[methodwriter85]

Quote

What are their expectations? Good grades? College degree? Nice job? Those are stepping stones to a good wife, and good kids. If you refuse, they'll be disappointed and angry with you, anyway. If you go along with it, then you're being unfair to you, your family, your wife, and especially your kids. The guilt would be increasing at an exponential rate, and then devastating consequences would occur, the same ones (and ever worse ones) you're trying to avoid.

That's an incredibly good point. Warrior, I don't think your family is going to be happy with you taking a celibacy vow, either, because I'm sure they likely expect you to get married to a nice girl, and start giving them grand-kids. You're 16 already. I'm sure at some point, your parents are going to start bugging you about why you haven't had a girlfriend yet. What are you going to do when they start trying to fix you up with daughters of their good friends?

I understand you not coming out at the age of 16. But I think it's a mistake to plan on not coming out, ever, because you know you will be disowned by your family. At some point in a man's life, he has to start living for himself, not living for his family. Your job, I think, should be trying to build up an independent life- school, good job, good friends- to the point where if your family disowns you when you do decide to come out, maybe 10 years down the road, you'll be able to live your own life because you've already built up a system of support.

[John Doe]

Sounds like a "Kan" situation!! (a reference to one of my story). As I am in the same boat I have to say choose which you feel is best. I don' t know how old you are but I can say it's been a struggle for me at times and then I find moments where I amaze myself. Just remember...

celibacy is WRONG and you're going to hell for it. Just like being gay is...

Thus meaning...

(really meaning)

there ain't nothing wrong with it. It's your life... do as you please... and do what makes you feel right and happy.

[warrior]

Advising others is very easy. But on their shoes and looking at the world through their eyes isn't.

Tell me - would you be able to come out if your parents did not even know what the term 'homosexuality' means (except that it's a myth and does not exist in real life, except some hard-core criminals who indulges into these practices?).

Debating in the net is one thing, and coming out and arguing in the real world with relatives is another.

[methodwriter85]

We weren't the ones asking for help on the Net. You were. ;-) I'm just saying. You don't have to take our advice, but I feel insulted, because I feel like you are dismissing our advice to you because we don't come from the same kind of culture. And we aren't saying you need to come out this minute, but I feel the gist of us what we are saying is that denying your sexuality and refusing to have sex with someone for your entire life because you don't want to disapoint your family is a mistake. And this advice isn't just coming from me, Mr. I-Grew-Up-In-A-Liberal-Area-Where-Homosexuality-Wasn't-A-Big-Deal, it's also coming from older posters who grew up in an United States where you could be thrown into jail or the mental hospital just for being gay. Denying yourself happiness in your own life just because you don't want to disapoint your family is a mistake. If you were asexual, it would be one thing to remain celibate for your entire life. But since you aren't, I can't picture you having a completely happy life without some intimate touch from another person.

And again- Warrior, what are you going to do in a few years when your parents start pressuring you about meeting a girl and getting settled down into a family? The celibacy thing will work for a couple years while you're finishing up school and all that, but it's really not going to work forever, especially by the time you get to your mid-20's and your family is wondering why you haven't had a girlfriend yet. The only way you'll make your family happy, and keep them happy, is if you married a woman and got settled down. I think the celibacy idea is a way to buy you some time to get through school, but it really isn't going to work in the long-term.

This post has been edited by methodwriter85: 13 February 2010 - 07:15 PM