It Feels like Monday is is a story about a young man of fifteen that knows what he is, and is deathly afraid that someone will find out, and about his growing into a world that knows his biggest secret. It is a great story, and I recommend that you read it.

Have you read it yet? What did you think of it?

Chapter one is the only chapter that is out, but chapter two should be out soon. Chapter one is here.

Kurt

Chapter 2 is now out. It is a good one!

Kurt

I read chapters 1 and 2 last night. This is a promising story so far, with a nice feel to it. Good job, lostone and Kurtie.

I'm enjoying this story as well.

I have a feeling Chap 3 may be delayed. Dan Kirk posted a very positive comment in the e-stories section. Lostone is floating on cloud 9 somewhere feeling like he just won the Pulitzer.

Ok, so the ending of chap 2 has me confused. Based on Jamie's comment to John, Dad and Kevin have a good relationship. Yet, that's not the case based on what Kevin says to John. Does anyone have a take on that?

Hugs,
Conner

Idea 1: Jamie's view versus Kevin's view.

Another Idea:

Perhaps Kevin is, overall, pretty OK with his father.

* I'll have to reread. I think the stepdad is about the only dad that Kevin has known.

Kevin may be very eager to be the "good boy, good son" and be perfect for his dad. Yet, inside, he may feel like he can't ever meet his dad's super-macho, military expectations.

Kevin and John seem to have a pretty good relationship, although they may not have been close before. -- But the start of adolescence means teens get a little "us teens versus those adults" mentality going, and so, now Kevin may feel closer to his brother John. Kevin has just learned that even his older brother can get very upset and vulnerable, and Kevin's had a little time for that to soak in, instead of thinking it was unmanly.

-- Hey, all that is entirely a guess. We don't know much about the characters yet, but we've got a pretty good idea of how John is doing.

-- Looking forward to more chapters ahead.

Darn it Conner, your are right...chapter 3 is delayed. I didn't get it to Kurtie soon enough...and he went on vacation . And yep, when one of my favorite Authors gives me a good review...I'll just say...I'm still grinning from ear to ear, after all, I still think I can't write And to tell the truth about chapter 2 ending, Nope, I don't have a clue where any of it is going .

Adblue, Stepdad?...maybe I need to reread the story ...O.K., I'll admit it the first two chapters are kinda difficult to follow. I have gotten some sugestions from various sorces that should help with that problem. But I will clarify the fact that John's dad started his transformation when Kevin was very young, thus sparing Kevin the brunt of it all

p.s. A conversation...about my story...Cloud nine...here I come

Oops, OK, I clearly need to reread the chapters then. It's been over a week, I've been stressed, and, um, yeah.... My apologies for getting confused and not rereading before posting. :blush:

oh,oh... I don't...give me a hint, will ya




I'll accept your apology for getting confused...If you allow me the embarassment of not writing clearer .

The proper procedure when an author errs is to blame the editor! Get with the program!

Kurt, go stand in the corner until chap 3 is ready for editing. Sucking your thumb is optional.

Hugs,
Conner

Sorry...I'm new at this

OK, I reread them. I'm really not sure how I got the idea that the dad was a stepdad. I must've dreamed that up in the week between when I read it and commented on it. How embarrassing, considering I edit.

Kurt can edit faster, maybe, if he's not standing in the corner, sucking his thumb. I mean, it must be harder to work the computer that way. ...Is this the way rumors get started? Kurt's probably going to chase us all with a red pen....

Lol, wow. Well, I am now back. I have not even read chapter 3 yet. Hopefully I will have it back to Tom by Morning, but I do not know. My computer has a virus, so until I fix it, I will have to use my sisters laptop. I am not sure how much she will let me use it. Egh. Sorry guys.

Kurt

On a brighter note...he can take the laptop into the corner with him

Hey conner, when can he come out...he had chapter 3 before he left

I am hoping a new thread will encorage some more discusion*

(Yep...I can't spell)

approximately 9am Pacific Daylight Time...hehe...they'll never find it

Good thing you have an editor. Discussion.

This is a great chapter! I love where the story is going.

