awhile to grow out of it and learn to really accept people. You don't need them. Sure, rejection sucks in any situation. And sure, it definitely messes with your mind and makes you question yourself. But you have friends who appreciate you, and you have a ton of online friends that care about you. Most times, the bad stuff sticks out more, like those 15 rejections, but just forget them! Always try to stay positive, even as hard as that may be.

IMO good friends are always hard to come by, whether in real life or online. Online is tougher, like Kit said, because it's hard to ever completely knew a person via the internet, and who knows how honest they truly are. Not to mention the dynamics are different in person. But don't give up. Keep searching for new friends. Sooner or later you will find a gem. Trust me, it does happen!

As for your disability, I'm sure there are days when you're just mad, thinking why that had to happen to you, but in the end you're a stronger person. Not just physically, but you know how to see beyond the physical. Everything that has happened to you makes you who you are, so don't ever feel too badly. You're a great person.

*hugs*

Having issues with self esteem and rejection doesn't make you weird or stupid. Maybe a little sensitive, but that just means you're human. I think that deep down we all have issues with self esteem. It's only natural to be self conscious of our own flaws, whether real or imagined. The thing to remember is that we all have them, and nobody's perfect. We also all have qualities about us that make us endearing, and since you've been on this forum, we've all seen them come through in your posts.



Sometimes it's hard to know how to approach situations, especially when you're really hoping for a certain outcome. When it doesn't happen, it's easy to blame yourself, but just remember one thing; you aren't the only one missing out on a new friendship. The person on the other end of the spectrum is missing out on a chance to get to know you, and if their reasons are shallow in the first place, then what have you really missed out on?



If anyone says that they aren't willing to talk to you unless you produce a pic, they're most likely a creep anyway. I'm not knocking online friendships, because they have their worth, but you're more likely to build meaningful relationships that last offline. I mean, if you like books, join a reading group that meets at a library or a book store. Or get involved in your local GSA. I have some online friendships that have lasted 3 and 4 years, but that's very rare because it's easy to turn an online friend into who we want them to be, at least in our minds, and the first time they show a human trait (irritableness, shallow, different POV) it can shatter our expectations.



This is the paragraph that touches me the most. I've dealt with medical issues off and on since I was ten. When I was 14, I had to have a tumor removed. When I was 15, it happened again, but it was more progressive and later that year, I found out I had a heart condition because of the stress of the surgeries and treatments afterward. All of this was going on during a time when I felt especially isolated from my online "friends" and my boyfriend, who seemed like he was doing everything he could to break my heart.
There was probably never a time when my self esteem was lower, and I felt like I had no one to turn to. I lived inside of myself for over a year, I was grouchy, confrontational online and irl, and when I relapsed again, I contemplated suicide. I'm ashamed to admit that, and I've never said it before, but it's true. In fact, I openly declared on my blog one day that I'd never consider it, and the whole time, I was planning to go through with it.
What I can say is that it's never worth it. There are always going to be good and bad people in this world, and we're going to have to rub shoulders with a lot of them. Just remember that your worth as a person is immeasurable in terms of money, looks, ability, disability, friends, deeds, whatever. Keep your head up, dude and I promise that the sun will come out



I think that before anyone can find someone to complete them, they have to be able to complete themselves. You're always going to be the one person in this life that you can count on. Friends come and go, and so do boyfriends and girlfriends, but every morning you're going to wake up with yourself no matter who's by your side. Just take stock in yourself and discover what's beautiful about you.




Please don't be sorry for this post. It's been a real eye opener for me that I'm not the only person who's ever felt the way I did just a year or so ago. Thanks for sharing with us, and no matter what, take care of yourself.

Jovian-

I've seen your pic and find it amazing that fifteen people passed at chatting with you. You're a cute young pup and an Aussie to boot so its not like you don't have a lot going for you.

Guys like you make me wish I was 20 years younger.

As for your medical condition, I have no idea what it is and it sure didn't show in your picture. Me- if I wear shorts, men faint, women scream and children run when they see what my knees look like. They look like a medical experiment run amok.

I could worry about it but it would be wasted energy and divert me from things that are really important.


James

Awww, thank you so much BK That really means a lot to me. And you're right, I do have more friends here in GA than myspace or some other websites, so thank you. Thank you so much for your advice and thank you so much for being my friend *hugs back*




Awww, hey Tiff! Thank you so much for your advice I feel a lot better reading these posts and yeah, I do agree with you that I shouldn't give up looking for new friends. LOL, and yes, I did receive advices from other posts lol. They are all awesome too I guess the rejection I had from those 15 people I met online was doing my head in lol. I didn't know I could be rejected 15 times in a row lol. But its ok now. I understand that the world doesn't have to like me lol. At least there are people here in GA who are really awesome and compassionate and that's good enough for me I guess I've spent too much time worrying about what others think of me that I criticize myself on behalf of them lol. Thanks Tiff! *hugs back*




Thank you so much Nickolas James. I really appreciate this. It resonates with me strongly, and I'm really realy sorry about what you went through few years ago. I really wish I'm as strong as you You're a great guy! I've never really think that I'm "beautiful" or whatnot, because I guess I grew up learning how to hate myself, lol. I really need to stop thinking about that. Because of the nature of my medical condition, I had to see numerous specialists (14, to be exact) before landing in the office of the right specialist. That bothered not only me, but my family members and relatives as well. They seemed to think I was "victimizing" myself or that I was just "seeking attention". Once, my parents nearly gave up on me because they thought I was mentally ill. That agravated the situation.

