Ok, so I finally gave writing a story try. Here's the prologue for a story I've been kicking around. I'm curious what people think (good or bad--probably more bad, but hey, gotta try) before I go much further. Should I forget I even know the language, or what should I fix before I crank out a bunch of drivel? Any tips/suggestions/tricks?


Thanks!

-miso

Thanks for the feedback.


Any other advice?

Misooooooooo~

I think you've done a credible job having a very difficult and complicated opening scene to write. I had to read it twice to really understand just what was going on, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm just a little slow . hehe

This could also use some editing, but aside from some oopsies you've left me wanting more. I hope you'll continue it. You know where to find me if you want to chat about it!

lub
-db-

Interesting start. I'd read Chapter 1 when you post it.

I'm making some progress... But work and my happening social life (yeah right ) are taking up too much time this week. I'm hoping to give it some more appreciable time this weekend. Thanks for looking at it.

Ok, I finally finished revamping the prologue a bit... Any thoughts? Better, worse, ran away screaming?

Here it is: A Weaver's Dream

This my first read. I didn't see your earlier draft.

Nice, meaty start! Sometimes chap 1 of a multi doesn't give a reader much to go on; but not so here. I'll be back for more! It's a bit over the top in spots. You're trying to describe something unimaginably awful, yet you could drop a few adjectives and tone down a verb here and there. Watch particularly the verb "grace". After you trash the word with "The walls were graced with rusted chains" and "Dark drapes graced the walls", the following seems like a sick joke "Steven was briefly captivated by the face–a regal vestige still gracing it". OK, enough with the complaints! You've got your work cut out, justifying the hideous agony and exotic evil. Were they mere tools to push you out of the starting gate? Shame on you! But if you manage to tie them into a coherent plot, you've got something!

That is the question, isn't it?

Thanks for reading as well as your thoughts. Now to get working on the rest of it...