Great chapter!

I am very intregued by the multilingual aspect, and I think you are doing it very well indeed. It really adds a unique feel to the story. I much prefer the way you are handling the translations here (in parenthesis after the French) instead of at the bottom of the chapter.

I do agree with CaptainRick, teens do tend to use contractions in speech.

Steph did "fess up" to Ben, which pleased me. He's only been "aware" a day, so I think he's doing really great!

I was a bit surprised at first at Ben's statement about Step's Ass, however, then I remembered that Teens often say outrageous things and it fit perfectly.

Great job, oh Frosty one!!

Thanks for your replies guys!

Now let me comment on some points you've just brought up.


Contractions. Geez, do I look contractionphobic to you guys (am I Sharon?) I've always been a pro-contractions in stories. So don't shoot me, I write what I always speak in everyday language.

Oh did he? Though he hasn't given Ben a clear answer.


Not just teens, I am very known to say outrageous things. Just ask my boyfriend, he'll agree with me so much.

Keep in mind, I'm 21...I'm no longer a *teenager*, but I recently just got out of the teenage years, so I'm rather new to being 20 something. I still act like a teenager in some ways...sooo. I'm no stranger yet.

Well, not exactly, but he did indicate that "he didn't know himself", plus, as they say, actions speak louder than words.
I think he at least left a very clear impression that he's not 100% straight.



I do like the "real feel" of the story, the characters are very convincing. I also very much liked Step's facing of various issues, such as the cutting. Well done!!

I am however deeply disturbed by your utterly unrealistic and unnatural portrayal of the lake: You have water in it! Water? In a lake? That's just wrong, man!

No, you're not. Your contraction usage totaled 30 in Chapter 4. Some of them were even in French.

Sharon

It gets worse...it actually has ice too.


French contractions are mandatory...there are no options leaving them out, or it would be incorrect.

Notice my signature?? French isn't my language. And knock that count down to 27 if you're going to get technical.

Sharon

Very cute chapter; I loved it. All that French talk is soo…

I think the title “Moving On” refers to both Steph and Ben. For Steph to move on means to accept his gayness and stop cutting himself in an attempt to surgically remove his gayness from his blood vessels. For Ben to move on is to let go of the one he used to love back home, and maybe still loves.

Things seem very easy for them so far, but the first 4 chapters describe the events of one day, so I do expect some problems with “Moving On”. In the 3rd chapter Ben mumbled while sleeping



So I don’t think that moving on will be that easy for him.

Can’t wait for the next chapter.

Hugs,
Michael.

I think you are right, Michael! That does fit. Both of them need to "move on" in different ways.

Fun story and entertaining characters. If I may put him my little two cents in on the bilingual aspect, you could just have quotation marks for the translation after having the French in italics. Not extremely familiar with Québécois, so it would be a bit like a British guy trying to correct an American one, but there are a few strange things. I'm surprised Steph does not react more to CRAZY, which left me quite puzzled; I liked this movie very much, though.

Chapter 5 soon?

I have to admit I am not a native speaker of French. If you see any mistakes, I would appreciate you pointing them out...even you are not sure whether it's a Quebecois way of speaking or not...better to point it out than nothing.

It's in your mail box. I hope it may be of some help.

hope another chapter coming soon? Huh? Please, pretty please with sugar? I'll post one tomorrow if you will.

Rick

I'm a little stuck with the moving and the job hunt. Usually I only have the computer to myself for couple hours at the most late in night. Heh...so I dunno when the next one will come.

Eh bien, j'ai commencé à écrire le nouveau chapitre du roman, donc donnez-moi quelques jours à le terminer.

Et je vous promets que j'écrirai plus souvent à partir de maintenant pour des prochains chapitres.

Je sais que c'est énervant d'attendre longtemps, donc je m'excuse.

J'espère que vous ayez passé une bonne année!!!



You can figure out my special "sercet" (is it? ) message.

Otherwise you can use an online translator to cheat.

This is a good news Jack. I miss your story.

