[warrior]

I have posted this on another forum, as well, which consists mainly of teens like me, which is why I decided to post it here also, where matured and older members can give advise to me.

In the society and the family where I live, homosexuality is pretty much frowned upon, and many (mostly from the ageing population) doesn't even know what is it. As a matter of fact, homosexuality is a criminal offense where I live, and this can range from ten years of imprisonment to capital punishment - depending on the circumstance. Not that the law is followed strictly, but it's scary and risky. My family is not going to accept my sexuality, and I'm pretty sure 'bout. They consider it an abomination, something that's going to earn me a free ticket to hell. I love my so much that I am willing to live lie.

Based on the above reason, I've taken a bow to celibacy for my entire life. As much as difficult that is, this is the only option that I've got.

However, I'm concerned - Is celibacy wrong for one's health, physically, emotionally and psychologically? Please put down your thoughts.

[Xeran]

I would suggest.. get an education and emigrate! .

Thats probably not an option until youre older.

Physically.. depends on who you ask. Some say there is an increased risk of prostate cancer associated with less ejaculation.

Emotionally and psychologically, there can be huge issues with celibacy. Self worth issues, frustration and anger.

By celibacy, do you mean abstinence from all forms of sexual activity, or just those which involve males?



In case you dont know about this, http://www.ehow.com/...e-fire-fox.html here is a guide about deleting your browser history and cache . I would strongly advise you do this in your society as it is described.

[Mark Arbour]

I don't think celibacy is wrong at all. I think it can be healthy and fulfilling, if that's what you WANT to do.

You're not doing it because you want to though, you're doing it because you have to. And that's probably not healthy. So what will your life be like? Well, you can try to be celibate and try to find outlets for your sexuality. Masturbate a lot. Some people have the amazing ability to redirect their sexual energy into other facets of their lives. For me, that usually means writing, so if you see a lot of chapters posted, that means I was horny.

The other option is that you will try to be celibate, but will find the drives overwhelming. That will probably lead to either a secret affair with a like-minded guy, or secret encounters. We call the latter "cruising" here in the US, where you end up looking for sex in public places (like restrooms). That's dangerous and fulfilling on only the sexual level (and not even all that sexually fulfilling most of the time).

Finally, you can be out and risk all the horrors that your family and society will heap on you. That's a very dangerous course of action, and one that you have to be willing to die for. There are activists here in the US who put up with that bullshit to advance the cause so others will have more choices that older guys like I did back in the '70's and '80's. To do that, you have to have total drive and commitment to your cause, and you may very well end up as a martyr.

Whatever you do, don't become one of those closeted guys who slams homosexuals to give himself cover. As a closeted bisexual guy, I feel that the very least I can do is to be as supportive as possible of GLBT people and causes. I hope you feel the same way.

[Tiger]

Celibacy works for some people but not for all. I think you should do some soul searching and decide what you really want in life. Love is a powerful thing, and you are still very young. It may also be worth considering the idea of moving elsewhere in the world. I'm just guessing that you're either in Africa or the Middle East. I can think of nowhere else that it's ever illegal. Should you decide you want a love life, you should consider moving somewhere in Europe.

[Smarties]

Tiger, on 02 November 2009 - 12:13 AM, said:

Celibacy works for some people but not for all. I think you should do some soul searching and decide what you really want in life. Love is a powerful thing, and you are still very young. It may also be worth considering the idea of moving elsewhere in the world. I'm just guessing that you're either in Africa or the Middle East. I can think of nowhere else that it's ever illegal. Should you decide you want a love life, you should consider moving somewhere in Europe.

It's not always that easy to move. consider yourself lucky you were born in the US. As much as I can find fault with the UK, I am glad too for the unfair advantage it's given me (which I need to remind myself of more often, as I waste the opportunities it's given me).

Warrior I hope things work out for you. let us know what you decide and how things go.

[thatboyChase]

Quote

I have posted this on another forum, as well, which consists mainly of teens like me, which is why I decided to post it here also, where matured and older members can give advise to me.

