Great story, Kit! What a very unique and creative piece! It was definitely a different sort of story than I was expecting and I absolutely loved it!

I must say that for once I caught on fairly quickly and realized right off that Chaz was Charlie. Probably only because I really like the nickname Chaz so I was very cognizant of it.

In many ways this piece seems to be a sort of allegory of being haunted by one's past. For most of the story I would say that Jack was more upset by his memories than his current new chat conversant.

I would say that what really 'worked' in the story was that Jack was such a believable, all around typical character. He's easy for the reader to identify with and he's also a genuinely decent fellow. Should he be haunted by his past? Does he deserve that?

In many ways that's a moot point because like most of us - who are generally decent, average human beings - he is haunted by his past. Of course this takes to a slightly new level

Fantastic job! I thoroughly enjoyed it
Kevin

A weird story, and one that I found creepy. I guessed well before the ending who was on the other end of the chat, but the final scene surprised me.

If it wasn't for Alex seeing the chat window, I would have considered the option that Jack had been going insane as a result of the guilt he obviously still felt. But Alex did see that chat window, which means it was either a haunted computer (which I find scary -- too much of my life is spent with the damned things, and 'damned' in this case may be a very accurate description), or Jack was going insane and he had latent psychic abilities that manifested themselves in a modern poltergeist manner.

To me, one big question is what happened to Charlie? Jack doesn't know. The last he knew, Charlie and his family had moved to a friendlier area. If that really was Charlie at the other end of the chat, how did he get there? The story doesn't say, giving only vague hints.

Thanks, Kit. This is a good story to read in the dark, when you're home alone, on Halloween night....

Like Kevin, I also figured out pretty quickly what was going on here. But I don't think you were going for a shock ending anyway. It seems like the story was set up to be kinda obvious. Still, it's a good allegory about being haunted by one's past.

When the writing showed up on the various screens, I kept thinking of that old kids' TV show, Ghostwriter. Anyone remember that?

Hey Kit!

Good story!

I have to admit, I had a feeling that Chaz was Charlie all along, and the way Jack abandoned Charlie because of his own fears and far to common, but very realistic.

Though Graeme had a very good question, that I wonder myself. What happened to Charlie? All we know was that he moved to a less homophobic place, also what happen to those kids who did the crime against Charlie?

Thanks again for this very interesting and slightly creepy story.

-Mike

P.S. To be honest I remember ghostwriters as well, and that's what it reminded me as, good show!

A great story. I was almost convinced that Jack himself was Charlie and he pushed this aspect of his life to the back of his mind. Kind of multiple personality disorder. However, it doesn't explain why Alex saw the chat window.

This is indeed a great story. And very creepy. The beginning was really good and simple, just a guy watching his annoying nephew who was playing a game on his computer. Harmless enough, right? And then you slow lead up into Jack's past, and add more creepiness to the computer. Like it was already stated, it wasn't really surprise that Chaz was Charlie, as you skillfully hinted and dropped clues. But in spite of not being surprised, the computer talking to him and knowing whenever Jack entered the room just freaked me out.

Other readers commented on this: I understand that Charlie felt betrayed, but if he moved away and had a better life in a less homophobic area, why would he still be holding such a grudge? Then again, people do hold grudges for life, and it doesn't matter how big or small the betrayal was, but judging from the type of person Charlie appeared to me, willing to stand up for himself and be honest about his sexuality when the bullies cornered him, wouldn't he have forgiven Jack over time? So in some ways, I agree with Anaktes that somehow Jack was Charlie, especially judging by the ending, but then how could Alex have seen the chat window? It's a mystery. Not to mention, what happened to Charlie? Obviously he died, right? Things were black for awhile until his ghost started haunting Jack...and Charlie mentioned that only his mother visited him....at his graveyard, right?

Anyway, the story ends on a somewhat ironic and eerie note, at least for me. I have to wonder how Jack's life will be from now on, with Charlie in his head, saying evil things. LOL.