Because of that, my medical condition spread and my left leg nearly turned gangrene one night. My boyfriend couldn't touch me, because I'd be flinching in pain. A simple breeze could send me into a crying fit because my leg had become that sensitive. After he left me for someone else, I tried taking my life away - which, believe me, was really inane. When we finally met with the right specialist, he told me I was already in the late stage of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy and there might not be a chance for me to walk again. He placed me on therapy for 6 months and gave me a heap of pain killers and antidepressants (not to treat depression, but to soothe the neurons in the spinal cord). I had to be wheeled in for surgery every month, lol. When all attempts failed, he went with an alternative. He implanted a spinal cord stimulator in me and that worked miracles. I am now able to bear weight on my left leg, but I still have to go through painful physiotherapy.

Thank you so much for your message. It means a lot. I really really truly hope that you're doing much better now. I'll keep you in my prayers *hugs back*




Awww, thanks James, but unfortunately, stuff happens. I thought I could make friends with them - I didn't want to date them or anything like that. The guy I talked to seemed really nice, but the moment I showed him a picture of me, he didn't want to talk to me again. That was probably one of the most painful online chat experiences I ever had. But I've learnt how to deal with it squarely, and I'm moving on from it. Thank you so much James
*hugs*

I used to be horrible with taking chances or trying new things (or being social in general) because I was deathly afraid of rejection. On a whim, though, I joined Academic Decathlon with a friend.

When I started competing for one of the spots, one of the people I was competing against who just happened to be in the lead made a comment that infuriated me. He said he was going to make it a point that this guy make it on the team. The guy was in 4th place, and I was in 3rd. (there are only 3 spots). Essentially, he was saying that I wouldn't make the team (I eventually not only made the team, but I took the top spot ). This got me to stay when I found out there was a speech, interview, and IMPROMPTU speech (which is still to this day the most terrifying and humiliating thing i can think of).

Anyway, the impromptu speech made all these people who were academically the best in our class mumbling idiots. When caught off guard and not able to prepare, not ONE of them could perform right off the bat. It was very humanizing, especially when I was able to do it. Each time I would go up in front of everyone though to do it, I always got that insane rush, and it kind of stuck with me.

I work in retail now, so you put up with a lot of rejection and you talk to a lot of people. I guess those two coupled really got me to deal with the chance of rejection in my personal relationships better.

I think it's about reaching a point where even if you do get that rejection, you separate the action from the feeling of there being something wrong with you. When you come down to it, everyone has dealt with rejection to some extent. They might have gone through certain experiences to make them better at handling it, but regardless, we'lve all been there.

Jovian,

Stop worrying about what other people may or may not think of you because what matters is what you think of you. And those people that you said rejected you possibly because of your medical condition you really don't want to be friends with anyway because they only care about what is on the outside.

And Jovian just so you know I can relate totally to your problem, I don't have a physical disability but do have permanent medical conditions that I will have to live with for the rest of my life and 5 or 6 ugly surgery scars on my body also (they don't do much for my self esteem). For a while there I was just the kid that has that scar on his neck to some people, while this hurt me deeply it also made me realize that I didn't really care about the people who were saying those things, and that the people who were still my friends were true friends.

I think that having the medical conditions I have and having been is hospitals when I was younger while unpleasant and horrible has made me a stronger, more sensitive, empathetic person. I'm sure while you don't like your disability but your an even more beautiful person because of it. Although I don't really know you that well from reading a few of your posts you seem like a kind hearted, caring, sensitive individual who I would like to get to know better and would be thrilled to be friends with.

Jovian just remember to stop caring what others think about you what matters is what you think about you just because some unintelligent person rejects you doesn't mean that everyone will reject you. Because believe it or not there are good people out there and with time you'll find a good one who will love you for who and what you are regardless of what that may be.

Take Care,


Will

Good on you for being at the top spot in the competition! Hehe, I was in a debate team in an inter-school competition - not a decathlon once (that must have been tough hehe) and we went to the semi-finals! But we didn't secure the first place title, lol. We were, I think, in the forth placing lol. Awww LOL. Thank you so much for replying. I guess I've really grown from this experience lol. I tried making friends offline a couple of times, but that didnt work out well either . I'm still going to try though lol. Thank you for sharing your experience!




Awwww thanks Will. LOL, I really do need to stop thinking about what others have been thinking about me. My medical condition is also permanent - unless they could find a cure for it. It's basically chronic neuropathic pain. I don't know how I'd be able to teach or perform (which is one of my dream)I guess in the future. I had to drop out of Theatre school because my medical condition wouldn't allow me to walk. Being on crutches is a mental scar, somewhat.

