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Cia, once more you have amazed me with your talent. I know that I read all your work while I beta it, but each reading is like the first. I get sucked into the story and can't move away until I've finished reading it! I think that Danny and Joey will become great friends, maybe more, who knows in the end! I must say that I despised Joey's parents and sat here thinking "how can they do this!" but it just shows the degree of deprivation that some people have inside of them. The saddest part is that there are people in real life who would see nothing wrong with such treatment which is a shame. Thank you again for another great read!

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peeks in.

 

I read it.

 

I liked it.

 

Can I go now?

 

oh yeah um...

thoughtful things to say...

um...

I liked the way you used the alternating internal dialogue and narration to give different POVs through the story and let the reader know what was going on inside Joey's head. I guess you've read enough of mine and Nephy's stuff it's starting to rub off... sorry.

 

Thanks for sharing.

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Yes, you guys are my constant inspiration, what would I do without you and your wonderful writing tips and guidance over the last year and a half? ;) I'll leave it to you to decide if I'm being sarcastic or not Lughbert. Nephy knows how I feel, lol. And yes, the mix of third and first and present/past was interesting but hard to integrate. Hopefully by you not picking it apart that means it worked well in this piece. :P

 

Thank you Ag, for the review and comment!! I am not sure if and when I will revist these guys with all my other projects but I like to leave anthologies where I can come back and add sooo much more to the story.

 

Aww, thanks Nephy! It wasn't an easy write, though it flowed really fast as I made it up. Sometimes things are better left unsaid but this story was one I felt strongly about when I wrote it, as short as it is. I am really glad you enjoyed it and thank you sooo much for leaving comments!

 

Renee, what can I say? :wub: Many many :hug: Thanks for all your help, the comments, reviewings and compliments as well as the critiques and questions you pose before I post that make the stories so much better!

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:) Thanks Marzipan! That's where the past medical training comes into play. I know the likely things they would say and yet still keep it layman enough to make it understandable by everyone who doesn't have that background. The pain involved, well I've had broken bones, woken up from anaesthesia and been completely loopy, so it wasn't hard to make that believable. Honestly, waking up after major sugery with massive blood loss, broken bones pieced together, and tubes everywhere is a reoccuring nightmare of mine. I can remember people talking to me and not knowing who they were or what they said, flinching from contact because it all hurt and then just fading in and out of consciousness due to massive pain meds. I didn't focus on that part of it but it was a major part of my mindset when I wrote the story. My injuries weren't due to a beating thankfully but it definitely gave me fodder for the story. Thanks so much reading, reviewing, and commenting!

 

 

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Hiding is a very powerful, well-written story. How people can treat kids that way amazes me. I know it happens because where I live there was a teenage boy in foster care who was chained in the living room of a house and forced to sleep in the ashes in a fireplace. He was abused with cigarette burns, hot coals in the fireplace, forced to eat dirt and dog food, and beaten regularly. There was no apparent reason for what he suffered, it was done because they wanted to do it. The "they" were his foster parents and several friends including a man who lived next door. The boy escaped and ran, almost naked, to a health club a couple of blocks away from the house where he'd been held.

 

Everyone except the next-door neighbor agreed to a plea bargain, and the next-door neighbor went to trial claiming he was innocent. He was convicted and received a longer sentence than any of the others.

 

All of this is to show that this kind of abuse is not just something in a story, it's real and while it's rare nevertheless it's happening in neighborhoods all over the country.

 

Cia, you describe the wounds, both physical and mental, that are real. Thanks for this story. I can only hope that it makes people more aware of what's going on where they live, and to look out for those who abuse children.

 

Colin B)

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**sigh**

 

Its so beautifully written Cia! Thanks for sharing such a nice story... I second the want to see more of Danny and Joey :D :D :D

 

They can be each others sun! :) and wipe away the darkness from inside each other :) :)

 

Loved it! :hug:

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All of this is to show that this kind of abuse is not just something in a story, it's real and while it's rare nevertheless it's happening in neighborhoods all over the country.

 

Cia, you describe the wounds, both physical and mental, that are real. Thanks for this story. I can only hope that it makes people more aware of what's going on where they live, and to look out for those who abuse children.

