[Linxe Termoil] Spider Webs

[Linxe Termoil]

Chapter 1 of Spider Webs is up.

 

Let me know what you think.

 

Thanks,

 

L.T.

[colinian]

Chapter 1 of Spider Webs is up.

 

Let me know what you think.

 

Thanks,

 

L.T.

Great start, interesting characters, and a different premise. Definitely a story I'll follow.

 

Colin

[David McLeod]

After you read my review, I'll tell you what I really think. (Just kidding.) This is a brilliant beginning to what promises to be an excellent story. Micah, although 15, has been forced to take responsibilities well beyond his years. He is a mixture of child and adult; still unsure what he is and what he will become. He's a character that you can mold so many different ways. Joel is a remarkably fluent speaker for an 11-y-o, and his frequent, adult-like comments to Micah (when the child in Micah dominates him), are an interesting and welcome counterpoint. You have a nice balance of dialogue and narration; the story flows smoothly in that regard. The first post has a good arc: it's a complete story without closing the door to the rest of the story. The challenge-response pattern is effective at creating tension. I'm looking forward to more.

[amBIguoustwo]

What those guys said. Great story and I can't wait for the story to unfold.

 

Bryan

[thatboyChase]

He's a character that you can mold so many different ways. Joel is a remarkably fluent speaker for an 11-y-o, and his frequent, adult-like comments to Micah (when the child in Micah dominates him), are an interesting and welcome counterpoint

After Joel was introduced, it tripped me from the actual story and I kept getting angry at the fact this 11 year old spoke like an adult, as David mentioned. And the part about 15 year old virgin ass really halted my thought process for the story. But maybe that is me.

 

What is with you and the Fates? You know there are three. Three versions that is.

 

Moirae, Greek mythology

 

Parcae, Roman mythology and Norns are Germanic and kind of pagan actually.

 

Or the infamous and most glorified Three Witches from MacBeth. Is your character pagan or follow those doctrines of thought? Normally people will stay with Greek myth, since Roman myth is second hand spin off, usually.

[Nephylim]

After Joel was introduced, it tripped me from the actual story and I kept getting angry at the fact this 11 year old spoke like an adult, as David mentioned. And the part about 15 year old virgin ass really halted my thought process for the story. But maybe that is me.

 

What is with you and the Fates? You know there are three. Three versions that is.

 

Moirae, Greek mythology

 

Parcae, Roman mythology and Norns are Germanic and kind of pagan actually.

 

Or the infamous and most glorified Three Witches from MacBeth. Is your character pagan or follow those doctrines of thought? Normally people will stay with Greek myth, since Roman myth is second hand spin off, usually.

 

 

There are far more than three honey. Every mytholoy has its own version. My own personal favourite is the one from Discworld

[Altimexis]

This is a great start to a new story. I think Linxe has done a very nice job of building a couple of interesting young characters that are using very different coping strategies to deal with adversity. Three if you count their father. Micah has had to take the brunt of abuse from the father, and has undoubtedly been doing what he can to shield his 11 yo brother from the physical and sexual abuse. He's also at an age when rebellion comes naturally anyway, but I suspect his 'consequences be damned' attitude has probably been around since he was Joel's age. Joel, on the other hand, has withdrawn into his own world of mutism. What some have called an unusually adult dialog from him really isn't - it's not at all. This is part of his withdrawal from society - mutism, rationalization, behaving as the adult and his constantly pesky interactions with his older brother are all defense mechanisms that he uses to shield himself from the emotional component of his mother's death, abuse from his father and all the bad things that have been happening in his life.

 

My only complaint is that some of the story is a little disjointed - I think this may have been a deliberate tactic borne of Micah's jumbled mind, but there sometimes needs to be a compromise between accurate portrayal of the characters and readability. This is a very minor complaint. Otherwise, this is an excellent start, and I'm definitely going to be following this story.

 

One more request of the author - please don't neglect Sunny's Angel while working on this one.

[David McLeod]

I feel as if I were back in 8th grade and was just told I had to have a 3,000 word "theme" to "compare and contrast" some obscure bit of English literature. It seems as if too much is being made of what isn't.

 

This is a great start to a new story. I think Linxe has done a very nice job of building a couple of interesting young characters that are using very different coping strategies to deal with adversity...

One more request of the author - please don't neglect Sunny's Angel while working on this one.

 

Absolutely agree on both counts. A couple of very fine characters. The differences between their coping strategies are going to be an important part of the story, I think.

 

And, second the motion re Sunny's Angel.

 

Sorry about that. I'm trying to make Micah as real as I possibly can. In this day and age, even in small towns, there is that reasonably well-founded belief that if one is going to jail/prison, they can expect they might get raped there.

