First of all ill introduce myself. My name is Matt, and i live in the heartland of america, illinois. I am a freshman in high school. I think i might be gay, but i have felt feelings for women too My parents are divorced,and i live with my mom, and her boyfreind, Les, who, ill be honest, i just want to murder somtimes. I have several freinds, most of which are girls, but i have very strong feelings for my best freind. i need help and advice. Please! PS my computer broke. using a PSP to acess the internet

Hey Matt

Welcome to Gay Authors! It's awesome having you here


Sounds like you're coping pretty well all things considered. How do you think your mom and Les would take the news if you came out to them?

Regarding your sexuality in general, my personal advice would be to be open to your feelings and your attractions, but don't pressure yourself into making any decisions until you're ready.

Strong feelings for your best friend huh? I don't suppose you have reason to believe he might be gay/bi? The odds are that he probably isn't, so in all likelihood your best option is to accept and enjoy his friendship, perhaps even accept and enjoy your attraction to him, but don't do anything that might make him uncomfortable or jeopardized your friendship. In the greater scheme of things a good friend is usually much more important and enduring than a boyfriend anyway (not always, but often).

I guess my general advice is just to hang in there, stay positive, and accept yourself as you are

If you are gay, you'll perhaps want to go away to a larger city for college and beyond. That's why one productive thing that you can do now, that couldn't possibly hurt anyway, is focus on your grades and education so that in a few years you'll be able to go somewhere that you might be happy and comfortable expressing yourself and your sexuality in a positive, healthy way


Just a few thoughts,

Good luck, dude!
Kevin

hey,

welcome to GA!

As for not knowing, its ok not to know wht you want, and you never know you might be bi, so dont freak out. And as for your mother's bf just give it time, we all dislike people in our lives.

Your best friend though, i would make sure that you're just friends with him before you jump to conclusions.

Sorry about me bugging you to chat, didnt know about your computer.

Hope all goes well

-Bry

Okay thanks for the advice so far. I may be young, but people tell me i am EXTREMELY mature for my age. I read leo tolstoy and other advanced books, as well as normal teen books, and am probably one of the best students in my class as of now(i start thursday)only problem is it dident reflect in my grades in middle school, what with all the stressors. i started to meet the school councelor, and my grades(slowly) improved. We disscused some problems, but we never got to the major issues

Hi Matt! I agree with Kevin regarding your sexuality. It took me 25 years to sort it out. I consider myself gay, though I have a slight attraction to certain women. Overwhelmingly, I favor men on that level. I have had emotional connections with women, but it doesn't really extend beyond that for the most part. I am not suggesting that it's the same for you, but that is how I am. That may be something to contemplate, but sometimes accepting it is difficult. Take your time. I even suggest experimenting to see what you like, but do so with caution.

and condoms



...sorry that may have been a bit much, but seriously.

I enjoyed Anna Karenina
over all I love history and reading
but thats just me hehe
see u in chat

As for my best freind, Justin has been for several years. We are very close, and ive shared things with him that i havent with anyone else. he got me to go to the counceler, and even went with me somtimes. i know i have feelings for him, and i believe he shares those feelings.sometimes i call him when im boered, just to hear his voice. today i called him and he sung to me. the jonas bros burnin up. i think this may have been his form of saying he likes me: )

Awwwwww

I'm so regretting saying I didn't like that song in the other thread now. Sounds like you have a good reason to like it though!

I really hope things work out for you guys!

But (yes but) i also have feelings for my cousin, Zack, who lives in Louisiana. We are close (same age too) but i think he likes me in a sexual way and(insert emmbaressed look here)so do i. last thanksgiving we stayed there for a week with his parents and my dad and grandma. Him and me slept together on the basement futon. one day we were both looking at PoRn together and i accidentialy saw his hard-on and he saw and blushed and i think he saw mine too(i wore breifs, though!) Advice??

Well, I don't particularly think it's a good thing to have such a relationship with a cousin. However, it is actually quite common even though most people view it as extremely taboo. I'm not going to be a prude and tell you not to do it, but at the same time, I would never promote incest. However, should you decide to go there, it is your decision, and I would never hold it against you.

Added: Kevin, part of the reason I said caution is to imply the usage of condoms. I was using the term to cover a variety of issues.

Well, I will be a prude (as in, I'll convey some prudent advice) and tell you not to do it. You may not be able to get him pregnant but sexual relationships within a family can cause severe strain if things don't go over so well afterward. Thats a position you don't want to put yourself in.



And here is the truly golden advice. It may seem like an eternity away, but college is a place where you can, as he put it, express yourself and your sexuality in a positive, healthy way. In the meantime, keep your eyes open and your heart guarded. High school is one of those places packed with all kinds of drama.