 

Colin B)

 

You're right. It does happen all the time. Sometimes the worst abusers are caught and punished. All too often kids fall in the cracks or help comes too late to save their minds or their bodies. The violence is just deplorable. I have put it in some of my stories here and there, not to use it but to point it out. Sometimes we forget the consequences of looking away. Thanks so much for sharing the incident near you and your comments, it was a real highlight to read your thoughts for the story.

 

**sigh**

 

Its so beautifully written Cia! Thanks for sharing such a nice story... I second the want to see more of Danny and Joey :D :D :D

 

They can be each others sun! :) and wipe away the darkness from inside each other :) :)

 

Loved it! :hug:

 

Perhaps! I am not quite sure what story would come from this further, though I have some thoughts in my head. I am a sucker for a happy ending but I don't know that I would make them a couple. Might be too convenient. I don't know if I'm that nice to characters, even if I've already tortured them plenty! Thanks so much for your review and comment here, I love to hear what you think.

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I most definately loved reading it, like Renee said, it sucks you right in and you can't stop!

 

There are other stories like this out there, but most become too happy to be true; your story seemed as real as my neighbours!

 

 

Thanks for writing it!

 

 

Greetz

 

Niels

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Thanks! This was definitely not a story that I really wanted to point out 'he was abused, he got help, he found a boyfriend, life is perfect'. I was going toward pointing out the effects of abuse on the mind and the body and the different ways helping the victim can take. Helping someone recover doesn't mean making life perfect. This is fiction but not one of those stories. He takes that first step so we know it isn't hopeless but in my mind he has a long road ahead of him before he's even close to better, much less good. Thank you so much for your comments dear, you are always a dedicated reader and I can never say thanks enough! :hug:

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Thanks! This was definitely not a story that I really wanted to point out 'he was abused, he got help, he found a boyfriend, life is perfect'. I was going toward pointing out the effects of abuse on the mind and the body and the different ways helping the victim can take. Helping someone recover doesn't mean making life perfect. This is fiction but not one of those stories. He takes that first step so we know it isn't hopeless but in my mind he has a long road ahead of him before he's even close to better, much less good. Thank you so much for your comments dear, you are always a dedicated reader and I can never say thanks enough! :hug:

 

B).............Very powerful story there Cia, and I echo the sentiments of others here. The mental issues Joey will have will long last his physical healing and I guess Danny will help there. I could see another 9 chapters though!! 0:)

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Wow, thank you Benji! I think Joey has a lot to share that could be valuable in a story too. LOL, okay, okay, enough people have asked. I will continue this story.I have had some thoughts on directions to take this that will hold true to the start I began with Hiding, but in a whole new story. We shall have to see how much Joey really wants to talk to me and let me figure him out.

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Thank you, Dolores, CJ.

 

This story was very much about the effect the abuse had and the journey of recovery from it. Though we don't see anything but the first step. Enough people have asked and made me think of what would come next that I think I have plenty of ideas to continue the story. There will be more to come with Joey's story, as hard as the subject is.

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I'm glad to hear that you're turning over some ideas about Joey's future. Looking forward, with infinite patience, for what you come up with. I'm sure that it will be handled in your same easy flowing reading style with the same sensitivity to the subject as the first part.

 

Take Care

Tomas

Edited by Tomas
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  • 4 weeks later...

Nice story. And it's fine to have some time passed and to read your story only now.

I red it three times, and even if I agree with all the former comments, I have some "constructive"critics.

No critic about the content of the story, just about your style and the way your write,

 

My problem ? I dont know exactly how to formulate them.

In a few words, Your story seems to me to be like a school work, done by a 17th year teenager, like a first draft. Topic, scheme and course of the story are good, but It may lack balance between the different parts.

For instance, just 2 questions :

for you, who is the main character of the story ? Danny or Joey ?

Is the fact that Paul and Anton are gay an important part in your story ?

 

Dont be angry with my comments 0:).

I will try to translate your story in French, and then I will perhaps be more able to explain what bothers me in your version.

