[KingdombytheSea] Social Skills

[TetRefine]

You meant Conner right? Jared's dad is gone...

 

Oops. Typo. Yeah, I meant Conner's.

[Sara Alva]

Chapter 10 is now up-- it's the last chapter of pt. 1

 

Really appreciate all the encouragement I've gotten from you guys, thanks

 

And thanks Anyta and fmd for giving me suggestions on where to expand this chapter. It's still a little short, but eh, I can't win 'em all

 

 

Chapter 10

[J.T.]

Chapter 10 is now up-- it's the last chapter of pt. 1

 

Really appreciate all the encouragement I've gotten from you guys, thanks

 

And thanks Anyta and fmd for giving me suggestions on where to expand this chapter. It's still a little short, but eh, I can't win 'em all

 

 

Chapter 10

 

I have been cited. <3

 

Chapter 10 was great, although there are 15 minutes missing from the last chapter that I demand to know the details of *ahem* The plot wrap-up is a nice way of ending Part 1, and I'm glad you ended it on a high note.

 

While I still don't like Connor's mother, at least she's not seen as just using and abusing Connor day-in and day-out. There's still a sort of motherly value to her actions, and while I can't agree with her "overbearing" or helicopter attitude towards parenting, I think I somewhat sympathize with Mrs. Owens a little bit more. Perhaps she just never got out of the "I shall instill a sense of motivation to my children in everything they do" phase and didn't know how to back off, thinking the moment she did that her children might completely let go of their futures.

 

I like the story developments in Chapter 9 and 10, and I finally understood why you decided to split the chapters. By doing so you effectively removed a bit of doubt from the reader who would have grown a bit skeptical if both Jared, Connor, Mrs. Owens, and everyone else in the plot suddenly got a character developments within one single chapter. Spacing out the timeline to fast forward the gap in Jared and Connor's winter break also allowed the seeming growth of Connor such that not every thought of insecurity lingered in every other sentence that flowed in his brain, which also helped make Connor seem like he's mentally growing out of his shell a bit. Realistically how much he's actually grown this way may only be answered when the two are together again in school and hopefully in more social situations where Connor may demonstrate that growth... or the lack of it. I'm sure with Veronica around there will always be times where Connor may pull back.

 

I'm interested to see where this takes the couple. Great job on Part 1! I can't wait to read what's next.

[Sara Alva]

I have been cited. <3

 

Chapter 10 was great, although there are 15 minutes missing from the last chapter that I demand to know the details of *ahem* The plot wrap-up is a nice way of ending Part 1, and I'm glad you ended it on a high note.

 

While I still don't like Connor's mother, at least she's not seen as just using and abusing Connor day-in and day-out. There's still a sort of motherly value to her actions, and while I can't agree with her "overbearing" or helicopter attitude towards parenting, I think I somewhat sympathize with Mrs. Owens a little bit more. Perhaps she just never got out of the "I shall instill a sense of motivation to my children in everything they do" phase and didn't know how to back off, thinking the moment she did that her children might completely let go of their futures.

 

I like the story developments in Chapter 9 and 10, and I finally understood why you decided to split the chapters. By doing so you effectively removed a bit of doubt from the reader who would have grown a bit skeptical if both Jared, Connor, Mrs. Owens, and everyone else in the plot suddenly got a character developments within one single chapter. Spacing out the timeline to fast forward the gap in Jared and Connor's winter break also allowed the seeming growth of Connor such that not every thought of insecurity lingered in every other sentence that flowed in his brain, which also helped make Connor seem like he's mentally growing out of his shell a bit. Realistically how much he's actually grown this way may only be answered when the two are together again in school and hopefully in more social situations where Connor may demonstrate that growth... or the lack of it. I'm sure with Veronica around there will always be times where Connor may pull back.

 

I'm interested to see where this takes the couple. Great job on Part 1! I can't wait to read what's next.

 

Wow, thank you for taking the time to write such thoughtful commentary. I think you may be the first person to have some compassion for Mrs. Owens, hehe.

 

I'm glad you agreed w/ my decision to split the chapters; as you know I struggled with breaking them up b/c of the length issues, but the reasons you pointed out were very similar to the ones going through my mind.

 

And finally, the 15 minutes . . . come on now, you can use your imagination

[J.T.]

