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Hey guys and girls, here's a thread for my story Seeing Double, the first two chapters are up, Id love it if people wanted to comment on it, anything is good as it is my first story really, so any comments will help me improve :)

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Hey Agaith,

 

Read your first two chapters. Dan and Matt sound both like cool guys so far. I'm curious how things will develop between them and I sooooo want to know what's going on with Matt! Can't wait.

 

Are you doing Nano?

 

 

 

Hey thanks Anyta :)

Yeah Matt is quite mysterious :P

I can't write that quickly to do that neither would I have the time :)

Thanks for reading by the way!

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It's about time you got writing so I could hijack your thread for a change ;)

 

I am loving this story. Both Dan and Matt are very rounded characters and I can see them in my mind. I'm glad you haven't put in too much description because that sometimes gets in the way of imagination.

 

I am totally intrigued by what is going on with Matt. It seems he has some kind of energy manipulation going on and that its a little out of hand. That can cause all sorts of problems physical and mental. Discharging under water is not really a good idea beacuse the water is likely to be a conductor. It might be intersting to see what happens though.

 

The best thing about this story as I said in the review is that there is a sense of the extraordinary in the ordinary. Momentously strange things happen but they are preceded and succeeded by completely ordinary things. This changes the view of the world and makes you feel like anything is possible

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It's about time you got writing so I could hijack your thread for a change ;)

 

I am loving this story. Both Dan and Matt are very rounded characters and I can see them in my mind. I'm glad you haven't put in too much description because that sometimes gets in the way of imagination.

 

I am totally intrigued by what is going on with Matt. It seems he has some kind of energy manipulation going on and that its a little out of hand. That can cause all sorts of problems physical and mental. Discharging under water is not really a good idea beacuse the water is likely to be a conductor. It might be intersting to see what happens though.

 

The best thing about this story as I said in the review is that there is a sense of the extraordinary in the ordinary. Momentously strange things happen but they are preceded and succeeded by completely ordinary things. This changes the view of the world and makes you feel like anything is possible

 

 

Matt and Dan are engraved in my head definitely :)

 

Im glad everyone's asking questions about Matt, it will be interesting to see what people think about his 'powers' and theories on him :)

I agree with you about something special about something magical or special coming from something so innocuous as the 'real' world. I love the feeling that anything is possible :)

 

Thanks Nephy :)

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True to my word, Agaith, I am visiting in the pm.

 

It's kinda hard for me to change from laughing to serious at a moment's notice, but here goes:

 

A while back I read chapter one of "Seeing Double" and liked it. I cannot say that I 'loved' it, because there wasn't enough body to the story yet. And then along comes chapter *two* and I looked through reviews that I have made and couldn't find one for ch. 1 of this story. grrr

 

So now I've read ch. 2 and there is more meat to the table, so to speak. I will only ask you to continue this story because it (as SO many others do) has a potential-a good one-which should tell you that your effort so far was not *pissing into the wind*. If it turns out that "Seeing Double" never goes beyond chapter two or three, or maybe NEVER gets finished, that is totally your business. It's YOUR life-story-business-etc! But I personally would really like to see more of this story. Take your time. We all know that you have that Uni thing going, and that is WAY more important than a dodgy ole story! jk :wub:

 

So, Agaith, enjoy yourself in this story just one tenth of how you enjoy yourself on this site and before you know it, we'll be calling YOU wicked names. Not that we don't already do that.:lmao:

 

hugs!

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True to my word, Agaith, I am visiting in the pm.