In the society and the family where I live, homosexuality is pretty much frowned upon, and many (mostly from the ageing population) doesn't even know what is it. As a matter of fact, homosexuality is a criminal offense where I live, and this can range from ten years of imprisonment to capital punishment - depending on the circumstance. Not that the law is followed strictly, but it's scary and risky. My family is not going to accept my sexuality, and I'm pretty sure 'bout. They consider it an abomination, something that's going to earn me a free ticket to hell. I love my so much that I am willing to live lie.

Based on the above reason, I've taken a bow to celibacy for my entire life. As much as difficult that is, this is the only option that I've got.

However, I'm concerned - Is celibacy wrong for one's health, physically, emotionally and psychologically? Please put down your thoughts.

You must be Amish. Go have sex (ual encounters), if you think it'll ruin your life, do this celibacy nonsense. If not, sit back and enjoy. And your last statement was rather dull. Where is homosexuality illegal?

How do men of god champion at celibacy? If it hurt your health, mental state, the Pope himself wouldn't even do it.

[whose_fault_i_am]

it doesn't sound like you would be celibate if it weren't for the stigma...

what does that say to you?

to identify as gay is an acknowledgment of your sexuality, so really you'd be suppressing a need/desire.

[Graeme]

thatboyChase, on 02 November 2009 - 01:41 PM, said:

You must be Amish. Go have sex (ual encounters), if you think it'll ruin your life, do this celibacy nonsense. If not, sit back and enjoy. And your last statement was rather dull. Where is homosexuality illegal?

There are a lot of places around the world where homosexuality is illegal. Even in Australia it was illegal in some parts of the country as little as twenty years ago.

Off the top of my head, to Africa and the middle east, I would add most countries in Asia and most (if not all) of the Pacific Islands. That doesn't mean that homosexuality is actively chased and prosecuted, but the culture and laws are such that being gay can be extremely difficult, if not almost impossible.

As for the question at hand, celibacy is possible. Warrior, the main danger would be that the pressure to have sex grows sufficiently high that you take risks that are potentially devastating. If you can work towards emigrating to a better country, then I would strongly recommend you do so. However, I recognise that that may be essentially impossible, depending on your actual situation. It's not a good position to be in.

This post has been edited by Graeme: 02 November 2009 - 03:28 AM

[TetRefine]

warrior, on 01 November 2009 - 12:34 PM, said:

I have posted this on another forum, as well, which consists mainly of teens like me, which is why I decided to post it here also, where matured and older members can give advise to me.

In the society and the family where I live, homosexuality is pretty much frowned upon, and many (mostly from the ageing population) doesn't even know what is it. As a matter of fact, homosexuality is a criminal offense where I live, and this can range from ten years of imprisonment to capital punishment - depending on the circumstance. Not that the law is followed strictly, but it's scary and risky. My family is not going to accept my sexuality, and I'm pretty sure 'bout. They consider it an abomination, something that's going to earn me a free ticket to hell. I love my so much that I am willing to live lie.

Based on the above reason, I've taken a bow to celibacy for my entire life. As much as difficult that is, this is the only option that I've got.

However, I'm concerned - Is celibacy wrong for one's health, physically, emotionally and psychologically? Please put down your thoughts.

My suggestion: Get the Hell out of there as soon as possible. Go somewhere where you can live openly and not have to worry about crazy stuff like this. As for the whole celibate thing, that would be a lot of work. Not to mention getting left out of one of the greatest pleasures in life! If you're family can't accept it, then maybe you have to keep your personal life private from them, but that is better than being alone and closeted you're whole life. Good Luck!

[jamessavik]

I don't really know enough to respond. The answer depends on your culture.

The answer is going to be very different for Alabama than Albania Or Ireland or Iran.

All of those places are anti-gay: it is simply a matter of degree.

So much of it depends of faith, culture and real physical danger.

In some places it's a matter of will they hang you? Yes, celibacy is looking pretty good.

In other places it is simply a matter of people looking at you funny in which case, I say give them the finger.

Whatever you chose, it's your choice and you'll have to live with it.

[old bob]

warrior, on 01 November 2009 - 05:34 PM, said:

......However, I'm concerned - Is celibacy wrong for one's health, physically, emotionally and psychologically? Please put down your thoughts.