And finally, the 15 minutes . . . come on now, you can use your imagination

 

Noooo! I refuse!!! Details... all of it!!! NAO!!!

[TetRefine]

Great Part I! And personally I like the shorter chapters. I tend to lose interest if the chapter draws on and on, so I like the quicker chapters even if I have to wait to read on. Looking forward to Part II!

[Sara Alva]

Great Part I! And personally I like the shorter chapters. I tend to lose interest if the chapter draws on and on, so I like the quicker chapters even if I have to wait to read on. Looking forward to Part II!

 

Oh, okay, good. As you know I'm really working to keep your interest since you told me it usually doesn't last, haha. Thanks for reading!

[J.T.]

Oh, okay, good. As you know I'm really working to keep your interest since you told me it usually doesn't last, haha. Thanks for reading!

 

You still have my interest... so... as long as you give me something shiny to go "oOo something shiny!!!" I'll be just fine.

[Sara Alva]

You still have my interest... so... as long as you give me something shiny to go "oOo something shiny!!!" I'll be just fine.

 

Something shiny, ay. Like those 15 minutes?

[J.T.]

Something shiny, ay. Like those 15 minutes?

 

Now you're speaking my language!

[Sara Alva]

Now you're speaking my language!

 

Well you've got "author status" now. You could write it yourself

[J.T.]

Well you've got "author status" now. You could write it yourself

 

I would... except my character doesn't have a love interest... why are we talking about /my/ story? If you wanna suggest it go to my forum thread for that ... You opened the door for some 15-minute action without explaining any of it... don't just and whisk something that special away...

 

You've got a quota to fill in Part 2, Sara.

[Fishwings]

THERE'S A DISCUSSION THREADDDD. These chapters are very quotable if I say so myself, and everything I've read so far as been really good. I love Jared. And I still want to molest Conner.

 

"No, I don't really think so. I always kinda wished I was, because that way I could just choose the path of least resistance and be done with it. But . . . yeah, no such luck. I'm more interested in . . . in hanging out with you now than I am with Ronnie.

 

Although I don't agree with Jared on this, but I'll assume it's coz of his lack of knowledge. Anyways! Good stuff. Back to reading.

[Sara Alva]

THERE'S A DISCUSSION THREADDDD. These chapters are very quotable if I say so myself, and everything I've read so far as been really good. I love Jared. And I still want to molest Conner.

 

"No, I don't really think so. I always kinda wished I was, because that way I could just choose the path of least resistance and be done with it. But . . . yeah, no such luck. I'm more interested in . . . in hanging out with you now than I am with Ronnie.

 

Although I don't agree with Jared on this, but I'll assume it's coz of his lack of knowledge. Anyways! Good stuff. Back to reading.

 

Hm, I'll tell Connor to watch out for you

 

Thanks for all your reviews, it's nice to know what lines stood out to the readers.

 

I agree that Jared's "wishful thinking" is flawed, but as you said, it's probably due to his lack of knowledge.

 

Well, with any luck, I'll get to the next chapter today . . .

[Fishwings]

Hm, I'll tell Connor to watch out for you

 

Thanks for all your reviews, it's nice to know what lines stood out to the readers.

 

I agree that Jared's "wishful thinking" is flawed, but as you said, it's probably due to his lack of knowledge.

 

Well, with any luck, I'll get to the next chapter today . . .

 

 

 

As in get posting, or to start writing. If it's the latter, DO SO QUICKER LOL. I'm afraid I don't have as much patience as Jared. Although I guess it is "worth it", heh heh heh. See, quotable.

[Sara Alva]

As in get posting, or to start writing. If it's the latter, DO SO QUICKER LOL. I'm afraid I don't have as much patience as Jared. Although I guess it is "worth it", heh heh heh. See, quotable.

 

Posting. After I read it aloud like 3 times and tweak the sentences a million times.

 

The good news is the entire draft is complete, so I promise not to leave you high and dry without an ending. I just like to edit a lot.

[Fishwings]

Posting. After I read it aloud like 3 times and tweak the sentences a million times.

 

The good news is the entire draft is complete, so I promise not to leave you high and dry without an ending. I just like to edit a lot.

 

 

Hey excellent! That is a sign of good planning. I'm now looking forward to the rest of the story more than ever.

[J.T.]