Kurt

You've done a good job with the plot and pacing. Most of your characterization is good too, though the mom and the friends, Jeff and Tim, could use a little fleshing out. Good that you have John, Kevin, and Jamie finding their way closer to each other, and starting to function as a team. It's keeping my interest.

Kurt, good thing you're on the job, editing away. Watch the spelling a little bit more closely, though. Don't be shy about saying your opinion on the story elements, either. Keep up the good work.

I hope you're both working well as a writer-editor team. Best wishes.

Thank you for the advice! I am just a beginner, so I need all the help that I can get.

Kurt

Hey everyone!

I just read chapters 1-4 and I'm totally hooked now! LOL yep, you better watch out, Tom; I'm about to start pestering you all the time for updates


I feel like Tom's done a great job with the characterization of John, Kevin, and Jamie in the first four chapters and defintiely set the groundwork for a more indepth look at everyone else. I guess as a writer you're faced with immediately characterizing everyone or doing it as it comes up. I feel like Tom's chosen the latter. After the first chapter I had a really good feel for Jamie (which was only increased over the next three chapters, especially the fourth). With Kevin I feel like we got a ton more depth in the 2nd and 3rd chapter. John is of course the main character and his development will always be a continuing process. Anyway I really feel like Jeff at least has a great start, and since it looks like John is going to be spending some time with him we can expect to see much more of him. I like the way Tom's presenting his story. He's just diving right in and giving us more detail as we go. I think it really works excellently for this story.

I posted reviews in the E-Fiction section, but I especially want to say what I thought about chapter four since it's the most recent. So here's what I said in my review:

WOW! What an intense chapter!

I'm SO impressed with the way Jamie handled everyone! She's certainly got alot on the ball! I'm glad John's getting out of that environment, at least for the time being

It really sounds like Jeff might have feelings for John.

Also this section:

QUOTE

"Have you ever considered that you coming out might not change much at all? It might even make life alot easier for you."

"Are you nuts!? Don't even go there Kevin. Just go tell Jamie that I can't come out."

That section has such a delightful double meaning all the way. Kevin's talking about John "coming out" in the gay sense in the first quote, and how it would make things easier, but he could easily also be encouraging John to come out of the bathroom and get the help he needs for his current situation.

Then John responds that he "can't come out", meaning of the bathroom, but clearly of the closet as well!

It's just brilliant!

I'm REALLY dying to read the next chapter now! Awesome job, Tom!

Anyway that's pretty much how I'm feeling at this point. I'm really excited that John's going to be spending some time with Jeff. Jeff sounds terrific! Also hot

Keep up the good work, Tom; great editing, Kurt!
Take care all,
Kevin

HI guys,

Just thought you might like to know, I finaly got chapter 5 to Kurt last night...even started chapter 6

hugs,

Tom

Thanks for the update, Tom!

Ok, Kurt, stop hogging chapter 5 already!!

I have to agree with Kevin. Jeff has a crush going for John and didn't want to see his friend all bruised up for fear he'd start crying or something.

How do authors become so evil, so quickly?

Spoilers on chap 5 follow.

John is manhandled by a police officer, mom's in handcuffs, there's a towel over dad's head, and John's sister's hand appears injured. What exactly happened? Don't know. I'm just a reader. I'm here for the benefit of the author, to be manipulated as he sees fit.

Ok, I'm finished whining. Well, maybe not quite finished. Where's chap 6???

I like Martin, the male nurse and Jeff's cousin. More Martin, please! One thing I know for sure - if I were Martin's patient, I wouldn't be asking for privacy.

Listen up, Tom. The stage is set nicely for John and Jeff. Don't go messing with it!!!

Conner

Are you sure your watching the right 'stage'?

and I didn't plan on toying with everyone ...but John just wouldn't tell me what happened ...

and spoilers...so soon...Now noboy's gonna read it ......guess I'll just have to restart chapter 6 ...

Good chapter




I think Jeff and John are still on track. After all Martin specifically said his cousin told him to watch out for "someone he cares about".

So I am confused about this chapter. I don't know what went down, and I'm not even sure why John is that hurt. It seemed like his original wounds, while bad and ugly, didn't necessitate a hospital stay and unless I'm wrong most people don't go to the hospital simply because they fainted. So maybe he hurt himself in the fall? Or because he already had been hurt or something?