Celibacy is a physical and psychical state. Either you decide it (as a wow for a catholic priest)or you are in a situation you cannot find a partner (man or woman) to practice your sexuality (BTW does celibacy exclude masturbation ?).
In both cases, to live happy in celibacy depends on your expectations, the strength of your mind, the pulsions of your body, your spirituality, your character.I met a lot of "single" people who accepted their celibacy, mostly for spiritual reasons, and who are living happy with that.
It has nothing to do with your orientation (gay or straight).
Summarizing my opinion in a few words : you are asking a wrong question, a question you are too young to answer definitively.
The right question should be : "As a gay, do I want to live in a closet, with all the difficulties and dangers of such a life, or do I want to accept myself, to be who I am really ?
But that should bring you to another question, much more important : what can I do for now ? You are 16, right ? Take it easy, take your time, and let the answer to your question come to you when you will be more mature and ready for it.
Believe me, Life brings always a lot of problems, but fortunately every problem contains its own solution. It is hidden in your heart and your mind. Dont give up. If you need more help, we are all here for you. Just ask, as you did here.
BTW, listen to Jamessavik. His answer is the best I could imagine for now.
Old Bob

[Nephylim]

old bob, on 09 November 2009 - 04:25 PM, said:

Celibacy is a physical and psychical state. Either you decide it (as a wow for a catholic priest)or you are in a situation you cannot find a partner (man or woman) to practice your sexuality (BTW does celibacy exclude masturbation ?).
In both cases, to live happy in celibacy depends on your expectations, the strength of your mind, the pulsions of your body, your spirituality, your character.I met a lot of "single" people who accepted their celibacy, mostly for spiritual reasons, and who are living happy with that.
It has nothing to do with your orientation (gay or straight).
Summarizing my opinion in a few words : you are asking a wrong question, a question you are too young to answer definitively.
The right question should be : "As a gay, do I want to live in a closet, with all the difficulties and dangers of such a life, or do I want to accept myself, to be who I am really ?
But that should bring you to another question, much more important : what can I do for now ? You are 16, right ? Take it easy, take your time, and let the answer to your question come to you when you will be more mature and ready for it.
Believe me, Life brings always a lot of problems, but fortunately every problem contains its own solution. It is hidden in your heart and your mind. Dont give up. If you need more help, we are all here for you. Just ask, as you did here.
BTW, listen to Jamessavik. His answer is the best I could imagine for now.
Old Bob

I second that. I know that, wrong as it is, there are countries where the penalty for homosexuality can be severe, even death... there have been articles posted right here on the site about that. The first and foremost thing that you can do now and forever is to keep yourself safe. Dying for love or for your beliefs may sound noble but it sucks.

Physically celibacy can't hurt you but in suppressing natural urges you are forcing a river to flow out of its channel and psychologically that is dangerous. Natural urges are like springs, or lava in a volcano... force them down in one place and they spring up in another, keep them capped for too long and they blow.

At 16 you are only beginning your life. What might seem impossible at the moment could all change next year or the one after. It may appear that there is no way out, nothing you can do, that lifelong celibacy might be the only answer but if you think like that then pretty soon you are going to start getting depressed or, even worse start thinking of suicide.

It would be much better if you make the decision to be celibate... for now... until another solution presents itself. Work hard at school, get an education, build up some money and then get the hell out of there to somewhere you can be free to be yourself. And take heart... it wasn't that long ago that being homosexual in the uk or USA was impossible and now it's a lot different. Maybe that will be the case where you are one day too.

Take heart... everything changes eventually

[warrior]

Thanks everyone, for the long, well-thought-out responses. I'd seen the replies a while ago, but due to security reasons, couldn't reply just then. Being that I'm working from my mobile, I won't be able to quote each of you seperately, so I will put down my thoughts and answer the points that had been raised in essay format.

Firstly, by celibacy, I meant to abstain from any form of sexual contact with another person. I may be wrong in terminology, but that's what I meant. I don't see masturbation, reading erotic literature and things that includes no one but me only, to be coming between me and my celibate life.

Secondly, the reason why I chose a celibate life is based more on family-oriented matter, than law. I can deal with the law, because I know it's going to be changed, sooner or later; but I cannot live with my family detesting me / my lifestyle, hating every step I take. I cannot make myself get smaller in their eyes; after all, they have high expectations from me, and love me to bits and pieces. Call me crazy, but I am one of those people who cannot live their life without their family's blessings.

