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[KingdombytheSea] Social Skills


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Well, Anyta said I should I start one of these, so . . .

 

I've posted the first chapter of my first story for GA, thanks in large part to AnytaSunday's amazing beta skills :)

 

Posted Image

 

 

Mini-summary:

Connor Owens is a violinist, a college freshman, and an extreme introvert . . . but when he reluctantly takes a job tutoring for the athletic department, he meets someone who just might be the ticket out of his self-imposed prison.

 

 

Social Skills, Chapter 1

 

Comments are welcome :-)

  • Like 4
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Yes, good thing to start a discussion thread. Social Skills is a wonderful story (from what I've read :P)! Conner struggles to identify himself in social circles, and it's something I think many of us can relate to, even if only in part.

 

Great start. I love the musical element to this as well. :D

 

hehe

  • Like 3
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Maybe it is just me or maybe I'm getting lucky, but the quality of stories I seem to find is getting so much better. This is another example of great character development to start a story. I hate the - let's see boy, fall for boy, hop in bed with boy, profess undying love for boy and have him say it back, all before we know anything quirky about the characters. Conner's insecurities are going to be hard for him to over come, especially if, as suspected he falls from Mr. Football hunk, who comes off as supremely confident and self assured. Classic BMOC syndrome I suppose. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised to see a few insecurities on his part either :P

 

Nice start. :2thumbs:

 

Now it is my turn to pester - POST MORE SOON!!! Or else. :ph34r:

 

Andy

  • Like 1
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Conner struggles to identify himself in social circles, and it's something I think many of us can relate to, even if only in part.

 

Speak for yourself! I was always the coolest of the cool in school . . . What's that? You don't believe me? :P

 

Maybe it is just me or maybe I'm getting lucky, but the quality of stories I seem to find is getting so much better. This is another example of great character development to start a story. I hate the - let's see boy, fall for boy, hop in bed with boy, profess undying love for boy and have him say it back, all before we know anything quirky about the characters. Conner's insecurities are going to be hard for him to over come, especially if, as suspected he falls from Mr. Football hunk, who comes off as supremely confident and self assured. Classic BMOC syndrome I suppose. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised to see a few insecurities on his part either :P

 

Nice start. :2thumbs:

 

Now it is my turn to pester - POST MORE SOON!!! Or else. :ph34r:

 

Andy

 

 

Thanks for the compliment :-) I hope I don't let you down w/ the story . . . and as for the more soon, well as Anyta knows it's written, but I'm a bit OCD about checking over the chapters before posting :-P. I'll try to get 2 up as soon as possible, but I did have to go back to work today and I was pretty scatterbrained, so I might just have to put in a tad more effort in RL first :/

  • Like 3
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I'm so glad I took the time to read this! Kingdom does a great job painting what it would be like viewing the social maze we all get lost in once in awhile. Some of this stuff I could relate to enough that I could get a great visual of it in my head, the frisbee scene being a good example.

 

Can't wait to see where Social Skills is headed in future chapters. Posted Image

  • Like 2
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I'm so glad I took the time to read this! Kingdom does a great job painting what it would be like viewing the social maze we all get lost in once in awhile. Some of this stuff I could relate to enough that I could get a great visual of it in my head, the frisbee scene being a good example.

 

Can't wait to see where Social Skills is headed in future chapters. Posted Image

 

Thanks, I really appreciate the feedback . . . and it's nice to hear you could "see" the scene. :-)

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Im so glad I decided to pick this up :D

 

It has the beginnings of a great story already, as others have already said people can relate to Connor's situation ( maybe not so bad but we've all been there).

I can see angst and me telling you to post quicker stamped all over this already.

 

So I'll start right now...POST SOON!

 

:P

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Im so glad I decided to pick this up :D

 

It has the beginnings of a great story already, as others have already said people can relate to Connor's situation ( maybe not so bad but we've all been there).

I can see angst and me telling you to post quicker stamped all over this already.

 

So I'll start right now...POST SOON!

 

:P

 

Thanks! Well, the good news is the draft of the first semester is complete, the bad news is I keep editing and editing . . . or maybe that's good news because I'm hopefully making it better? hehe, we'll see.

  • Like 2
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ugh!!! my questions are never answered!! :(:P

but.. it was worth a shot right????