I cant get justin out of my head. im sitting here on my bed, home alone, listining to the sound of the rain outside, the humid air creeping in to my room and enveloping me in its warm embrace, and all i can think about is wrapping my arms around his slim body and pulling him close, carresing him in my arms, and then kissing him, his soft lips touching mine in a warm tribute to my love for him. This is the fantasy ive been replaying in my head since i last saw him.Can i make this dream come true?

Justin is the friend right?

For now I would recomend to be friends with him, and maybe test the water by if he is cool with Gay's and Lesibans.

im planning on easing in on him this year and possibly telling him next year and taking it from there. I DONT WANT TO WAIT!!!:( but i know its probably for the best(i sound like a parent ^^ )because he is probably questioning his sexuality to...and ill give him till next year ONLY!! like i said, i REALLY LIKE HIM ALOT!! i cant sleep, i want him sleeping next to me!! i want to hear his voice. i want to see him again now! why does it have to be so damn hard?!?

im sry but this is so AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i so envey him sounds to me like he has feelings for you as well, i do belive that slow bye slow you should get more comfertibol with him, mabe wrap him in your arms or tap his butt just thoes little things that can be shaped as if your joking. see how he well react.

Well, honestly, if you aren't sure about your sexuality try playing spin the bottle or 7 minutes in heaven or other "interesting" party games. Thats kind of when I found out what I was. Being as my friends had like a week of parties and stuff. Liking friends always kind of stinks, but if it does work out then it is very very good! But really you are much better off sooner than I was, being as I am not perfectly happy now and as a freshman I was totally mentally freaking out. Good luck!

Any updates?

UPDATE TIME!!!!

ive come a LOOONG way since august.so far i have had a great time, but i am such a hopeless romantic. the way i see it there are about 5 different boys im totally crushing on and here's the list-

1-Justin: He's the boy who drove me here. christian, republican, my original crush.Freshman

2-Dylan:The new guy. My girlfreind kara's freind. Introduced recently, i think he likes me back ! Very "playful" as in hugging, butt-grabbing, leg rubbing, yeah im pretty sure he wants me. He calls me his "girlfreind" so yeah we're pretty much an item. He's a junior i think.

3-Brett:A hot kid i know from gym class. i can't help but to stare at his cute butt everytime i walk behind him. And besides, if he did'nt want people to stare, he wouldnt wear those tight jeans!Freshman

4-Shayler:Oh my god not him! Do i have too? Okay....A senior who is in my study hall. Soccer player, teachers aid, very sexy. Straight, but a man/boy/teen can have dreams, can't he?

5-Dustin:Hot,sexy, slightly muscled surfer boi type from several of my classes.Just a locker room crush?Freshman

Okay if you have any advice about which i should pick, any comments, which one you'd pick, or questions either post a reply or PM meh. oh yeah and IM BACK BABY!!

Moving on....

Homecoming Bloomington '08:
Final score:Raiders 42,eisenhower dudes 6
Who i went with:JUSTIN!and his dad
weather:rainy,dreary, and cold
outfit:preppy jeans,purple T, and a leather jacket

The homecoming dance:
where-center for preforming arts
who-anyone who's someone
theme-arabian nights
outfit-dorky courderoy shirt and slacks

ok how to approach the dance? lets start with justins mom picking me up at 6(early).we went to his house and had pizza. he had to get dressed for the dance so i took advantage of the situation*wink wink*. He asked for advice on what shirt to wear(i was too busy glancing back and forth from the shirts to his bare chest(suprisingly has great abs)) and then he asked about-here it is- pants! i told him some sort of dressy pants but he got nice jeans. then we went to pick up roxanne and amber. then we went to the dance. It started slow(i got deppresed and went outside)and then picked up a little. it ended at 12:00 and we left.

The Sleepover(exactly what you think):Justins dad picked us up. We went back to his house and went into justin's basement bedroom to reflect on the night. He told me about his crush on Ashley(crushing my heart if only for a second) and how he danced with her. And about his freind, i forgot her name, but she had been dumped that night. He told me about how she's never been the same since their best freind mike moved away. And that night i had to sleep on the floor instead of cuddling under his warm blankets(adolecent fantasy) but i was supposed to sleep in that dumb old sleeping bag anyways. At least i slept in the same room as him!

The Morning After:I awoke to a bit of, well, um, morning wood, and luckily i was able to get rid of it before he woke up. Thank god noone else was around! I got to watch him dress for church(yay!) and i wore my geeky outfit cuse it looked sunday-ish. and after the service we went to Pizza Hut for Brunch. After pizza we went back to his house, he put on a different shirt, and then i got dressed in comfortable shorts and a polo. We went out and played a little in the park before i had to leave and thats pretty much the story!

More updates soon...

Great to hear things are going well for you. At the moment I don't have any advice.