Posting. After I read it aloud like 3 times and tweak the sentences a million times.

 

The good news is the entire draft is complete, so I promise not to leave you high and dry without an ending. I just like to edit a lot.

 

good... post faster

[TetRefine]

Posting. After I read it aloud like 3 times and tweak the sentences a million times.

 

The good news is the entire draft is complete, so I promise not to leave you high and dry without an ending. I just like to edit a lot.

 

If I pretend that I'm losing interest will you post faster?

[Sara Alva]

good... post faster

 

 

If I pretend that I'm losing interest will you post faster?

 

Okay, okay, here.

 

Second Semester

Chapter 11

 

I'm very sleepy right now, so my apologies for any typos that got the better of me.

[J.T.]

Okay, okay, here.

 

Second Semester

Chapter 11

 

I'm very sleepy right now, so my apologies for any typos that got the better of me.

 

Okay... I'm at the first asterisk of Ch. 11. And for the record, I am strangling my computer monitor (like an angry abusive dad shaking a baby) because you skipped another sex scene. Write it... don't gloss over it. It's important to show exactly how far each time went and the progression of their physical and emotional relationship each time they are together. It's not just a dirty thing for you to skip over - in a way it describes a lot about how much or little they enjoy each other!

 

More commentary to come later I'm expecting... Maybe I'll just edit this post to add on.

 

---

Okay, the rest of the chapter was nice... but seems like karma's coming back to bite Connor in the ass with Beth. Admitting that he was dating would compromise Jared. Pushing Beth away would be cold. Lying to Rebecca would lead to more lies and eventually the end of their friendship with the only people he was accepted (somewhat) by when he first got to college, especially Rebecca.

 

Gah, okay... Sara... This isn't the Disney Channel... You rated the story as Mature for a reason.

 

I hope in the near future you'll finally write about how intimate Connor and Jared's physical relationship gets instead of pressing the Fast Forward button every time a sex scene queues up.

 

Will Connor shake off Beth, will Jared get jealous? Will "accidents" happen between Beth and Connor where Jared just happens to be there and ruin the trust and delicate nature of their relationship?

 

I <3 my computer monitor. Please don't make me shake it again. It's a really nice 1080p 24" Samsung I bought from Black Friday and I really enjoy having it in operational order.

 

However, your writing continues to amaze me. While I would have picked a more direct story path, you provide context and backstory to your minor characters and other associated interactions while keeping it relevant to social skills and while still keeping the point of view focused on Connor. Keep up with your great work, and as one of your many avid fans, post faster

Edited February 18, 2011 by fmd

[Anya]

I loved this chapter...but I agree with everything fmd mentioned above

[Frostina]

I loved this chapter...but I agree with everything fmd mentioned above

 

Ditto what anya said! also, in reply to your reply to my review i had to say that Nope I dont miss Ronnie, it's just that i really really don't like it how her name just appears casually, almost nonexistent, but enough to remind us she's there.

 

you know, kinda like when parents are talking to kids and they casually slip in the word monster (say the one that lives in the closet under the stairs) !

 

As for the story being posted early, I was just rejoicing! :hug: and all my :D ... u did notice the "YAY" right?

[TetRefine]

Interesting chapter. One little detail I'd like to point out though. Jared mentioned he still has football practice, but its second semester already (so I'm assuming its middle January). The college football season is almost always finished by that point, so I don't think they would still be practicing. I mean, they would have lifting sessions and such (if that is what you were referring to) all through the year, but they wouldn't actually start practices again until the Spring. I know its not really anything big or a major plot part, but just thought I'd point it out.

[Sara Alva]

Interesting chapter. One little detail I'd like to point out though. Jared mentioned he still has football practice, but its second semester already (so I'm assuming its middle January). The college football season is almost always finished by that point, so I don't think they would still be practicing. I mean, they would have lifting sessions and such (if that is what you were referring to) all through the year, but they wouldn't actually start practices again until the Spring. I know its not really anything big or a major plot part, but just thought I'd point it out.

 

Hmm, well, the guys I tutored had "practice" the whole year, but maybe it's what you're talking about. It is early February, as I mentioned a month has passed already. But thanks for the info . . . There's a reason I'm not writing from Jared's pov

 

Btw, I am gonna reply to the posters above, but I can't do it front the iPad . . . Typing is too hard