LOL!!!

Gotta love your new name.

Tata...after being betaread, I added some other stuffs.

Moving On - Chapter Nine is up! (03/28)

That's what happens when changes are not overlooked by your team! By the way they are really nice, despite my sly remark, and add interest to the episode. But now I'm confused as to Matt's age... I'll have to go check it back.

Great chapter

I really liked the scene with Aiden, Matt, and the open door! Ben and Steph sure have a knack for getting discovered and almost discovered! And that line "Boy screwdriver" is hilarious!

Would a 12-year-old like Matt really be able to buy Porn in Montreal? I know he really didn't and it was just Ben's excuse, but is Montreal really like that?

Ben nodded and quickly appeared to realized




Er...that one was overlooked by me. The dang phone kept ringing while I was working on this chapter. It always amazes me that, while I'm at work, they actually expect me to work.

Sharon

I used to do some editing of stories at work but had to quit. At work, we use Office 2003 Professional, at home I use the home version of Office 2003. After I sent the chapter back to the author, he complained about the punctuation being all screwed up so I quit doing it work.

Jan

I'm confused about Matt's age too.

What age did I put him as? I forgot...this time I intend to make him a 15yr old. Now I have to look it up later and change it.


I don't know. I made it up about Montreal doing that. It's true that age thingie is not strictly enforced as it is in the USA concerning tobacco and alcohol (you have to be 18 to buy these stuffs in Quebec)...so giving some porn to 15yr olds like Matt wouldn't surprise me.

Birthday parties are always good, esp if they have good pizza

If my brother said, that I would blushing more then ben did.

The only ref to Matt's age that I'm aware of is from his brother Ben in Ch 8


But, Ben's claim about Montreal doesn't really matter anyway, as the gift wasn't porn; he was just making that up.

Hmmm, Montreal sounds like quite a den of evil goings-on... And Ben and Steph are heading there.

Hehe yes, he made it up.

Ah Matt's 12...hmmm, no need to fix it. As you said, just a quick excuse that Ben made up.

I can't wait to write about Montreal...I've been waiting for ages to do that and it's getting closer.

Oh yes, after April 5th, I won't be in Montreal, so I won't be seeing them when they come.

Oops, sorry for the sly remark, Sharon. But actually, it was not as much the porn magazine as Matt walking on his brother having sex that bothered me. (In my memory, Matt was 13, so it did depend on the nature of the porn, but it didn't seem completely outrageous, whereas him giggling seeing his brother having sex, I don't know)

Oh, that's really too bad you don't get to meet Steph and Ben, Jack. (Hey do you realize they're fictional characters, they're only figments of your imagination)

Matt didn't catch them having sex, Adrien did. By the time Ben got his undies back on, Matt came in.

And I'm not changing your sly remark. It can stay that way, as a relic of Sharon's failure.

Naw, I'm joking, Sharon. Just few days ago I told CJames that you're the goddess of editing. I still love you and you're far from being sacked from the job. I still remember I still owe you a shoo-fly pie in order to get your mercy and blessing.

I'll keep it there to show my failure to watch for the grammar stuffs.

So if Matt wasn't there at the beginning, shouldn't his entrance be mentioned? Or maybe Matt has supernatural powers allowing him to appear out of thin air? To change age easily? Is he a demon? A vampire? A ghost? If you think "picky", annoying", or" hair-splitting", I'll say: "Darn right!"

On a more positive note, the CRAZY reference is quite to the point. But then with their friends' reactions, why don't Steph and Ben tell them they love each other?

Sharon, he did indeed say that you are a "Goddess of editing".



Hmmm, I think you are on to something with your "demonic theory". The age-shifting is veeery suspicious, and teleporting is a little suspicious too. Hmmmm, though, the Vampire theory has further supporting evidence; didn't we decide that Jack Frost was a vampire himself? Hmmmmmm....

Hey guys, tune your fiddles! Did Jack say the goddess of editing or a Goddess of editing? This makes a whole lot of difference.

I suppose I really shouldn't mention that our French Friend's comment was originally posted with corrupted HTML, and he had to fix it?

How could you be aware of such a thing? Only a stalker would know! But yes, I had to fix it, since I always try to post the best possible messages. The old quality VS. quantity issue.

The entrance was indeed mentioned.





Ok, maybe I should've written "into", but whatever....small difference.