I am glad you're taking life one day at a time

Sounds like you should wait on Justin, stay close with him and just test him.
Dylan however you should actually go for. Try to get closer to him and hang out with him, sounds like he totally wants you.
Make sure it's all real though, often time you'll see what you wanna see.

What is the difference between a freshman, junior etc? Always gone way over my head, never bothered finding out. Thanks and good luck.

In the United States our high school years go 9th - freshman, 10th- sophomore, 11th - junior, 12th - senior. The only difference between them is the age and grade. Hope i have helped.

Lol, I always assumed Junior was the beginning year level.

Freshmans are 14, Sophomores 15 etc?

Pretty Much but it all depends on
o What month they are born because you could be delayed by 6 months to start school
o if your family moved you could be placed back a year
o if your a smart kid then you might be place a year forward

Also, it can depend on where you live. Some school districts have intermediate schools (also called middle schools) that have grades 6 through 8, and high schools with grades 9 through 12. Others have junior high schools with grades 7 through 9, and high schools with grades 10 through 12.

In California a child can start first grade (usually in August) if they will be 6 years old on or before December 2 of the same year. The same approach is used for kindergarten: the child has to be 5 years old on or before December 2 of the same year. My birthday is November 21, so I started first grade when I was 5 years old and I was 6 years old at the end of the school year; I graduated from high school and started my freshman year in college while I was 17. My sister's birthday is January 9, so she was 6 years old at the start of first grade and 7 at the end of the school year; she will be 18 when she graduates from high school and starts her freshman year in college.

Colin

Thanks for the replies, I understand a bit better now, not that it's really useful information for me

you could always educate us on the Australia so at lease we get some "not that it's really useful information for me "
hate to hear how the aborigini has it?
well Paul Hogan will keep them str8

I think wikipedia and google are far better educators than I could hope to be!

I became a Freshman when I was 14 but was 15 by November that year. That was about 11 years ago.

Friendly, it's nice to see that you're not quite as shy. You're a pimp!

I was one of the 'lucky' one's whose birthday was in the middle of summer...July 28, so I was the same age all school year long and graduated when 17. Sure wish all these resources were around when I was going through middle and high school...the mid-70's to 1980 were very tough years, and the stress probably shot my blood pressure right through the ceiling. Having an openly gay friend in High School would have made all the difference in stress, and probably grades, too...

Hey, just a quikie today (non-official)

I HAVE BEEN WATCHING TOO MANY CANADIAN CARTOONS!! 6-teen, braceface, total drama island, etc. im thinking ill start a new thread over them but if i get enougth responses i will. But dont forget MY problems!...the show goes on: my 3 fave characters are Adam Spitz (Braceface), Caitlin Cooke (6-Teen), and Bridgette (TDI). I think Adam is hot, but hence being a cartoon character, unatainable (oh well..). Caitlin is a funny, off-blonde chick who is just awesome! And Bridgette is the surfer girl enviromentalist, sorta clumsy (burned her teams tents down lol) and i like her personality.

OFFICIAL (weekend) UPDATE SOON....

Heh ever watch Degrassi?

Soo.. winter has arrived in illinois. Snow, ice, cold, thats a Illinois winter for you. Soo.. last sunday i was coming home from my dads house when we ended up at a familer intersection. We went to turn when a van appeard out of nowhere speeding through the snow at at least 50 mph. my dad stopped the car a split second before the van hit us. i was shoocked- if it hit the audi then i could be dead! (yes my dad drives a '02 audi) I was, needless to say, afraid. Ill update u guys soon ( sorry if i dont, very busy)

Glad everything turned out okay.

Ok... last post was a bit of a downer.... do you think this is becoming too much like a blog?



too short post? i know..



i dont know what to write about...

oh well...

anyone like the show "House"?

I love that show. I watch it every week. Hugh Laurie is hilarious. My favorite show though (Boston Legal), just ended their last season. That makes me sad. See:

love the show
he hated to learn the piano when he was a kid, but yet he plays a piano in his own makeshift band

u got to hear his british accent - its awfull

but then again when welsh singers sing - i can understand them

sounds like my fair lady

House is one big pile of awesomeness.... i love how real and deep they make the characters... would take house over scrubs anyday, lol

hehe he's the Doogie Howser on vikaden pill

or Sherlock homes (Watson gimme the shot)

.......Nah, I'm glad your family is safe, and yes I like House!!

ok that got people talking ^^

yesterday my finals week started.
world history final
easy.
i sat next to dustin- im glad i concentrate on the test! lol
sexy, silent type.
i love high scool ^-^
GTG now to school and take english, pe, an science finals!

Start a blog soon then on here

hey yall.

just thought id make a tiny update- i go back to school next week.
had a good christmas, good new years-

MY FIRST POST OF '09!!!!!!



more updates soon