 

It's kinda hard for me to change from laughing to serious at a moment's notice, but here goes:

 

A while back I read chapter one of "Seeing Double" and liked it. I cannot say that I 'loved' it, because there wasn't enough body to the story yet. And then along comes chapter *two* and I looked through reviews that I have made and couldn't find one for ch. 1 of this story. grrr

 

So now I've read ch. 2 and there is more meat to the table, so to speak. I will only ask you to continue this story because it (as SO many others do) has a potential-a good one-which should tell you that your effort so far was not *pissing into the wind*. If it turns out that "Seeing Double" never goes beyond chapter two or three, or maybe NEVER gets finished, that is totally your business. It's YOUR life-story-business-etc! But I personally would really like to see more of this story. Take your time. We all know that you have that Uni thing going, and that is WAY more important than a dodgy ole story! jk :wub:

 

So, Agaith, enjoy yourself in this story just one tenth of how you enjoy yourself on this site and before you know it, we'll be calling YOU wicked names. Not that we don't already do that.:lmao:

 

hugs!

 

Awww thank you phana! :hug:

 

Ive got several chapters ready to post (most are shorties :( ) after that you're at the mercy of how fast i can type and how bothered my brain is after working :P

Call me wicked names i dont care, if this thread is half as fun as Nephy's then it will be a blast :D

 

 

Also because I feel my chapters are quite short I might merge them so that Matt and Dan get put in the same chapter occasionally. Im not sure if that will get confusing though? Any thoughts? :)

Edited by Agaith
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Awww thank you phana! :hug:

 

Ive got several chapters ready to post (most are shorties :( ) after that you're at the mercy of how fast i can type and how bothered my brain is after working :P

Call me wicked names i dont care, if this thread is half as fun as Nephy's then it will be a blast :D

 

 

Also because I feel my chapters are quite short I might merge them so that Matt and Dan get put in the same chapter occasionally. Im not sure if that will get confusing though? Any thoughts? :)

 

Maybe Nephy or someone else can help you Agaith.

My *artistic license* expired about the time that this big mouth cried it's first 'waah'! :( Actually, thinking about it, nothing seems to have changed.:( :(

 

Wait! What am I saying! Of COURSE I'll help you write the story!:devil: Simply send me what you already have waiting to post and *trust me* to make it a story that this site will NEVER forget!! YEE HAWW!!!

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I have seen often in stories two perspectives in the same chapter. As long as you clearly mark where the perspective changes it should be fine. I have only used change of perspective in a store twice (I think) In To Have and to Hold I alternate paragraphs, and in Enigma II I give SIlver a voice, but I don't think it is going to change within the chapter. It's harder when it's first person but I think it works well IF the change of perspective changes very clearly. I would suggest that not only do you put the name of the person who is speaking before the first paragraph of the change AND make the person who is speaking very distinctively different. For example you could have Dan specifically mention Matt;s name in the first sentence to make it absolutely clear that it isn't Matt speaking any more.

 

 

I am sure that whatever you do it will be fab.

 

Be careful what you let Phana see... he could get the wrong idea and get too over excited :)

 

 

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Maybe Nephy or someone else can help you Agaith.

My *artistic license* expired about the time that this big mouth cried it's first 'waah'! :( Actually, thinking about it, nothing seems to have changed.:( :(

 

Wait! What am I saying! Of COURSE I'll help you write the story!:devil: Simply send me what you already have waiting to post and *trust me* to make it a story that this site will NEVER forget!! YEE HAWW!!!

 

Is that first bit looking for a hug? if so then fine :hug::P

Yes of course you'll help me but that's not before reading everything ive done and demanding more :P

 

 

I have seen often in stories two perspectives in the same chapter. As long as you clearly mark where the perspective changes it should be fine. I have only used change of perspective in a store twice (I think) In To Have and to Hold I alternate paragraphs, and in Enigma II I give SIlver a voice, but I don't think it is going to change within the chapter. It's harder when it's first person but I think it works well IF the change of perspective changes very clearly. I would suggest that not only do you put the name of the person who is speaking before the first paragraph of the change AND make the person who is speaking very distinctively different. For example you could have Dan specifically mention Matt;s name in the first sentence to make it absolutely clear that it isn't Matt speaking any more.

 

 

I am sure that whatever you do it will be fab.