I can go out of the country, and have a "secret" relation, but that's not going to solve this problem in the long run (if anything it will make the matter worse). For how long will I be able to keep the matter secret, and furthermore, for how long would I want it to remain a secret. Besides, it would be a form of cheating as well. I love them so much, that I am planning to live a lie - hypocritical, you may say (and I wouldn't disagree). Also, it is not only my problem. Millions of people in my country are dying for their orientation; what will my going to abroad have effect on that?

I do not think sixteen is that young. I am capable of making my own decision.

Lastly, I am thoroughly shocked with the "Where-on-earth-do-you-live-where-is-homosexuality-illegal" comment. I would like to ask back - where on earth do you live? Homosexuality is not only a "crime" but an act punishable by death (mostly using perverted methods like throwing us from a cliff-top, beheading us in the middle of the night, or pushing a stone walls above our head, etc) in more than enough countries! It is very much real, and happening. Wake up, open your eyes, and see the writings in the wall.

[Smarties]

warrior, on 09 November 2009 - 07:22 PM, said:

Thanks everyone, for the long, well-thought-out responses. I'd seen the replies a while ago, but due to security reasons, couldn't reply just then. Being that I'm working from my mobile, I won't be able to quote each of you seperately, so I will put down my thoughts and answer the points that had been raised in essay format.

Firstly, by celibacy, I meant to abstain from any form of sexual contact with another person. I may be wrong in terminology, but that's what I meant. I don't see masturbation, reading erotic literature and things that includes no one but me only, to be coming between me and my celibate life.

Secondly, the reason why I chose a celibate life is based more on family-oriented matter, than law. I can deal with the law, because I know it's going to be changed, sooner or later; but I cannot live with my family detesting me / my lifestyle, hating every step I take. I cannot make myself get smaller in their eyes; after all, they have high expectations from me, and love me to bits and pieces. Call me crazy, but I am one of those people who cannot live their life without their family's blessings.

I can go out of the country, and have a "secret" relation, but that's not going to solve this problem in the long run (if anything it will make the matter worse). For how long will I be able to keep the matter secret, and furthermore, for how long would I want it to remain a secret. Besides, it would be a form of cheating as well. I love them so much, that I am planning to live a lie - hypocritical, you may say (and I wouldn't disagree). Also, it is not only my problem. Millions of people in my country are dying for their orientation; what will my going to abroad have effect on that?

I do not think sixteen is that young. I am capable of making my own decision.

Lastly, I am thoroughly shocked with the "Where-on-earth-do-you-live-where-is-homosexuality-illegal" comment. I would like to ask back - where on earth do you live? Homosexuality is not only a "crime" but an act punishable by death (mostly using perverted methods like throwing us from a cliff-top, beheading us in the middle of the night, or pushing a stone walls above our head, etc) in more than enough countries! It is very much real, and happening. Wake up, open your eyes, and see the writings in the wall.

I like your response. You're right family can be very very important and if you are somebody where family is centre in everything then of course. Other than that, this website is very anglo, so most of us have a set of experiences and perspectives based on that. There are granted asylum seekers based on sexuality though, or you economically emigrate if that's possible. (but indeed you're right, and I don't consider it often enough)
In essence I think those answers are based on cutting to the end game. What will become of your life? Will you end up hurt, resentful and deeply unhappy. In which case sometimes avoiding the problem and going somewhere relatively ok is the answer. of course that has to be weighed against your happiness being away from your family. But I think it was assumed that in the end it maybe the only way to be.
In terms of staying and helping with the 'cause' at home, would you be helping if you stayed around, or would you ignore the problem and not work towards furthering it? (of course you can do that in little or large ways, all important)
So, staying it is? I agree with OldBob, you I think will just have to see what life throws at you. How your feelings evolve around this and all the other things that make up your life. And there may well be a way of not being celibate but not being open either. I would just say have an open mind always and never make permanent decisions or you might just miss something.