Now doubt overcomes me and clouds my mind in its shades of red and grey.
Two possibilities:
1/ I'm a dimwit who tried to look smart at the expense of poor Jack, and failed miserably.
2/ I'm a victim of Jack's devious behind-my-back editing. The weasely author just went to correct the problem I pointed out and tries to make me look like a fool.

Isn't there a stalker around here who may access the editing info on eFiction? Someone with dark sunglasses? Hooves? A goatee?

Sorry, but I don't have access to things like that... I do however remember reading the chapter after it was posted, and oddly enough, I don't recall that line either. The Frosty one is sneaky...

However, my vote is that both choices #1 and #2 apply.

I vote against using goats' brains in designing biocomputers. Unless they're meant to use 'fuzzy logic'. But if you implied I was both a dimwit and a victim, then...

I just double-checked. Jack is correct.


Goddess (Who votes for #3 - all of the above)

Darn! I feel quite humbled. Excellent motivation to look at Jack's story EVEN CLOSER in the future. *OK, this one really hurts, but I can't really do without* Sorry, Jack.

Awh pauvre François...déçu et affaibli...

I'm sure Sharon has a copy of the file I sent her...it's right in there if you don't believe me. I haven't editted it at all.

Well duh...that's what I double-checked.

Goddess (who's really liking this new name )

Not very gracious to rub your opponent's nose in the dirt as he already apologized at a very high cost for his ego... I had actually triple checked the said excerpt, but I'll trust Sharon's eyes better than mine. And next time, if I allege such things, I'll keep records. Uh... Can we get back on commenting the fact that they don't lock the door with a 12-year-old boy nearby?

As I always says, anyone's ego shouldn't be any bigger than the stick in his pants.

Oh! So that's why I have a big ego!

Few inches is not even big. Sorry to disappoint you. I know few people whose ego is big as a blue whale.

*coughs*Chapter Ten*coughs*

Enjoy!

Give that man some gaseous liquor for his cough!
(Enjoying the latest installment.)
--Rigel

This was great, Jack!

Matt is a crack-up! First the water, then the honey in the shampoo!

I liked the resolution with Cecile, too.

The "liquor" was hilarious!

Pie rather than cookies. The Lemoureaux are addicted to starch! I like the way this one moves things forward.
And I always admire fictional characters' ability to defy the laws that govern us poor mortals.
See the sequence: 1/ Wake up 2/ Engage in activities of a sexual nature 3/ Shower 4/ Get scalded and jump around in the nude 5/ End cleaning up 6/ Go and have breakfast 7/ Go and have coffee at Birna's... Note the narrator sticks with the characters at all time!
There's one very unglamorous activity I'd have had in # 2 (or 3 at the most). But I'm not a fiction hero.

Really nice job on this chapter, Jack!

Mathieu's antics are hilarious.

I'm learning some colloquial French as well.

Conner

Thanks.


I'm thinking about them buying a pet goat in the future, perhaps with sunglasses.


What do you expect from a couple teenagers with hormones flooding their arteries after a night sleep?


I hope the curses are becoming more useful.

Uh... To need to go to the bathroom at some point? (To use the American euphemism)

Like I'd describe them about pissing.

At least you should be happy Ben did go to the bathroom once afterall in the next chapter.

There are ways to get around it without being explicit. I'd trust you to be able to cope.

Moving On - Chapter Eleven is up! (04/23)

QUOTE

I showered. I shaved. I did whatever I always do in the bathroom every morning, including brushing my teeth.

I knew you could do it...

This chapter is an interesting report about the customs and habits of Pennsylvania inhabitants. (The others were too, but here, there's the contrast of moving out from the little community lost in the trees) And the many Scandinavians roaming around there.
The step-by-step description of both the driving license test and the bus ride is not boring. Tons of small details and the narrator's tone make it entertaining. I hope they've got some adventures in Canada (like busting a drug-dealing ring or preventing a terrorist attack; possibly meet Terrance and Philip?)

How come no one got mugged in New York?

Ben telling Steph he had a big gun was cute.

You make Canadian border officials sound so polite and patient. They're not, believe me. They're all unfriendly, rude and just nasty people. They behave like they're running the country. They know they have you over a barrel. They think they're police officers. Oops off topic again.

Taking pictures of Quebec road signs from a bus at dusk???? Steph really needs to get out more.