 

Be careful what you let Phana see... he could get the wrong idea and get too over excited :)

 

 

 

Thanks for the tips Nephy :D

And yeah I don't know what phana will be like after the later chapters! :P

(Phana doesn't need much of an excuse to get over excited ;) )

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First let me say, Glad you caved in and posted now rather than later :)

 

You do a lot of really good things in just a couple chapters.

 

We know Matt has powers, but not sure what exactly they are - what is this business of releasing his power? under water? in a park? Good, don't give it away too soon.

 

Dan is evidently someone people trust, why? He seems drawn to Matt, more so than others, again, why? More good, don't let us know everything, keep us interested and wanting more.

 

There is so much I want to know, so while I commend you on your good work, I hate you for leaving us in the dark :P

 

 

One minor technical issue, the transfer from your copy to the e-fiction was not the smoothest [and I am not blaming you for that - just pointing it out]. There should be spaces between paragraphs in many places, esp in chapter two that seems to have gotten lost in the transfer. You might want to use the preview feature before you finally post it. It just made it a bit hard in spots to keep track of how was speaking. I know that is not how you wrote it, just letting you know that it would be easier to read if you clean that up.

 

On whole I really like it so far.

 

Andy

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First let me say, Glad you caved in and posted now rather than later :)

 

You do a lot of really good things in just a couple chapters.

 

We know Matt has powers, but not sure what exactly they are - what is this business of releasing his power? under water? in a park? Good, don't give it away too soon.

 

Dan is evidently someone people trust, why? He seems drawn to Matt, more so than others, again, why? More good, don't let us know everything, keep us interested and wanting more.

 

There is so much I want to know, so while I commend you on your good work, I hate you for leaving us in the dark :P

 

 

One minor technical issue, the transfer from your copy to the e-fiction was not the smoothest [and I am not blaming you for that - just pointing it out]. There should be spaces between paragraphs in many places, esp in chapter two that seems to have gotten lost in the transfer. You might want to use the preview feature before you finally post it. It just made it a bit hard in spots to keep track of how was speaking. I know that is not how you wrote it, just letting you know that it would be easier to read if you clean that up.

 

On whole I really like it so far.

 

Andy

 

Thanks Andy!

Yeah that is the most said problem with the story (the formatting) but I'm sure that's easily fixed :)

Glad you like it so far

Thanks for reading

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Woo Hoo I get to the first person to comment on chapter three - um, well . . . yeah, it's . . . like okay man. :mellow:

 

Honestly I like it a lot, though you are a great big tease with how you give us just enough to hint at something but there is SO much more we don't know that you won't tell us yet - very nicely done. :great:

 

The Karate scene was good, but I have to confess I wasn't quite sure what was going on at points. Probably because I was reading too much into it. I didn't know what this meant:

 

He completed two blocks in the space of time it would have taken for me to throw one at best,

 

At first I thought he was chopping 'blocks' of something he was causing to fly at him, sort of like a live action drill, then I thought it was a move - based on reading further. Then I just wasn't sure. Sorry.

 

I do have a question: and if you can't answer it without giving something away, don't give anything away - the part where he takes the drink and has to go through a ritual, was that a dream or did he really undergo that in his room?

 

Beyond that, I like how you are developing the two lead characters but spicing it up with Sam and Gary and others along the way. Keep it up.

 

Looking forward to chapter 4 and beyond.

 

Andy

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Woo Hoo I get to the first person to comment on chapter three - um, well . . . yeah, it's . . . like okay man. :mellow:

 

Honestly I like it a lot, though you are a great big tease with how you give us just enough to hint at something but there is SO much more we don't know that you won't tell us yet - very nicely done. :great:

 

The Karate scene was good, but I have to confess I wasn't quite sure what was going on at points. Probably because I was reading too much into it. I didn't know what this meant:

 

He completed two blocks in the space of time it would have taken for me to throw one at best,

 

At first I thought he was chopping 'blocks' of something he was causing to fly at him, sort of like a live action drill, then I thought it was a move - based on reading further. Then I just wasn't sure. Sorry.

 

I do have a question: and if you can't answer it without giving something away, don't give anything away - the part where he takes the drink and has to go through a ritual, was that a dream or did he really undergo that in his room?