 

 

Don't apologize. You're the author...write what is important to you. I don't think Micah's fears are unjustified. After all, the last time I gave blood I was told that any male who had been in any jail for more than 72 hours was automatically ineligible on the presumption that he (now) carried one or more STDs. (This story is true; I hope the facts behind it are, too.)

 

I'm also not even to going to try and explain why I found the prospects of a naive 15 year old assuming he'd be going to prison and getting raped, then getting excited by the prospect, funny, except that I remember anything and everything exciting me at that age. I also found the situation of being busted with a boner horrifying.

 

 

The whole thing is humerous (not, perhaps, funny, but humerous). And, yes, from the first erection, many boys' fear is "getting busted with a boner." Again, humerous, but a little close to home to be funny

 

...For some there is thisbelief that people have free will, to do whatever we want. Other people believe that fate controls our destiny, that each thing is pre-ordained, by fate or by god, your pick.

 

 

Thanks, I think I'll opt for something else, entirely.

 

 

I'm glad you commented on Sunny's Angel. Unfortunately, while it isn't being neglected, it also isn't being worked on. This is because of several reasons, the first being that things began to get too complex for me to handle, and I need to rethink the complexity of the whole thing and how to go about bringing reality into fiction and vice-versa.

 

...

You really don't need sleep, do you? You, of all people, should be able to continue both stories (as well as at least one other, hmmm?)

[Linxe Termoil]

Chapter 2 of Spider Webs is up.

 

Let me know what you think.

 

Regards,

 

Linxe

[Nephylim]

I think it's good work. I love Micha's attitude. It is frustrating but very true to character and typical of boys of that age. I am soooo looking forward to my son hitting teens (not). It was good to see a more realistic depiction of jeuvie... I mean not everyone who goes to prison gets raped on the first day... some make it to the second at least I hope things are turning around for the boys now but I have a feeling they still have a rocky road ahead.

[Cia]

Loved it of course, just had to add that here as well. Of course I reviewed it too I hope you are able to figure out chapter 3 soon!

[Benji]

................Great chapter Jon, looks like Patrick will finally get to have a one on one talk with Micah I like the deputy, keep him around. Hmm, how long is Micah going to be able to keep up the charade, as you know most teens can't keep their mouths closed! Next chapter Home?

[Conner]

Great story, Jon! I'm really enjoying Micah's sarcasm.

[David McLeod]

Great story, Jon. I'm glad you

kept in the dream sequence

, it was a good interlude. I said more in the review.

[Elezbed]

I love your story, I was crying at the end of the first chapter ^^!

And for the second i can't help but wondered about why he wouldn't translated right ....

I am waiting for the sequel...

Good luck

Elezbed

[David McLeod]

I love your story, I was crying at the end of the first chapter ^^!

And for the second i can't help but wondered about why he wouldn't translated right ....

I am waiting for the sequel...

Good luck

Elezbed

 

Hey, welcome to the site, Elezbed. You picked a good place to start reading. And isn't the dynamic between Patrick and Micah fascinating?

[Linxe Termoil]

Hey, welcome to the site, Elezbed. You picked a good place to start reading. And isn't the dynamic between Patrick and Micah fascinating?

 

yes yes. The dynamics between Patrick and Micah are quite fun to watch. Micah is one cool cat...poor Patrick though

 

I kind of feel bad for him

[Cia]

LOL, sure you do Linxe...after all you're the reason Micah can be such a snit....You could maybe give him a little nudge...ya know....Well maybe not. I guess Michah will do as he will do....At least it makes for great reading!!! Poor Patrick will just have to suffer, sigh

[Camilo]

I like your story Linxe, keep it up!

[TetRefine]

Just read Chapter 1 last night. Good start so far!

[Linxe Termoil]

Just read Chapter 1 last night. Good start so far!

 

Glad you're enjoying it. Now i just need to finish chapter 3

[David McLeod]

Glad you're enjoying it. Now i just need to finish chapter 3

 

Yes, you do.

[Linxe Termoil]

Chapter 3 of spider webs is up.

 

Please, let me know what you think.

 

 

Linxe

[Mark M]

bout freeking time, very impresed with the direction that went!! Baking SODA!! bahahahahah!!! she definatly doesn't know how to cook. And i Declair a cliffhanger!!! bOO!! Micah laughed so i'm assuming his talking is outa the back now, but i wouldn't be too surprised if he manages to cover it up.

 

Patrick needs to be punched in the stomach again for good measure

 

Loved it linxe....almost as much as i love you!! anyway i'm gona go hump a random someone in the chat right now.

 

Good Read nEXT CHAPTER ASAP!

 

Mark M~

[David McLeod]

A very nice addition to the story, with some much needed and well executed comic relief. It appears that Mikah may, in time, become a real, reasoning, and pleasant human being. Patrick on the other hand, Patrick really needs a friend. I hope he will find one, soon. Before he explodes.