Anyway I can't wait to find out what happened!
Kevin

I finally found time to come congratulate Tom and Kurt for their amazing work on the story “It feels like Monday”. Congratulations

After I reread the last chapter, I found a quote that struck me: Does this mean that Jeff feels attracted to John ? Maybe it’s just my imagination or just friendship between Jeff and John …

Also what could have happened in the house? Maybe John’s mum just got mad, took the “family gun” (do they own a gun? Maybe it was a knife because we didn’t hear a “bang”), and shot her husband? But why is Jamie injured? Maybe Jamie tried to stop her mum… Or another possibility is that dad just got out of control and took an axe to kill John and Jamie tried to stop her dad and go hurt and then mum just shot dad… I guess I have to wait for the next chapter to know ...

I can only guess, so many questions are spinning in my head … What did happen, what happened with Kevin and Jamie? John is in the hospital only for the concussion or is he hurt elsewhere too?

The suspense is killing me so please Tom hurry up and give us the pleasure of the next chapter.

Ow one more thing, awhile ago tom said:


After reading the evidence I'm certain Tom can write and Kurt did a good job editing although I wouldn't find the spelling mistakes cause English isn't my native language

Max

PS. I'm I overusing smilies?

Wow... that is a rather interesting theory.

Thanks Max!

Kurt

You are definately going to be another one of my 'must read's. I just finished all five chapters. I love the way you write and evoke their emotion so vividly, with action instead of a 'I was sad.'

I know others may want more character development, but honestly, I like the pace at which I'm getting to know the characters. Too much information too fast usually just blurs the mind. (well mine anyway)

Now, again, I'm stuck with not having another chapter to read! I'm sure it will be worth the wait. I'm patient... SO HURRY UP! j/k

I do think this is a great story and can't wait to see where it goes.

The only questions I had at the end of any of these chapters, was 1. What's his younger brother up to, and 2. Was it a pan she blasted him upside the head with or something more fun! Say for instance... the car. (of course I know it's not the second... but I REALLY hated the father at the end.) Did jaime perhaps get burned from whatever was in the pan?

Thanks for the fabulous read!

Take care!

I really have to thank everyone that has read it so far, and even more importantly, left all the reviews and comments.

Kevin, if ya go back and read about John's dad in chapter 1, then let your mind run wild, you might figure out how bad John got hurt

As far as what happened down stairs with Mom, Dad and Jamie....I so want to tell, but I already said 'no spoilers', so I have been really trying to get chapter 6 out. I think I am somewhere between half way and 3\4th done with it now...I just hope I can keep my mouth shut till it's done

Hugs to all,
Tom

What's happening? It is kinda quiet here ...

Where's Tom and when will the next chapter be published?

Greets

Max

Chapter 6 ? Where is Chapter 6? Somebody did say Chapter 6 right? I cant find Chapter 6. Ahh thats cause you're still working on it aye? lol I love the story dude cant wait for CHapter 6 heh heh

Hi guys,

you all remeber what school is right? Well, My editor, Kurt, he's still in it.

Now as much as I want to post chapter 6, Kurt has to finish editing it first and School takes priority in my book.

So all I can say is that we all have to be patient. If Kurt feels he can't get it to me soon, he'll tell me, then I'll see what I can do
BTW...I think you guys are gonna love chapter 7


Kurt just got chapter 6 back to me just now...so concider it posted

Well, first I want to say that I like where this story is going...

Sorry that it took me so long to get Cahpter 6 edited... I have been busy, I am starting to get caught up with things, so hopefully a delay like this will not happen again.

Happy reading,
Kurt

I just read all six chapters to date in one go, then let them sit and perk for a while. My first reaction: nice story line! John's family--especially his father--was a powder keg waiting for a light. The story starts just before the explosion, and we get front row center seats for both the explosion and a developing love interest. Nice!