Apart from making friends, the other thing I'm worried about is well, getting a date. My ex-boyfriend left me because he couldn't handle my medical condition well - he couldn't even touch me because I'd be in tremendous amount of pain. When the pain had subsided some, he went off with some lady. To me, that was pretty much gut-wrenching. But then again, I thought I didn't want to be a burden to him... Now, come to think about it, I think I feel happy for them. I know I'd only be a burden and well, our relationship wouldnt have been progressive. Yes Will I'd be happy to be your friend too I really wish I'm mentally equipped to handle rejections like you I'm really sorry about the scars you have. I have two on my torso lol due to the surgical implant and nerve blocks lol.

I have my own self-esteem issues, but I am working on it. I also have a medical condition that often makes me feel sick, but it's not something I let keep me down. We often have to fight our personal demons. Let's face it. We all have them. Life is never simple. You have to learn to accept the world and accept and love yourself for who you are.

Awww, thanks! I'm feeling much better now. And yeah, I have to stand up for myself. No one says it's going to be that easy, but I'm going to try my best. Thank you so so so much!

Yeah my medical condition has stopped me from doing things I wanted to also. I tried to get my pilot's license a few years ago and was told I couldn't because of my medical condition. To explain, I was a premature baby born at 24 weeks and this caused a lot of medical complications (mostly from the drugs doctors used to save my life) such as the portal vein (main vein) to my liver is blocked (my body however formed other auxiliary veins to my liver to get blood to it, thats not supposed to happen lol but its kept me from having to have a liver transplant) which cause portal hypertension, which has caused me to have an overactive spleen (trying to make up for liver not being at 100%) which cause low platelets and makes me more prone to bleeding (I had major internal bleeding when i was 8 or 9 thats when i got the majority of my scars and when i was in the hospital)

Anyways yeah I guess I've been through a lot and have learned to just make the best of everything because being sorry for yourself doesn't help any. It's also made me realize that even though I can't to some things I'm still thankful for everyday I'm here because life is more fragile then some think. (I hope I'm not sounding self righteous or anything I'm not trying to be)

I'm really sorry you had to drop out of what you love (my best friend and future room mate is majoring in drama and theatre). I hope you can find some way to still be involved in theatre or find something else that you can do despite your medical condition. And as far as your ex boyfriend goes don't feel sorry about him since he obviously didn't have the decency and patience to help you or wait for you to get better and he is obviously someone you wouldn't want to have a relationship with if he is going to abandon you. I know you'll find someone wonderful though who will love you for you and respect you enough to deal with your condition instead of running away like a coward.

I guess what I'm saying is don't worry, take it one day at a time, and focus on all of the gifts that you can enjoy in life.

awww, that's really sad I'm really sorry about that. *hugs* I really really hope you're doing so much better now. I've actually kept you and some other people in my prayers too I hope you'll feel better

Yep, I had to drop out of theatre school because of this, but I think I might want to give it another shot next year. They say that the actor's body is an essential tool for acting, which I agree to some extent. There is this highly controversial experiment on Ketamine Therapy which is still being performed in Germany and Mexico, and I had considered it as a medical option. But then again,I didn't want to risk my life over that experiment.

Awww, I'm pretty sure my ex-boyfriend has forgotten all about me, so it's useless to mull over him, lol. And I wholeheartedly agree with your last point. I worry too much LOL. I really need to start smelling the flowers hehe.

HI jovian! well i relly found your topic interasting becouse i can relate to it and im sure so can many other ppl. I have learned a lot past 16 yrs of my life. if you dont love your self no one well love you for it. you must stand up and gain corige to understand how spetiol and beutiful each indevedual is. no one is perfect such as my self. you have to see thing in your self that other ppl lack. that might olso make you feel better. and hun you never need a guy in your life to make you happy. you need you self first i have com to relizing this relly late. no need for suecide or self abuse. thoes dont help i would know. what helps is opening your mind and looking in the merror and telling your self. yeah tahats me no super model, no sex god, just me plain and simpol. i know one day i well find someone. but untell that day i need to find happynes wethean my own self. and if you ever woudl liek to talk i would love to be your frind.

my aim is ARIAS21229 i never mind meeting new frinds and not for ones in my life have i remambered turning down a person.

I hope i helped a little atleast. feel better olways. *hug*

~L~

Awwww, thanks for sharing *big hugs* And yes I feel so much better Thank you I guess rejection is one of the many issues we have to face in life - and trust me, that bothered me terribly lol. I remember just crying over those rejection. I took a hard look at myself thinking maybe one of the reasons people hated me was because I was a burden LOL. I mean, I'm on crutches (I'm trying my best to use only one crutch now Yay!) indefinitely, and I don't know how I'd be accepted into society when I start work after college graduation lol. Nonetheless, I guess there are still rooms for improvement. I can't victimize myself, lol, it isn't right. I'm sure you'll find someone you love some day Good luck with that