This post has been edited by Smarties: 09 November 2009 - 04:27 PM

[abbillion]

I was exactly the way you were at that age. It has only been in the last year that I have come to realize that a family should know the meaning of unconditional love. Love shouldn't be earned. If, God willing, I have a child some day I would kill to protect him/her.

I do however know the emotional hold that a family can have over you. My family has very high expectations for me too and I have to say that I have done almost everything they have asked for me. I do however have a plan to be financially independant and then leave. You could do the same and still keep in contact with your family. Living a lie will destroy you. I know. It eats away at you every day and night.

As to celibacy, I think that being celibate until you meet the one you want to be with for the rest of your life is a great idea.

If you do however decide to continue with this plan of yours, be safe and careful. I wish you luck and I also hope that those barbaric laws are removed. I can hardly believe how difficult it must be for you.

Good luck!

[Mark Arbour]

Louisiana Writer, on 13 November 2009 - 05:03 AM, said:

We give what we think is well meaning advice. I am particularly long winded. You are 16 and you are intelligent and certainly you can make your own decisions. However, what I think we are pointing out is that at 16 you are not the person you were at 14. You will also be a different person at 18 and 20 years of age. By the age of 30 you will have lived much of a lifetime. You will be different by age 40 and 50. When you get to be an old fart like me over the age of 60 you will think differently too.

When I was growing up I did not have to fear for my life to be gay, but even then I hid it. It took me 25 years to admit to myself I was. It took me another 5 to 10 years to get over most of the guilt. I did not meet Mr. Right until I was about 38 years old. When we met we fell in love and lived together for 15 years until his premature death. Even when we lived together we did not admit anything to anyone. We kept our life secret. I think some people knew, but he dated women and went out to social events with women. We had friends and double dated together even. They were just friends. Yet, we told nobody. He had a child from before I met him and he even have visitation and his child during the summer. We didn't have to hide, but we did. We didn't care because we were together.

If you want to sacrifice your sex and love life for your family, then you can do so. There is no shame in doing so. However, there is also no reward in it either. It is not an honor or anything positive in it. You are lying to youself and your family. If they don't accept you then it is because of religious teachings. Many families from strong religious backgrounds have to reeducate their families. Just remember, the decision you make at 16 because it is the right decision may one day become the wrong decision.

I would never have given up the relationship and the love I had for my lover for anyone. My family is mostly gone now. I am old and the only thing I have left are memories of my happy past. BUT I HAVE THEM. Knowing what I know now, I am certain that I made the right decision to be in love. My only fear is that you may be too afraid to life your life. Just get the courage to live it safely before you are too old and have most of your life behind you. We are not judging you, but remember, your family may love you, but that one special person that you deny letting yourself meet will love you just as much, just as deep and will sleep by your side and be there always if he is the right person. Just get out and bring your family with you so that you can live your own life. I am sorry for the ranting of an old man. JUST DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN POSSIBLE PHYSICAL HARM. PROTECT YOURSELF FIRST. Good luck and Best wishes.

Louisiana Writer.

I think your last statement was the best, and I like your post, the only problem I have is that there is a tone of mild condescension toward young people. Being older doesn't make you smart, nor does it give you wisdom. It gives you experience, which may or may not be useful. I have run into many idiotic teenagers, but I've also run into some brilliant ones. Ironically, I have also run into idiotic old people. That's sadder, because they have less time to change.

[old bob]

Mark Arbour, on 14 November 2009 - 04:03 AM, said:

Being older doesn't make you smart, nor does it give you wisdom. It gives you experience, which may or may not be useful. I have run into many idiotic teenagers, but I've also run into some brilliant ones. Ironically, I have also run into idiotic old people. That's sadder, because they have less time to change.

To be idiotic or brilliant is really not a characteristic of age. the good side of mind is that you can change it. The main problem : do you want to change it ?
I know that the fact to give always some advices (good or bad) is a default of old age. If I re-read my own comments, I must admit that its not very wise .
But on the other side, our only advantage, of us very old people, that we experimented and now know that nothing, I mean really nothing, is eternal. The approach of death is a good teacher : you learn that you can always change yourself, even in the last minute !

