Hey, I can appreciate the difference between a character's opinion and an author's opinion. If it's just that, then I'm fine with it; after all, sometimes it's written in on purpose (i.e. to make a character seem more obviously bad).

And I'm not pretending that racism doesn't exist, either. If your purpose for adding it was to enhance the realism of the story, or to show negative sides of a character, then that would all be fine.

My main objection to the two passages Gary mentioned - and yes, those were the ones I meant - was that my take on reading it was that it really did reflect the author's point of view. If it doesn't then I'm sorry, and I don't want to point fingers, but it really does come across that way.

Let me put it another way: I was enjoying this story mainly because of a sense of identification with the characters. I won't say it was the best-written story I've ever read, or the most poignant, but it had a raw sense of humour and I liked the conversational style. Given the info you've posted about yourself on this board, Jack Frost, it seemed at least somewhat autobiographical even though I'd guess most of it is fiction, so I guess I was more aware than usual while reading it that many of the offhand jokes, comments, political opinions and whatnot mentioned by the characters were ones shared by the author.

Anyway, Steph and Ben are far from perfect, but I found them being likeable and identifiable... until those statements, which seemed so thrown in for no purpose whatsoever. I read them over and over and had to conclude that they were added deliberately since there was no context in the story, and that the hatred and prejudice expressed was real.

I'm a fourth-generation Montrealer. I'm also Jewish. Things haven't always been pretty here in La Belle Province for us MOTs. And while I'm about as non-religious as it gets, I've heard enough casual racism in Quebecois society that I realize that a lot of people think it's partly okay. Just as too many people lately think it's somewhat okay to make racist comments about Muslims, for example. But the point was, here I was, reading along, thinking these characters seemed like nice people who I'd love to have a beer with... and then they say that shit, and it seems like a personal attack, and suddenly I don't like them so much anymore, and I don't really care what happens to them. See what I'm saying?

I'm not going to get all Bouchard-Taylor on you here, and I'm not trying to preach. What I'm saying is, for me personally, this stuff put a damper on the enjoyment of your story. Consider it a writing critique, anyway.

P.S. To answer your other question about "je viens", the place I noticed it was in chapter 3:


Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing your French; actually I think you have quite the ear for conversational joual, considering you're not a local. But I thought that particular usage was funny, especially if it was unintentional. It doesn't have the slang meaning most of the time, but in that particular context, it definitely could. *Laughs*.

Oh, and sorry, one more question: I'm a bit confused about the geography of the story. How is Adrian living in the family's house in the Plateau, when Ben says in the first chapter that they lived in Longueuil ? Just curious.

I do see what you're saying. However you pointed out that these things really do happen and a lot of people think it's partly okay. I see these characters as nice people who are slightly flawed just like we all are. Isn't one of the best ways to find out what someone really thinks is to have a few beers with them? Hadn't these characters had a few drinks? Then you might find out things about them you might not like. At that point it's up to you to decide if you still want to be friends with them. That's the best advice I can offer. If you're still uncomfortable with the story then it'll be a shame to lose someone who had been a loyal fan.

On an unrelated topic: I went back and read some of the previous posts in this thread, and I see that "FrenchCanadian" also asked about the Longueil/Plateau thing... and he noticed the Habs' 24 Stanley Cups faux-pas as well. Believe me, that is a very big deal... you definitely need to fix that.

Oh yeah, and one other thing that bugs me: there's no chance in hell that Adrien would've been able to walk up to the Box Office at the Bell Centre right before a match and buy four or five tickets to a Habs game. This season the individual tickets sold out 15 minutes after going on sale, and there's a multi-year waiting list for season ticket contracts. Now, maybe if you'd said Adrien was rich and paid a scalper, I might've believed you.

Yes. I messed up the Plateau-Longueuil thing. Shame on me.

The "j'viens" part. Ok, it should've been "j'arrive" then. It's forever noted in this forum so I can edit that when I finish the whole story (it needs a good final editing work anyway).


AMEN!!!!!!!!

I am so sick of hearing all of the craps about "accomodations raisonnables" and I'm quite surprised to hear some of the ignorant comments from some Quebecois about the others. I suppose I believed way too much that the Quebecois are the most tolerant people on the continent until I realize they're not that perfect. I've living in Quebec on an off for the past three years now and I lived through this whole Hérouxville and accomadations raisonnables craps. However...I won't go further on the details... No one but you will know what I am talking about, but I agree very well with you.

But again, I just made Ben and his Montreal friends like real-life Quebecois. Don't you think it's vital to do so? I'm not trying to show "deep in me" that I am anti-Jewish and so on and try to disrespect your heritage religion as much as I can in the story. This is what I often hear from Montrealers from all backgrounds. My Vietnamese boyfriend and his family once every make a joke about the Latinos or the Chinese. It may seem to be ok at home, but, outside, I would bet they would be so embarrassed if a Chinese or a Latino were standing next to them and hearing all of that jokes. That would make them think twice how much it hurts them to hear such jokes.

You gave me an idea anyway. I'll have to embed that into a plot next time whenever they go back to Montreal. Just wait and see... If you're still interested on reading....you know, keep in touch. If not, I won't make you. But let me thank you for writing out an interesting critique for me to think it over. This is the kind of stuffs I love to hear from readers.


Amen. lol

Let's say this part is pure fanasty. After three years of trying to get a damn ticket to a Habs game, I still haven't gotten one yet. A couple seasons ago...all of the tickets for the whole season sold out in five minutes. *cries* But speaking of hocket and while we're at it, GODDAMN THOSE PENGUINS WHO KICKED THE HABS OFF THE PLAYOFFS.

And it served very damn well that the Pens lost the cup. So I am happy for the Wings.



And thanks Benji and GaryinMiami for helping out as well. No hard feelings were done and I think she made a nice reason. Much better than...erm, I better not mention it. ^^

Actually it was the Flyers who knocked us out of the playoffs this year. But rightfully speaking it should've been the Pens, since we should've beaten Philly. Sadly, it was not to be.

But I have faith: Habs in '09! Price will be ready, Breezer will (hopefully) be history again, and what more fitting way would we have to celebrate our centennaire than with the twenty-fifth Stanley Cup? Besides, last time we hosted the all-star game was 1993: coincidence? I think not.

The Habs rock. 100 years of history...we should be quite proud of it and if they ever dare to move the team to the USA, expect riots worse than that Ste-Catherine riot a couple months go. We're too passionated for our dear hockey team, which is tons better than the Leafs.

Leafs-bashing is a time-honoured Montreal tradition. Glad to see you're on board.