Happy New Year,
Michael.

Given my command of French, I can tell that the above message contains letters.

I had to cheat.

This is great news, and I'm looking forward to it! Happy New Year!

I'll be the snitch who gives it all away (My name is Fish. Babel Fish. )

Well, I started writing the novel's next chapter, please give me a few days to get it done.
And I promise I'll write more often starting now for the next chapters.
I know it's annoying to wait; that's why I apologize.
I hope you've had a good year. (Note from translator: It should have been: J'espère que vous avez passé une bonne nouvelle année.)

And yes, you've got people annoyed from waiting for new chapters!

Ah voyons donc! Pourquoi t'as fait ça?

Not fair you're making it easy for everyone, Bondwriter.

Better translation...

Well, I started writing the next chapter of the story, please give me a few days to get it done.
And I promise I'll write more often starting right now for the next few chapters.
I know it's annoying to wait, so that's why I'm apologizing.
I hope you've had a good year.



Merde...j'ai f**Ké.



Actually, I'm almost done guys. Sharon should expect an email soon.

I guess Sharon should stop goofing off and go check her inbox.

Parce que je suis un enquiquineur né, ben tiens! Et que j'ADORE quand tu te mets à m'interpeller avec ton accent québécois! C'est super mignon... Et voilà de quoi intriguer tes lecteurs: un nouveau message dans cette langue étrange et étrangère. Merci d'avoir révélé au monde entier que je traduisais comme un pied! Si Sharon se met à la tâche, cela veut donc dire que nous allons avoir un nouveau chapitre à nous mettre sous la dent... Chic!

Oh tu aimes le québécois, hein? Ok...m'a continuer à l'écrire...dans mon roman.

Not like I have any plans to stop writing in a mix of French French and Quebec French.

Sharon should have it by now...hopefully we'll get it done in a day or two. You all should like the lenght...I made it 12 pages on Mircosoft Word. hehe

Tata!

http://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...4&chapter=5

ITS UP!

GREAT chapter Jack! I think I see what the title means, too.

Glad to see things are coming together for the guys, and that encounter with Mom had me laughing at the end.


I also see an opening for a French Tutor!

Nice chapter. I like the humor in it, and Steph should get someone to help him out for his French class as Cjames pointed out. But who could possibly tutor him? Let me guess... Oh yeah, this could work! But will it be serious studying?

You just gave me an idea. I needed that.

I dunno who could tutor him...I know it's not you!!!




And thanks CJ...I'll catch up with your story later.

That sock comment cracked me up, glad mom never went thru my stuff, Yes Steph must shave

On last chapter (4), finally they kissed

Sorry I haven't reviewed in awhile.

Erm, they kissed before...in chapter 4

hmm, Steph may be getting "tutored" in French AND biology if he plays his cards right.

I liked the dialogue with Mom too. Mom's can be such nosy creatures. I'll never forget the time mine found my dil--. (oops!)

Hugs,

Rick

That's why I put chapter 4, I said finally in last chapter

Oops...




I can't help myself...sorry.

I think I will be able to finish the next chapter tonight. I just started today several hours ago in a cafe and typed for hours. It was relaxing to do it in a café...I should start doing that more often.

There is a song...I'll reveal the name and you can figure it out...

"C'est Zéro" - Julie Masse (Québécoise)

OK. We're waiting while you're typing in a public space. Still like my office better, but if you can be more productive there, do it in a café!

Done with chapter six...now it's going through a couple process before the final release...hopefully tomorrow or Monday.

Tata! Chapter Six!

http://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...0&chapter=6

Well done, oh frosty one!

That french lesson was superb! That was a very unique and endearing way of leading into what they did!

The interruption was hilarious!!
However, that noise in the bathroom seems decidedly ominous! My bet is that someone overheard them.

I really enjoyed Ben's backstory. It fits very well, and certainly plays into the title.

Great chapter!