[Mark Arbour]

old bob, on 14 November 2009 - 03:22 AM, said:

To be idiotic or brilliant is really not a characteristic of age. the good side of mind is that you can change it. The main problem : do you want to change it ?
I know that the fact to give always some advices (good or bad) is a default of old age. If I re-read my own comments, I must admit that its not very wise .
But on the other side, our only advantage, of us very old people, that we experimented and now know that nothing, I mean really nothing, is eternal. The approach of death is a good teacher : you learn that you can always change yourself, even in the last minute !

Well Old Bob, I always enjoy your posts and I would classify you as an older man with wisdom....I think we call that a sage.

[smwonder]

celibacy is totally NOT wrong its actually good for you. it gives you some me-time. time to just focus on other important things and your self.

[x Trevor x]

warrior, on 09 November 2009 - 02:22 PM, said:

Thanks everyone, for the long, well-thought-out responses. I'd seen the replies a while ago, but due to security reasons, couldn't reply just then. Being that I'm working from my mobile, I won't be able to quote each of you seperately, so I will put down my thoughts and answer the points that had been raised in essay format.

Firstly, by celibacy, I meant to abstain from any form of sexual contact with another person. I may be wrong in terminology, but that's what I meant. I don't see masturbation, reading erotic literature and things that includes no one but me only, to be coming between me and my celibate life.

Secondly, the reason why I chose a celibate life is based more on family-oriented matter, than law. I can deal with the law, because I know it's going to be changed, sooner or later; but I cannot live with my family detesting me / my lifestyle, hating every step I take. I cannot make myself get smaller in their eyes; after all, they have high expectations from me, and love me to bits and pieces. Call me crazy, but I am one of those people who cannot live their life without their family's blessings.

I can go out of the country, and have a "secret" relation, but that's not going to solve this problem in the long run (if anything it will make the matter worse). For how long will I be able to keep the matter secret, and furthermore, for how long would I want it to remain a secret. Besides, it would be a form of cheating as well. I love them so much, that I am planning to live a lie - hypocritical, you may say (and I wouldn't disagree). Also, it is not only my problem. Millions of people in my country are dying for their orientation; what will my going to abroad have effect on that?

I do not think sixteen is that young. I am capable of making my own decision.

Lastly, I am thoroughly shocked with the "Where-on-earth-do-you-live-where-is-homosexuality-illegal" comment. I would like to ask back - where on earth do you live? Homosexuality is not only a "crime" but an act punishable by death (mostly using perverted methods like throwing us from a cliff-top, beheading us in the middle of the night, or pushing a stone walls above our head, etc) in more than enough countries! It is very much real, and happening. Wake up, open your eyes, and see the writings in the wall.

Celibacy won't work either as far as your family are concerned. You claim that they have high expectations of you and that you don't want them to look down on you or be disappointed in you. Well what is going to happen when they expect you to get married and give them grand children? When you refuse they will most likely look down on you or be disappointed in you. Not only that but your refusal to start a relationship with a woman, get married, have kids etc will probably also raise suspicion. I don't mean to be negative but I don't think celibacy will work for these reasons and many other reasons involving your personal happiness. The only way I see that you could make your family proud of you is to live a lie, marry a woman, have children with her etc because when you're old enough these issues are going to come up. If it were me? I would leave the country and if I didn't have the means to do so then out of desperation I would join the military of a country where it is not illegal as a way to get relocation. I wouldn't sacrifice my own happiness for anyone. I put myself first and if that's wrong then let it be. That is my advice and I hope things work out for you. I think your situation is horrible and I do sympathise.

[Renese Williams]

No, celibacy isn't wrong; however, it could affect you negatively. Humans need love, there is no fighting that. Some people are able to kick that instinct to the curb, but most cannot. Since you are still young I recommend getting an education and then moving to a country that is more excepting. Remember, keep your safety in mind before anything else.

[rknapp]

Something else to consider, that Tiger touched on.

What are their expectations? Good grades? College degree? Nice job? Those are stepping stones to a good wife, and good kids. If you refuse, they'll be disappointed and angry with you, anyway. If you go along with it, then you're being unfair to you, your family, your wife, and especially your kids. The guilt would be increasing at an exponential rate, and then devastating consequences would occur, the same ones (and ever worse ones) you're trying to avoid.