About the forum discussion on holes in the characterizations, I would say that the plot line has gotten ahead of the motivations--motivations consisting mainly of character development and background information. This is not necessarily bad. The author might want to seize a break in the action as an opportunity to backfill some motivation; or he might choose to leave us hanging. I guess it depends where he wants the center to be: on the family crisis, or on the developing love interest.

Like other posters, I was puzzled by the actions in the kitchen. Why did the mother hit the father repeatedly? (Fury? Demonstrating her authority?) Why didn't the father hit back? (Chivalry? Guilt? Subservience? Too stunned to respond, NOT.) Why did the daughter hit the mother hard enough to get arrested? (Desperation? Is she growing up to be a batterer, too?)

It might help the author to know how one reader has filled in the holes in motivation. I am guessing, but so what. From Chapter 3,we see that the father was ill suited to that role before he left for war. I'm guessing that his superiors took advantage his nasty qualities, used him up, and then, in a gross dereliction of duty, threw him back as is into society.

One theory: the domineering mother: John's mother is strong and domineering. His father held his own quite well before leaving for war, but when he returned and struggled to fit back into the family, the mother got the upper hand and has run things behind the scenes ever since. The father is bitter and lashes out at others. The mother pushed the father to "straighten John out". Jamie is onto her mother and that's why Jamie lost her temper and clobbered mother.

Alternate theory: the good hearted mother as frog in a warming pot: The mother didn't realize her mistaken choice of spouse until kids were born and the cost of divorce, high. The war raised stakes and turned her mistake into a disaster. Yet, as the father deteriorates, she does what she must to hold the family together and never files for divorce. If everyone comes out of this alive, they'll be lucky.

I'm probably way off base. If so, part of the reason is that the mother is a cypher so far. She could use a little more description. On the other hand, John may not be able to provide that. Note that all kids and most or all adults in this story have names except "mother" and "father". I certainly relate to that; I didn't call my parents by name, ever. This lack of names puts me in the story with John and partially explains the lack of motivation. We're seeing what John sees. At fifteen, he's not going to see what an omniscient adult narrator would see. I can go with that.

So far, the title seems weird. I could never face Mondays if they were anything like this.

HI Guys

Ummm....you might want to check my blog

Tom

This chapter is a strange chapter It is enlarging my questions instead of giving answers and I LIKE IT

I like the story very much and I still like the brother love...

I completely understand the mothers reactions, it is in a mother to protect her children whatever it costs. I think if you try to steal a young lion from his mother, the mother would do much worser things then john's mother has done...


Good work Tom and Kurt
and Tom take all the time you need ... (I'll be waiting right here for you and the next chapter...)

Yours

Max

Hi guys,

Sorry it's been so long since I posted

I really meant to get chapter 7 up a few days ago, but my Grandmother's funeral was Saturday, and I couldn't get the final draft cleaned up till a few minutes ago.

anyway, you can find chapter 7 here

Enjoy

Hugs,
Tom

Hi guys,

Sorry it's been so long since I posted

I really meant to get chapter 7 up a few days ago, but my Grandmother's funeral was Saturday, and I couldn't get the final draft cleaned up till a few minutes ago.

anyway, you can find chapter 7 here

Enjoy

Hugs,
Tom

I have been right here waiting for you...

Okay I did a few other things too but I read your latest chapter.

I think it is a very good chapter and I have a feeling that Jeff has feelings for John, maybe it is just a strong friendship but I hope that Jeff does have 'love' feelings for John. Jeff is so caring.

I also like Kevin, you just have to love the little boy.


Keep up the good work Tom
and again "I'll be right here waiting for you and the next chapter"

Max

HI all,
Just a quick note...

First off, Sorry I've been gone so long; I've been learning to drive 18 wheelers

Second, I now have internet access again and am hoping to get chapter 8 going again really soon

third, I had to read my earlier chapters to get the feel for the story again and I think I better warn everyone that there will be re-writes

Hugs,
Tom

hehehe...well, seeing that you were just taking care of business...you're off the hook. I think we can let you out of the pillory now.

18 wheelers! My, my! Wow! Ya know, that's so manly! I love manly.

Re-write is fine, I was going to re-read the story once you posted chap 8 anyway. My short term memory sucks.

Glad you're back!

Conner