I need to let something off my chest. As I'm typing this, I'm crying over something stupid and trivial, but it's something that I can't take anymore. My family members have been blaming me for almost everything - even trivial matters. They would be complaining about the way I walk (remember that I'm on crutches), my behavior (I'm sensitive and earnest - I can't take jokes that are meant to hurt people (e.g racial) <I don't find them funny, I find them rude>), my 'coyness' (from what my psychologist at the pain management center told me), the way I speak (my brother often says no one can understand me - but no one (outside my family) has ever said that to me). I remember my aunt phoned us during a family gathering and when it came to my turn to speak, she didnt want to talk to me. She said I was 'problematic' etc etc etc.

Usually, I would cry alone and forget, but I can't today... I feel like running away. I can't believe I'm letting trivial matters like my elder brother's complain get to me. When I got up to my bedroom earlier at night when I came home from school, I didn't make a sound like what he said to my mum and sister. (His room is literally next to mine) I didn't "shift my chair against the floorboard" or "slam the door" or "slam my feet against the floorboard (which I literally can't do)". When I went downstairs to collect some books from my mum's office, I overheard my brother complaining to my mother and younger 'mean' sister. She was like "Jovian's bothering you huh? I knew it," as if I was the source of everyone's complain. I don't know if I'm victimizing myself here or something, but I just can't take it when people like him make up stories and have people go against me. And when I asked "what did I do", he went and said "the way you walk is bothering me." When I asked what he meant, my sister 'intervened' and told me not to stir up troubles. I didn't at all. I couldn't have my say in this family. So yeah, I'm a wimp. I can't stand up for myself. I went into a fit and screamed in my room before breaking down. Call me sensitive and a cry baby... I just can't take it when people do this to me.

I'm sorry for ranting. I know this doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry about this

Aww!
<hugzzzz!>

I don't really know what to say except that I hope that writing that has helped you a little. Hopefully knowing that there are people here on GA who care about you will also help you feel a little better.

There isn't much practical advice I can give from here, the other side of the world, but I'm sure that one way or another you will cope and come out stronger. I know what it's like to have a tough family life (if you want an idea of mine, you can read 'Perspective'!), so I can empathise with you.

Take care and be strong!

Kit

When you can't talk to some one, writing things out like you did, can be a big help in getting off you mind. Years ago, I used to keep a journal and it helped me get issues that I was dealing with off my mind so I could concentrate on other things.

Jan, that is especially true, in my case, when it comes to writing poetry. Poetry, at times, is the only way for me to stay sane. It allows me to be creative and helps me express my feelings at the same time. I think everyone should write poetry even if they never share it with anyone.

Jovian, when I read what you've written, two people were conspicuous by their absence -- your parents. You haven't said what they appear to think about you.

Siblings often have problems. I know I did with my younger brother and our relationship was sometimes stormy (and we shared a bedroom). Things are often blown out of proportion, or when something is bothering someone, they take it out on a sibling instead.

You're twenty. You mentioned that he's your older brother. I suspect that there's something else that's bothering him, because he should be old and mature enough to not let trivial matters upset him this much. But using them as an excuse to stop from admitting the real reasons is very human. I'm saying this is the case, but just mentioning it as a possibility.

I don't know your situation in detail, but could he be resenting that your medical problems are affecting him, such as in the family not having enough money to do things that he wants to do, or that you get more attention than him as a consequence? This could be especially true of your younger sister, who is likely to be more sensitive on matters like this. If this is the case, it doesn't solve the problem, but it may help you to start to think of ways of removing some of that resentment.

Best wishes,

Graeme

Sometimes I wish I wouldnt be such a burden to my family. My mum seems to be the only person I can confide in, but then again, she doesn't see things through my perspective. She would be giving advices that are besides the point. My father, on the other hand, has always been the disciplinarian, so there's a little bad blood between us there. He seems to take more interest in my brother because of my brother's masculine attributes (i.e swearing, crude jokes etc, even though my father doesn't swear). My father and I have a communication barrier, and I've been trying my hardest to break that wall down. I still love him, even though he has temper issues as well. Once when I told him I was depressed, he replied, "go jump (off the window)." Yep, and I'm sure he didn't mean that, but it's one of those baggage of bad memories that has been haunting me since that day.

Admittedly, I blame myself as well. My older brother and I seldom share a moment of laughter together. He would always be complaining about me. I remember a few weeks ago, when he was late for church, he blamed me vehemently and took it out on my mother, who had been nagging at him, as well. He said I was "digusting" and some other obsence words for all the wrong reasons. He said my towel was on the laundry basket, not in it. My brother has always been this way to me. He has even went as far as to tell my friends that I "like guys" because "I don't like sports". Well, bowling, swimming and cycling are sports, so I don't know what he's talking about. My sister on the other hand, is even meaner. She found out I was gay when she secretly read my journal a few years ago and has, since then, exploited that discovery. Things are better now, but I'm hoping she wouldn't let the cat out of the bag before I do. She had alluded about my sexuality a couple of times before.
Despite those flaws, I still "like" them, and it stops at that word.

That is soooo amazingly not your fault. Human nature says complain and betray, your family just seems to be turning further back to nature, your sister being the worst kind of a dog in this sence and your brother needs to get neudered despretly. Now, I could tell you not to blame yourself, and I could mention that I'm currently in a streak of major vendettas and as such have taken out my old notebook that happens to have ideas from pissed of PMSing girls that just got broken up with, but I think that right now it would be more theraputic for you to write out a list of every false accusation that they make against you and laugh at the absurdity that they're such losers that they have to gang up on a cripple for attention. Anyways, I know that probably didn't help but I tried.

(Oh, and light your sisters hair on fire while she's sleeping.)

mmmm First , whats the average GPA\IQ of everyone except your GPA\IQ
Second , are ya the cute baby of the family?
Third , Is Family non-traditional or semi-tradional?

If answers
a) Low(F) < High(Thru the roof)
Yes of course
c) Yup

then

Been there done that.
But you is luckier than I.
I am the pioneer with the arrows in my back.

Otherwise , hugggsssss for your sorrows.

Why not just put her right hand in a bowl of warm water while she's asleep? (It makes women pee.)

Sorry to say, but your siblings sound like total dicks. To abuse someone for how they walk? Pffft GTFO.

I have a number of suggestions but you seem like too nice a guy for vengeance

Hope it works out, or just move out of home as soon as possible (clearly not as easy as it sounds, especially living in Sydney).