Great story, Kit! I enjoyed it so much.

Thanks to everyone for the very positive feedback!

I'm glad that you all saw that Jack was haunted more by guilt than by the ghost.



During the writing process, I debated with myself whether or not to make the Chaz/Charlie identity less obvious, perhaps by using a different name (e.g. Karel) instead of Chaz, or even no name at all, just Lo&Lo. (BTW, MikeL guessed immediately the significance of Lo&Lo). Then I decided that it would be more effective if it were obvious to everyone except Jack, who deliberately avoided the obvious conclusion. "There are none so blind as those who don't want to see". Perhaps the reader, knowing who Chaz was, would see the inevitability and it would be like seeing a car crash in slow motion.

People don't always get what they deserve. Actually, in my experience, they usually don't! Did Jack get what he deserved? See below.... :_)



That poltergeist idea never entered my mind until you suggested it, but now you mention it, I think it's at least as plausible as Charlie's spirit-ghost. While I don't think that Jack is going insane, I think that his guilt-generated nightmares are pushing him close to the edge of a breakdown.

There is also another posibility - the spirit in the computer is not Charlie at all. Maybe it's some disembodied spirit or demon which is feeding off Jack's memories and guilt and using them as a means to eventually possess him? Maybe the spirit has no identity (or only a very fuzzy identity) of its own and so it just absorbs Jack's memories of Charlie.





Well, sad to say, I think that the kids got away with beating up Charlie. However, there is a good chance that they would go on to commit some later crime that, hopefully, they didn't get away with.

If that is really Charlie's ghost then he's dead. However, (as Graeme suggested) maybe Chaz is the psychic projection of Jack's guilty mind. Alternatively, the spirit might just be pretending to be Charlie. With either of the last two possibilities, Charlie is still alive and well.

Alex saw something, but... maybe that was a real chat window that triggered Jack's delusion after Alex was gone. After all, Alex only saw the initial harmless greeting. However, if Charlie really is dead, then maybe he died while chatting on his computer and Charlie, fatefully, bought that computer...



An interesting point here, also raised by Kevin, who wondered if Jack deserved his fate...
Why should we assume that Chaz/Charlie is evil, or is out for revenge, or that Jack's fate is actually all that bad?

For the sake of argument, let's assume that the ghost is really Charlie and not some psychic projection or some other spirit pretending to be Charlie.

Personally, I think Charlie really loved Jack when they were at school together. He was hurt and disappointed by Jack, but went on to start a new life. He might have felt resentment, but not a real grudge. He was Lo&Lo, so who else would he reach out to but the first person he ever fell in love with?

At first Charlie/Chaz was in the dark, with only very vague unfocused memories. By forming a connection with Jack, he managed to bring himself into focus. Perhaps, in his spirit form, he went too far in his desire to be reunited with his lost love, and perhaps he got a little too much enjoyment from playing mind games with Jack. However, what was he now without Jack? Would he not be afraid of returning to the fuzzy darkness?

So his hunger to be inside Jack may not be because he wants to harm Jack but because he loves Jack and is afraid of returning to the darkness.

Whether or not the 'posession' at the end is actually so terrible for Jack depends on what happens next. Maybe it's not a punishment and not a horrible fate - it depends on whether or not Charlie takes over or just sits in the background and shares his thoughts with Jack. Of course, it also depends if Jack can adapt to being so intimate with Charlie again.

There is at least a possibility that Jack could be enriched by the experience. Maybe Charlie can help Jack to stand up for himself and not be such a wimp. Maybe Jack is bisexual or even gay, but just suppresses it, in which case maybe Charlie will take him to a gay bar!! Even if Jack is totally straight, maybe Charlie will take Jack to a gay club, just to show him that it's not so horrible as his prejudice had lead him to believe.

Thus, even if the ghost is Charlie, he doesn't want to harm Jack, and if Jack can accept the situation, he might actually benefit from it.