 

Connor and Jared seem like such nice normal people, (normal as in, someone we can relate to), cant wait to find out what you have in store for them. I'm REALLY happy you decided to post the story.. otherwise we wouldn't have gotten to know them! :D

 

I am gonna wait (and patiently) for you to answer them whenever you choose to.. :P so...

You BETTER answer them.. and soon, oops! lol

 

Waiting!!

 

 

 

Dont believe people when say I'm impatient! (I want you to figure that out by yourself!! ;) )

 

 

 

 

  • Like 1
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ugh!!! my questions are never answered!! :(:P

but.. it was worth a shot right????

 

Connor and Jared seem like such nice normal people, (normal as in, someone we can relate to), cant wait to find out what you have in store for them. I'm REALLY happy you decided to post the story.. otherwise we wouldn't have gotten to know them! :D

 

I am gonna wait (and patiently) for you to answer them whenever you choose to.. :P so...

You BETTER answer them.. and soon, oops! lol

 

Waiting!!

 

Dont believe people when say I'm impatient! (I want you to figure that out by yourself!! ;) )

 

 

LOL. I was tempted, but I managed to stop myself.

 

I'm glad they seem "normal" . . . I guess that's what I was going for :) in my experience, no one is either as abnormal or as normal as they seem, once ya get to know them. We're all just people.

 

Oh, and I don't mind you being impatient. Don't know that it'll get me to post any faster, but it's nice to know you're interested :-)

  • Like 1
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It's a lovely chapter, Sea! You do an amazing job!

 

I would think you'd be sick of it after having been hit over the head with it . . . what was it, 3 times? hehe :P

 

 

 

Have you noticed there are a lot of stories currently being written that start with S? Popular letter, ay.

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I really like how much you show Connor's insecurities but also his desires--both in terms of Jared, but also with being more comfortable around others.

 

Keep that pen moving/ fingers over the keys, lol!

 

Hope to see chappy four up soon!

 

:2thumbs:

  • Like 2
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Hi Sea,

 

Loved 3 and posted a review. By one of those flukes of fate I was listening to Sch. the other day on the BBC's Radio 3, and it was an historic performance by Josef Suk, dating from the late 1930's. I knew about the violin solo of course but the presenters were raving about Suk's playing in particular and man, was it good. something else! So if you ever get the chance to check it out - maybe it's on Youtube - it's well worth hearing. Now I know what Connor's musical tastes are you cannot let him major in law!!

  • Like 1
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All caught up - yes I am SUCH a speed reader reading TWO chapter is SUCH a praise worthy accomplishment, I know. :rolleyes:

 

Couple comments that I touched on the blog one of which is farcical.

 

First the Farcical - Tell Conner he has to exercise more - period. No excuses. At 18 this could be as good as it gets. Old fat and Bald is a terrible thing to be as a gay man. Since you can't control age or hair line, weight is the only thing he needs to worry about - NO ONE likes a skinny gay man - trust me. If you don't believe me ask Peter and Jason - there you have it.

 

Okay for some serious stuff. As you know I am a fan of realism. Sure every 'story' has an element of fantasy but the best stuff works when the fantasy is not some unbelievable thing - like it might be a fantasy for the jock to fall for the violin player but so long as it doesn't happen that they for the first time the violin player walks over says I live alone come be my boy friend I love you more than life itself and the Jock says Same here. They go back, the Jock's coach is there, turning down the bed handing out condoms telling them to be safe. That is an exaggeration but you get what I mean.

 

You do a good job of avoiding this. But I have a question. I mean it is clear Jared is smitten, and that he is using their time to get closer to Connor BUT we never see ANY interaction between the two that reveals anything of substance about Conner to Jared. Not that this can't have happened, but perhaps you need to flesh out WHY Jared is so smitten? Conner isn't ugly, or hideous but he is certainly not the male equivalent of Ronnie the gorgeous psycho GF. So this can't be a 'I saw you and had to have you because you are so gorgeous,' kinda romance. Clearly Jared saw the true Connor, be it through his music, through his words, something. And although we know he has listened in on Connor playing, is that it? Was that the hook? Or were there conversations between the two we were not privy to where Connor gave more insight into who he is to Jared.