Like that was a filler chapter, eh? You could write one of those travel-log thingies. You should have had the bus driver pointing out important landmarks over the pa system.

That's just a little payback, mon cheri, for all those goat death threats!!!

Conner

Or hiding from the trees, but that would be the author..

I liked the portrayal of Steph on his first journey, and to me this chapter was a "coming of age" chapter; Driver's liscences and a first journey. Very well done!



Quite agreed, ConnEr, we goats gotta stick together! Frosty does say mean things about Goats... Revenge must be taken!

Heh, I liked the travelogue; I've never been to Montreal so I'm looking forward to "seeing" it through Ben and Steph's eyes.

Actually I quite like the Canadian customs personnel. This is why.

Sharon

The Canadian border crossing people have been polite to me. As someone from the USA, I'm a tourist coming into their country to be welcomed, rather than a returning citizen who might be smuggling in stuff.

By the way, Montreal is closer to the border than you let on--more like 50 km, not 50 miles--about half an hour's drive on Autoroute 15.

I never noticed French signs along the Northway (I-87 from Albany to Plattsburgh and Montreal); what stood out to me was that once you enter the Adirondack Park near Glens Falls, the background of many of the highway signs turns from the usual green to a park-like brown.

--Rigel

I am not sure if Terrance and Philip live in Montreal, seeing that they seem to be from Toronto based on my observation of that movie. It is possible they would encounter Stan's mom protesting down downtown Montreal blaming Canada for all of the America's ills.

NYC is surprisingly one of the safest major cities in the country. I never had a bad experience there and I go there several times per year in the past couple years now. There were cops everywhere, usually one per every couple blocks.

Well, they are sometimes...some customs are nice, some are just cold as f**K...whether they're Canadians or Americans. I guess it depends on a crossing, and the one I mostly use, LaColle...has been just fine in my experiences.

About the pictures, that's what I did when I first visited Quebec...taking some photos of the signs and Montreal's faint skyline. I wanted to capture my favorite moment in my life, and needlessly I have to say they came out blurry.

Vive le Québec!


Me thinks that when goats gather plotting against me, usually fails because CJ kills them all with his red eyes when he *accidentally* dropped his sunglasses.

LMAO! I love your sister's panicking...

Yes, my experience is the same...as mentioned above...except I'm more like a foreign student, not a tourist. That's what makes me different from them tourists carrying cameras and wearing silly t-shirts...and sometimes a winter coat in the MIDDLE of the f**king summer thinking it will be snowing once the cross the border. I kid you not...:s

About the distance thing...whoops, I got mixed up between miles and kilometers. Not the first time I did that.

Usually you'll see French translations next to the English texts on the signs starting somewhere in the Adirondack Mountains park, then they become more numerous till you reach the border. It starts somewhere "High Peak" I think, not sure...usually I sleep when I go through the Adirondacks when I use the bus. So I read more about them, and I found out French signs are usually common close to the border with Quebec since there are many French Canadians and their descendants living in the area of Upstate New York, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusetts, and Vermont.



Glad you all are loving the story.

Ta-ta...

http://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...&chapter=12

Nice tourism chapter (photowhoring! lol). We learn quite a few things about Canadians, the fact that they live underground in Montréal, and that hence it is customary there to go under the table to greet your guests in the morning.

Adrien is a cool big brother; I love the way he tries to play hard-assed at the end.
Very vivid and interesting description of the city, which I don’t know that well, even from movies or books; it kept me interested throughout. Steph really plays the part of the country guy coming to a big (foreign) city well. This makes this fresh.

Now we wait for some action (in the city) in the next chapter.

Great chapter, Jack.

Ben's a sweetheart. Mischievious, but nonetheless a sweetheart.

Ahemmm.... loonies are called such because the one-dollar coin has a loon on one side. A loon is not a species of duck. Google it. Loons often mate for life. They have been known to switch mates if the 'nesting' period doesn't work out well.

Conner

Great chapter I loved the "tourist's eye" view of Montreal, and am looking forward to more of it. Hermmm, I do wander, though, if Ben's ex will make an appearance?

One thing caught my eye;

I've noticed this problem (steps for part of the way into a subway) in both Hong Kong and Rome. In Hong Kong is is very pronounced; the subway is deep, but at every station I went to you had the last thirty feet (nearest the surface) or so as steps, but escalators the rest of the way. No elevators, either. I have no idea why though would be designed this way. Anyone have any ideas?