Who knows?


Kit

Dude!

well i know i'm not exactly being constructive with that comment... but that's what i was thinking afterwards...
brilliantly put together! it had a real flow.
what really got me was the fact that Alex had seen the message as well... so it couldnt have just been Jack's guilty conscience... creepy
but i really liked this story
good work

I enjoyed this story, though I'd been hoping for (and expecting) a happier ending -- as it was it was quite creepy, and that came as a surprise after the earlier parts of the story where Chaz had been a friendly presence. Not that that is a bad thing though, it came as a bit of a twist which is always nice -- but I still hope that Jack will get a happy ending... later...

I don't agree with many others in this thread that it can't have been Jack's conscience talking -- why shouldn't the 'soul' of a living person be able to manifest itself in some other form just as well as that of a dead person (ghost)? And in that case Jack's nephew would be able to see it, too. Of course I don't know if that was what you intended, though.

Edit: Haha I was wrong, I didn't read your post before I wrote this. I still kind of like my interpretation though.

Thanks for the thoughtful comments!

Maybe it's my general weirdness, but I didn't think of it as a particularly unhappy ending.
It was creepy, and Jack was terrified, but (as you point out) Chaz was always a friendly, sometimes even pathetic presence. Apart from the fact that it's obviously scary having a voice in your head, there's no indication that Charlie would do anything to harm Jack. Perhaps Jack would get used to it and learn to enjoy having his friend back. Even if Charlie's ghost was all a creation of Jack's guilt, Jack's mind could interpret the fusion of the two of them as recompense and forgiveness.



Well, if I'm being totally honest, I didn't have a particularly focused intention about how I wanted the reader to interpret the events. I wanted to leave it open to the reader's interpretation. I allowed Alex to see the chat window because I didn't want it to be purely psychological and all totally internal within Jack's mind.

Your preferred interpretation is just as valid as whatever I intended, and it's not incompatible with Graeme's idea that Chaz is a poltergeist-like projection of Jack's mind. In either case, Jack's long-pent-up guilt and possibly suppressed sexuality (he is rather strident and persistent in telling Chaz that he's straight) are sufficient to produce an external manifestation that even Alex could see.

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

Kit

Yeah, I didn't think it was an unhappy ending, really, but not a happy ending either -- just creepy -- I mean, he had a voice stuck in his head! Gosh that makes me shudder. I didn't get the impression that Charlie would ever be nasty to Jack though, and since he was essentially a nice person I could see Jack coming to terms with it and thus have a happy ending after all.

I agree. The ending is rather neutral, neither happy nor unhappy. There is no final resolution either, so Kit once again leaves it to his readers to render their own interpretation. It's nice to be able to participate. I can't decide if Chaz/Charlie is a friendly ghost (or even a ghost at all), but he did not wreak havoc on Jack at the end of the story. Jack provided all the violence when he smashed the PC to smithereens.

BTW, I have it on good authority that the screen name "Lo&Lo" stands for "Lost and Lonely".

Thanks for another engrossing story, Kit.

I liked the ending, although I wouldn't have minded if the story had continued   Any chance of a sequel?  I'd love to know what happens to Jack next, I really liked his character and felt for him throughout the story.  

I guess wishing for a continuation of the story is a bit of a risky idea, one of the main things that I really loved about the whole thing was the way I could make my own judgements about what was going on with the characters and if you did take it any further maybe too many questions would be answered and my interpretations would be proven wrong, but having said that, boy do I wish I could find out what happens to Jack.

I guessed pretty early on the Chaz/Charlie connection but I don't think it would have added to the story if the connection had been made more obscure.  The whole thing was much more than a 'guess who's behind the messages' type tale with a suprise revelation at the end.

Very nicely done.

The setup, with Jack's girlfriend leaving him because of his lack of backbone, was carried through to the end, which reflects how the story line fits the short-story mold.

I look forward to more from you.