 

Beyond that, I like how you are developing the two lead characters but spicing it up with Sam and Gary and others along the way. Keep it up.

 

Looking forward to chapter 4 and beyond.

 

Andy

 

Thanks Andy :)

 

The part where he drinks did actually happen, it was just that he recalled it whilst dreaming (does that make sense?!)

 

Once again thanks for reading :D

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Agaith! You are something else! The difference between ch. 1-2 and now at three, WOW! It's the same story, but it seems that a different person is authoring it!! :2thumbs:

 

Hang in there you!! You've made MY eyes 'well' over your improvements.

 

As long as you have gifted persons guiding you, how the hey can you do wrong?

 

aside/what's w/the f'n loincloth?:thumbdown: Not needed. Get rid of it. :2thumbs:

 

"FALSE FACE"! This is an outstanding piece of 'soul'. Keep this up and you'll likely have :devil: on your bum. :)

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Heya Agaith,

 

hehe, I know more about your name now: Agaith--false face. I like the narrative device to add in a poem here. Nice.

 

Having two characters in one chapter also worked well and I had no problems following.

 

Like Andy, I'm mighty curious about what's going on, but I'm sure in time this will all be added to and resolved.

 

The interaction with Matt and Dan was good, I like a slow build. Also the end sentence 'one can only dream' I liked it. I felt like it added some attitude and humor in there. :)

 

Curious--what's your favourite part of this chapter?

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Heya Agaith,

 

hehe, I know more about your name now: Agaith--false face. I like the narrative device to add in a poem here. Nice.

 

Having two characters in one chapter also worked well and I had no problems following.

 

Like Andy, I'm mighty curious about what's going on, but I'm sure in time this will all be added to and resolved.

 

The interaction with Matt and Dan was good, I like a slow build. Also the end sentence 'one can only dream' I liked it. I felt like it added some attitude and humor in there. :)

 

Curious--what's your favourite part of this chapter?

 

Im glad you and everyone else is curious about what is going on, hopefully it will keep you reading! :P

My favourite part? Ooh toughie!

I think it would have to be after the karate bit, where Matt has to start getting changed :)

 

Why? What's yours? :)

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Agaith! You are something else! The difference between ch. 1-2 and now at three, WOW! It's the same story, but it seems that a different person is authoring it!! :2thumbs:

 

Hang in there you!! You've made MY eyes 'well' over your improvements.

 

As long as you have gifted persons guiding you, how the hey can you do wrong?

 

aside/what's w/the f'n loincloth?:thumbdown: Not needed. Get rid of it. :2thumbs:

 

"FALSE FACE"! This is an outstanding piece of 'soul'. Keep this up and you'll likely have :devil: on your bum. :)

 

wow thanks phana! :)

the loincloth? do you really think Matt would stand in front of those acolytes naked? Just because you want all of Matt doesnt mean he's going to undress himself fully! :P

and :devil: on my bum? wtf is that? :unsure:

 

thanks for reading!

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Hey Agaith :)

 

I just finished reading chapter 3 and I loved it! Matt and Dan are very sweet together...can't wait to see what happens next!

Also..I didn't mind at all that we got to read from both Matt and Dan in this chapter...and the poem was great! :2thumbs:

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Hey Agaith :)

 

I just finished reading chapter 3 and I loved it! Matt and Dan are very sweet together...can't wait to see what happens next!

Also..I didn't mind at all that we got to read from both Matt and Dan in this chapter...and the poem was great! :2thumbs:

 

 

They aren't 'together' though :P

I'll do the dual perspective more in future chapters if people dont mind it :)

And thanks about the poem that was hijacked from my collection of poems :lol:

 

Thanks for reading and letting me know what you thought! :D

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Yeah well I meant their..interactions :P They will be together tho I'm sure :P

 

So you write a lot of poems huh? I used to write some too but they weren't that great really :D

 

And you're welcome..now post the 4th chapter..how long do we have to wait? :P

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