 

Other than that, I find your writing to be engaging and easy to read. It flows so well that it don't find myself going. :blink: what??? Conner's development is really quite good and now we are seeing more of Jared and you doing it so nice. We learn it you don't tell us.

 

So for what my two cents was worth, there it is. Bravo for this and I hate you for hooking me in to ANOTHER story :P.

 

Andy

  • Like 1
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Hi Sea,

 

Loved 3 and posted a review. By one of those flukes of fate I was listening to Sch. the other day on the BBC's Radio 3, and it was an historic performance by Josef Suk, dating from the late 1930's. I knew about the violin solo of course but the presenters were raving about Suk's playing in particular and man, was it good. something else! So if you ever get the chance to check it out - maybe it's on Youtube - it's well worth hearing. Now I know what Connor's musical tastes are you cannot let him major in law!!

 

What a coincidence! I'll try to find that-- I absolutely love that solo. Thanks for the review!

 

I've read the first two chapters and I really like this story. Connor's very awkward social responses make me cringe every time. So kudos on some really awesome writing! Posted Image

 

Thanks! Yeah, poor kid. Maybe I'll ease up on him eventually :-)

  • Like 1
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All caught up - yes I am SUCH a speed reader reading TWO chapter is SUCH a praise worthy accomplishment, I know. :rolleyes:

 

Couple comments that I touched on the blog one of which is farcical.

 

First the Farcical - Tell Conner he has to exercise more - period. No excuses. At 18 this could be as good as it gets. Old fat and Bald is a terrible thing to be as a gay man. Since you can't control age or hair line, weight is the only thing he needs to worry about - NO ONE likes a skinny gay man - trust me. If you don't believe me ask Peter and Jason - there you have it.

 

Okay for some serious stuff. As you know I am a fan of realism. Sure every 'story' has an element of fantasy but the best stuff works when the fantasy is not some unbelievable thing - like it might be a fantasy for the jock to fall for the violin player but so long as it doesn't happen that they for the first time the violin player walks over says I live alone come be my boy friend I love you more than life itself and the Jock says Same here. They go back, the Jock's coach is there, turning down the bed handing out condoms telling them to be safe. That is an exaggeration but you get what I mean.

 

You do a good job of avoiding this. But I have a question. I mean it is clear Jared is smitten, and that he is using their time to get closer to Connor BUT we never see ANY interaction between the two that reveals anything of substance about Conner to Jared. Not that this can't have happened, but perhaps you need to flesh out WHY Jared is so smitten? Conner isn't ugly, or hideous but he is certainly not the male equivalent of Ronnie the gorgeous psycho GF. So this can't be a 'I saw you and had to have you because you are so gorgeous,' kinda romance. Clearly Jared saw the true Connor, be it through his music, through his words, something. And although we know he has listened in on Connor playing, is that it? Was that the hook? Or were there conversations between the two we were not privy to where Connor gave more insight into who he is to Jared.

 

Other than that, I find your writing to be engaging and easy to read. It flows so well that it don't find myself going. :blink: what??? Conner's development is really quite good and now we are seeing more of Jared and you doing it so nice. We learn it you don't tell us.

 

So for what my two cents was worth, there it is. Bravo for this and I hate you for hooking me in to ANOTHER story :P.

 

Andy

 

Well, I replied in the reviews, too, but without the notification thingy I know it's a pain to keep track of author responses.

 

1) Yes, haha. Connor may be judging himself a bit too harshly, though.

 

2) I have a feeling you don't go for the shy guys ;) To me, music would be a hook . . . but that's about a particular person's tastes. In my experience i was easily smitten in my younger days-- smitten, not madly in love-- and sometimes it was just tiny little things that drew me to a person.

 

Jared's not in love with Connor right now, obviously. Just . . . interested. He's a with-it sort of guy, and he figured out Connor's deal . . . he saw a chance to pursue something . . . and as he is in the closet that chance probably does not pop up very often.

 

I'm gonna have to go bug Anyta to see if she thinks I address what Jared sees in Connor well enough in the coming chaps :)

  • Like 1
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Sara,

 

I agree totally that music can and is so expressive when done well that Jared could easily have fallen for the guy who played it who was also his tutor and was kind and patient with him. As for the rest, I will keep silent and let you and Anyta work it I out as you two see best - not my place to interfere. 0:)

 

 

Andy

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