Celibacy itself is not wrong, and is perfectly healthy. The issue here is the long-term psychological ramifications. You can hide it as long you like, but I am reminded of a couple of quotes. "You can run, but you can't hide," and "All things lost [or hidden] are meant to be found." You have to consider the idea of coming out or being discovered an inevitability, and in that case you should have a way of protecting yourself. Meaning, you should not be in that country. I know, it's horrible to think about leaving your family, but sometimes you have to consider your own personal welfare. It's perfectly fine to do it now, but I think by the time you hit your mid-to-late 20s, you're going to have a lot of difficulties, and your misery will grow exponentially.

Good luck, and God speed, my friend.

[KJames]

warrior, on 01 November 2009 - 08:34 AM, said:

I have posted this on another forum, as well, which consists mainly of teens like me, which is why I decided to post it here also, where matured and older members can give advise to me.

In the society and the family where I live, homosexuality is pretty much frowned upon, and many (mostly from the ageing population) doesn't even know what is it. As a matter of fact, homosexuality is a criminal offense where I live, and this can range from ten years of imprisonment to capital punishment - depending on the circumstance. Not that the law is followed strictly, but it's scary and risky. My family is not going to accept my sexuality, and I'm pretty sure 'bout. They consider it an abomination, something that's going to earn me a free ticket to hell. I love my so much that I am willing to live lie.

Based on the above reason, I've taken a bow to celibacy for my entire life. As much as difficult that is, this is the only option that I've got.

However, I'm concerned - Is celibacy wrong for one's health, physically, emotionally and psychologically? Please put down your thoughts.

Warrior, there are several stories here having taken on the role of tackling the issues you have brought up. Unfortunately, that doesn't solve your problem--where you live it is illegal to express your sexuality in the way that is most comfortable for you, with prison or death for violators of those laws. I can only imagine that you live in one of the muslim countries, where theocracy runs rampant.

Live the lie, for as long as you can stand it...and a little bit longer. Strive toward a goal of leaving your country, for asylum in another country where our sexual preference (it is NOT a choice) is allowed to co-exist alongside others. Most of these "God Fearing" (and I use the quotes on purpose) countries seem to operate, rather forgetfully, that God, in whatever name he is known locally, created all life from his master plan for the world, not just heterosexual life. For anyone to deny anyone else their existence is to go against God.

[Wynter]

I don't have time to read everyone's responses so I apologise if I cover old ground.

Celibacy, in itself is neither a good or bad choice. What matters is what you want, what makes you happy.

I have to say that I would not be making the choice you are. That's not a judgement of your choice, just my own outlook. My family are complete homophobes. That influenced my decision to keep my sexuality hidden (at this point my friends know but my family still does not) but I have no intention of living a life of loneliness to keep them happy. Eventually they will find out. What happens after that will be their choice and if we never speak again it will be their fault.

Whatever decision you come to, keep in mind that other people's reactions are not your fault. Don't get sucked into blame games where you're made the bad guy for daring to be honest about yourself. Don't let anyone tell you that YOU are pulling the family apart because you're not. You cannot choose what you are but they CAN choose how they treat you.

Your situation sounds very difficult and you have my sincere wishes for a good outcome, whatever you may decide.

Wynter

[Mark Arbour]

Wynter, on 10 February 2010 - 02:34 AM, said:

I don't have time to read everyone's responses so I apologise if I cover old ground.

Celibacy, in itself is neither a good or bad choice. What matters is what you want, what makes you happy.

I have to say that I would not be making the choice you are. That's not a judgement of your choice, just my own outlook. My family are complete homophobes. That influenced my decision to keep my sexuality hidden (at this point my friends know but my family still does not) but I have no intention of living a life of loneliness to keep them happy. Eventually they will find out. What happens after that will be their choice and if we never speak again it will be their fault.

Whatever decision you come to, keep in mind that other people's reactions are not your fault. Don't get sucked into blame games where you're made the bad guy for daring to be honest about yourself. Don't let anyone tell you that YOU are pulling the family apart because you're not. You cannot choose what you are but they CAN choose how they treat you.

Your situation sounds very difficult and you have my sincere wishes for a good outcome, whatever you may decide.

Wynter

That's a very grounded and, in it's own way, inspirational post.