As a language teacher, I'm interested in the validity of these teaching methods.
Pros: for acquiring vocabulary, having words used in context is positive. They're used in a meaningful environment for the learner, hence it should help him to memorize the vocab.
The vocabulary is also presented in a playful manner, in a learner-friendly environment. The only possible problem could arise if the class is interrupted too often, or if the learner is too worried by the possible coming of Ben's mom. So a place with insured intimacy would be better for further lessons.
The phonetics training is done relatively well, as learning to say "u" is difficult. Based on Ben's previous remarks in other chapters, I have no doubt he will use yet another body part to help out with this difficult sound. My favorite sentence for practicing is "Le bus est dans la rue, Luc!" (The bus is in the sreet, Luc), but I'd bet Benoît will find other more useful examples.
Cons: Not much time is spent on syntax. I would advise Ben to move on to slightly more abstract conversations. Discussing one's feelings is certainly a good way to have Steph develop more complex thoughts and hence master more complicated syntactic structures.
I'd question the concentration involved in erotic games. There certainly is a very nice field of research there to check whether arousal enhances or hampers learning. If anybody knows of some research carried out on the subject, I'd be curious to know the outcome.

So, Ben is certainly not doing too bad. I think further training will certainly help to achieve the goal set by Steph's mom. Lessons can be taught in other environments so that the learner is exposed to a variety of experiences: they may go to the movies, play sports, have dinner outside and use these moments to elaborate on the French language, and disconnect the learning experience from the erotic one. And vice versa.

Kknew you would enjoy it C James, as usual.



As a French major student who may be a French teacher...I dealt with any ways of learning a language...I agree with you well with the pro's and con's.

However, one must take into consideration about foreign languages teaching in US high schools. Based on my experience there when I took three years of French and a year of German...the books are rather...messy...they depend a lot on set up phrases for a set situation for each chapter (like, traveling to France for Ch 1, going to a market for Ch 2, going to a cafe for Ch 3)­. This rather takes too much time from the students and makes it harder for students to freely use the words (build up the syntax) to construct their own sentences instead of remembering every single word in the phrase for the exams.

That's why I decided to use the "old-fashioned" way into my chapter so it can reflect what's taught in an American high school (I cannot generalize my experience from two different schools though...that wouldn't be right...). So Ben was just following the book that Steph has now so Steph can follow what he's used to...before Ben could start making it better and more personal as the book's usefulness fades away.

Perhaps you're already familar to this, Bondwriter...since I remember you mentioning you have relatives in the US and you spent some time there. I could just show you my French textbooks I used in high school...just go through few pages and you'll understand why so many of us Americans are so unilingual....it's not mainly because of the people, it's the quality of the foreign languages education...at least in my opinion.

In fact, many times I learnt French alone in high school because it didn't take much time for me to find the books useless (only good to build vocabulary) for my level that was improving over time. My French teacher helped along personally with my self-teaching and provided me more advanced books (older kinds but not enough for the class).



I'm not going to reveal much...but many of this story is based from my own experiences...even personal ones. Maybe...maybe not...I will tell you some of them when I finish the story, and I am not even near done! Expect much more chapters...

Now that's my way of learning a language Cj might be correct, chicks always go to the bathroom to freshen up


My great grandmother wanted to teach mom how to speak Italian, but wouldn't let her, she leanred as a little kid, but didn't let her advanced. some just believe in one lang, Most two lang that is spoken near me is Spanish and English, there used to be Italian and French near me at one, still teach German. I agree Jack, Alot of the books aren't the best, best is to speak with a french speaker or whatever the lang is. I think it's important to learn a couple of lang, One day I would like to learn more, although I have a hard time picking things up sighs, anyways another great chapter.

I think that's very important, since the above posts might give the potential reader the wrong idea. Language learning is a clever narrative trick used to have the two heroes spend a little fun time together. It is not the focus of the chapter.

(Other drawbacks of this teaching method:
Cannot be extended into a classroom.
Requires compatibility (similar age, same sexual orientation, mutual attraction) of the teacher/ learner pair.)