Edited by old bob
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I would never be upset by a valid critique Bob, and yours is that even if it stings a little. I'm not quite sure why you would consider my writing to be that 'amateurish' even with your questions. What did I write/not write specifically that made it seem that way? What was or was not fully realized in the story that would have completed or balanced it, in your opinion? Did I make this too cliche? Did I throw out certain story plots that have been overdone and made them my own in a poor mish-mash that was too pat?

 

Joey is the character the scenes all revolve around, even if he is not present within them. However, I do not think of him as the sole main character in this story. It's too involved for that. I plotted him more as the catalyst, or central character to allow me to incorporate more of the side stories of Paul, Anton, and Danny. Because the main thrust of the story for me as I wrote was the mental toll the abuse has on those affected I needed to be able to show all of the characters, how they felt, and why they felt that way based on their own thoughts, feelings, and pasts.

 

Danny is a character that was necessary to give Joey someone to relate too. It's very hard for an abused child, of whatever age, to trust someone who is similar to their abuser. I didn't speak to Danny's sexuality because it wasn't the cause of his abuse that was important, just that he was also abused and the impact that it had on his psyche. Like speaks to like. A boy will trust another boy who has been through something similar before being willing to speak to an adult any day.

 

The fact that Paul and Anton are gay is important in the story in my mind. They are who they are, and they are happy because of that. Their pasts were not delved into in this story but that they support and love each other is shown as a contrast to the abuse the father heaped on Joey for kissing a boy. In addition, I've found that adults who can relate to the suffering of a teen tend to be more sympathetic and more involved. Look at all the abuse advocates who are passionate about their causes because they were affected previously in their lives.

 

Well, until and unless you have more specific instances of how the story didn't meet your expectations that's pretty much all I can say. I'm not sure exactly where the story went wrong for you, nor how to more fully highlight the explanations I just gave in the story itself if these are your main criticisms. If you do have more though, please feel free to post them here. I'd like to continue discussing this with you if you have more that I can answer to.

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Thanks for your quick answer :worship:.

I have to try to explain better the negative points I found by reading the story. You know that English is not my mother tongue, so by trying to translate it in French, I will be able to justify my feelings. But it's 10 pm here and I will reply later tomorrow .

Seeya and good Night

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  • 1 month later...

Well, after more than a month, I reread your story, my comments of April 10 and your answer :wacko:.

I must first apologize for the tone of my comment, I must be really bad mood because the clarity of your answers and your kindness did not deserve that I treat you this way :(. Today, I do not understand why I was so critical. The course of your story, the medical interventions and the reactions from Joey are described vividly and the reader participates in the action from beginning to end.

Finally, I guess my reaction came from some anger caused by the fact that such situations are often real and I could not accept this truth.

I still do not understand how this can be possible in a civilized world like ours. That was the reason of my anger and my reaction made ​​me forget the quality of your style.

I wanted to tell it to you and it's done now.

Thanks for your story and your comments.

Edited by old bob
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Perhaps the somewhat simplistic style that I tend to favor when I write made it seem as if I treated a very serious type of incident in a flippant manner. I truly do understand the horrible affect abuse has on a person; I do not ever want to make it seem as if I would treat the subject lightly. I think for many survivors of abuse, physical, mental, emotional, reading about it can be more helpful than harmful. It happens all the time and it is a tragedy but it should be kept in the public eye and talked about. The more people are made aware that it is not okay, the better. If even one person reads the story and it touches them and makes them stop and reevaluate when and where abuse occurs then I've done what I set out to do.

 

And Bob, don't apologize. You felt something, you shared it. I don't need someone to stroke my ego and simply say they loved the story if they didn't. You asked me questions, I answered them. You reevaluated your take on the story and maybe you needed those answers to see why I wrote what I did and why. Without that insight you had a different perception, that's okay. Your way of going about making your comments seemed out of character for you which is the only reason it bothered me at all. Now that you've explained why you were irritated to that extent I understand your words. But really, I do like honest opinions so while I might have been a tad frowny reading it, I wasn't upset. I would hope if you have other comments to make about my stories you will continue to do so. :hug:

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  • 1 year later...

Been reading all of your stories...and this story was good and broke my heart. Was wondering if you planned on finishing the story I would like to see how Joey and Danny interacted with each other and what will come of this

Thank you again for writing this store.

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