More seriously, language learning in a classroom is a difficult task. It works with small groups, short and repeated periods of time and meaningful content. I taught as a TA in a US college, so I don't think the US are that deficient. You should hear some French students speaking English after seven years of middle and high school: I'm not quite sure we fare this much better. I remember U.S. college students who were at a level of proficiency allowing them to undertake gratifying and intelligent conversation.

Meant to put more in

I discovered the story this afternoon, insofar as it's been written, and fell in love with it. Nuangola has always been an exit off of I-81, a place to buy gas right by the exit, and a rest area on the Interstate both north and southbound for me. Nice to see a story set in the regions so close to the highway, yet so different from the faceless forests visible from the four-lane. But I can attest to the beautiful mountains thereabouts.

And the language lesson can't help but make me think of Shakespeare's Henry V, Act III, Scene 4 (http://www-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/henryv/henryv.3.4.html). Okay, Shakespeare doesn't combine the lesson with gay sex, but Katherine IS hoping to learn enough to talk with her future husband, Henry, and the lesson IS about body parts.

I was never very good with standard foreign language classes. I can't think in anything except English, which makes conversation very halting, since each thing must be conceived in English and then laboriously translated. It wasn't until post-college that I discovered the idea of learning a foreign language through reading, without the speaking component, which works for me. Oh well, some of us are wired differently.

--Rigel, eagerly awaiting further chapters

Hmp...location revealed...I can't believe it.

The rest area and gas station are technically in Rice Township, not Nuangola. Well...if you go a little further uphill on that road next to the gas station for 250 feet, then you'll be in Nuangola officially. The lake does exist in the heart of the small community...but if you're thinking of that lake you can see near the mountain cut off the highway to the little north of the gas station...wrong one...it's further away from it hidden quite well in the woods from the highway view.

Congrats for solving the location puzzle with ease.

I didn't really think of it as a puzzle to be solved. It's just one of those place names on a highway sign that stays in your memory.
(Well, given the frequency with which I drive I-81 at certain times of the year, it doesn't actually take too much memory.)
The question that's always bothered me is: How do locals pronounce "Nuangola" anyway?

New Aing go' la ?
Nwang' o la ?

--Rigel

More like...

Noon-go-la

loving your story...

I found it really cool that the setting of you story is actually real. At first, I thought it was just some made up idyllic place somewhere in the northeast but when you started talking about I309, I looked it up and found that everything actually exists, the Nuangola lake and everything. I don't think you mention it but I'm guessing the high school that Steph goes to is Crestwood. From your descriptions in the story, Nuangola seems like a really beautiful place. Anyways, I hope you keep referencing real place names in your story because it just seems to make it more vivid and alive...

Nope, not Crestwood. Crestwood is newer (built in the 60s) compared to the actual school in the story. But...yea, the school I described would be in the same spot where Crestwood is now...can't deny it since I mentioned Ben and Steph walking down 309 to a café after school. The actual school (yes, it actually exists!) is somewhere in the region but no where near Crestwood. I don't think I will ever say the name of the school in the story. Maybe when I complete the story, I might reveal the name.

The reason why I picked the setting is because...that's where I used to live almost all of my life.

Glad you're enjoying it so far.

Maybe Fairview?

which made we wonder if this story is set in the present or the past since you said that crestwood was built in the 60s...

minor details anyways, hope to see the next chapter soon!!!

There is only one high school in that area, that'd be Crestwood. Fairview is an elementary school. Same for Rice.

The story is in the present...at least in this decade. I'm still too young to remember each decade very well beyond the 90s (the 80s are a blur in my mind... )

I did mention computer, internet, DVD, and cellphone.

I think it's great that you used an actual location!

And Jack, aren't the 2000's a blur in your mind, too?

BTW, this is the 100th post in this thread! Congratulations on reaching the Centennial mark!

Yes yes yes, I must thank you...your postwhoring has helped my thread to reach the 100th mark.


And 2000s aren't really a blur to me. I didn't even get drunk for the first five years of 2000s. After that...where am I? What year is it?